if ($1 == !myfortune) {
    if (% [ $+ fortune. $+ [ $nick ] ] == $null) || (% [ $+ fortune. $+ [ $nick ] ] != $time(dd)) {
      msg $chan $nick your fortune today is: $read($($mircdir $+ notes $+ $chr(92) $+ fortunes.txt))
      set % [ $+ fortune. $+ [ $nick ] ] $time(dd)
      set % [ $+ fortune.nick. $+ [ $address($nick,2) ] ] $nick
    }
    else {
      msg $chan You already got a fortune today.
    }
  }
  if ($1 == !mysexyfortune) {
    if (% [ $+ sexyfortune. $+ [ $nick ] ] == $null) || (% [ $+ sexyfortune. $+ [ $nick ] ] != $time(dd)) {
      msg $chan $nick your sexy fortune today is: $read($($mircdir $+ notes $+ $chr(92) $+ fortunes.txt)) $+ ...In Bed
      set % [ $+ sexyfortune. $+ [ $nick ] ] $time(dd)
      set % [ $+ sexyfortune.nick. $+ [ $address($nick,2) ] ] $nick
    }
    else {
      msg $chan You already got a sexy fortune today.
    }
  }

A stranger will cross your path who later becomes your friend
An old acquaintance will re-enter your life
A chance happening will reveal your destiny
A wise person will give you timely advice
Recognition will come from unexpected sources
Love will be found from a past meeting
Kind words may mean more than they seem
A new friendship will bring unexpected joy
Love that moves the sun and the other stars.
Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile.
In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.
All I know of love is that love is all there is.
Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
Love one another and you will be happy
Soul meets soul on lovers lips.
Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.
Sign in shop window: “We buy old furniture. We sell antiques”
Keep smiling - it makes people wonder what you’ve been up to.
Forgive your enemies, but don’t forget their names
Any married man should forget his mistakes, no use in two people remembering the same thing.
By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8 the other dwarfs began to suspect ‘Hungry’
Help! I'm being held prisoner in a chinese bakery!
A dubious friend may be an enemy in camouflage.
A fresh start will put you on your way.
A friend is a present you give yourself.
A new perspective will come with the new year. (2)
A person of words and not deeds is like a garden full of weeds.
A soft voice may be awfully persuasive.
A truly rich life contains love and art in abundance.
Advice, when most needed, is least heeded.
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
All will go well with your new project.
All your hard work will soon pay off.
Beauty in its various forms appeals to you.
Because you demand more from yourself, others respect you deeply.
Change is happening in your life, so go with the flow!
Competence like yours is underrated.
Congratulations!  You are on your way.
Dedicate yourself with a calm mind to the task at hand.
Disbelief destroys the magic.
Distance yourself from the vain.
Do not be intimidated by the eloquence of others.
Do not make extra work for yourself.
Don't confuse recklessness with confidence. (2)
Emulate what you admire in your parents. (2)
Emulate what you respect in your friends.
Every flower blooms in its own sweet time.
Get your mind set...confidence will lead you on.
Good news will come to you by mail.
Good to begin well, better to end well.
Happiness begins with facing life with a smile and a wink.
He who knows he has enough is rich.
How you look depends on where you go.
If a true sense of value is to be yours it must come through service.
If certainty were truth, we would never be wrong.
If your desires are not to extravagant they will be granted.
In order to take, one must first give.
It is honorable to stand up for what is right, however unpopular it seems.
It is worth reviewing some old lessons.
It takes courage to admit fault.
Meditation with an old enemy is advised.
Nature, time and patience are the three great physicians.
New ideas could be profitable.
Now is a good time to buy stock.
Protective measures will prevent costly disasters.
Others can help you now.
Resting well is as important as working hard.
Savor your freedom -- it is precious.
Say hello to others. You will have a happier day.
Self-knowledge is a life long process.
Small confidences mark the onset of a friendship.
Stop searching forever, happiness is just next to you.
Take the high road.
The secret to good friends is no secret to you.
The strong person understands how to withstand substantial loss.
The truly generous share, even with the undeserving.
There is no mistake so great as that of being always right.
Those who care will make the effort.
Use your eloquence where it will do the most good.
"Welcome" is a powerful word.
You are almost there.
You are a person of another time.
You are a talented storyteller.
You are going to have some new clothes.
You are in good hands this evening.
You are never selfish with your advice or your help.
You are next in line for promotion in your firm.
You are solid and dependable.
You are very expressive and positive in words, act and feeling.
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
You have a shrewd knack for spotting insincerity.
You have an active mind and a keen imagination.
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
You have exceeded what was expected.
You have the power to write your own fortune.
You have yearning for perfection.
You love chinese food.
You make people realize that there exist other beauties in the world.
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems. (2)
You seek to shield those you love and like the role of provider.
You should be able to undertake and complete anything.
You will always be surrounded by true friends.
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
You will be successful in your work.
You will be unusually successful in business.
You will become a great philanthropist in your later years.
You will have gold pieces by the bushel.
You will inherit a large sum of money.
Your abilities are unparalleled.
Your ability is appreciated.
Your dificulties will strengthen you.
Your dreams are worth your best efforts to achieve them.
Your first love has never forgotten you.
Your home is the center of great love.
Your ideals are well within your reach.
Your leadership qualities will be tested and proven.
Your life will be happy and peaceful.
Your life will get more and more exciting.
Your love of music will be an important part of your life.
Your mind is your greatest asset.
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
Your quick wits will get you out of a tough situation.
Eat at Joes.
Eat at Louies.
There once was a man named Cojosus, obey him
NEVER GIVE UP, NEVER SURRENDER