952

Anonymous
Votes by Brian Graybeal, Olivier Lartillot, Shannon Larson, and 948 more.
Of course, I can only talk about my personal experiences. Other schizophrenics I've talked to have very, very different stories.

I'm luckier than many. Most days I live, work, and function just as well as you.
I'm very lucky because my symptoms are mild compared to many, and are well controlled by medication. If you met me on the street and we chatted for a bit, you probably wouldn't think there was anything particularly odd about me.

If you worked with me or saw me every day, you'd probably think I was just a little eccentric -- but you may not think I was mentally ill. You'd notice that sometimes I have an odd way of saying things. And sometimes I get quiet.  And sometimes I have bad days when I'm a bit upset and it's better to leave me alone.

I told my boss and a few close coworkers that I am bipolar -- because it gives me a bit of leeway with some of my slightly off behavior and needing to call out sick, on occasion -- without bringing up the S-Word.  I never, ever tell people that I am schizophrenic, because they assume this means (1) that I have multiple personalities or (2) that some day I will snap and try to attack them with a broken bottle. Both of which are completely ridiculous.


I think and process information very differently than you do.
Sometimes, this is actually a benefit.  In my office, I am highly valued for my creative approaches to problems and situations, and for my ability to detect patterns across large sets of data.

My brain is used to holding and dealing with much more information than the average brain, and it is constantly at work seeking out and forming connections that the average person would never consider.  I can often easily spot new approaches, interpretations and analyses that others miss.

Often, though, this different-processing backfires:


Some days, it feels like the universe is just jerking you around and messing with you.
It feels like someone changed the rules of reality, but you are the only one who noticed.

Some days you have important information about people/events/rules that other people aren't aware of. Sometimes it is extremely vital that you sit in a certain spot on the train -- or that you have to avoid milk because its part of an attempt to control our minds. These are rules that you know for a fact are true, yet other people don't seem to know about it, and just don't understand if you try to explain.

Some days you see/hear/believe things that no one else does.

Some days every single thought in your head is broadcast to the people around you - so you have to be extra careful about what you think about, because you can't let the people sitting nearby in the coffee shop find out your secrets.

Some days, you pick up extra information about people and situations - you might be able to hear voices that explain what the lady behind you in line at the grocery store is really thinking about you.

For me, most days this mis/additional perception just buzzes quietly in the back of my brain as I go through my day.  Intense episodes happen to me only infrequently.

But I have to constantly live with the fact/fear that the universe that I see and hear and experience may or may not be the same as the universe that you and I are actually interacting in.


It sucks, because you have to learn to mistrust your own judgment and perceptions.
I started developing symptoms when I was 19.  Since then, I've had to teach myself to always be the last person to react to things. Unique situations have to be run through a real/not-real test.[1]

Example: A while ago I was in a large meeting at work and a bunch of lightning bugs/fireflies began to fly around the room.  Check 1: Is this possible? -- Answer: implausible, but not impossible, right?  Check 2: Is anyone else in the room reacting/commenting on the situation? Answer:  No? Then let's assume it's not real until you have evidence to the contrary.

I've also had to implement a three-day waiting period when I experience strong, unexpected emotions.  Example: One day, I was suddenly and utterly convinced that my boss absolutely hated me and was about to fire me.  I felt absolutely horrible - and every time he looked at me, I was convinced that he was completely disgusted with me.  Check: Find external evidence about why I had cause to think this. Answer: I checked through my email and meeting notes, and could not find any events that would have caused this.  And no coworker volunteered any independent verification that there were problems.  Response: I had to force myself to put these beliefs in the back-burner and re-examine this emotion in three days time.  By the end of the waiting period, I was able to recognize that there was no problem and everything was fine.

I'm also very lucky to live with a remarkable (highly patient) partner who can tell me when I've gone out of bounds in my social behavior or personal appearance.


Trying to reconcile two conflicting worlds is draining and exhausting.
Thankfully, I have above average intelligence and am more self-aware than the average person. This helps me recognize when hallucinations/delusions aren't real, and analyze what the correct reaction should be in most situations.  But knowing this doesn't make them go away.

Paying attention in an important meeting is very difficult when you are trying to ignore a cloud of fireflies (and subtly check to see if anyone else has seen them).  Having to constantly second guess yourself is mentally exhausting as well.

Try turning on five television sets, full volume, to five different channels, and tell me how easy it is to follow the thread of just one show.  Imagine that in this one show ("Reality") there is a serious dramatic situation playing out.  Maybe one of the other TVs is playing a hilarious sitcom.  Now try paying attention just to the drama -- while keeping in mind that you absolutely must not laugh or react to any of the jokes in the sitcom. As you might imagine, on off days, I have trouble paying attention and I get easily distracted.

On my worst days, I have trouble understanding people when they talk to me, and I have trouble responding. I hear the words that people say -- but they just don't make any sense, and I can't get my brain to interpret them. If I'm feeling particularly overloaded, I just shut down and will barely talk to or respond to others.


Side Note: Taking anti-psychotic medication sucks.
If your condition is controlled by medication, and you stop taking meds for more than a couple of days, it can lead to very bad consequences.  Anti-psychotics are expensive, and they slow me down: I can't think through complex problems as quickly as I once could.  I also sleep several hours more each day.  And I gained 50 pounds from the meds - despite eating very well and working out more.


________________________________
[1] A lot of people have commented on the real/not real test, and I wanted to make sure I clarified something. It is a very useful tactic for managing the symptoms of a wide range of mental illnesses, and I'm glad that several people find this interesting/helpful.

But please keep in mind, it's not something all schizophrenics are capable of doing -- and it's not something that works at all during bad episodes. After all, you're running the reality test using the same faulty brain/logic that's telling you that, say, a room is full of lightning bugs. If you're only mildly hallucinating, you can say to yourself, "That's weird - this is probably not real."  If you're experiencing full-on psychosis, you are probably also hearing the people in the room whispering about it behind your back, and you'll come to the "logical" conclusion that, "I knew they were trying to trap me."
21+ Comments • Share (20) • Report • 30 Jan, 2011
Anonymous
435

Anonymous
Votes by Lou Davis, Salem Al-Mansoori, Diana Cretu, and 431 more.
It depends. In my case when I'm experiencing positive symptoms I feel like I'm the main protagonist of a good novel, a novel you should read without any critical thinking.

For instance, once, I woke up during the night, I couldn't move, I was in the same position as the Christ on the cross and I was convinced that I was talking with God. And I was experiencing a lot of sensations, warmth, cold, pleasure (A LOT, I've never lived such a thing again). I thought I was the first to discover the solution to the "riddle" created by God, Jesus Christ, and the holy spirit. And I was so pissed off because I was the fourth one to solve a riddle. The first one being God. The second one Jesus Christ. And the third one, women in general (the holy spirit). Then I asked God when I would be able to play with him and he told me we already did. Then I saw vivid memories of me playing poker with my father and my brother, or my brother and I playing Mario Kart. He told me also that I was very lucky to have my grandmothers who were very brave (both lost their husband). Then I asked him if we are alone in the universe and he told me that yes but that we'll let everybody think the contrary. My life was suddenly more exciting (as you can imagine) but I asked him if I could also live the life of Harry Potter and Superman and he told me: of course everything you want, laughing. Finally I asked him if he existed and he told me that yes, no, yes, no... yes. And then I slept.
The day after I was convinced to be able to communicate via telepathy. And my parents had me hospitalized.

Another time, I would just walk in a wood during the night totally amazed by the beauty of the lake, the trees or the sound of the wind. I would get rid of my shoes and put my feet in the mud. Then seeing a rabbit I would run after him convinced to be in some kind of Alice in Wonderland. Then I would sit on a bench and a hedgehog would come toward me and I would touch it. Then I would go back home with my filthy shoes. Sooner in the day, as I was walking, I found a branch on my path and as a couple passed by, I heard in my head this feminine voice saying: yes, this is a branch, so what?
A few days later in the shower I would burst into tears after hearing this voice telling me that humans have a soul. I should mention that I'm a big science nerd, a skeptic and that for me humans, birds and ants aren't that different.

Another time, I left the house convinced that I was a spy for Google, so I threw away all my credit cards and I left with only my android phone, aiming for their headquarters in Paris. During my walk I changed my mind when Google Maps showed me a map of the UK. My attention went to some city in Scotland and I remembered a PHD offer about optogenetics tools (I was recently awarded a master of engineering degree) I had seen on the web a few days sooner. So I walked following the highway. Then a heavy rain began to fall. And I decided to moonwalk until I reach my goal. I've never moonwalked that good. Later, some policemen found me on the side of the road and began asking me questions but I wouldn't answer because I was convinced to be John Doe, the hero of the TV series. So I wasn't supposed to remember who I was. They didn't take very long before sending me to an hospital.

I have a few more of these anecdotes but most of them I would never share because they are too humiliating.

Now the negative symptoms. A lot less funny. It's quite simple actually: I lose all motivation. Imagine having to take a shower and feeling as if you have to climb the mount Everest or learn by heart the Bible, this is what it feels like. I'm currently experiencing this phase. It's been months since the last time I wanted to see friends, to learn things, to find a job. My life is empty, I do nothing and I just hope that one day my brain will find its balance. I found the motivation to write this because I think society is very rude with people having psychiatric issues. We aren't all violent psychopaths. It's a small minority. I'm not lazy either, I have a disease. And no, unfortunately, drugs aren't the quick fix everybody think they are.
21 Comments • Share (13) • Report • 5 Dec, 2012
Anonymous
59

David Moore
Votes by Adisa Nicholson, Michael Howard, Will Wister, and 55 more.
My answer grew rather lengthy, so, I moved it to my blog: What It Is Like To Have Paranoid Schizophrenia by David Moore on Nightfall of Diamonds
8+ Comments • Share (5) • Report • 22 Nov, 2011
David Moore

Janic Grey, Artiste en vie
94 votes by Felipe Madrigal, Kim Raymoure, Mark Hughes, (more)
As mentioned by the previous users, I can only add my personal and unique perspective on the subject. And I have to say that I recognize myself in some details of what they describe. Especially regarding creativity, sensitivity and intellectual awareness. I don't intend to make this answer anonymous as I don't really hide my condition in my everyday life. My answer may explain why.

First I'd like to establish a few things:

    English is not my first language, so you'll have to excuse me for my lack of elegance.
    I have a diagnosis of schizophrenia. With a big tendency for paranoia.
    I take my medication regularly (believe it or not). And I know from experimenting with it that they really help me stay comfortable.
    I'm fully functional in society. I have a full-time job and am even going back to school to push the limits of my knowledge. I'm very friendly and quite the ordinary guy, with some small signs of my strong artistic side.
    The Ideas, as I'll call it, are always there. The medication only prevents them from being invasive and obsessive.
    And finally, I don't believe it's a disease. As painful and troubling as the effects can be, I think that someday we will have a better understanding of this phenomenon. I don't necessarily think it's a gift. But I think its something inherent to our spiritual human nature.



So...What does it feels like for me to have schizophrenia?

The premise is pretty simple and not very original I'm afraid. I'm the anti-Christ. This fact slowly took shape in my mind during some very bad moments I've been through about 10 years ago. Of course in the meanwhile, we where getting close to the year 2000, so it was very appropriate. But looking back through my childhood, I realize I've had these kind of ideas all my life.

So being the anti-Christ, a huge concept of conspiracy is automatically revolving around me. And in a funny way, none of the actual and trendy conspiracy theories really fit with what I have in mind. The result is a mix of primal fear from being the center of so much attention and some kind of weird pride at somehow being worthy of all this.

I live permanently in two worlds. The everyday life in which I have to focus on essential matters like working to get food and the world of symbols and what I like to call echoes. If I don't take medication the symbolism surrounding me gets too obsessive, and I lose grip on the everyday. The main effects are rather huge waves of glorious euphoria or very long moments of deep anxiety. And each of them for very specific reasons relative to the Ideas. Medication just gives me the guts to push the Ideas to the side and stay focused on everyday reality. Like some kind of professionalism.

When I ask what specifically are the effects of the medication on me, the doctors usually answer that it slows down my imagination. The image of my imagination as a machine that can turn too fast is kind of funny.I know its a matter of chemistry, but in my Ideas our imagination is our third eye. And I can't live with mine wide open for now. I hope that in time I'll learn to look in both worlds at the same time. I'm actually getting pretty good at it but I still need the medication to close my eye a bit.

So.. What happened?

The big event...the big wave hit me about ten years ago. I can't event put a specific date or even year on it. A big explosion of inspiration, love, hate, rage.... In short my ego imploded, crushed by the stress and my total lack of self-esteem. What I did and said at that moment, alone in my apartment, have been following me ever since. I lost track of time, stopped cleaning myself, eating or sleeping for about a week. Then a lot of people got worried and I've been escorted to the hospital. I've spent a month during which they explained me that what I called enlightenment was in fact an hallucination due to a chemical imbalance in my brain. I was very stubborn, and not always coherent in my attempt to explain what I've been through. Finally I took all the pills and went back home with a big cloud of confusion over me.

I spent maybe a year of ordinary life but kept playing the prophet on different message boards on the internet. In a casual kind of way but somehow very serious about it. So another wave hit me. Again another display of my ego as a long speech alone in my apartment. But this time someone came to visit me. Someone who gave me the clear feeling to have witness everything I previously said. Everything suddenly became way to concrete for me. After this meeting I fell into a deep phase of violent anxiety. Something I can only describe as hell. I think only a few person can understand what I mean. After two intense weeks at the hospital I went back to work. Back on my feet, and decided to confront my fears.

I stayed in this state of constant stress for about two years. Until I decided to regularly take the pills and put all the Ideas far away from me. It's been a real relief, and for a few years I totally stopped thinking about it. Then some change came in my life and it triggered the whole thing all over again. But this time no ego, just the crushing feeling of having this huge conspiracy over my head. I managed to get back on track without a visit to the hospital and these events revealed a lot of things to me. The doubt and the confusion are gone and now I know what I have to live with.


And now?

Now all my creative energy goes in art. I'm slowly putting together the pieces of all the visions I had over the years. It feels like a constructive way of bringing the concepts in reality. I have no ambition of commercial success whatsoever. My dedication goes into giving shape and life to what lives in me. The Ideas are still very present as you can notice by the tone of this answer. I fully realize the social impact of living them openly. But surfing the wave is the best I can do.
7+ Comments • Share • Report • 16 Jul, 2011
Janic Grey

Anonymous
56 votes by David Moore, Jessica Su, Diane Meriwether, (more)
I have to disagree with some of the other answers on here, at least with regard to my own case.

I am referring to the idea specifically that your voices have to be believed since they are coming from you, and further that it is impossible to reason with someone hearing the voices.

I did not automatically agree with my voice.  The main thing he had going for him in terms of credibility was that he was undeniably there yelling in my head.  Not like a mirage or something that would go away if you didn't pay attention to it.  But also,  the voice had odd properties that at first made me believe it was being caused by someone operating a technological device.  Specifically:

    you know how sometimes someone says something like a catch phrase or new word and it takes time to catch on to the meaning?  He  did that - specifically he kept saying he was going to put my loved  ones in the sidewalk.  He later explained this meant melting them with  acid and washing them down the drain.  At first I had no clue what he  was talking about.  I thought maybe he meant he had them arrested and on  the ground outside, but there was no sidewalk outside my apartment.
    The guy knew facts that I didn't consciously like the end year of the vietnam war (He was supposedly an ex-marine at the time).
    It was attaching itself to other noises, in a sense becoming the noise while still being able to sound nothing like the source noise.  If I took a shower, but then turned the water off or stopped a previously running car engine, the voice temporarily stopped and seemed to take time to adjust.  If I drowned out a source of sound with louder sound, the voice temporarily stopped.  Rapidly changing sounds like music and human voices blocked out the voices temporarily.  Listening to white noise allowed the voice to become louder than anything else.
    While the voice was present, I had the ability to hear my own thoughts loudly as an actual voice.  Those thoughts did not have to sound like my own voice either, they could sound like a sci fi effect (Dalek voice from Dr. Who) or even a chorus when I felt like I was in the right.  I could also take ownership of his voice mid thought, and redirect it into saying anything I wanted.  However, he would just yell over whatever I was saying at that point with a new thought.
    The voice had a repetitive quality to it, to where he would often repeat the same phrase over and over for a while.  When he did it a certain way, the thought would get stuck on repeat even while he was saying other things.  My own thoughts could get stuck the same way, and he told me at one point that it was going to give me a seizure if he could get enough thoughts to stick on repeat like that.  For a while, we played a game where I tried to slow down and stop the thoughts on repeat while he was making them, which has harder the faster it was repeating.  However no matter how many thoughts were on repeat nothing bad actually happened and listening to a loud noise reset everything or at least made the repeating thoughts sound much farther away.
    At one point, I heard a loud tv fuzz sounding noise that got really loud in my head, and then eventually popped.  At another point, the voice kept jerking my leg right before I went to sleep and then screamed that it wasn't going to let me sleep.  (I didn't for like 5 days during my episode).
    A few pieces of circumstantial evidence seemed to support the idea that the voice was real.  I told a cop I was receiving death threats and she refused to help me, which the voice then made a big deal about.  Right before I drove my car off a mountain at 70 mph, a few cars positioned themselves oddly around me and the one in front was a tow truck.  To it's side was a motorcycle rider who motioned as this was happening.  Other people seemed to be watching, talking about, or reacting to me and my situation, but thinking this was pretty normal for me even before the episode.



On the other hand there were things that made it less likely it was real, specifically:

    The voice changed identity several times.  At first it was my ps3 playing music from the actual box by itself, then it was a loudmouth black lady trying to make fun of me, then it was a texan fbi agent, then a persian gang (with multiple voices), then a state employed felon, then a neighbor, then this guy I knew that was dating an ex, but mostly it was the fbi agent.  It did this in a way that did not seem absurd, by changing slowly in concert with the topic of conversation.  The voice just played this off as intentional misdirection.
    The two main themes of the voice where ridicule and imminent death.  It was always telling me that I was about to get raided by the fbi or shot at any moment, but nothing ever happened.  It kept threatening loved ones saying it would be worse for them if I tried to contact them instead of just killing myself.  Once or twice it claimed to have someone there torturing them.  Later in the hospital, I talked to my family members who it told me were dead and I honestly believed they were computer generated voices.


Most of the things that made it seem real are explainable in hindsight, such as maybe I knew the referenced facts the voice brought up subconsciously.  Maybe his initiative was the same as when you suddenly think of something funny to say.  It's properties were probably neuroscience related.

However to this day I maintain that I wasn't being unreasonable by considering the possibility the voice was real.  Especially since the technology to do similar things to someone actually exists.

As I said, the whole time the voice was threatening loved ones, telling me it was going to kill me, and occasionally saying that I was going to a prison.  The whole experience was accompanied by an overwhelming feeling of dread and anxiety that is very uncharacteristic for me.

Even  though I have had many pleasant experiences, the voice was  systematically breaking down every course of action I might take by  saying my side projects would never work, no new person would ever want  to talk to me, I should just give up and die.  (That is the short  version, he tried to breakdown every thought I had with subversive ridicule for 5 days straight)

The episode ended with me driving off a mountain at 70 mph.  The car flipped down the side of the mountain diagonally, and some how the whole thing was trashed except a little pocket for the driver.  My face was fractured a little but not really noticeably, I got a few scars, and one of my vertebrae had compression fractures.  A little pain from that and in my sternum is all I have left.  They gave me geodon in the hospital and that stopped the voices dead in their tracks.

Prior to this I had tried to poke a hole in my carotid artery with a pen, and rake out my wrist veins longwise with a key chain.  I broke skin on my throat and left a scar on my arm, but I couldn't apply enough force to succeed I guess out of fear.  This was after the cop refused to help me, as up to that point I was merely considering the possibility that the situation was real.  When I heard that I suddenly thought it was real and that I had to commit suicide to avoid torture and protect my loved ones.  The vein thing left a scar, but it migrated a bit so I can play it off as being caused by something else.

Very  often the voice tried to imply that nearby people were agents of the  voice's group, but I resolved that I would not hurt anybody unless they  blatantly attacked me first.  This was hard because the voice kept  saying that by then it would be too late and I would wake up in a  torture chamber.  That is why I was driving; it's harder to subdue something with that much kinetic energy.  But in the end I drove off the cliff rather than risk hurting the motorcyclist or any of the other drivers when I got boxed in just in case it was just a coincidence.  I was sure enough to kill myself but not to risk hurting anyone else.

The car hit a mound of dirt and the windshield cracked, but then I blacked out.  I "woke" on a chopper, although I couldn't really see anything until I was tended to in the trauma room.  The voice was still going full blast from the second I woke up, until they put me on geodon once they realized what was wrong with me and my family showed up.

I quickly got off the medicine when I left the hospital though.  Up to a few weeks after I heard voices from time to time, but I took them far less seriously.  It got really bad once, and even my reserve meds did not help.  In response, I got drunk and the voices went away.  I think the whole episode was caused by alcohol withdrawal, as in I was drunk for too long and then sobered up too fast.

I am not on  meds and haven't heard any voices for a few months now.  I never had any  visual hallucinations.  I am also 30 which is unusually late for  someone to develop schizophrenia.
7+ Comments • Share (3) • Report • 5 Jan
Anonymous

Zoletta Cherrystone, I'm Back! (Not that I expect anybody ... (more)
28 votes by Lingbo Li, Jeanie Straub, Alexander Verbitsky, (more)
I just realized, after reading Anon's answers, that I know much less than I thought I did about this condition. My cousin has Schizophrenia, but he lives in a mental institution. Although he can display above average intelligence at times, he in no way would ever be able to function outside of a supervised facility.

He has a different walk that is apparent at once. He does not swing his arms, and leans back as he's going forward, constantly checking behind himself to see if anyone is following, or if he's dropped something.

He carries with him a bag of papers at all times, and these are of vital importance to him. The papers are dozens of old TV Guides, napkins from fast food places, menus, junk mail, etc. He knows every single scrap that's in there, and if anything is ever missing, it is cause for much ado.

He has virtually no self-awareness about hygiene, and many times has to be talked into taking a bath, combing his hair, and brushing his teeth. He makes no attempt at being discreet about expelling gas or using the bathroom. On one unfortunate occasion, while he was visiting my house with his mother, he defecated in my bathroom while hovering over the toilet seat, because he was taught by his mother that public toilet seats have germs, but was not able to differentiate between the bathroom of a family member and a public toilet. I found excrement splattered from his standing position all over my walls, toilet seat, cabinet, floor, and towels. The toilet itself was literally stuffed above the rim with an entire roll of toilet paper, which he used in an attempt to clean himself, and human waste - it was not able to be flushed, and I had to find a way to remove the bulk of the tissue to get it working, again. He thought nothing of this whatsoever, and felt no embarrassment at all.

His medications, I believe, are the reason he feels physically sick all the time. He gets fearsome headaches and dizzy spells, and often has stomach upset and high anxiety.

Sometimes carrying on a conversation with him can be quite enjoyable, but that is rare. Most times he is apt to constantly repeating the same set of phrases over and over again, and speaking as fast as an auctioneer in the process. There are times when he rambles incoherently for hours without stopping, all the while squinting his eyes closed and sticking his fingers in his ears to block out as much sensory input as possible.

He has accused everyone in the family, at one time or another, of being in disguise and trying to trick him. And, one Thanksgiving, in the middle of dinner, he burst out in a very angry tyrant about my dead mother, shouting one obscene misconstrued fact after the other in a highly insulting and greatly hurtful manner.

When he eats, his attention is only on getting the food inside of his mouth as fast as he can. Even when the dish is empty, he will swipe his finger across it numerous times, licking it afterward, making certain that every crumb and drop of sauce in consumed. When he drinks something, he will turn the empty glass upside down, and look up into it, then run his finger inside the glass and suck on his finger, then tap the bottom of the empty glass while he holds it over his open mouth, just in case he missed a drop.

When he is particularly angry, he will beat on his chest as he's making direct eye contact with whomever he is angry at, and scream many threats of physical harm, while at the same time his face will turn red and tears will form in his eyes, which sometimes turns into a crying fit that chokes him and makes him throw up.

I've noticed that he will sometimes 'transform' his character into that of someone he's seen on television, such as Archie Bunker, taking on the facial expressions, hand gestures, and exaggerated mimicking of conversations from that TV show.

He understands clearly that he is different, and has continually, over many years, referred to his ailment as a 'birth defect'.

His handwriting displays an incredible slant with the letters extremely tall and narrow and suffocatingly close together - very, very difficult to read.

He is obsessed with getting married, and often believes that women in the family (elderly aunts, cousins, etc) are in fact engaged to him, and that their wedding will happen at some point in the future.

He has a memory that can only be matched by a computer. Not only can he tell you what main event happened on any particular day, going all the way back to his early childhood, but what everyone was wearing, what songs or TV shows were playing, what was for dinner, what the weather was, and so on. He is never wrong.

One time when I was a child, and he was still living at home with his parents (he is in his 50s now, so at the time he was only in his 20s) my mother brought me with her to visit their house. They had a very sweet cat, and when I walked in, I smiled at the cat, and he exploded, nearly striking me - in fact, lunged at me with his fist in the air - because he thought I was 'laughing at him'. We had to leave immediately, there was no calming him down.

That is what I believed all Schizophrenic people were like...until today. But with such an extreme difference in psyche between the Anons and my cousin , I have to wonder, did the doctors get it wrong - one way or the other?
4+ Comments • Share • Report • 19 Feb, 2011
Zoletta Cherrystone
17

Daniel Helman, Recovered from a major illness
Votes by Shefaly Yogendra, Stan Patty, Mickael Bergeron Neron, and 13 more.
I'll share a bit on this question, as it's been a good long time (since 2006) since I've been on any medication for schizophrenia, and functioning normally, and spent the 5 prior years gradually weaning myself from the medication -- though I was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 20 and hospitalized 10 times over the course of 15 years.  I've beat the rap!


For me, schizophrenia included:

1.  Disorganization, and I followed flights of fancy.

2.  Catatonia, where I'd go days without eating or drinking.  This is when I'd stop taking meds, as I was not taking anything by mouth, generally ending up with a nervous breakdown and then a hospital stay.

3.  Psychotic aspect, where I "looked" schizophrenic.

4.  Poor grooming skills, alas.

5.  Self-induced intoxication, where I was not on "drugs" but certainly my thoughts were as if I were drugged, with the filters which separate agency from actions were quite haywire.  Most folks don't associate correlation with causation for thinking related to objects outside one's body, though for me this happened somewhat, and was difficult to deal with.  I was not depressed, and did have self-respect, and somehow managed to follow the course of my life with courage.  Most are not as lucky as I, and end up in much more difficulty.  I am of a naturally spiritual bent, so the phenomena weren't completely foreign to my interests, nor was I without motivation in seeking meditative and spiritual outlets to participate in.  The schizophrenics who have a more technophobic or paranoid framework certainly have an experience much, much worse than mine.  I was able to devote myself to healthy diet, exercise, experiences in nature, art, schooling, teaching, and other areas which, I suppose were a gift of early successes and family resources.  Schizophrenia, which was formerly called 'dementia praecox', denoted dementia with an onset before old age, and most likely related to the changes with adolescence, so a 'self-induced intoxication' as the driving force behind it, based on hormonal changes, is probably a proper way of looking at this.  I'm sensitive to gluten, and various other foods, so it makes sense that there's a distinct metabolic component as well.

6.  Unintelligibility, though I knew what I was on about.

7.  Prejudice, from medical professionals, employers, care givers, and the general public.

8.  Inspiration, since no one will make you better but yourself.

9.  Danger, which is obvious.



My life has been so very interesting, and filled with such benefits as:

1.  Creativity, with lots and lots of ideas and skills.

2.  A sense of being a survivor, and having the gratitude which comes with that.

3.  Loving relations, as any human being may have.

4.  Experiences like no other, truly deep.

5.  A sense of purpose, often influenced by the illness.

6.  Free time, and, though I worked, first as a volunteer in several settings, including a hospital, and nonprofits, and then as a teacher (credentialed), I had much more free time than most people, time which I used to try and recover, and to learn.


I don't know how I could have been as lucky as I am, to go from being told that I will "never recover" by scores of people, to being a successful artist (I sell a few pieces every year), teacher (having worked under contract in adult school, and subbing in K-12, and now at university), scientist (with a provisional patent, and a few publications), father (with a daughter "by choice," she, having been adopted by my friend, adopted me as a father -- though they now live far away, and I don't see them but for one month out of the year, or so), and friend to many.

Thank you so much for your interest.

Please don't repost this without getting my permission.  Thanks!
3+ Comments • Share • Report • 25 Jun, 2012
Daniel Helman
12

Mark Schannon, Crisis & Risk Management & Communicat... (more)
Votes by Lingbo Li, Trey Morehouse, Jeanie Straub, and 8 more.
Back in the '60s, R. D. Lang wrote a book about schizophrenia called The Divided Self.  His mind game to help understand what it's like to be psychotic has stayed with me to this day:  Imagine you've been shopping in a store and you go outside to drive home.  You walk to where your car is, but there's no car.  What's your first response?  It's not "Oh, I must have parked somewhere else or someone stole my car."  It's a very brief sense of disorientation, of the world not being the way it's supposed to be.  It's very brief & sometimes we don't even remember it.  But, according to Lang (or Laing), that's what schizophrenics experience all the time.

People who're following this who have the disease may disagree.  I'd be interested in their reaction.

(I just got an e-mail from Quora that this answer was flagged as needing improvement.  O.k., but what about it needs improvement?  Whoever flagged it, please elucidate.)
5 Comments • Share • Report • 16 Apr, 2011
Mark Schannon
18

John Thekkayyam, empath
Votes by Shannon Larson, Marc Bodnick, Rodrigo Estrada Gil, and 14 more.
I felt extremely primitive and tribal. I used do many things like digging for roots etc and many other shockingly primitive animal like things, primitive like ancient hominids. Then there is a one-ness with everything around you which is awesome and at the same time terrifying. I felt like I was being knocked about by forces of nature, every breath of wind, every bird call, every natural occurrence had something to do with me; yes I was one with everything but not in a half closed eyes tranquil Buddhist way, but tossed about in a random fashion. I still believe I regressed into some pre-literal mental state and that's one belief that I will not give up. I think I know how ancient man felt and thought. I think this state is between that of an animal and human.
Share • Report • 20 Nov, 2011
John Thekkayyam
42

Anonymous
Votes by Dave Curtis, Will Newton, Andrew de Andrade, and 38 more.
When I’ve read the post of Anon user I was convinced that I need to share my story too about being schizophrenic. I think people need to have as many of information we can get to help them better understand this condition. If Anon User is luckier then I’m luckiest… ha ha I know having this illness isn’t much of a luck but compare to him I don’t suffer from it within a regular basis. My case seems to be a very mild one. Right now I no longer have prescriptions and I just take care of myself by taking food supplement, making sure I get enough sleep and not too pressured, I stay away from alcohol but once in a while when there’s an occasion I’m okay to drink, and I have a job. But I want to share my experience about it my female version along with its hallucinations.

The Root of the Evil

I’ve just graduated from college, I was 20 then. My mom and I argue a lot because she didn’t want me to go to the big city for work and forcing me to do what she wants which made me depressed. I was aware that I am going through a depression so I went to seek help but people didn’t believe me. Because when they heard my story I’m saying that I’m doing all the things that I’m doing now for my mom and I was paranoid that photos of me where  in  the internet and there is such a website that was made just for me and everything about me is in there. I kept searching for it but it seems the people behind this are too good in computers that I was the only one that has been blocked from the site and everybody is already talking about it. I was asking for help from a Guidance Counselor to help me find the website and I want to sue people because I know who they are.

And I had a proof because I was aware that people are taking pictures of me and videos too while I’m in the campus or hanging out just outside the campus since 2nd year college up to that very minute. Obviously it wasn’t hallucination back then but this time it is already and it’s hard to figure that out because I had prior evidence before this incident. And the Counselor is pretty much aware of that so he’s not making it a big deal thinking I’m just being paranoid because I was the shy type then that didn’t want to be pictured and they know from the fact that my Friendster was very private but they got all the idea about my weirdness in it. Maybe you are wondering why, hmmm… this is the first time I’m going to admit this in written form that I was aware of my admirers. Pictures of me appeared in our school paper and other stuff like a poetry book but discreetly it’s either I’m in the middle of a group of people or it’s showing my back but there’s one large sketch of my face that had been pinned for months on the School Paper Headquarters bulletin right at their door. They put me on the centerfold for a school magazine with my back head-to-toe shot occupying almost half of the whole spread and labeled it mystery girl for women’s month along with some small head-shots of pretty girls group in the left side with a tagline that says something like “Who needs fairies when they are roaming around the campus?” Everyone in that issue was asked except me if I wanted that feature because they know the answer is No. I didn’t believe first that that’s me even if it’s screaming right in my face that I know that back, the hair, the shirt, the pants, the way how the elbow is bend and the hands touching on that hips. That’s how I stand when I talk to people and I pretty much have the idea of the exact place where it had been taken and the day it was taken (I don’t repeat clothes in a span of 1 – 3 months so it was easy for me to pin point it through the clothes I was wearing in that particular picture). So when I started hearing people saying “Oh she’s the girl? Why is that they didn’t show her face, she’s cute.” I started to act awkward trying to deny that I was that mystery girl and even taught mysel... (more)
3 Comments • Share • Report • 17 Feb, 2011
Anonymous
10

Axel Caesar
Votes by Tyler Plack, Sean Hood, Shannon Larson, and 6 more.
It's very hectic on my end. However, symptoms may be mild for me but personally its horrendous. The voices are extremly malicious and I'm pulled slowly away from the people I care for. Some people I dont mind splitting from but in the end it has its toll. Whenever I have an episode I just keep seldom to myself or drown out the voices in music. However I can get deaf, so it's not a reliable option. Most of the time I ride it out because those anit-psychotic medications aren't the best
Share • Report • 19 Nov, 2011
Axel Caesar
21

Laurent Courtines, Product Manager at I-play Games. I ru... (more)
Votes by Dave Curtis, Olivier Lartillot, Mary Ann Sabo, and 17 more.
I'm not schizophrenic but my brother is.  I tend to get upset talking or reading about these accounts.  One of the things we have to remember about lots of mental illness is that it is VERY COMPLEX. We know very little about the brain and quite often people get their diagnosis based on what drugs work on them.  My brother is completely unable to work, speaks about the same things for hours and hours and never stops talking. (very difficult to deal with)   The experiences described are not typical.  They are Anon's experience.  Each individuals illness is their own.  Schizophrenia covers a HUGE amount of symptoms,  if you have read DSM IV you would be in shock at how many different symptoms fit into the Schizophrenic family.  Please, please keep that in mind when reading these descriptions and triumphs. It's upsetting for me, because my brother will never get better, ever.(I need to believe that so I can be empathetic)
2+ Comments • Share • Report • 13 Feb, 2011
Laurent Courtines
10

Anonymous
Votes by An D. Nuksovova, Samantha Lynn Harms, Anju Phambota-Washington, and 6 more.
Antichrist.
As many others on here, I have also been convinced I was an antichrist living in the end times, and that I was being watched because I was one of the few who was "catching on" to what was going on.
Observed.
I believed I was being watched, but so was everyone. This all started with a "what if X happens in the future" sort of conversation with a friend. Over the course of a year it solidified: I was sure that future humanity had launched satellites into every direction of space from Earth. These traveled so fast that they made it past the first light emission from our galaxy; the satellites then traveled back towards Earth, cameras zoomed in, recording Earth's entire history all the way up to the time that they had been launched--ostensibly eliminating all crime, deception, and confusion over what actually happened throughout history at any given time. Because of this, I believed they had recorded everyone's lives. I was not always convinced that I was currently being watched, but by being recorded I knew they could check any moment of my life at a whim.
UFOs, reptilian/secret elite world government/Men In Black/time travel.
I believed UFOs were time traveling humans sent by the blood-lined reptilian (shape-shifting) elite who had evolved through bio-enhancement to be practically immortal and controlled their fate by changing Earth's past through direct and indirect utilitarian manipulation.
Drugs and The New Age.
I had done shrooms and ecstasy on a few occasions--but sparingly--a few times over the course of the years preceding my first episode. Each time I became more "new agey." Some people thought I was just a hippy at heart. I loved everyone and would talk a lot about how humanity was evolving. I was a big Eckhart Tolle and Deepak Chopra fan. I watched "The Secret" and "What The Bleep Do We know!?" and was hooked. We were all a part of God, and all we had to do to transcend the turmoil of current reality was to turn to love and reject fear. I did acid a couple times during the summer of 2011. Only a couple hits each time, but in hindsight I can clearly see how they altered my perception a bit more each time.
Inspiration.
I became convinced that our Godself only lives through us when we are in a state of true inspiration. I pursued inspiration at all costs. I found I was most inspired when talking conspiracy or spirituality with certain friends. They all did a lot of drugs, and so I don't know if they even realized I was losing it. For them they may have just been having trippy conversations, but for me we were unraveling the mysteries of the universe that had been created by the controlling elite. After these conversations I would often lose the ability to sleep for at least a day. Over time I became convinced that the reason I felt so much more energy when I had not slept was because God created the Earth in 6 days and rested on the 7th, telling us that we should also rest on the 7th, therefore the reason everyone was miserable is because they were always oversleeping, and I needed to get on the right sleep schedule (one entire day per week).
End Times.
Then it all went downhill. I was convinced I knew too much and They were plotting my end. It was the Winter Soltice, and I felt that I was going to go out in a similar way that Jesus did. (Obviously my fundamentalist Christian indoctrination had its part in all this.) I thought they were biding their time before they rounded me up, and I figured they would use a shape-shifter to pretend to be a loved one to betray me. I was preparing myself to go to court. I thought it would be the most epic court trial and would be my opportunity to expose Them. I was ready to die for refusing to give in and admit my guilt for whatever they planned to frame me with.
The reason I believed I was the antichrist was because I thought I had figured out the truth about language and The Bible. I believed every "Christian" was actually a Satanist, and that every language had been written backwards, among many other things.
I was explaining things to a friend who I had been around a lot over the course of that year, and I was explaining that we had a lot of work to do--to try to expose them before they got to us. Then I received a phone call (it later turned out to be a friend from an unsaved number) and it was something like 699-9666, so I saw a lot of sixes and was sure They were calling me. I took the battery out of the phone. I then warned that they were going to be looking for me.
A plane then flew overhead, lower than I've ever seen a plane fly before. I heard a ringing in my ears, I felt goosebumps and felt like my vision was full of light. I was astonished that the plane was flying so low and slow, I thought it must be a front for a government search pod. I told my friend (we'll call him Mark) that if that plane came back within a minute we would know. Within a minute it flew overhead again, from a different direction. It could not have been more than a hundred feet high, or going faster than 20 mph. To this day I do not understand what happened there, but at the time I was convinced. Mark was now also convinced, or at least he sure acted as though he were. His friend was in the back seat, and I have no idea what was going through his head. He had been quiet the whole time, just smoking, probably thinking we were really high or something.
Lack of Sleep.
At that point I had not slept for more than an hour at a time for 3 weeks, and those naps were not very deep. I feel like I was so REM deprived that it invaded my conscious world. I felt entirely in control, yet looking back I see that I had absolutely no control over my thoughts, words, or actions. It's scary.
That entire episode lasted 3 weeks. 3 weeks of progressive mania that ended me up in a hospital. When my Mom and best friend were taking me to the hospital, I was convinced that they also were shape-shifters.

Like many other people, I definitely felt like the main character of a story, with all eyes on me.
I may add to this as I have time, but for now I am going to post this as is. It is really hard to write about. I am more afraid of another episode than I am of death.
2 Comments • Share (2) • Report • 5 Jan
Anonymous
5

Eghosa Omoigui, Stage/Geo-agnostic Tech Investor & St... (more)
Votes by Arvind Shrihari, Mary Parry, An D. Nuksovova, and John Thekkayyam.
Very enlightening thread. Exhibit #77,862 for why Quora rocks!

Key benefit to 'visiting the other side' through stories such as these is to enable true empathy and allow those who dont bear the burden of 'concurrent soundtracks' to live with, support and understand those who do.

Here's a timely NYT article titled 'Finding Purpose After Living With Delusion' - http://nyti.ms/tsho6y

Some quotes:

'Mr. Greek has learned to live with his diagnosis in part by understanding and acting on its underlying messages, and along the way has built something exceptional: a full life, complete with a family and a career.

He is one of a small number of successful people with a severe psychiatric diagnosis who have chosen to tell their story publicly. In doing so, they are contributing to a deeper understanding of mental illness — and setting an example that can help others recover.

“I started feeling better, stronger, the next day,” said Mr. Greek, 49, a computer programmer who for years, before receiving medical treatment, had delusions of meeting God and Jesus.

“I have such anxiety if I’m not organizing or doing some good work. I don’t feel right,” he said. “That’s what the psychosis has given me, and I consider it to be a gift.'
-----------
'Doctors generally consider the delusional beliefs of schizophrenia to be just that — delusional — and any attempt to indulge them to be an exercise in reckless collusion that could make matters worse. ...Yet people who have had such experiences often disagree, arguing that delusions have their origin not solely in the illness, but also in fears, longings and psychological wounds that, once understood, can help people sustain recovery after they receive treatment.'
-----------
'Mr. Greek is one of the most exceptional, having built a successful life and career despite having schizophrenia — and, he says, because of it. He manages the disorder with medication, personal routines, and by minding the messages in his own strange delusions.

“Schizophrenia is the best thing that ever happened to me,” he said. “I know a lot of people with the diagnosis don’t feel that way, but the experience changed me, for the better. I was so arrogant, so narcissistic, so self-involved, and it humbled me. It gave me a purpose, and that purpose has been very much a part of my recovery.”'
-----------

Full article below (courtesy New York Times):

November 25, 2011
Finding Purpose After Living With Delusion
By BENEDICT CAREY
ATHENS, Ohio — She was gone for good, and no amount of meditation could resolve the grief, even out here in the deep quiet of the woods.

Milt Greek pushed to his feet. It was Mother’s Day 2006, not long after his mother’s funeral, and he headed back home knowing that he needed help. A change in the medication for his schizophrenia, for sure. A change in focus, too; time with his family, to forget himself.

And, oh yes, he had to act on an urge expressed in his psychotic delusions: to save the world.

So after cleaning the yard around his house — a big job, a gift to his wife — in the coming days he sat down and wrote a letter to the editor of the local newspaper, supporting a noise-pollution ordinance.

Small things, maybe, but Mr. Greek has learned to live with his diagnosis in part by understanding and acting on its underlying messages, and along the way has built something exceptional: a full life, complete with a family and a career.

He is one of a small number of successful people with a severe psychiatric diagnosis who have chosen to tell their story publicly. In doing so, they are contributing to a deeper understanding of mental illness — and setting an example that can help others recover.

“I started feeling better, stronger, the next day,” said Mr. Greek, 49, a computer programmer who for years, before receiving medical treatment, had delusions of meeting God and Jesus.

“I have such a... (more)
Share • Report • 26 Nov, 2011
Eghosa Omoigui
7

Lisa Vitagliano
Votes by Matt Ford, Adisa Nicholson, Shannon Larson, and 3 more.
I have a comorbid condition of ocd with some schizophrenic symptoms. the psychotic side only makes the ocd stronger too. it has made my condition very treatment resistant and the SSRI medications don't help me. I am trying new medications and am waiting to see how they work. this illness is very debilitating and the symptoms include objects everywhere appearing to be watching me and reading all of my thoughts and I feel I am being watched by everything everywhere I go. If I think of outrageous or embarrassing thoughts they appear to be "mocking" me and I almost get a panic attack. my ocd obsessions are also at psychotic portions. if I didn't have this psychotic side my ocd would be more manageable
Share • Report • 4 Jul, 2012
Lisa Vitagliano
8

Anonymous
Votes by Will Wister, Arvind Shrihari, Shannon Larson, and 4 more.
I was originally diagnosed as bipolar and never felt any shame about it. I told several friends that I was bipolar, but, once the diagnosis changed to schizophrenia, I never told anyone, and I never would.

It's very frustrating when you tell a doctor that you think someone's harassing you and they just try to tell you that you need more medication. It is possible to be schizophrenic AND be the victim of harassment, but my doctor automatically assumes that if I report that I'm being harassed then it must be a symptom of my disability.

Even though I am schizophrenic (according to my doctor), I don't (and won't) take medication unless absolutely necessary.  Just having medication on my person makes me feel comfortable because I know that I can knock myself out if necessary, but I don't want to take it and deal with the side effects.
Share • Report • 25 Nov, 2011
Anonymous
5

Adrienne Michelson, Ohio State Class of 17'
Votes by Trey Morehouse, Mahmoud Emad, Alexa Castrillon, and Nishu Dabadge.
I do not have Schizophrenia, but I remember my friend sharing this video which depicts, based on accounts of individuals with Schizophrenia, what the auditory hallucinations could be like:

I'm curious if anyone who has or had Schizophrenia thinks this is accurate?
3+ Comments • Share • Report • 4 Jan
Adrienne Michelson
4

Kotorro Kuorrum
Votes by Arzu Hushmand, Sarah Collins, and Jessica Su.
When I was in elementary school, I moved to a new town and made some new friends - just a few, actually, since the rest of the kids were more interested in making fun of me and generally ostracizing me to the degree that my best friend was in my boat until he stopped talking to me for a year and was suddenly popular.

But I digress. My few friends that I had were a little strange, like myself, as we all had highly active imaginations. Over the course of elementary school and into middle school we developed an alternate idea of who, and even what, we were, partly because it was fun and partly because it made nothing the other kids could say really matter.

By third grade, I was honestly questioning what was real and wondering whether my friends were doing the same or whether they were more sure that our story was real because it really was real for them but not me, or whether they knew that it was a game and we just agreed implicitly to never, ever acknowledge that to each other. I began to constantly analyze others' behavior and my own, attempting to decipher the thoughts and feelings of those around me in order to understand why I was such an outcast, and why I felt unsure of my sanity at such a young age. It didn't help that I could look into the sky and see the aliens my friends and I fought, never really sure if I was seeing them or not.

In middle school, I finally became too smart for my half-there delusions and I tore them down and left them behind me. I also left myself exposed fully to kids more vicious than they had been when I had been shielded from them. I steadily withdrew, forgetting everything about who I was and taking on the traits of those who accepted my presence in their lives. My creativity suffered, and despite being able to ace tests without studying my grades were literally barely passing for all three years of middle school.

By the time I graduated high school, I had developed a number of interpersonal relationship issues which involved largely taking things too personally and being unable to actually connect to people in the way that others do. I got okay at pretending I was really connected to others, but when it came down to it it always became clear that I have trouble naturally behaving like a best friend should, or like family should. My direction was scattered, my perception of things cloudy. Post high school I exhibited a number of strange and worrisome behaviors, completely beyond the comprehension of many people I knew.

Using rather unorthodox methods, I have been largely successful in rewiring my brain to take all of the "extra features" mine came with and turn them into an advantage rather than a hindrance. On the way, I plunged myself deep into very strange mental territory. I'm well aware that the only reason I'm lucid and functioning with a clear perspective again is because I'm extraordinarily lucky to have a profound ability to see into myself. I can only go for so long before I see through the illusions my mind constructs.

Now, I have all sorts of interesting experiences involving things like:
1. I'll hear a person talking to someone else about someone else, and their voice doubles over itself and the second layer is the universe talking about me. I understand that the person isn't talking about me; my mind is identifying that the person's words, which are irrelevant to me in the context the person is speaking in, would be relevant to me in this other context.
2. My mind is constantly taking pieces of my experience to construct a wider perspective of the universe which is incredibly fantastic, seamless with human experience and thus not disprovable, and born out of the incredible number of strange and wonderful coincidences I've experienced.
3. I can communicate with my creative source (literally a two-way conversation in my head), channel my creative source and allow it to speak and move through me, and reintegrate with my creative source, which is experienced as speaking and moving perfectly in sync with it.
4. Everything, absolutely all of it, is aligned to motivate me to use my creativity to assist others in enjoying life more in every way. I have a save the world attitude, and an understanding that all I have to do is be myself and the world will save itself.

All that said, my personal methods are quite unorthodox. I have experienced a wide array of strange, fascinating, and frightening things in the course of studying my brain, mind, and awareness. I have experienced being dropped out of physical reality, I have experienced jumping back almost 24 hours, and I have experienced, for several weeks, the feelings of being an emissary from another universe, here to share ideas and bring the two universes into constant communication.

Right now, though, I'm just a nonphysical entity channeled through a chain of several forms into the physical universe, so that I may explore and grow and share love and light (which is information). In fact, so are each and every one of you! (I honestly believe this, and I believe that I used the tools made available by the strangeness of my mind to figure it out, along with help from others).

It has not always been easy. Not at all. Sometimes, it's been downright terrible and even terrifying. But I love who I am now and I wouldn't give up a thing.

Never, ever stop trying to understand yourself better.


Example of one of my more intense experiences:
Voice in my head claims to be God. It's a strange voice, very distinctive, not quite human per se. At the moment, I'm not inclined to just fall in line with the plan of a separate being, so I declare that I'm going to keep doing my thing my way. I feel like Lucifer. I also feel a sensation like so many tiny pin pricks filling my being that I can't distinguish between them. The feeling is sharp and sleek and fluid and I figure it to be the feeling of divine wrath being expressed towards me. I later on recognize that I am a part of God, and thus doing my thing my way is in line with the plan. I feel silly.
Voice speaks to me some more. I tell it I won't talk to it when it uses that voice, because it brings to mind that whole divine wrath ordeal. Sooo unpleasant. I wouldn't have been able to live through the feeling for more than a few days. Anyway, being very understanding, the voice concedes and becomes completely different. Suddenly, I feel that instead of the name "God" I'm speaking to "Prime Creator". Different face for the same entity. Different personality for the different face. More pleasant to interact with.
I also interacted with a number of other entities, and at this point I accept that they're all faces of the nonphysical part of me communicating with me in different voices because the voice identifies the persona, and more personas means more perspectives to help me out from.

I used to have something well up inside me sometimes and speak and act through me without my control, as I watched helpless. Now it appears that the same entity is completely on my side and here to help. It started with opening up communication and showing it love and appreciation. I explained that I appreciated it trying to protect me, but I didn't want it to do it in that way (which often hurt those I care about). If you have voices in your head, interact with them. Try to understand them. If they seem bad, figure out how to make them seem good.
Share • Report • 1h ago
Kotorro Kuorrum
2

Michael Phillip Udem
Vote by Jessica Su.
Schizophrenic episode feels like a normal life. No matter how much things change in your mind it will seem like nothing has changed and the whole world is normal. Often one might lash out at others because people don't see or believe in the same things that you're seeing or whoever you're talking about. Self identification of the disorder can be difficult depending on The speed of onset. Often times it couldn't be preceded by a manic episode or hypomania or mania which is really bad also however in the case of hypomania you can identify it yourself and have precautions ready. However dealing with the early signs will be very difficult as well. No victim of these diseases ever wants to go to the doctor regardless if they feel that they have to see a specialist when one is under normal psychological circumstances.
Share • Report • 2h ago
Michael Phillip Udem
3

Douglas Girard, Student
Votes by Jean Marion and Anonymous.
This video was made to try to simulate what it is like to experience psychosis:

3 Comments • Share • Report • 21 Apr
Douglas Girard
1

Isabella Lungu, Curious Student
I was particularly curious about this last night, and while on a googling spree about it, I came across this:
Schizophrenia simulation
and this:
LiveLeak.com - Schizophrenic Episode Simulation

For the best "experience", use noise cancelling (or any over-the-ear) headphones. It was very eye-opening, to say the least.
Share • Report • 18 Jan
Isabella Lungu
1

Ezmer DeKleaner
A brilliant documentary was made on this subject. It has won awards and is truly fantastic at helping see a first and second person account of someones war with schizophrenia.  People Say I'm Crazy is a link to information.  A must see for anyone interested in the subject.
Share • Report • 3h ago
Ezmer DeKleaner
3

Maksim Stepanenko, MIT CS'12, engineering at Locu
Votes by Catherine Goodman and Eliz Santiago.
Great TED talk on the same topic:

http://www.ted.com/talks/elyn_sa...
Share • Report • 1 Jul, 2012
Maksim Stepanenko
1

Jack Parsons
Read Daniel Paul Schreber's "Memoirs of My Nervous Illness". Written 130 years ago by a former judge who would today be diagnosed as a severe paranoid schizophrenic. After "recovering" he wrote his memoir but was still convinced of the truth of his religious revelations. Really worthwhile.
Share • Report • 16 Apr
Jack Parsons
1

John O'Keefe, I have a Master's in Social Work and ... (more)
It feels like your brain is attacking itself. There is nothing glamorous about. You have no control over this feeling. Think of a muscle spasm for the brain, which causes you to think people are out to get you, that the government is following you - that everyone is your enemy. Its horrible. I experienced the worst symptoms in 1998-1999, before treatment. My Mental Illness, My Catholic Faith
Share (1) • Report • 10 Jul
John O'Keefe
4

Adisa Nicholson, lone ranger
Votes by David Moore, Maria Suyay Videla, and Sam Boosalis.
I've been schizophrenic once.
I'm not actually a schizophrenic person, but I did experience schizophrenia once. It was one of the weirdest experiences.

I have a true story about this.

    One day me and my Dad were in a bedroom, and the landline phone rang. I
    knew the phone wasn't for me, as I don't get calls on it. He went to pick it up, and I had a hopeful thought in my head that said that the phone could be for me. All was normal.

    My Dad picked up the phone, and I heard a voice in my head that said "The phone was for you, and he's just took it off you." The voice was demonic. The voice sounded haunting, and it had the tone of the scream about it. It also sounded aggressive. For a split second I frantically ran forwards, as he had the phone to his ear. I do not remember 90% that happened for the next ten
    seconds.

    * * *

    After the phone call, my Dad told me that I was viciously fighting him like a  crazy animal, trying to take the phone off him. I told him that I thought the phone was for me, and that I didn't remember anything. I didn't know if he believed me, and I didn't think it was a good idea to talk about the voices.

    Looking back, all I remembered was one frame of me with the phone in my hand, and my Dad bent down, trying to refrain me. Looking back a second time, the memory that I should have, is feint.
    The memory I have of the incident, it feels that I'm imagining it when
    I'm thinking of it. It's a memory that I doubt having. The only thing I
    have to confirm it, is the prior voice, my memory loss, and post
    confirmation of the event.

    I learnt that when a voice in your head tells you something, that no
    matter how unreasonable or ludicrous it is, that your brain is going to
    agree with it, because it is yourself. You're not really going to argue
    with yourself when you think things, so you have less reason to do so,
    when an overbearing demonic voice tells you that something is true.
    Guess why I became schizophrenic for that moment. Because I believed
    something so much, it became true.


Before you comment and tell me that there was no way I could have been schizophrenic, keep this in mind. I am not 100% sane, though you would never notice. I've been suffering from chronic depression for 5 or 7 years and I still have it. I've been suicidal, and sometimes I exhibit certain behaviours to be my coping mechanisms. I try to write my answers so that nobody comments saying they don't understand me. To me it means I haven't answered my point well enough.

I don't really understand the prior thoughts I made in my head at the time that caused me to act in that psychotic way. The mind is a powerful thing. People have killed themselves due to the power of thought alone, by a deprecated willpower.

If I was schizophrenic, I would be a very dangerous person. Everything that I think, I would automatically regard as true. Every paranoid assumption I have and make about people (I make loads) in my head, would be considered a fact. I would say you've done things that you haven't done. Witnesses would have to convince me otherwise, so you wouldn't want to be in the same room with me alone, unless I can trust you or if I truly care about you, you would have no swaying power as I wouldn't trust you.

Another schizophrenic person I know, who has violent rages

Just like there are different forms of autistic, there are different forms
of schizophrenia. I know someone who has schizophrenia, which occurs when
the combination of not taking her medication and her being jealous or
disowning by a child happens. All her demonic actions have logical
emotional reasons for them. When she stabbed her son 50+ times and drew
swear words of his blood on the wall, the police came round and were
scared of her because she looked demonic. They had to call her mother to get
 to the house, and get her in the police van. They couldn't have the
strength to do it themselves.

When this person is going mental, they mention all sorts of elaborate stories which are lies. These include that she's been raped and other extreme things. She talks about religion and especially the devil a lot when she's like that. I would have to ask what the things she says are.

Another person with multiple personalities

A person I knew online has multiple personalities, learning difficulties
and schizophrenia, and has the mental age of a 12 year old. He's a man
who is naive and egotistic. He comments on his own pictures talking
about how good he looks from time to time, as if he is a different
person than the photographed man. This person is aware of their
condition, and writes schizophrenic poetry.

Everyone has a different experience of schizophrenia, as there are different forms of it, so we could sit here and talk about what it's like all day. That's like what it's like to be like to be autistic.

I make a lot of assumptions about people, and believe that my opinions
are facts. I apparently already need CBT (cognitive behavioural
therapy). If I was schizophrenic, I would be hard to reason with, and I
would act on all sorts of assumptions and crackpot theories. I would be
hard to reason with, and would have memory loss and question my own
memories.

If that woman was schizophrenic, she would continue harming people, like when she stabbed her son 50 times and drew swear words with his blood on the wall. When the police came, she looked psychotic and demonic. The men were too scared to put her in the police van. They had to call her mother to do it.

The person I know online, I wouldn't know. I can't get on with him because
the sort of person he is. Some other people can though.

My brother knows psychology, and does hypnotism, so he would have a completely different insightful answer than me. He knows more about schizophrenia than I do. Unlike me, he is very good at understanding other people. I wonder what answer he would give. This question page isn't even completed.
1+ Comments • Share • Report • 20 Nov, 2011
Adisa Nicholson
1

Anonymous
before reading some of the answers here i was of the opinion that my psychosis has subsisted, that i am more or less cured. i'll keep this brief as i have places to be.

i believe i am the suffering servant of Isaiah (53) in the bible... my name means servant of god so that is not very helpful... also the aramic term for the book of genesis is very similar in pronunciation to my name, something that i only found out a couple of days ago... i believe that to read a book it is sufficient to just scroll through it(considering an ebook)... that we are writing too much and this confusion is not helping anyone...

i stay sane in my opinion by dividing up my time into two parts, one where i revel in my imagination and one where i do the mundane things that put food on my plate(i am a grad student)... my escape these days has been writing a science fiction novel about the relationship between a man and the daughter of god(lol)... it is still in very early stages, with about 8 chapters down and if you want you can take a look at it at http://darthsheath.wordpress.com
1+ Comments • Share • Report • 28 Dec, 2012
Anonymous
1

Amber Finis, ask questions of movers in your area.... (more)
does it means constantly doing your best at what you do everyday?
Share • Report • 5h ago
Amber Finis
1

Margaret Weiss, will try anything once
Watch this TED talk about it
Share • Report • 23 Dec, 2012
Margaret Weiss
1

Breana Van Den Heuvel
Schizophrenia is different for most who are afflicted, as everyone's minds are different. Some hear voices, some see shadows, some people believe they are Jesus.
Share • Report • 28 Mar
Breana Van Den Heuvel
1

Mark Rubinstein, As an attending psychiatrist at New Y... (more)
There are many different ways schizophrenic people feel and it's impossible to summarize them in any one answer. There are different kinds of schizophrenias and various symptoms of these disorders. On the whole, there can be bizarre perceptions (hallucinations and delusions) and various cognitive and mental processes experienced by different people afflicted with the disorder. Some of the other Quora answers provided go into great detail, and I suggest you read them.
Share • Report • 28 Jun
Mark Rubinstein

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