blrp

What's changed? What, about me? About my life? Nothing. I'm not the one who turned. I just get to hang around as a fox when I don't feel like doing human bullshit... well. That's a lie. I didn't get turned, but my life changed. My sister did get turned. By a bunch of weirdo blood cultists, no less, according to what I hear about her powers. It wasn't hard at first. More food for me, and in return I let her bite me when she needs it. But she started needing more and more... I don't know why. I think she might be addicted. Apparently my blood is 'potent' for some reason. She's started trying to mess with it, too, trying to make me immortal like her.  I've told her a thousand times, I don't want to live forever. Living forever scares me. After a while, wouldn't you start to lose yourself? The years would eat you alive. I don't want to lose myself. I want to stay who I am for as long as I'm alive.

She's started acting... different. I don't like it. She might be dangerous now. I don't know why but... I can feel it. It's like my mind doesn't want to trust her but my heart absolutely does. I bet you're wondering how I figured it out. Well it didn't take too long before her usual snacks stopped disappearing from the fridge and she started smelling more and more like blood when she came home. I don't think she can eat at all anymore. I couldn't imagine a life like that. Eating is the one thing that keeps me going sometimes. Eating, and her. Didn't take too long to notice the way she stopped being awake at all during the day, either. We used to stay up till daybreak, you know? But when she was turned, she was in such a hurry to get indoors before the sun came up, to draw all the curtains... Something in my mind told me, she's a vampire now. Really and truly.

In the days since, I've kept my ears to the street. I've heard things about vampires. They're rich assholes who eat each other for power, they twist and bend flesh, they're catty and petty about looks, they're hideous and bite beautiful people to spite them. So many conflicting stories... maybe there's more than one kind of vampire. I don't know if I've met any others besides my sister. I've met other werewolves before, though... that's where I've heard these whispers. I've been solicited to join 'packs' before since I first fursploded. I don't want to join a pack though, because they were taking things too serious for me. My fursploded form isn't very big though. I'm not a very scary werewolf. Are they supposed to be scary? They are in the movies. But I hear things from them on the occasions they try to get me to join. Are there packs where there are also vampires? I think that would be okay. That means they won't try to hurt Anya, probably. Can vampires shift like werewolves? Maybe some can. I was never into vampire stories, they were lame.

I'm just fine staying out of whatever drama they have going on, those bloodsucker sorts. I just don't want Anya to get pulled into it. What if she gets hurt? What if one day... she comes home and she isn't herself at all anymore? I think, more than I don't want to lose myself, I don't want to lose her. It's the one thing that terrifies me more than anything. More than immortality. More than losing my mind. I need her. She is my support web, she is the only one who's been there since the start. Without her, I've got no one. No one at all. Without her, I'm all alone. I don't want to be alone with myself. I love her dearly and I know I couldn't bear to lose her. Maybe that's why she keeps trying to make me live forever, is because she feels the same... I don't know anymore.

Is there a cure for vampire? I don't know. I wish there was... I hope there is. I would give my own life to make it if it made sure Anya didn't get mired in any terrible messes... It'd mean I wouldn't lose her.

I don't want to lose her.