Neckbeard in Equestria 3

>In the morning you wake up. You cut a loud satisfied fart as you grip your morning wood.
>You dearly wish Rarity were in bed with you to enjoy it; you tighten your grip.
>You roll over and smell the sweet earthy scent of pony. Are you dreaming?
>”G-good morning Anonymous. Do you need any help with that?”
>Fluttershy points to your hand.
Uh…no.
>You forgot she was here.
>Fluttershy perks up and flies above you.
>”I made you breakfast…would you like some?”
No thank you, Flutter-chan.
>You roll your obese body out of the bed and go to the bathroom to squeeze out a slimy mud baby into the toilet.
>Fluttershy is there when you open the door.
>”D-did you have a nice boom-boom, Anonymous?”
Yeah I guess. Probably had to go because of your spaghetti.
>”I’m sorry, Anonymous…I’ll make it better next time.”
Okay.
>You sit down at your computer and log onto the internet. Better check your Flankbook to see if anyone has responded to your statuses about “hot mare wanted. Must be skinny with big crotchtits. Sex after dinner a must.”
>Nope. Nothing yet.
>What are you doing wrong? You posted that status twice a day for a week.
>Whatever.
>You check to see if Rarity is online.
>Nope.
>You check her profile.
>Still single. You’ll change that soon enough though.
>You check your messages with her:
Hey
Wats up?
Hey Rarity
>”Hello, Anonymous.”
U wanna go out?
Hello?
Am I bothering you?
Please respond.
>Oh well. She’s just really shy; you’ll get her to come around.
>”An-nonymous…uhm…I was wondering if maybe you’d need help shaving your beard?”
What? Why would I do that, Flutter-chan? This thing is my life!
>Until your life is replaced by satisfying Rarity’s libido.
>”Well uhm…because mares like a nicely shaved human…?”
>Hmm. Futtershy may have a point. She might be crazy and weird, but she knows what girls like.
>She’s probably gay. That’s probably why she’s so weird.
Flutter-chan, are you gay? Do other mares make you horny? You could probably go out with Rainbow Dash, she’s pretty gay I think.
>Fluttershy looks away and blushes profusely.
>”Uhm well…sometimes. I mean! N-no…I like to be open to…anybody…”
>She looks at you and bites her lip.
Oh. Well yeah, I’ll shave then.
>You and Fluttershy head into the bathroom together.
Oh…I don’t have a razor.
>Anything for an excuse.
>”Oh, not to worry! I always keep a razor blade handy; sometimes I get depressed because I don’t have a boyfriend.”
>She smiles up at you.
>Maybe she is a skilled, undercover warrior.
>You look in the mirror and begin to trim your patchy face pubes. You aren’t exactly smooth, but you aren’t exactly hairy. Face is clean, but the beard on your neck is still intact. The perfect combination.
>Fluttershy’s wings spread open, “Oh, Anonymous…you look so…dashing…”
>You gaze at your reflected image.
Y’think Rarity would like it?
>Fluttershy is making some kind of running noise with her hooves.
>”Unf…yes…I mean I…I l-love it…”
Great. Let’s try this out, shall we?
>Fluttershy puckers her lips for some reason and whispers something like,
>”T-take me…”
>Whatever. Let’s go find that sweet marshmallow flank and work our magic on her.
>The sun blinds you. You have ventured outside without your armaments. A risky move…but you know your fierce speed and martial tactics will protect you. Your years of watching Japanese entertainment have subconsciously trained you in the ways of the warrior.
>You head off to Rarity’s boutique.
>You pull the door open, or try to.
>Is it locked? You struggle with the door. Ponys around you giggle at you, probably think you’re trying to break in.
>You hear Rarity inside, “PUSH you fool!”
My love!
>You comply with her and enter to see Rarity with a towel wrapped around her head.
R-rarity…
>”Oh…err, hello Anonymous dear.”
>She always called you dear. She called everyone that, but you could tell she meant it when talking to you.
Where are you off to good lookin’?
>Playing it smooth.
>”Uhh…actually, there’s a royal ball that I must attend. There’s going to be lots of ponys from all over Equestria…beautiful stallions too.”
>She blushes and looks at you.
Oh uh…I’m not gay. Fluttershy is though; maybe all three of us can do something sometime?
>You flick her a wink.
>Rarity recoils.
>”Err, yes…quite. Anyways-“
Is there any chance I could come too? I’d really like to go with you.
>”Well…I suppose…”
>Keep bothering her; she’ll cave.
Cool. I’ll go get dressed and come back. Bye baby.
>You run out the door and back home. The door is held open by Fluttershy with a pile full of…something in her hooves.
>”Can I keep this? I’d really like to keep this.”
>It’s your beard trimmings. Fluttershy cups her hooves over her nose and take a deep inhale, followed by a satisfied, quivering exhale.
>What a weirdo.
Flutter-chan, I need to get inside and put something nice on. I’m going to a party to see Rarity.
>”Oh; you mean the Royal Canterlot Tea Party?”
>You stop dead in your tracks.
You mean like a…Japanese tea ceremony?
>”W-well, I don’t know what tea has to do with knees, but-“
I need to get my kimono on!
>You rush to your room. Long ago you made a kimono out of you sweat-stained bed sheets; it’s sure to turn heads and moisten some females.
>You emerge from the room with your katana and kimono. You didn’t have any getas or tabi, so you substituted them with flip flops and regular socks.
>Fluttershy gasps in amazement at your outfit.
>”Oh, Anonymous…you look…amazing.”
>You really did. You strike a pose for your gay friend.
>”I love it!”
Me too, Flutter-chan…me too.
>Fluttershy has brushed her hair and put on a short skirt and white shirt…almost school girl-like.
Let’s get to that train; I need to be late…
>You see yourself in the reflection of the window.
…fashionably late.