On my 9 month deployment Feb 2014- Nov 2014 the strike group I was attached to, including my own ship, launched a series of bombs on Syria. We had no warning before the bombs dropped with the exception of an early prayer and taps. When my shipmates and I woke up the following day, we watched the news in stunned silence. I was a part of a mission that killed innocent people. Innocent woman and children. We all watched the news and saw pictures and videos of the disaster. Some of my fellow shipmates were excited that we dropped the bombs. I don’t see how you can be excited about killing innocent people. After finding out what we did, I had really bad anxiety about whether or not our ship was going to make it home ok. I was constantly worried if we were going to get bombed or attacked. I was always worried the ship and everyone on board would never make it back to the US. Chief Cassidy would tell us things during General Quarters. Things like the leader of ISIS has a fake carrier that they practice bombing so that way they can bomb us and sink us. He would tell us that WE made terrorist and now they want us dead even more than before. And that the leader of ISIS said that he swore he will be the first to ever sink a carrier. He would paint images in our minds of the ship sinking, people dying, people on fire, people laying on the deck with their guts hanging out, he would tell us it is our fault they want us dead and that they are coming for us. He did this to make us train harder, but it really just had the opposite effect. It scared me and my friends, it made sleeping hard at night. When we did make it back home safely, I still couldn’t let go of the fact that I had a part in killing people. My husband suggested I see a counselor, but I was scared to receive help ever since my one-way conversation between my BM1 and BM2. I was scared to receive help because I didn’t want kicked out of the Navy for having depression issues and struggling with my thoughts and emotions. Then ISIS released their top 100 people they want dead. Most of the top 10 people were on my ship, so once again the fears of getting bombed, sunk or hit with a chemical agent started all over again. I was scared going out to sea and I was scared being in port. I always wondered if I was going to make it back home safe or if it was going to be my last day on that ship. I’m still afraid that my family and I could become a target at any time for bombing their country.