why did i spend any time doing any of the things i've done

PES 2015 dead team information

Things all ded teams have in common:

1: NO cards or playstyles. Not even the ebin Dummy Runners, Speeding Bullets, or Captaincy cards. I know every ded team but /hm/ currently has cards; erasure of those is coming soon(tm)
2: Heights are all red system, with minimum height in each bracket (for example: all 185-189cm players are 185cm, all 175-179 players are 175cm, etc). /3/ has an advantage in this respect at the moment due to Twonky managing them in Spring.
3: Flex subs are turned on by default.
4: Each team's "rivalries" are done according to whatever's listed on the team wiki page and/or whatever I feel fits (lel). For example, /fa/ has /fit/, /mu/, and /cgl/, as all 3 are listed on their wiki page.

Tactical bullshit:

/3/: Literally Spring export. Ebin 4-1-5, retarded sliders that make it do absolutely fuck all, and more.
/diy/: 1.12 Memorial Cup tactics. Probably gives them quite an unfair advantage because unlike anyone else who made a ded team's export (except /3/) an actual manager made it and unlike any ded team export (including /3/) the tactics actually work and were made to be somewhat competent.
/fa/: based on an ebin meme export PAVAL sent me. Meme formation as old as time itself (or PES 14) and meme silders.
/hm/: Literally Spring export unchanged. Since they were a ded team before absolutely nothing except "rivalries" need to be changed.
/ic/: Based off the tactics ran by SBV Excelsior (/ic/'s overwrite team). Sliders and formation are unchanged, with medal spots going to whoever the real Excelsior starting 11's highest rated players were (hence, >silver RB).
/wsg/: based on PAVAL's ebin meme export again. Formation is from Winter 2015, sliders are a meme.

I actually tested these exports somewhat, making no changes to /3/ and slapping ebin captaincy cards on everyone but /hm/. /diy/ is obviously the best because their tactics are the only ones made with any sort of effort and an actual working brain (sorry Twinky). /3/ is second best only because of their current height and card advantages most likely, /fa/ and /wsg/ are decent (something of note was /wsg/ blowing out /ic/ and /lgbt/ 5-1, >implying either is an accomplishment of much worth) but /hm/ and /ic/ are, as the actual boards are, quite literal fucking trash.

In conclusion: Nobody cares.