Damn it dp

Deadpool-  	Three large black Range Rovers sped along the interstate at well above the speed limit, each of them holding blacked out windows and gaudy looking rims on them, the bright chrome reflecting sunlight in jagged spikes with every rotation of their wheels. The sun peeked out behind the dull gray clouds trying to stifle it's light, but it valiantly pushed through and managed to pierce the heavy blanket to stream down thick golden bands of warmth along the interstate highway. The lead car was flanked by two motorcycles, each having a highly glossed red paint job while the riders stooped over low to minimize drag. The rear car was filled with four men, all of which couldn't be more different than one another. The driver was a burly Nordic looking male, with large arms and an even larger gut hanging over the belt that held up his jeans, long sprawling tattoos roping down over his beefy arms with bright green dragons. Dark sunglasses clad his heavily pockmarked face, thick tufts of hair jutting

Deadpool-  	from his cheeks and upper lip. His compatriots were all a bit skinnier than him, but no less mean looking. A wiry and extremely hairy male sat next to him in the passenger seat, his head clean shaven and dotted with a variety of tattoos with various texts from different regions of the planet, the two rear passengers being devoid of tattoos at all and looked for all intents and purposes, to be rather normal and bland. Save for the heavy weaponry they carried with them of course. Two large shotguns rested across their laps, barrels pointed away from one another, the driver carrying a large revolver tucked into the center console while the front passenger cradled a heavy automatic pistol in his lap, finger resting on the trigger with an almost eager want to squeeze off a few rounds. "Turn that shit off man!" came the howl of the bland rear passenger, his foot kicking out against the back of the drivers chair. The radio had just come on with a song that he despised and the driver was

Deadpool-  	forwards a few inches by the force of the kick. "Calm your tits Jesus!" he snarled and reached out to flip the station over. 'Just call me angel, you're my daaaaarlin' aaaaaaangel!' belted out from the speakers before a burst of static filled the car, the growling and high pitched tone of AC/DC coming to life instead. 'I'm on a hiiiiiiiiighway to Heeeell! I'm on a hiiiiiiiiighway to Heeeeell!' Leaning back in his seat the rear passenger gave a heavy sigh of relief. "Thank Christ, I can't stand that warbling bitches voice," he mumbled while glancing out the window. The other passengers smirked and let out a few chuckles before they settled back into the seat, the driver keeping an ever watchful eye on the car in front of him as they formed a tight little convoy with one another. The driver's phone suddenly went off, a Spice Girls song erupting into the cabin of the Range Rover. All of the men turned and looked at him as he desperately tried to fish the phone out of his pocket and end

Deadpool-  	the ringtone that was playing. 'So tell me what you want, what you really really want!' Snarling softly and swiping his thumb over the screen without checking the number, he barked into it. "What?!" A small click was heard on the other end of the line before a high pitched and nasallly voice burst through the speakers. "Yes is this... Alexi Domochev? I have a pineapple and sardine pizza for Alexi Domochev and I can't seem to find your house so I was just wondering-" Blinking in confusion, the driver pulled the phone away from his ear, yelling with his face tinged red with embarassment at having been caught for having such a song on his phone. "I didn't order no god damned pizza!" The three passengers were trying desperately not to laugh, but they failed miserably. "Sorry sir but it says right here, Alexi Domochev, traveling down the interstate in a black Range Rover," came the voice once more, though it lost it's nasally tone in favor of something that sounded more akin to gravel

Deadpool-  	being tossed into a cement mixer whilst on fire. "What the... who is this?!" A sudden crash filled their ears, a brick flying into the cab and glancing off of the front passengers cheek bone to fall down into his lap, the corner digging into his crotch painfully. "MOTHER FUCKER!" he howled and brought a hand up to his cheek, his other hand dropping the pistol while grabbing for the brick. He felt something wrapped around it and looked down, a thick peice of construction paper having been duct taped to the brick. "What the fu-" he started to say, unraveling the paper from the brick and pulled it open. A cartoon had been hastily scribbled on it in crayon, a small chibi style version of a male with a red mask in a flowing nightgown with both of his hands clasped together peered back at him, the words, 'Will you go to prom with me?' being scribbled along the top in something akin to a five year olds handwriting. "What kind of..." he started once more, but was interrupted by the sound of

Deadpool-  	an engine roaring... or aptly the sound of a guitar with a depressed whammy bar being slowly let back out during the strike of a power chord made to resemble an engine, cut off his speech. To his right came a bright pink Volkswagen Beetle, a set of large speakers duct taped to the roof of the dome shaped vehicle as it surged past... and in it, was a man in a red suit, waving towards the group with almost child like glee. "HEY GUYS!" he called out as the song started to kick up in earnest, drowning out AC/DC in favor of Motley Crue's 'Kickstart My Heart'. Deadpool stomped on the accelerator once more, making the car lurch forwards and zoom up a bit more just head of the rear most Range Rover. "When I get high, I get high on speed, top feul funny car's, a drug for me, my heart, my heart! Kickstart my heart!" With his angle of approach being just right, Deadpool suddenly released the steering wheel, clicked off his seat belt and pressed his heels against the floor, pushing himself up to

Deadpool-  	standing on the edge of the car door... and he jumped at the last second as the car was starting to loose speed. Streamlining his body, he sailed into the cab of the Range Rover through the shattered window, the thugs all too awestruck to move against him at just that moment. Landing down inside of the cab, the center console dug into his ribs painfully and his face landed right into Alexi's crotch. Popping his head upwards, he looked around wildly for a moment. "I know what you're thinking, that was totally illegal but if you're going to hitchike, you have to know the rule of the road!" he said defensively before suddenly spinning around to lay on his back. Tightening his core muscles, he shot upwards and lashed out with a vicious punc towards the passenger's jaw, making a sick cracking noise as his knuckles connected. The driver snarled and reached out to grab Deadpool's skull, a thick and meaty hand gripping the back of it before attempting to slam his temple against the radio.

Deadpool-  	Rather than fighting against it Deadpool went with the flow and let his head bounce off of the console control, bouncing back and using the new momentum to slither himself into the backseat. A burst of static filled the air as a radio mounted onto the sun visor went off. "Alexi what the fuck is going on back there?!" came a rough voice, panick stricken and raspy at the same time. "Got a situation here! Need back-up! Send the bikes up ahead and get ready!" Alexi shouted, his hand flying up to grip the transmit button so that his message was heard. "Aww you guys must really love me to bring out the party favors so soon!" Deadpool chanted with glee. The two men on either side of him both started in on their attack, a wild fist coming from the left while another came from the right. Leaning back at the last possible second, the men's fists connected with one another and a sick crack filled the air. "Ohhhh ouch! Bloody knuckles guys? Seriously? So juvenile of you all!" Without warning

Deadpool-  	Deadpool exploded into a storm of violence, his right elbow flying in a vicious arc to impact the thug on his right's throat, collapsing his windpipe completely while he gasped for air, his left hand shooting towards the right to nab up the shotgun that was tucked against the man's lap. "Don't get frisky on me Wheezy, this is just business, you know the drill. But I could be persuaded with a seven layer burrito if you reeeeeally tried," he quipped, yanking the shotgun towards himself while the man on his left tried to lunge the small distance between them. Tucking the barrel under his arm, Deadpool pointed it straight towards the male's chest, and as soon as he felt pressure against the metallic tube, he squeezed the trigger. The roar of an explosion rocked the cab, the soundwaves amplified to a great degree inside of the small and confined space while a thick spattering of blood and gore was blasted all over the car's interior. The man slumped over dead, and Deadpool kicked his feet

Deadpool-  	upwards, resting it on the center console in front him. "I tried to tell him that I was close to popping off but did he listen? Noooo he just went right ahead with trying to grab me," he said with a disappointed sort of tone. The front passenger had been recovering long enough to lean forwards and grip the handle of his pistol, swinging it up and around to point towards Deadpool's skull. "ACH!" Snagging the wheezing male to his right, he pulled him over and Deadpool tucked his own skull against the man's spine, right between the shoulder blades. Another series of explosions rocked the cab, the driver swerving around erratically as the violence all around him was messing with his concentration. After three bullets, Deadpool's foot suddenly lifted from the center console and tucked the edge of his boot against the man's wrist, giving a quick push just as he squeezed the trigger. The gun was pushed into a small arc towards the driver, the bullet flying free just as it cleared most of his

Deadpool-  	face... but didn't clear his. The tip was shot off, a shriek of absolute pain filling the cab even over the deafening gun fire as he clapped both hands to his face, howling and flailing about in the seat. "OH SHIT! I'M SORRY ALEXI I..." he started to say and dropped his pistol in the confusion. "I think only certain people are allowed to circumcise there good chap, but you know, good on you for wanting to broaden your horizons!" Giving the man a thumbs up, the passenger snarled and dropped his hand down to Deadpool's ankle, digits wrapping around a boot knife that was sheathed there. Yanking it free, Deadpool gave out a surprised gasp and pointed an accusing finger towards the male. "SWIPER! NO SWIPING!" The passenger cocked his arm back and tried to bring the knife forwards, but Deadpool's right leg hoisted up, pressing right against the socket of his shoulder, making the knife's arc that much tighter, just as his left foot pulled back towards his chest. His knee compressed against

Deadpool-  	his sternum, and he launched out with a vicious kick, driving his heel against the butt of the knife, sending the blade surging back against the wielder's face, burying the sharp glittering metal into the man's eyesocket. Another blood curdling scream filled the cab as he released the knife, only to be silenced an instant later as Deadpool's heel jammed back against the handle once more, burrowing it directly into the man's skull. The driver had managed to regain some control of the vehicle and was whimpering heavily. "Oh c'mon! It's a nose, it'll grow back I swear!" he chimed out from the back seat, before suddenly launching himself forwards. "Scuse me, need some room." Reaching out to unlock the door, he shoved the now dead body out of it's seat and it crumpled against the highway, the rear tire mounting and crushing the dead man's skull completely before leaving a large red streak on the ground as it tumbled around uselessly. Rolling up and slamming the door shut, Deadpool whipped

Deadpool-  	his head forwards and looked up ahead. The lead car was a long way off now and he slammed his fist against the dashboard. "!@#$%!!!" he shouted, cursing the very fact that his writer thinks it's much better if every hard swear word he says is somehow magically censored. The driver's right hand shot towards the large revolver on the center console and brought it up to bare, only to find Deadpool's arm locking around his own, a vicious crack being heard as his elbow was dislocated from it's resting place, the rapid squeezing of his finger firing the gun six times in rapid succession, completely shattering the window from the force of the bullets. Shards of glass rained down upon them both while the whipping wind picked up even more. "OH THAT'S GONNA BE EXPENSIVE!" Deadpool shouted to him, before suddenly reaching over to grip the ruined and bloody hole that was the man's 'nose' now. The driver screamed and brought both hands off of the wheel before Deadpool leaned back, pressed his

Deadpool-  	shoulders against the opposite door, and slammed his feet full force into the driver's shoulder. He was sent flying out of the car, the door tearing off of it's hinges as his large and lumpy body impacted the side of an SUV they were screaming past. Tucking and rolling forwards, he managed to get behind the wheel and stomped on the accelerator hard, sending the car barreling down the highway at over a hundred miles an hour. While his eyes were on the road however, he didn't notice the glint of something up ahead until it was too late. The planning of the lead car had coordinated that one of the crimson bikes pull up onto a bridge much farther up the street and had even equipped the driver with a rocket propelled grenade and it's launcher for the express purpose of wiping out the rear car when it came within range. "OH WHAT THE @#%&???!" Deadpool shouted, seeing the plume and streak of fire. Thinking quickly, he glanced around and sighed. "Sorry pedestrians!" Cranking the wheel hard to

Deadpool-  	the right, he stomped on the brakes at the same time and spun the car around one hundred and eighty degrees, before yanking the gear shift down into reverse. Stomping on the accelerator once more, he reached behind him and grabbed one of the shotguns, jamming the barrel down against the pedal while tucking the stock against the seat. Shoving himself out of the vehicle, he gripped the A-frame and lunged out and around, landing onto the hood of the Range Rover and crouched down. "God this better work. Bugs Bunny... I will kill you if this doesn't work. I mean it, it's gonna be wabbit season all @#$%ing year round..." The rocket slammed full force into the back of the Range Rover, Deadpool having positioned it in such a way that it would ignite and force the gas tank to erupt. The dull thump and whump of the explosion gave way to the searing and oily heat that rolled off of it's massive flames, the impact tilting the car back just enough before the explosion thunked once more, sending

Deadpool-  	him flying into the air at juuuuust the right angle. His clothig was singed slightly and covered with small streaks of soot, but his joyous cry could be heard for miles around. "HOLY @#$% THAT WOOOOOOOOOORKED!" His destination would be clear at that point, his body sailing full force towards the rocket wielder, both of his knees suddenly driving into the man's helmeted face, sending him sprawling back so hard that he slammed into a passing semi-truck's grille, obliterating his body in an instant and leaving a thick plume of pink mist and ruined organs. Landing on his feet from the abrupt stop, Deadpool backflipped onto the bike that the thug had been driving and checked his watch. "Damn it. Golden Girls is on!" Cranking the throttle on the bike, the rear tire spun out and left a massive stream of smoke in the air as the tire burned rubber and he shot off towards the exit. Twenty minutes later, he was sitting on another bridge with the leader of the group trussed up tightly, a duct

Deadpool-  	tape gag over his mouth and looking disheveled as could be. "Okay so before I do this, I was instructed to say this one very specific thing to you..." Deadpool said, holding his hands up towards the man as if asking for patience. Bringing his fist up to his mouth, he cleared his throat a few times, making sure that he had it nice and phlem free before yodeling a bit to clear his vocal cords. "'Dear Massive Tool Dickhead. Do you think cutting in line at Starbucks is cool now you yuppie douchebag dickcheese peddler?!' and end quote." Dropping his hands downwards, Deadpool reached out to unsheathe his knife once more, bringing it up to the man's stomach and pushing in just a bit, letting the cold steel draw a drop of blood through the shirt. "Now, I don't think Amanda knew that you also happen to be into some veeeeeeeeery bad business dealing with mutant kidnapping and killing, or the fact that you have shipments of... how do you call them? Escorts? Yes escorts, being hauled in every week

Deadpool-  	but your rivals... well they know aaaaaall of that, and I'm not just saying this because my writer needed a super convenient and non-petty sounding excuse for you to die." Tilting his head to the side, Deadpool stared straight back out of the computer monitor ahead of him, his face an impassive mask of pure disappointment that a better a reason couldn't have been created on the fly. Snapping back to, he suddenly plunged the knife into the male's gut, twisting it sharply and yanking to the side, allowing his torso to be vivisected from hip bone to hip bone, his intestines spilling out in massive pink ropes while hot red gore splashed onto the pavement in front of him. "Oh and I've always wanted to do this... and this perfect because there is a dump truck behind you." Taking a few steps back as the man started to lean backwards over the railing of the bridge, Deadpool launced himself forwards, hefting his foot upwards before driving it straight into the male's sternum.

Deadpool-  	"THIS... IS... SPARTA!" he roared, sending the body streaming downwards, perfectly timed to be caught by the dump truck as it sailed past, carrying it's illegal cargo towards where ever it was going. Dusting his hands off, Deadpool started to skip towards the motorcycle stashed a few yards away, whistling happily while he made a phone call. "Totes done. Money in the bank in ten minutes, or I start finding out ways to spell an apology letter to your family with your entrails. Which part of you do you think would make a decent 'R'?" -e-