Simpsons Chalkboard Gags

I will not waste chalk
I will not skateboard in the halls
I will not burp in class
I will not instigate revolution
I will not draw naked ladies in class
I did not see Elvis
I will not call my teacher "Hot Cakes"
Garlic gum is not funny
They are laughing at me, not with me
I will not yell "Fire" in a crowded classroom
Tar is not a plaything
I will not Xerox my butt
It's potato, not potatoe
I will not trade pants with others
I am not a 32 year old woman
I will not do that thing with my tongue
I will not drive the principal's car
I will not pledge allegiance to Bart
I will not sell school property
I will not cut corners
I will not get very far with this attitude
I will not make flatuent noises in class
I will not belch the National Anthem
I will not sell land in Florida
I will not grease the monkey bars
I will not hide behind the Fifth Amendment
I will not do anything bad ever again
I will not show off
I will not sleep through my education
I am not a dentist
Spitwads are not free speech
Nobody likes sunburn slappers
I will not squeak chalk
I will finish what I sta
"Bart Bucks" are not legal tender
I will not fake rabies
Underwear should be worn on the inside
The Christmas Pageant does not stink
I will not torment the emotionally frail
I will not carve gods
I will not spank others
I will not aim for the head
I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge
I will not conduct my own fire drills
Funny noises are not funny
I will not spin the turtle
I will not snap bras
I will not fake seizures
This punishment is not boring and pointless
My name is not Dr. Death
I will not defame New Orleans
I will not prescribe medication
I will not bury the new kid
I will not teach others to fly
I will not bring sheep to class
A burp is not an answer
Teacher is not a leper
Coffee is not for kids
I will not eat things for money
I will not yell "She's Dead" during roll call
The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee
I will not call the principal "spud head"
Goldfish don't bounce
Mud is not one of the 4 food groups
No one is interested in my underpants
I will not sell miracle cures
I will return the seeing-eye dog
I do not have diplomatic immunity
I will not charge admission to the bathroom
I will never win an Emmy
The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy
All work and no play makes Bart a dull boy
I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause
I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers
My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man
I will not go near the kindergarten turtle
I am not delightfully saucy
Organ transplants are best left to the professionals
The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with Hail Satan
I will not celebrate meaningless milestones
There are plenty of businesses like show business
I will not re-transmit without the express permission of Major League Baseball
Five days is not too long to wait for a gun
Beans are neither fruit nor musical
I will not use abbrev.
I am not the reincarnation of Sammy Davis Jr.
I will not send lard through the mail
I will not dissect things unless instructed
I will not whittle hall passes out of soap
Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough
Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal
"Bagman" is not a legitimate career choice
Cursive writing does not mean what I think it does
Next time it could be me on the scaffolding
I will not hang donuts on my person
I will remember to take my medication
I will not strut around like I own the place
The Good Humor man can only be pushed so far
I do not have power of attorney over first graders
Nerve gas is not a toy
I will not mock Mrs. Dumbface
The First Amendment does not cover burping
This is not a clue...or is it?
I will not complain about the solution when I hear it
"Bewitched" does not promote Satanism
No one wants to hear from my armpits
I am not a lean mean spitting machine
The boys room is not a water park
Indian burns are not our cultural heritage
Wedgies are unhealthy for children and other living things
I will only do this once a year
I will stop talking about the twelve inch pianist
I am not certified to remove asbestos
I did not learn everything I need to know in kindergarten
I am not my long-lost twin
The truth is not out there
I am not licensed to do anything
I will not hide the teacher's Prozac
I will not lie in front of the school bus with ketchup on my face
A fire drill does not demand a fire
I no longer want my MTV
Everyone is tired of that Richard Gere story
I did not invent Irish dancing
I will not tease Fatty
There was no Roman god named "Fartacus"
Rudolph's red nose is not alcohol-related
Shooting paintballs is not an art form
Pain is not the cleanser
Silly String is not a nasal spray
I was not told to do this
My butt does not deserve a website
I will not demand what I'm worth
I will not mess with the opening credits
I am not the new Dalai Lama
I was not the inspiration for "Kramer"
I will not file frivolous lawsuits
The Simpsons Halloween Special IX
"butt.butt" is not my E-mail address
No one cares what my definition of "is" is
I will not scream for ice cream
I am not a licensed hairstylist
"The President did it" is not an excuse
My mom is not dating Jerry Seinfeld
Sherri does not "got back"
I will not do the Dirty Bird
No one wants to hear about my sciatica
Hillbillies are people too
Grammar is not a time of waste
It does not suck to be you
I cannot absolve sins
A trained ape could not teach gym
Loose teeth don't need my help
I have neither been there nor done that
I'm so very tired
Fridays are not "pants optional"
Pork is not a verb
I am not the last Don
I did not win the Nobel Fart Prize
I won't not use no double negatives
I can't see dead people
I will not sell my kidney on eBay
I will not create art from dung
I will stop phoning it in
Class clown is not a paid position
Substitute teachers are not scabs
My suspension was not "mutual"
A belch is not an oral report
Dodgeball stops at the gym door
"Non-Flammable" is not a challenge
I was not touched "there" by an angel
I am not here on a fartball scholarship
I will not dance on anyone's grave
I cannot hire a substitute student
I will not obey the voices in my head
I will not plant sublimin<font color="green"><b>al</b></font> messa<font color="green"><b>gore</b></font>s
I will not surprise the incontinent
I am not the acting President
I was not the sixth Beatle
I will only provide a urine sample when asked
The nurse is not dealing
Science class should not end in tragedy
Network TV is not dead
I will not "let the dogs out"
I will not hide the teacher's medication
I will not publish the Principal's credit report
The hamster did not have "a full life"
I will not buy a Presidential pardon
"Temptation Island" was not a sleazy piece of crap
I will not scare the Vice President
I will not flush evidence
Fire is not the cleanser
Genetics is not an excuse
Today is not Mothra's day
I should not be twenty-one by now
Nobody reads these anymore
A burp in a jar is not a science project
Fun does not have a size
I am not Charlie Brown on acid
I do not have a cereal named after me
I will not bite the hand that feeds me Butterfingers
The giving tree is not a chump
Making Milhouse cry is not a science project
Vampire is not a career choice
I will never lie about being cancelled again
Fish do not like coffee
Milhouse did not test cootie positive
This school does not need a "regime change"
SpongeBob is not a contraceptive
I will not *Bart slashes chalkboard with axe*
My pen is not a booger launcher
Sandwiches should not contain sand
Over forty &amp; single is not funny
I will not speculate on how hot teacher used to be
Poking a dead raccoon is not research
Beer in a milk carton is not milk
A booger is not a bookmark
Does any kid still do this anymore?
I am not smarter than the President
Teacher was not dumped -- it was mutual
I will not laminate dog doo
I will not flip the classroom upside down
I will not leak the plot of the movie
Je ne parle pas Fran&#195;&#167;ais
Have a great summer, everyone
We are not all naked under our clothes
Frankincense is not a monster
Global warming did not eat my homework
I will not look up what teacher makes
Pearls are not oyster barf
I will not illegally download this movie
I will not wait 20 years to make another movie
The Wall Street Journal is better than ever
I am not an FDIC-insured bank
There is no such thing as an iPoddy
The Pilgrims were not illegal aliens
The capital of Montana is not "Hannah"
Teacher did not pay too much for her condo
The art teacher is fat, not pregnant
A person's a person no matter how Ralph
This punishment is not medieval.
Teacher's diet <u>is</u> working
There's no such month as "Rocktober"
I did not see teacher siphoning gas
Prosperity is just around the corner
Jesus is not mad his birthday is on Christmas
I will not use permanent ink on the chalkboard
HDTV is worth every cent
"March Madness" is not an excuse for missing school
I will not have fun with educational toys
Four-leaf clovers are not mutant freaks
My piggy bank is not entitled to TARP funds
I will not mock teacher's outdated cell phone
I will not put hot sauce in the CPR dummy
It's "Facebook," not "Assbook"
The class hamster isn't just sleeping
Chalkboarding is not torture
I am not allergic to long division
I do not have the hots for my mom
Halloween does not kick Thanksgiving's ass
Teachers' unions are not ruining the country
The world may end in 2012 but this show won't
World War II could not beat up World War I
Hot dogs are not bookmarks
This counts as gym and art class
South Park - we'd stand beside you if we weren't so scared
Eating my vegetables is not a Mother's Day present
Batman is not "nothing without his utility belt"
End of "Lost": It was all the dog's dream. Watch us.
When I slept in class, it was not to help Leo DiCaprio
I did not see teacher applying for welfare
I must not write all over the walls
"A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving" is as good as "A Charlie Brown Christmas"
Candy canes are not elf bones
January is not Bart History Month
Prince is not the son of Martin Luther King
I will not make fun of Cupid's dink
I'm not here on a spitball scholarship
"Daylight Savings" is not a failed bank
I will not ridicule teacher's Final Four bracket
I do not deserve a Mother's Day gift for being "one badass mother"
It's Kristen Schaal, not Kristen Schall
It's not too early to speculate about the 2016 election
It's November 6 -- how come we're not airing a Halloween show?
"Caucus" is not a dirty word
Cafeteria trays are not toboggans
Tintin did not sucksuck
We <u>do</u> need no education
There's no proven link between raisins and boogers
I will not replace a candy heart with a frog's heart
Bart's earned a day off
The true location of Springfield is in any state but yours
Call your mother during the commercials
I will not wear white after Labor Day
I will not concede the election till Karl Rove gives me permission
I want to secede but don't know which state I'm in
20 more shoplifting days till Christmas
Teacher did not get fat over the holidays
I will obey Oscar&reg; campaign rules from now on
I was not nominated for "Best Spoken Swear Word"
I'm sorry I broke the blackboard
Jesus's last words were not "TGIF"
This school is not falling apart
25 years and they can't come up with a new punishment
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy
We'll really miss you, Mrs. K.
My school schedule does not include a bye week
Rocktober is not followed by Blowvember
I will stop asking when Santa goes to the bathroom
I will not call my teacher "Prancer" and "Vixen."
Judas Priest is not "Death Metal"
My dad's already drunk for St. Patrick's
You can't play April Fool's jokes on April 27th