England In A Nutshell - First Buses recieved this complaint

First Buses are appealing for any information which leads to the capture of this man.

Recovering heroin addict, Karl Overton, pictured here, is thought to be responsible for a rather nasty incident which occurred today on our 4A service, just outside Stony Rock, Leeds.

Horrified passenger, Mrs. Jane Holborn had this to say of the incident;

"I was sat near the back of the bus when the man boarded. He sat behind me and I could hear him fidgeting uncomfortably around, grunting and muttering something about how "that fucking methadone gives you the runs." I was beginning to feel very apprehensive and nervous, but for as long as I live, I will never forget what happened next.

He stood up, in full view of children and pensioners alike, dropped his tracksuit bottoms to his ankles and squatted onto the seat, where he let fly the most violent diarrhoea I have ever seen in my life into an open Farmfoods bag, which he held under his arsehole.

The smell was absolutely horrific, as you can imagine. An old lady at the front of the packed bus projectile vomited all over her lap before fainting. He just laughed and grinned maliciously, obviously feeling far better after his endeavour. He obviously has a very poor diet, as the entire bus stank of Rustlers burgers mixed with the chemical reek of methadone.

He then proceeded to work two fingers into his arsehole and carve out the last vestiges of his treacle black butt gravy, like scraping out the last chunks of vegetable at the bottom of a tin of Scotch broth soup, all the while continuing to moan with ecstacy. At this point, he sustained an erection, which really surprised me given his dependency on heroin. His moaning reached a raspy crescendo as he ejaculated a thick, arcing jet of spunk, which landed on the headrest of a seat about 4 feet away, where a young child was sat with her dad.

When he was finally done, he pulled up his tracksuit bottoms and dropped the Farmfoods bag, which spilled over and began to emanate a river of shite all the way down the gangway. He then left the bus at the shops in Stony Rock with the entire bus stunned in silence. We all had to vacate and I was late for my doctors appointment as a result."

As you can imagine, we have incurred a rather hefty cleaning bill as a result of this incident as we had to call upon the services of industrial cleaners after Angela the cleaning lady said she "wasn't fucking touching it," for which she has been dismissed with immediate effect.

We apologise to all passengers affected by this experience and recommend that anyone requiring counselling should call The Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90.

Thanks,


The First Buses Team.