Ten Years Chasing A Dream (ch4)

Now it's a matter of how far back did Maya go? Is it a good 'timeline'? And were there any strings attached to her deal with the giraffe? Because no matter what, this is her last and only chance.

Disclaimer: I do not own Shoujo Kageki Revue Starlight.

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						Chapter 4. First Love A Second Time

"And so the moral of this play is as follows; put your full effort into all that you do. If you do not have the time to do it right, when will you have the time to do it over? Such miracles don't exist."

Maya only vaguely hears the conclusion of her professor's lecture on the most-recently play the class has read. She'd been lost in thought about the characters whom she now suddenly can't remember, the plot she feels she knows but is just out of reach.

She shakes her head, blinking as she gazes down at her desk and the half-written notes on the page before her. In several places, the ink has been smeared due to droplets of water.

She shakes her head again and brings a hand up to wipe her forehead, but she finds no sweat beaded there. Rather, the dampness is coming from behind her eyes. She cleans herself off with a small sniffle, trying to remember what it was that had brought such emotion to her.

All around her, she can hear the shuffling of shoes and the zippering of bags and the scuffing of pencils on paper as her professor continues the lesson. And then, a hushed pair of voices from across the room.

"Can I borrow your eraser?"

"Bien sûr."

"Thank you, Saijou-san!"

And all at once, Maya is struck.

By something more forceful than a train, more painful than a barrage of arrows, more impossible than a planet. It's as though the entire universe and all its space and time has struck her head-on, all at once.

Her head snaps to the side, and all else falls away from her sight except one person.

"Clau-"

Maya stands all at once, pushing her seat back and staggering as a rush of dizziness pours down over her with the force of a waterfall. But even then she stays on her feet to continue staring at her.

A few of her classmates tilt their heads curiously at Maya's sudden movement and unexpected gesture, and soon the girl herself turns to give Maya a puzzled look.

And it's her. It's really her. Really and truly.

Saijou Claudine. Alive and well.

With that same healthy figure and vibrant pallor, that same gentle curl to her hair, that same spark of annoyance in her eyes, that same incomparable beauty.

She's alive.

Maya tries to take a step toward her, but she staggers, and her desk clatters a bit. The professor turns back around and addresses her.

"Tendo? Is something the matter?"

"…Eh…?" Maya responds as such, but she doesn't tear her eyes away from Claudine, not for a second. She's even afraid to blink, afraid this will all be over in a split second if she does. Her professor addresses her again.

"Do you need to go to the nurse?"

"…No."

"Then please have a seat."

"Yes…"

Slowly, Maya lowers herself back into her chair, and a flurry of confused murmurs go up from her classmates. But even so, she doesn't look away from Claudine.

Though, it's clear that Claudine is more confused than anyone by Maya's sudden strange behavior. She sends a compelling glare back at her, blushes, and then promptly breaks eye contact in order to return her focus to the board.

But still, Maya can't look away from her profile.

Now, it all comes back to her.

Her previous life - her failed future with Claudine that had ended in tragedy. Maya had thought she would only be sent back a few days from the day she'd gone to see the giraffe.

But it would appear time travel was less predictable than even he had thought.

For now… looking around at her classroom and the people in it with her…

Maya is living her old life at the start of her second year of high school.

She had been sent back in time over ten years.

And if what the giraffe had said was true… about this being her one and only chance…

Then there was no redacting this. This was and is Maya's reality and her life now.

And Claudine is alive within it.

Her sole wish had been heard, and her prayers had been answered. Not quite in the way she'd expected. But she isn't about to challenge any of it.

The gravity of it all pushes down on her from all sides as she continues staring at Claudine. Her whole body and soul ache like nothing she's ever known before. It's probably as powerful as the grief had been the moment she'd lost her.

Maya nearly gets up from her seat again so she might dash across the room, throw her arms around Claudine, and profess her apologies and her love.

It's only a tiny sliver of common sense that prevents her from doing so. Because that future had never happened anymore. It doesn't exist. Claudine had never died, because Maya had reset the true world, and now Claudine is alive in it. Only Maya, and perhaps the giraffe, hold any knowledge of the failed world that occurs more than ten years in the future.

Rather, it had occurred once. But it won't happen again. Maya won't let it. She'll never - never - allow it.

Perhaps she will never forget what had happened, what she had done…

But in terms of all the rest of the universe, it had been undone. It wasn't relevant. It wasn't real. Only a nightmare that existed within Maya's consciousness, and nothing more.

More than anything right now, Maya wants to run to her, and it really is taking every shred of her self-control not to. For, no matter what she had known of her past life, none of it holds true anymore in this present reality.

As of right now, she had never gotten to graduate with Claudine, or move in with her, or share her bed or kiss her or love her. Just as all of Maya's wrongdoings and all of Claudine's years spent in agony and sadness have been erased, so too have the good things.

Maya won't make those mistakes again. She will get it right this time. She will love Claudine entirely, and she will express that love in every possible way that she can, for every moment starting now.

In order to make up for all those years she'd made her cry, Maya will repent for the next ten years and beyond. Starting now, in this day at the beginning of her second year of high school.

She's been granted an impossible wish, a miracle anyone would pay the highest price to obtain. She must make it worthwhile. She must make it work. For Claudine.

Maya is consumed by her weighted thoughts for the rest of the lecture, until the professor dismisses them all. It's at that point when Maya feels a tap on her shoulder - the first contact anyone has ever had with her in this new life.

"My, my~" says a mischievously playful voice. "Tendo-han, we all suspected you had a secret infatuation with Kuro-han, you know, being her 'rival' and whatnot. But don't you think you've been gawking at her for just a bit too long today~?"

Maya jolts as she turns around, and it's the first time since coming here that she'd moved her gaze away from Claudine.

Her old friend - or rather, her present good friend - Hanayagi Kaoruko is smirking at her from behind her hand.

Maya blinks, trying to reel herself in. Only she knows of the world that never happened. No one else was any the wiser. And other than the lingering knowledge that Maya had once lived through twenty-eight years of life, she is - in all rights - a 17-year-old high schooler now. She needs to be herself.

So Maya returns Kaoruko's smirk with one of her own.

"Hanayagi-san," she greets her. "I assure you, you're mistaken."

"Am I now? Well then, do tell that to Kuro-han. You've flustered her quite a bit, you know."

Maya blinks, following Kaoruko's gaze back across the room.

Claudine has just finished packing away her things, muttering to Futaba as she steals a glance back at Maya. When their eyes meet, Claudine blushes pink and promptly turns away.

And it almost stings Maya to see that, to watch her look away. Because it feels like her Claudine from ten years in the future rejecting her.

But it's not, and she has to remember that. This is 17-year-old Saijou Claudine, who knows nothing of the failed future she'd once lived and died. She's only avoiding Maya's gaze now because Maya had been acting so strangely for no reason in class.

After hastily packing away her own things, Maya stumbles to make her way to her. Almost immediately, her eyes threaten to fill with tears. But she can't let them fall, or else everyone will really think she's sick and needs to go to the nurse.

Maya fights back her emotions - the emotions of her past twenty-eight-year-old self - and allows herself to live in the moment, as a second-year once again. Though, she just can't keep the genuine tenderness out of her tone.

"Claudine…"

Claudine freezes, as do Futaba and Kaoruko and all their other friends who have come to gather around, save for Hikari who has not yet appeared to have transferred in. Claudine turns around slowly to face Maya with a glare. And that annoyance is the most genuine emotion Maya can recall having seen from her in the last decade.

"What was all that about?" Claudine snaps. "Ogling me in the middle of class like some creep. And since when are we on a first-name basis?" Claudine crosses her arms with a huff, waiting for an answer.

Maya can't give her one right away. She's too baffled by the sight of Claudine in the flesh looking back at Maya, speaking to her, wanting to hear from her…

All things Claudine had never done in the past several years Maya had known her in their future. It's almost too much for her to bear.

"My apologies…"

The words that likely should have sounded teasing and smug to the present Tendo Maya's classmates are instead weak and riddled with guilt. Guilt that is bred from a crime no one else has any knowledge of. So of course everyone is even more baffled when Maya bows her head so honestly. Claudine takes a step back.

"Wh-What are you doing?! Lift your head, Tendo Maya!"

And that breaks her. Even though Claudine is speaking in annoyance and confusion, it's the first time Maya's heard her say her name in years. Maya brings a hand to her mouth and lets out a soft sob, which she quickly tries to cover up as a yawn.

"My apologies-" she rasps again. "Perhaps I've been feeling under-the-weather after all."

"Eh?" Nana steps forward with a look of concern on her face. "Maya-chan, do you want to take the afternoon off? Maybe you should go lie down."

"Nana's right," Claudine agrees, suddenly more seriously worried about Maya than anything. "I can't have you slacking off because you're sick. We're dance partners, after all."

It's all still so surreal. These phrases they've said to one another so many times, their relationship as partners, as classmates, as comrades and rivals, before the romance…

These are all such precious things - things Maya never thought she'd get to experience again. She savors every second of it now, and she'll be certain to continue doing so.

"No," she eventually says, lifting her head again. "I wouldn't want to miss class. I will be fine."

"Are you sure?" Claudine asks, looking her over skeptically. "Maybe you just need to eat, glutton you are."

Maya puts on her best smile - a smile she would have made at this point in time, without having lived ten more years yet at this point.

"Yes. Perhaps you're right."

"Then let's go!" Karen sings. "It's lunchtime!"

And so the eight of them head down the hallway to the cafeteria.

On the walk there, Maya tries to be 'herself,' without letting her knowledge of the future interfere. She walks beside Claudine, perhaps a bit closer than she should've. Claudine only sends her another small glare, but doesn't protest.

The eight girls reach the cafeteria and get their food before sitting together. Though Maya can't remember the last time she'd eaten baumkuchen in her past adult decade, her body now recalls that it's a treat she often enjoys here as a teenager.

She wants to sit next to Claudine, but stops herself. For fear of putting her off more than she already has today, Maya opts to sit across from her instead. And besides, this way, she can look at her properly.

Maya marvels at Claudine all throughout their lunch, only briefly attending to comments or jokes from the others as she eats. And Claudine keeps alternating between flashing her looks of concern or looks of frustration.

"Hey, Tendo Maya!" she says. "Are you really sick after all? You're like a zombie! Quit staring at me!"

To this, Maya replies honestly, but with a hint of her old smugness.

"My apologies, Saijou-san," she says, correcting herself with her name. "But I simply can't help but admire your beauty."

"Hah-?!"

"Oh my, Tendo-han~!"

"Sheesh!"

"How bold!"

"Kuro-chan, compliment her back!"

"As if!"

They all laugh and banter and poke fun at each other like old times. And perhaps they've gotten closer as friends today even earlier than they had the 'first' time around at this point in their education.

Maya can't help but pay more attention to Claudine in the following lectures, and when it's time for dance classes she's all too eager to go to her.

"Saijou-san…" Though Maya has reverted back to her last name, the same affection remains in her tone when she speaks to her, and her eyes naturally soften as her heart pounds. "Would you do me the honor of stretching with me…?"

To Maya, it's a request that would mean the world to her.

But of course, to Claudine, it makes no sense at all.

"Of course!" she huffs. "We're partners, you idiot! We stretch together every day! Or have you forgotten?"

Maya doesn't care if Claudine is frustrated with her. She's just so unspeakably happy to be with her again, to hear her speaking and expressing her emotions instead of hiding them all away like she'd used to, like Maya had caused her to...

"Perhaps…" Maya admits. "Perhaps I have forgotten, just a little bit…"

Claudine rolls her eyes.

"Mechante va! How infuriating can you be? Come on, then!"

Maya almost whimpers out loud when Claudine reaches out to grab her hand. She almost drops to her knees.

When was the last time she'd touched her? The last time either of them had touched the other? Maya can't even remember. She'd been so caught up in her work those past few years that she can't even remember the last time she'd touched Claudine or been touched by her before she'd died.

Feeling her touch now, in this new world, in this new life… It fills her with a joyful agony, a painful bliss.

Maya follows her and returns that grip on her hand.

She stretches with Claudine like they'd always used to, remembering the feeling of her warmth and the shape of her body and the softness of her skin and hair.

And every time Claudine touches her, no matter how necessary and normal and casual it is, it always sends a charge through Maya. Several times throughout their routine, she has to fight back tears. She remembers that she still has to be Tendo Maya here and now, not the woman she'd once been somewhere else at some other time.

So she dances and sings and acts with everything she has, astounding her instructors and classmates like never before, with more skill and grace and power than ever. Even though Claudine is clearly dumbfounded by just how perfect Maya seems to me, she is also seriously taking notes from her as well in order to improve herself.

Maya lets herself be her 17-year-old self again, with all the pride and attitude and elegance she ever possessed, and then some. It's just a little difficult to keep it up and not remember things every time she looks at Claudine. She hopes that soon enough she will be able to return to normal with her in this life.

But for today, Maya is still tangled in the mess of emotions, struggling to try and be her present self while keeping her adult mindset in check.

She knows she'd always loved to dance with Claudine and be near her. But now, having lived the life she'd once lived with her, having loved her and lost her once before, Maya can't help but feel even more strongly every time she touches Claudine or speaks to her or hears her voice. Just holding her hand to guide her through the dance sends such powerful feelings through her, feelings of excitement and eagerness.

She gets to do it all again. She gets to live with and fall in love with Saijou Claudine all over again.

Somehow it's a reward, even though she deserved the worst punishment imaginable for causing her death.

She has to keep reminding herself of that. That she must never forget what she'd done, that she must never think it was a good thing Claudine had died in their future so that Maya could selfishly relive this fun, carefree past.

No. She will never forgive herself. She can only try to make it right.

For Claudine. Only for her.

Maya keeps her thoughts and emotions in-check all through their final dance class of the day as she practices with Claudine.

And it's the same narrowed looks Claudine had always given her, the same huffs of her voice, the same heat in her touches. It's really her. Really and truly.

And at the end of their dance, after Maya has pulled her in close and caught her, she can feel Claudine's pulse thumping quickly against her chest.

That's what causes the first tears to fall.

Maya quickly ducks her face into her partner's shoulder, maintaining her tight grip on Claudine, both to prevent her from pulling back to see the tears, and simply to keep her close. As they catch their breath for a moment, Maya focuses on that feeling, on the familiar rhythm of Claudine's heartbeat.

It's the same as she last remembers.

She'd used to fall asleep in bed with her every night listening to this very same rhythm. She used to feel it every morning when she hugged Claudine awake, and listen again every night as they settled for bed.

Until somewhere along the lines she'd stopped being close to her. And eventually, Claudine's heart had stopped altogether.

Maya bites back what would have otherwise been a particularly loud sob, squeezing Claudine closer to her. Now that Claudine has caught her breath, she tightens her grip on Maya's shoulders, just a little bit.

"H-Hey, Tendo Maya-?" she asks a bit quietly. "What's gotten into you?"

Maya shakes her head, still hiding her face. Just another moment. She just wants to feel a few more beats of Claudine's heart.

"My apologies… It's nothing…"

"You're a terrible liar," Claudine grunts. "Come on, classes are over today. You need to take a shower and go to bed."

Maya holds her for just one second longer before finally stepping away. She quickly wipes her face and gives a nod before following Claudine back to the locker rooms.

Their group has dinner together before showering, and then they wish each other goodnight.

In their later years of Seishou, Maya and Claudine had spent their nights together in the same bed. But tonight it's clear they aren't there yet. Claudine wishes her well in the hallway outside her door.

"Get some rest," she says. "So maybe you won't be so weird tomorrow."

Maya bites her lip to keep it from wobbling and dips her head.

"Very well. Goodnight, Saijou Claudine."

"Goodnight, Tendo Maya."

And with that, Claudine turns and disappears behind her door.

Maya watches her until the very last second, and then retreats to her own room. She staggers to her bed, suddenly feeling the weight of all of this all over again. She collapses onto her mattress, and the tears flood her eyes at long last.

It's still almost incomprehensible. This school, these people, this life…

Though she hasn't been a student in over a decade, all of this seems perfectly familiar. After all, she has been doing this for months already in this life. The environment she's been living in, the lessons she's been learning, the plays she's been practicing, the songs she's been singing, and the relationships she's been forging are all being built every day, in spite of what she might have already done at some point in time or another.

Her life is here now, and this is where it's going to stay in her one and only chance to make things right. Whatever future happens now will be one Maya can never change again.

Even though it will mean living through Nana's endless time loops for years and years until Hikari transfers in.

Even though it will mean fighting one another in the revues, battling for radiance and glory.

Even though it means Claudine and herself losing to Karen and Hikari, and Hikari's subsequent disappearance for half a year until she is rescued…

Maya will live this life again. She will have Claudine fall in love with her sooner, and in turn Maya will love her more fully than ever before.

And as such, they won't waste any time. As soon as they graduate, they will move to France and marry without hesitation. They will start living their lives freely and lovingly, without limitations, just as they'd always wanted.

Only now, Maya has to ensure Claudine will still want the same things, and the same future with her.

Maya will do everything within her power and then some in order to make sure Claudine can live her dream properly this time. She'll do anything.

She and Claudine are bound by more than fate. Their existence and their partnership is beyond anything the world and the universe have ever known.

After all, Maya had been granted a miracle in order to come back for her. The whole world and time and space themselves had bent and twisted so Maya might find her again. Which is why she truly believes Claudine will fall in love with her all over again.

While Maya had never forgotten her past life, and never for a second stopped loving Claudine, she still believes with her entire soul that Claudine will love her again this time.

Maya is going to do everything she can in order to earn her love and affection again. And she'll give it all back tenfold.

She will get it right this time. This time, she and Claudine will be happy together.

Maya has plenty of time now to ensure it becomes reality, to ensure their dream will come true.

She'll have plenty of time…

But for tonight, all Maya has the time left to do is cry.

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A/N: Some of you guessed it. In the previous chapter, the giraffe was mentioning what the fuel for this time jump really was. And I intended for it not just to be Maya's radiance, but her love for Claudine. She loves her so much that she was able to provide enough fuel to jump back not a few days, but ten whole years to find her again.

Now if only she can do things properly...