Anon: Vampony Hunter! Getting to Know You (1/2)

>Day Getting to Know You in Equestria

>You are Anon: Vampire Hunter!
>But today you at Sweet Apple Acres plying your other trade as a carpenter.
>Apparently, the undead are not to be found in the magical land of Equestria so your skills as a slayer are not really needed.
>Not that you are complaining.
>You have, however, run into an honest-to-goodness blood sucker.
>She’s currently trying out to be your assistant.
>Oh, the strange places life takes one.
>You have just finished up an inventory of the Apple clan’s tools and farm equipment.
“Alright, so we’ll need coal for the forge, steel, rivets, and Applejack you say you’ve got lumber?”
>”That’s right. Should be enough for what we need.”
“Alright, then. Carnelian, why don’t you help Big Mac select what we need. He can show you the way to Mjolna’s shop and you can pick out the supplies.”
>You turn to Applejack's brother.
“That all right with you Mac?”
>”Eee-yup.”
“Swell, off you go.”
>As Big Mac hitches an empty wagon to his yoke, you take your erstwhile assistant to the side.
“You’re eyes are bothering you, yah?”
>She squints while trying not to squint.
>”A little, not too bad.”
>You give her a small bag of bits.
“Mjolna’s the local blacksmith. See if you can buy a pair of welding goggles off of her. Get the kind with light lenses. Something that’ll allow you to still see during the day.”
>”Oh, wow, yah. Thanks!”
“Right, get going and don’t let Macintosh talk you to death.”
>If the stallion hears your jab, he gives no indication and begins pulling the wagon.
>As soon as they turn the bend and are out of sight, Applejack sighs heavily.
>”C’mon. I guess I better show you the lumber pile.”
“What’s the matter with you?”
>”Well, it seems now I got another mare that’s hot to trot fer mah brother and she just went off together with him.”
“You noticed, huh? And here I thought she was hiding it rather well.”
>”Well when half the mares this side o’ Canterlot are- Wait! You Knew? And you sent ‘em off together?!”
>You are sure that most ponies would be cowed by Applejack’s glare, but you just find it adorable.
“Of course I did, I already explained why. Besides, Mac’s a big boy.”
>You grin lecherously at your companion.
“Or are you afraid that your sweet, innocent brother will get taken in by the exotic temptress? Maybe lose some of his precious bodily fluids in the process?”
>Applejack turns as red as her apple cutie mark.
>You feel a little bad for throwing such a crude innuendo her way but, honestly, she’s been asking for it for a while now.
>”N-NO! Ah ain’t worried about no such thang!”
>Interesting how Applejack’s accent gets a lot thicker when she’s flustered.
>After a few deep breaths she continues on.
>”It’s just, Ah know he doesn’t need me lookin’ after him. And Carnelian seems like a nice pony when she ain’t suckin’ on other peoples cows.”
>”Ah guess Ah just picture Mac settlin’ down with a nice, down-ta-earth pony. No offense to her, but she's just so…”
“Different? Strange? So was I when I first got here.”
>”That’s true, and you're an alright fella. But how do you think ponies’d react if you and me started courtin’?”
>Admittedly, that catches you off guard.
>It’s just such a loaded question!
>You can take that in so many directions!
>Finally, you decide to go with a classic routine.
>You fake modest blushing and look away.
“Gosh, Applejack. I didn’t know you felt that way about me. I mean sure we get along pretty good and all, but we are different species.”
>Her glares are coming thick and fast now.
>You don’t let up.
“I mean we could never have offspring together. We could adopt though, I suppose.”
>You get down on one knee and take one of her fore hoofs in your hand.
“Oh Applejack, you’re right! Love can cross any boundary. If you’re willing to take a chance on this poor wayfarer, then I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy!”
>You give the mare a look of pure adoration.
>She takes her hoof out of your hand and cuffs you upside the head.
>For such marshmallowey looking appendages, pony hooves are surprisingly hard.
>”Are you done messin’ around?”
“Yes.”
>”Good. Let’s go look at that lumber.”
>You reach the wood pile and start selecting pieces.
“You know, I don’t think you’ve got anything to worry about. Carnelian’s not the type to just throw herself at a stallion.”
>”Hmm, that might be worse.”
“What do you mean? He goes for the quiet ones?”
“Yup. But it’s not just that. You gotta promise not to tell anyone this, OK?”
“Of course.”
>“The first time I ever saw a bat pony was a couple o’ years ago. Princess Luna came to our Nightmare Night celebration. It’s the first one she’d been to since she got back from the moon and she wanted to make a big impression.”
>Having met the Princess of the Night once you can understand what Applejack is getting at.
>”She comes screamin’ in on this giant chariot that was decked out like somethin’ out of a horror story. And pullin’ it are these two big black bat ponies.”
>She shudders a little.
>”We all thought those wings and fangs was some kind o’ costume. Then later Twilight tells us that, nope they're real, alright. The Princess had recruited ‘em into her guard.”
>”Anyway, the night was kinda’ a disaster, but it turned out all right in the end I guess.”
>Applejack pauses, choosing her next words carefully.
>”When we went home that night, Big Mac had a little hard cider in his system and when Ah asked him what he thought o’ the Princess he said that he thought she was just about the prettiest mare he ever saw.”
“Oh. I see.”
>You both go back to sorting wood.
>After a couple more minutes you can’t contain yourself any longer.
“So you think Mac might take a look at Carnelian’s dusky charms and remember his crush on Luna?”
>Applejack focuses on the wood in front of her and doesn’t say anything.
“Hmm, I suppose if I were in Big Mac's shoe’s I might think, ‘Hey, here’s a midnight delight that I can partake in that won’t get me on the wrong side of royalty.’”
>You immediately dodge out of the way.
>Pony hooves hit hard but you are sure that a 2x4, when swung by a miffed sister, is even harder.
“Whoa, easy now! Alright, that was a bit much. I admit it.”
>You make soothing motions with your hands.
“Look, you don’t have anything to worry about. Carnelian doesn’t have any funky magic that allows her to seduce stallions.”
>Applejack drops her piece of wood back on the pile.
>You assume that means she doesn’t want to take your head off anymore, so you continue.
“I’m trying to introduce that bat pony to the rest of this town because I want them to see that she’s normal.”
>Applejack remains sullen.
“Come on, I have a ton of sisters. I know how these things go. Nothing will come of it and she’ll get over her little crush.”
“Besides,” you point at the orange mare, “if something did happen, at least she’s a pony who isn’t afraid of a little hard work and has a bit of common sense.”
>”Well, Ah guess.”
>She still doesn’t sound convinced.
>Time to pull out the big guns.
“Let me tell you a little something about my new assistant. Do you know how many times I gave her my blood over the last week before she could start feeding on your cows again?”
>”No.”
“Twice.”
>”But she feeds on the cows every day. Are you tellin’ me that she starved herself?”
“That’s right, I offered her more but she refused. She’s knows how much blood an animal can stand to lose.”
>“Huh. Well don’t that beat all.”
“My point is, she’s a pony. Just like you. She can control herself. Mac can too for that matter.”
>”Yah, yer right. I’ll give her a fair shake, Anon. I promise.”
“Phew,” I sighed aloud. “Well, now that I have The Element of Honesty’s word I can rest easy.”
>”Yer just askin’ for it, ain’t ya?”
“I admit I am feeling pretty good today. You might even say I’m, ‘feeling my oats’?”
>Applejack stares blankly.
>”Ah don’t get it.”
>You Actually Try To Make A Horse Joke And That’s The Reaction You Get?!
“Never mind. Let get this wood back to the barn.”
>The morning passes as you and Applejack start measuring and sawing pieces.
>A little after noon you hear Mac’s wagon coming down the road.
>Both of you turn to greet the returning pair but are astonished at what you see.
>They have the steel and coal.
>They also have huge cake, a bushel of what look like mangoes, and several other assorted boxes.
>Big Mac and Carnelian also look they got into a fight with a gryphon.
>”What the hay happened ta’ you two?”
>”It’s a long story.”
>”Eee-yup!”

To be continued…