Breathers for Applejack (a MLP story) ch. 3

	“Pinkie...I can't believe...” Applejack grumbled to herself, trotting through Ponyville.  Her head was stooped low to the ground and her face was set in anger, the brim of her hat tilted down over her eyes.  Everypony she went by looked at her, and she could feel the stare of every single eye.  “My own family, too.  My own sister!  Blown up, 'n...embarassed...ruinin' my whole day...puttin' a stop to this...she's gone too far, this time!” she muttered.
	“Um...excuse me...” said a cream-colored earth pony stallion.  “Excuse me, Applejack?” he asked.  She stopped and looked at him, angrily.
	“Yes?” she snapped.
	“Are you alright?” he asked, flanked by other concerned-looking ponies, gathering around and staring at her, “You look like you're...like you're having some trouble...”
	“Breathin'?” Applejack asked, her eyes narrowing.
	“Yeah, that's it!  You need some help?” he asked, and the ponies around him stepped forward helpfully.
	“Ha, ha.” she laughed, sarcastically, “Haven't heard that one before...” and quickly resumed her beeline to Sugarcube corner.  She was so angry that she didn't seem to notice that nopony else laughed at the joke.  She walked by a cafe, and all of the patrons turned their heads to watch her pass by.  A purple mare threw her food onto her back and ran after Applejack.
	“Applejack!  Applejack, wait!” she said.  Applejack stopped, trembled with frustration, and then turned around.
	“Yes?” she asked, impatiently.  The mare slowed to a halt.
	“You don't look so good.  You want some of my food?  I'd be glad to help!” she said.
	“Food?  What're ya, gonna fatten me up, is that the idea?  Ya'll aren't even tryin' anymore.  What's that got to do with breathin'?” she asked, as more ponies from the cafe were hurriedly catching up to her, food balanced on their backs.
	“Breathing?  Yeah, that's it!  You need help breathing!  Let us help you, Applejack!” she said.  Applejack huffed in frustration, a puff of steam jetting out of her nostrils.
	“I'm only gonna say this one more-
	“Let us help you, Applejack.” the crowd of ponies all said, in unison.  Applejack blinked in surprise, taken aback, and then looked around her, pushing the brim of her hat up a bit.  There was a crowd of ponies assembled around her, and she was almost completely surrounded.  They were all staring at her, with pleasant, helpful smiles on their faces.
	“Alright, that one was...was, uh...pretty good...” she said, starting to uneasily make her way through her opening, away from the crowd.
	“Why don't you lie down for a while, I just made a whole bunch of lemonade!” said someone in the crowd.
	“Wha?  Oh, uh, no thanks.”
	“I just got an auto-vacuum with a wonderful reverse setting on it!  I'll go get it, you just wait right there!” said another.
	“Oh, no, that's not really, uh...” said Applejack, spinning around as she walked, nervously, watching as more and more ponies walked up to join the crowd of ponies staring at her, following her.
	“Here!  Fresh from the garden!” said a mare, running up to Applejack and shoving a carrot in her mouth.  Applejack ducked out of the way of her and backed up quicker, swallowing the carrot.
	“Well thank ya, but-
	“Here, try mine!”
	“No, try mine!”  the ponies stopped staring and started actively moving towards her now.
	“No!  The joke's over, alright?” Applejack said, scared, as she dodged food-wielding ponies and backpedaled away from the reach of their hooves.  Something came at her out of the corner of her eye and she felt a hoof shove a hose in her mouth.  She quickly turned around, the hose whipping around with her muzzle, and saw it was a mare with a bike pump.
	“This'll get you back on your feet, Applejack!” she said, and started pumping.  She got to two pumps, puffing Applejack's cheeks up, before she spit it out and swatted the hose away with her hoof.
	“Y'all hear me?  Yipe!” she said,  turning and weaving out of the way of about a dozen nozzles and hoses shooting towards her from the crowd of ponies.  “I'm headed to Pinkie's right now!  The joke ain't funny no more, knock it off!” she said, her voice quavering with fear.  She bumped into somepony behind her and when she turned, another nozzle was shoved in her mouth.  It was a pony working a food stand with a nozzle on the cotton candy machine for some reason, and she quickly ran over to the large crank on the side of it and started turning it with both of her hooves, the machine quietly rumbling and churning.
“Mmhphm – hmph!” Applejack mumbled, the nozzle in her mouth, as her attempts to move back were stopped by several hooves grabbing her, a couple clamping down over her muzzle.  She jerked back in fear, but there were hooves holding her head in place, and her muzzle on the machine.  More hooves were pushing down on her body, holding her legs in place.  She couldn't move at all.  That was when she realized that this probably wasn't a joke.  The sickeningly sweet taste of cotton candy filled her mouth for just a second before she permitted her body to stop holding back and use all of her strength.  She tensed up, muscles flexing, and gave them all an earth-shaking heave.  Dozens of ponies flew through the air, landing in and around the crowd as she spat the cotton candy out on the street, and her hat gently drifted back onto her head.
	“Let us help you, Applejack.” they said in unison, the crowd simply stepping over the knocked-down ponies she had thrown off of herself, and they all advanced on her, as if in a trance.  Applejack vaulted up and over the cotton candy machine, her hooves pounding loudly on the thin metal surface, and leaped forwards, over the heads of the ponies that had gathered on the other side of the machine.  She landed gracefully with a
CLOP
and took off, sprinting down the road faster than anypony could even try to keep up with.
	“...No joke...” Applejack said.  She looked around, terrified, and every pony in she galloped by stopped what they were doing and watched her run by them.  “No joke.  Gotta be a joke.  Pinkie.  Gotta get to Sugar Cube Corner.  Gotta get to Pinkie.” she said, feeling every eye she came across fixate on her.

	Angel twisted the valve on the helium tank ever-so-slightly with an annoyed look on his face.
	“Okay.  Now let's just blow it up nice...and slo- OH NO THAT'S TOO FAST!”  said Fluttershy, and Angel cinched it shut without changing his expression.  “Alright, now, slowly...” she started, and Angel opened the valve, “AH SHUT IT OFF!” she said, and he cinched it shut.  He silently grumbled to himself.  Fluttershy peeked over the box of balloons she was cowering behind, trembling.  The balloon fastened to the tank was barely inflated at all.  “O-okay, Angel, there's no need to be afraid.  We can do this.” she said.  Angel shot her an angry look.  “Alright.  So just...start it with just a teeeeeeny- OH THAT'S TOO MUCH!...or slooooowly NO TOO FAST!” she said.  Angel shook with anger and opened the valve up fully, letting the balloon inflate at a regular rate.  Fluttershy squeaked in terror and grabbed her ears, stretching them down in anguish.  “Angel bunny!  NO!  SLOW DOWN!  TOO FAST!  TOO MUCH!  IIII CAAAAN'T WAAAAAATCH!” she screamed hysterically, hiding behind her box with tears in her eyes.  Then, the hissing stopped.  She opened one eye, then both.  Trembling, she peeked fearfully over the top of the box to see Angel tying off the bottom of the fully-inflated balloon to a string and letting it loose with his eyes closed in stoic professionalism.  “Oh.  Phew!  It's over.” she said, trotting over to him.  “Good job, Angel!” she said, and he gave her a dignified nod.  “Now, what do you say we move on to some other part of the decorations, like...streamers?” she said, grabbing a hooffull of streamers nearby.  “Nice, easy, safe, won't burst, or deflate, or fly in your face, or float away when you let go of them...” she said, clutching them tighter and tighter in her trembling hooves, “Doesn't that sound like...more fun?” she asked, giving Angel a nervous, fearful smile.  He looked at her impatiently with his hands on his hips.  “Um...don't you think we've blown up enough balloons for Pinkie's party by now?” she asked, giving him an even wider and more desperate grin.  He looked upwards at the two balloons they had successfully blown up, as opposed to the dozens of other strings tied to the tank that they had to go through.  He smacked his palm across his face and shook his head.  She sighed.
“Fine.” she said.  He nodded and reeled in another string with a balloon already tied to the end to inflate it.  “But we have to be more careful this time.  So do it slower.  A-And more carefully!  And only when mommy tells you to.  Alright?” she said.  Now Angel was visibly trembling with impatience and anger.  Fluttershy was smiling shyly with her eyes closed.  “I think that if you just do what mommy says, and not turn the valve so fast, then nopony will have to be un- mphmmph...ULP!” she said as a thin string wrapped itself tight around her muzzle like a lasso and yanked her mouth directly onto the nozzle of the helium tank, her wide, gentle eyes blinking in surprise at Angel.  Her forelegs dangled as she watched angel drop the string and stomp angrily to the valve, making a motion similar to rolling up his sleeves on his arms.  He gripped the valve and twisted it as far as it would go,
K-SHEEK!
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS....
The helium rushed out in a loud hiss, causing Fluttershy's pupils to narrow and her cheeks to immediately poof out, eliciting a squeak of surprise from her as her tummy started swelling up.  She planted her hooves on the tank and pulled, but the string was holding her muzzle tightly onto the valve.  Angel was standing with his arms crossed and his eyes closed, his back to her.  She reached out and daintily tapped him on the shoulder with her hoof.  He turned and looked at her, angrily.  She looked at him with concern and shyness and pointed to her stuck muzzle
“Mmmphmmhmm...” she mumbled, her voice high-pitched.  Angel looked at her for a second, and then turned back around.  She blinked a couple of times, dumbstruck, as the tank hissed noisily away, her yellow midsection swelling out even larger and rounder, her hind hooves starting to lift off of the ground, kicking weakly as her flanks grew outwards.
	She reached out and daintily tapped his shoulder again, a little more frantically.  He turned around again.  She looked even more concerned behind her puffy cheeks as she pointed at her stuck muzzle a little more frantically.
“Hmmphmm, wwmhmmphhmm?” she mumbled.  Angel saw a shock of pink hair rise above her mane, and took a second to realize it was her tail.  Her inflating rump rose high into the air, coming into view behind her head, followed by her now enormously round belly as she blew up and outwards like a big, yellow balloon.  Her body was getting rounder and more spherical as her hind legs stuck straight out, fattening up, followed by her wings, which unfurled and puffed up.  She pointed at her muzzle again before her forelegs fell away and she watched them stiffen up and balloon outwards like marshmallows, making her give a timid squeak behind the nozzle.  She nervously sucked down all the helium coming into her, looking back and forth at her hooves as they swelled up while her huge body got bigger and rounder behind her, rising up slowly.  Her pink tail inched closer and closer to the ceiling, draped down the crack of her inflated rump, which gently swayed back and forth with the rest of her body.  Angel looked up at her, satisfied, and turned the valve off.
	The hissing stopped and her hugely inflated, almost perfectly round body swayed silently from the nozzle of the tank.  She blushed and watched Angel with worry, her inflated hooves occasionally wiggling uselessly as he made his way over to her muzzle and loosened the string around it.  Her mouth started sliding backwards off of the nozzle, but he caught her by the lips before she flew off.  Fluttershy watched in shock as Angel held her yellow lips shut with one fist and stretched them out like the mouth a balloon with the other.  With the same professionalism he displayed before, he wrapped the string around her lips, tied it tight, and let her go.  She bobbed lazily in the air, her hooves and wings wiggling, blinking in surprise.  Then, she slowly rose upwards.  Her face started to get more panicked and she let out a muffled squeak as she floated up to the other balloons and jerked to a stop, tethered by the string around her mouth.  She looked down at Angel pleadingly, blushing, and he just smiled and waved at her as if he was seeing her off on a trip.  He then readied the next balloon and started inflating it efficiently.  There was a knock on the door.
	“I'll get it!” said Pinkie Pie, who came bouncing into the room, going right by Fluttershy without noticing her.  Then came another knock on the door, longer, louder, and more frantic.  Pinkie opened the door and saw Applejack, who had her back to the door.  She turned her head around with a panicked expression on her face and saw Pinkie.
	“Hey Apple-” Pinkie started, but Applejack whooshed past her without saying anything.  “-Jack!  Come on in!” she said, turning to face Applejack.  Past Pinkie and through the open door, Applejack could see a small mob of ponies coming up the front steps of Sugarcube Corner.  The one in the front was a unicorn with a magic-powered leaf blower.  Next to him was a pony pulling a wheeled barrel of water, holding a hose out.  A third one fought for room, brandishing a fireplace bellows, puffing them open and closed menacingly.
	“Let us help you, Applejack.” they all said in unison, “Let us help you, Applejack.”
	“Me 'n Fluttershy were just setting up the decorations for the Pre-Groundhog's Day's Eve party I was telling you about!” said Pinkie, oblivious to the mob of ponies behind her.  “I'm baking and Fluttershy's in charge of-”
	“Celestia's sake, Pinkie, close the door!” shouted Applejack.
	“Okay!” said Pinkie without a second word, bucking the barn-style door shut behind her right before the mob crossed the threshold.  They started to crowd around the windows, and Applejack quickly ran over and drew the curtains.  She turned around, her back and forehooves against the window,  looking around the room in a nervous sweat.
	“Is the back door locked?” she asked, panting.
	“Yep!  Say...you're acting awful funny...” said Pinkie as Applejack shoved the china cabinet over to the doorway, blocking it, and slid under the table, gripping the edges of her hat, fearfully listening to the mob of ponies surrounding the building.  “And not 'ha-ha-ha' funny.  More like 'hmmmm...' funny.  Applejack, are you in...” she said, looking around dramatically, “...trouble?” she whispered.
	“No!  I mean, yes!  I mean, I don't know!  Look, Pinkie.  Remember those jokes you were makin' about me this mornin'?  About me havin' trouble breathin' 'n blowin' up like a balloon 'n such?” she asked, peeking up from the brim of her hat.
	“Hehehahahaha!” Pinkie giggled to herself, “Of course!  You wanna hear some more?”
	“Pinkie.  Please.” Applejack said, scooting out from beneath the table and putting her hooves together pleadingly.  “Please, please, please tell me this is all some big prank'a yours?”
	“That what's a prank of mine?”
	“I already got it all figured out, Pinkie, just drop the act, please!”
	“Applejack, I don't have any pranks lined up for you!  Not for a while, anyway, hehehe!  Ooooooh, unless part of the prank involved me forgetting about the prank!  Great idea, Applejack!”
	“So...y'all didn't tell everypony in Ponyville to act like they're tryin' to help me breathe, 'n...blow me up?” she asked, fearfully.
	“Well, I was telling everypony jokes about helping you breathe and blowing you up, but I didn't tell anypony to do anything.” she said, concerned.  “Say, you don't look so OK, AJ.  Like you're...unhappy.  Did something happen?  Did somepony say something mean to you?”  she asked, worried.  Applejack just looked at Pinkie with dread, her mind reeling, her hooves shaking.  She slowly walked past Pinkie, across the room, and reached her trembling hoof to the curtain.  She pulled it aside a little bit, and was immediately met with a bright, round, pony's eye and smiling face staring at her through the window, followed by several more eyes pushing up against it, all staring at her, hooves clanging and squeaking across the window, fighting for position to look at her.
	“Let us help you, Applejack...” the ponies outside all said in unison.  Applejack quickly threw the curtain shut.  She looked back at Pinkie, her eyes wide.
	“Somethin' miiiighty weird is goin' on, Pinkie Pie.” she said.
	“It is?” Pinkie said, trotting over to Applejack.  She reached up for the curtain and Applejack ducked out of the way in time before she threw it open.  “Hm.  That is miiiighty weird.” Pinkie said, before throwing the curtain shut again.  “Oh well!  Nothing to be afraid of!”  she said, trotting happily away.
	“Pinkie.  I know this is gonna sound strange, but this is the honest truth, ya have to believe me.”
	“Okay!”
	“Promise!”
	“I promise!  Pinkie promise!” she said, crossing her heart (and hoping to fly).  Applejack let a quick, relieved sigh through her nostrils, grateful for Pinkie's unique brand of integrity.
	“Okay.  Well those jokes I was talkin' about?  About the breathin' 'n the inflatin'?  It's all comin' true.” she said.  Pinkie Pie gasped and quickly shoved her hooves over her mouth.
	“Applejack!  I was afraid this might happen!” she said.
	“Say what?  You were!?  Wait...do y'all know what's going on?”
	“Yes!  It means...” she said, pausing.
	“Yes?”
	“It means...that whenever I make a joke it comes true!  I was afraid this day would come!”
	“Pinkie.”
	“I've been preparing for this day, and I'm ready to accept this marvelous gift and terrible curse.” she said, planting her hooves on the side of her head and closing her eyes hard, concentrating.  “I wish I had a cake!” she said, and opened her eyes excitedly, looking at the floorspace in front of her.  “Butterscotch!” she cursed, “That's right, it has to be a joke.  Okay, um...”
	“Pinkie.”
	“What's big, and delicious, and...right in front of me?  Aaaaaaaa cake!” she said, opening her eyes excitedly again.  “Gumdrops!” she cursed again.  “That wasn't funny enough.”
	“Pinkie!”
	“Okay!  Um...come on, Pinkie, you can do this...What kind of cake do you get when you eat too much cake?” she asked.  There was a long pause, interrupted only by a high-pitched, muffled squeak from the growing number of party balloons by the ceiling that neither Pinkie nor Applejack noticed.
	“Pin-
	“Aaaaaaaa STOMACHACHE!” she shouted, opening her eyes excitedly.  “Florentine.” she grumbled, crossing her hooves miserably.  “This superpower's really hard to impress.”
	“PINKIE!” Applejack shouted.
	“Yeah?”
	“Y'ain't got no superpowers!”
	“Aaaaawwwwww...”
	“No, it ain't you what's doin' this.  'N if it ain't you, I reckon I know what is.”
	“What is it, then?”  Pinkie asked.  Applejack opened her mouth and hesitated before she spoke.  Pinkie stood up proudly, with a hoof on her chest.  “I, Pinkamena Diane Pie, on the hour of a couple of minutes ago, in the year of our princesses, today, did solemnly make a Pinkie Promise to you, Applejack, to believe what you tell me.  Hit me with your best shot.” she said.  Applejack smiled at her.
	“Thanks, sugar cube.  Alright.  The way I figure, somepony put a curse on me.” she said.  Pinkie giggled.  Applejack's nostrils flared a little in embarassment.
	“Oh, Applejack.  There's nothing to worry about!  Remember what-
	“I'm serious, Pinkie.” Applejack said, her face a mask of unquestionable seriousness.  Pinkie Pie blinked a couple of times, in confusion.
	“But...”
	“I told y’all it sounded strange, Pinkie.”
	“But that one time...”
	“I know, Pinkie!
	“But Twilight...”
	“Pinkie Promise!”
	“Pinkie Promise!” Pinkie said, crossing her heart and sitting back on the floor excitedly.
	“I'm havin' a mess of a time believin' it myself.  I don't know how, but I'm tellin' ya, I'm cursed!  I didn't think nothin' of it at first.  An accident here, a mistake there...now, I thought I was just havin' a real bad day.  But now...”  she said, looking at her hooves, at a loss for words.  She reached out and drew the curtain back, revealing the crowd of ponies all huddled up against the window, earth ponies and unicorns towards the bottom, pegasi filling the rest in, all watching her, pawing at the window with their hooves.
	“Let us help you, Applejack.  Let us help you, Applejack.” they said.  Applejack pointed at them with her hoof.
	“Ya see what I'm dealin' with here?” she asked, drawing the curtain again.  “All of 'em, every single last one of 'em, are all tryin' to blow me up, puff me up, fatten me up, or whatever it takes to get me as big as a barn 'n round as a barrel with whatever they got on hoof!  First, an old pony says she puts a curse on me.  I didn't give it any mind.  Then, my sister says I'm havin' trouble breathin', an' makes me guzzle an entire cask'a cider.  I got got plumped up like a blue ribbon hog 'n nopony thought nothin' of it!  Then, Rarity says I'm havin' trouble breathin', takes me to the spa, an' blows me up into a big, fancy, blimp with some big, fancy breathin' machine!  She wouldn't stop, 'n I had to run away!  From Rarity! And then....” she said, pulling the curtain back,
	“Let us help you, Apple-
	She threw it back closed.  “Now tell me.  How can y'all say that ain't a curse!?” she asked.  Pinkie was stroking her chin thoughtfully.
	“Hmmmm...” she said.  She slowly walked past Applejack and opened the curtain again, staring at the mob of ponies filling up the window.  She looked at them and looked at Applejack.  “Hmmmmmmm...” she hmmm'd, thoughtfully.  She put her hooves on Applejack and scooted her over to the right, watching all of the pony's eyes follow her over.  Then, she stopped, moving her back over to the left, and the eyes all followed her back.  She moved her to the right, the left, the right, the left, picked her up and moved her up, and down, and up, and down, the multitude of eyes following her every move.  “Hmmmmmmmm!” she said, even more thoughtfully.  She set Applejack back down and drew the curtains.  “Hmm hmm hmm...” she said, walking back to the center of the room.  “Okay.  I have a plan.” she said.
	“Ya do?”
	“Yes!  You, and me, and Fluttershy...are gonna go get Twilight!  And then we'll ask her to come up with a plan for us!  It's the perfect plan...” she said, rubbing her hooves together.
	“Twilight...hey, yeah!  Twilight!  She'll know what's goin' on!  Can ya send her a letter to meet us somewhere?  I was thinkin' I could get Rainbow Dash to help me hide...” she said.
	“Rainbow Dash?  Pphlbpblhpblt!  The only place you need to stay is at auntie Pinkie's, Applejack!”
	“Oh!  Uh...” she said, looking uneasily back at the china cabinet she blocked the door with, hearing all the ponies shuffling around outside, “...Well, thank ya kindly, Pinkie Pie.  I...'spose this place is safe enough.”
	“Oh, it ain't no thang, AJ.  Turning frowns upside-down is what I do best!  And you've got one heck of a case of unhappiness poisoning, there!” she said.  Applejack was smiling from relief, but her face slowly fell in worry.
	“Well, I mean, I 'spose I was a mite shaken up from all them, but...I don't look-
	“Oh no!  It's getting worse!” Pinkie said, putting her hooves on Applejack's mouth, “Stick with me, happiness!  I'm losin' ya!”  She shoved the corners of Applejack's mouth upwards into an unnatural, gummy smile.  “There you are!  Nooooow...stay!” she said, letting go.  Applejack's mouth plopped back down to its uneasy, neutral expression.  “Ffffffudgsicles!” she cursed, “Why doesn't that ever work!?”
	“Pinkie, I don't look that sad, do I?” she asked.
	“Sad?  No.  Unhappy!” she said.
	“Unhappy?  But, I feel fine.”
	“Fine?  Fine!?  Tiny print is fine, Applejack.  A carriage parking ticket is a fine, Applejack!  The end of a piece of music is called the fine, Applejack, but that doesn't count because it's pronounced fee-naaay...”
	“Pinkie?  You're startin' to scare me.  What in tarnation are y'all talkin' about?”
	“You, Applejack!  You can feel fine...but that doesn't mean jelly donuts unless you also feel happy!”
	“Happy?”
	“Happy happy happy!  Do you feel happy, Applejack?”
	“Well I wouldn't...quite say I'm happy, no...”
	“You see?  That means you're unhappy!  And unhappiness is the worst thing in the entire world!  Now, first I'll bake you something scrumptious in the kitchen, and then we can have some real fun after that!” she said, bouncing excitedly.
	“Uh...but when are we gonna go get Twilight?”
	“Twilight?  She can wait.  I can't stand having one of my bestest friends in all of Equestria stay here when they're this unhappy!  Come-come!  To the kitchen with ye!” she said playfully, putting her foreleg around Applejack and leading her to the kitchen.  Applejack slipped out from under her arm, her hat popping off and gliding back onto her mane with practiced ease, and backed away from her.
	“Sugar cube, in case y'all haven't noticed, I got a curse on my hide, and I ain't getting any un-cursier!  Right now, nothin' would make me happier than if Twilight came over here right quick and we got this whole mess sorted out.”
	“Listen, Applejack.  Making ponies happier is my super-special talent.  And in my not-inconsiderable super-special talented opinion, nothing is better for a crummy day than talking about it with their bestest friend over sweets!  Go a couple'a rounds with your old pal Pinkie Pie, and you'll be laughing faster than you can say Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, heeheehahaha!  Just let us help you, and when you're right as raisins, we can talk to Twilight, Applejack!”
	“Well…I ‘spose that does sound pretty…wait…” Applejack said, turning what Pinkie said over in her head.  “What did y'all say?” she asked, taking an uneasy step back from Pinkie.
	“I said you need to let us help you, Applejack!” she said, hugging her.  Applejack slipped her way out of Pinkie's grip again and scuttled away from her until her butt hit the wall.
	“Oh…oh, rhubarbs, not you too!  Now, Pinkie...sugar cube...y’all gotta listen to me.” she said.
	“Applejack, let us help you!” she said, approaching Applejack.  Applejack outstretched her hoof, stopping her in her tracks.
	“Don't come any closer!” Applejack said, nervously.
	“But look how unhappy you are!  Fluttershy and I could help you!”
	“Fluttershy.  Fluttershy...” Applejack said, nervously glancing around the room and under the table.  “Where's Fluttershy?”  Pinkie took a quick glance around the room.
	“I dunno!” she said.
	“What’s she up to?” asked Applejack, pointing a hoof at Pinkie accusingly.
	“Well, the last time I saw her, she and Angel Bunny were putting up the decorations, and they were blowing up the balloons together.” Applejack just saw Angel inflating balloons by himself.  He blew one up until it was fully inflated, pinched off the end, grabbed a string from the bundle that was tied to the tank, tied the end off, and let go, and it floated up, and up, and up, and bumped into Fluttershy's snout.  She shut her eyes tight and flinched away from it, her inflated cheeks wobbling, as it floated up past her.  Her eyes opened, blinking wearily, and her gaze wandered up at Applejack and Pinkie Pie, who were both staring at her, wide-eyed.  Her eyes shot open in shock and she made a high-pitched squeak from behind her bound lips, a shade of pink starting to spread across her face.
	“Ooh!  Found her!” said Pinkie, cheerfully, pointing at her with her hoof.  Applejack stood against the wall, looking back and forth between them suspiciously.  Fluttershy squeaked again, shutting her eyes tight and looking away in mortified shyness.  “Fluttershy, what are you doing up there?  If you wanted to inflate yourself with helium, you could have just asked!” said Pinkie, trotting over to her.  Fluttershy stubbornly avoided eye contact and lazily waggled her inflated hooves, trying to disappear in the bunch of much smaller party balloons around her.  Then, she was unceremoniously tugged downward by the string around her mouth.  She squeaked as Pinkie watched her, smiling, and her big, inflated body darted downwards before losing momentum and slowly bobbing upward at eye level.  “Come on, Floatershy, enough goofing around!” she said, giggling, and grabbed the string around Fluttershy's mouth.  Fluttershy's eyes crossed to look at Pinkie's hoof, and widened in surprise.  Pinkie pulled on the string, Fluttershy's yellow lips stretching like rubber, before it slipped off, and helium blasted out of Fluttershy's mouth, blowing Pinkie's mane back, and sending Fluttershy’s huge, round body flying, rump-first, backwards and around the room.
	Applejack took cover and held her hat tight over her head, watching her bounce around worriedly, while Pinkie sat in the middle of the room, laughing.  “Heeheeheehahahahaha!  Floatershy!  Get it?  I got a million of 'em!” she said.  Fluttershy rocketed backwards and upwards , her body back down to its normal proportions, as she expelled the last of the helium from her body and remained hovering on the spot, in midair.  Her wings were beating quickly, and she screamed a quiet, dainty shriek with her eyes shut tight, and flailed her hooves around.  This went on for several seconds.
	“Fluttershy!  FLUTTERSHY!” yelled Applejack, standing back up.  Fluttershy snapped out of it right away, blinking in confusion.  She looked behind her at her own flapping wings.  She avoided eye contact again, blushing and fighting back tears as she slowly descended to the ground.
	“Thanks for coming down, Fluttershy, Applejack was just about to let us help her!” she said.
	“I was not!  And y'all can stay on that side of the room!” Applejack said, angrily.
	“Oh!  Um...” Fluttershy said, looking at the floor around Applejack.  Suddenly, Pinkie gasped dramatically.
	“Great idea, Fluttershy!” she said.
	“It is?” asked Fluttershy, startled.
	“Applejack isn’t unhappy, she needs our help breathing!  And getting inflated like a balloon is like taking one, big breath!” she said.  Fluttershy made a small noise in her throat and blushed some more, retreating behind the fringe of her mane that hung in front of her face.
	“Pinkie, snap out of it!”
	“Sometimes, I inflate myself with helium too!  It used to happen just on accident, but I do it on purpose sometimes, heehee!  So, if Applejack needs some air, then we can just give some to her!  Or helium.  They're basically the same thing, right?  See, we don’t need Twilight!”
	“Pinkie,” Applejack said, “That’s the curse talking.  That ain’t gonna help me!”
	“Um…” said Fluttershy, avoiding eye contact.
	“No ifs, ands, or ums!  I wanna see Twilight, and that’s that!  And I'm gonna sit right here until she comes!”
	“Oooor...” said Pinkie, holding up a plastic hose, “You could wait up there!” she said, pointing at the ceiling.
	“No, Pinkie.  I ain't.”
	“Aw, come on!”
	“No.”
	“Just a little?”
	“No!”
	“Pleeeeeeease?”
	“No, no, no!  Twilight!” she said.
	“Aaaaaw, fine.  I'll write her a letter.” Pinkie said, trotting off to the kitchen.  Applejack waited, her forelegs crossed angrily.  Fluttershy stood across the room, looking between Applejack and the kitchen, swiveling her hoof into the floor nervously.
	“Um...Applejack?” she said, turning her gaze to the floor.  Applejack sighed.
	“What is it, sugar cube?”
	“Well, I just wanted to say...sometimes, when I take care of my animal friends, they think I'm not trying to help them, either.  Like, when I give them medecine, or clean their fur, or check their teeth...but...even though they don't want me to, and it makes them unhappy...I do it because I know that it's for their own good, and they always thank me for it later.” she said sweetly, smiling to herself.  “So...um...please don't be mad at us.  A little kindness goes a long way!” she said, giving her a big smile.  Applejack blinked angrily and didn't say anything.  Fluttershy's smile withered under Applejack's lack of response, and so did the rest of her, shrinking back behind the fringe of her bangs like a turtle retreating to its shell.
	A cupcake started rising of its own accord on the opposite side of the table Applejack was near.  It had beige-colored icing that sparkled with reflective sprinkles, an apple slice garnishing the top, all set in a leaf-green cup.  The cupcake rose and rose, until the saucer it was on rose into view, as well as the pink hoof holding it.  Pinkie's mane rose next to it, and after a while of rising, her eyes peeked over the surface of the table, scrunched upwards from her big smile, and she batted her eyelashes at Applejack.
	“No thank you.” said Applejack.
	“Oh come on, Applejack.  It's just a cupcake!  Aren't you hungry?” she asked, coming around the table and holding it out to her.  The scent of it reached Applejack's nostrils, and, as if on cue, her stomach violently growled.  Applejack blushed and laid a hoof across her orange tummy.
	“I...ain't had anything to eat since breakfast, tell ya the truth.  Although I did have a lot of cider.  But weren't y'all 'sposed to be sendin' a letter to Twilight?”
	“Yeah, yeah, yeah, Twilight, Twilight.  Gosh, miss grumpy galoshes, I'm taking care of it!  But it was while I was taking care of it, in the kitchen, that I figured it might take a while, and you might want a cupcake while you wait!” she said.
	“That's...mighty thoughtful, Pinkie, but I don't think I can trust ya enough to eat one of your cupcakes right now.”
	“Oh come on, Applejack, it's just an ordinary cupcake!  What could one bite hurt?”  she said, batting her eyelashes again.  Applejack looked back at the cupcake, tempted, her empty stomach pinching away at her.  She looked nervously back and forth between the cupcake and Pinkie.
	“Ya...ya promise?” she asked.
	“I Pinkie swear that I did not bake anything inflatey or ballooney into this cupcake.” she said proudly.  Applejack hesitated for a moment longer.  “It's your favorite, red delicious!” Pinkie said.  Applejack got one more whiff of its smell and then snatched the cupcake off the platter and shoved the whole thing in her mouth.  She happily munched away on it, before her teeth bit down on something hard and rubbery.  She opened her eyes in concern to see a hose sticking out of her mouth, shortly followed by Pinkie's hooves rapidly taping Applejack's mouth shut.  She flinched backwards, in confusion, and looked at the the saucer Pinkie was holding, which had a hole right in the center that the hose fed through.  Pinkie giggled, the prank saucer separating in two halves off of the hose.
	“What I put in it after I baked it, on the other hoof...” Pinkie said, innocently rolling her eyes and tapping a hoof to her chin.  Applejack's eyes followed the hose as it snaked its way across the floor, then rose up, next to Fluttershy, who watched the whole scene nervously, and connected to the nozzle of a waiting helium tank.  Applejack's eyes widened and she gulped in fear, taking the cupcake down with it.  Pinkie bounced over to the tank.  “Ain't I a stinker?” she said, winking at Fluttershy, and cranked the valve on the helium tank way up.  The tank hissed, the hose twitched and stiffened, and Applejack's protests were muffled down to nothing as her cheeks puffed up.  She fumbled with the tape and tugged on the hose, while her orange tummy expanded, growing and growing outwards.  Then, the music started.  Pinkie had a song for this.  Of course she had a song for this.
	Applejack tugged on the hose, yanking as
hard as she could, but the tape on her face was holding tight.  She pulled and pulled, moving her head this way and that, while her bulging, bloating belly expanded downwards and outwards into her legs.  She looked down in alarm, seeing that it was bigger than a beachball, and getting bigger still.  She looked up, as Pinkie was prancing around the room, singing, and saw the helium tank.  She started for it, making a couple long, waddling gallops, and found herself much lighter on her feet than usual.  She skidded to a stop and looked at her hooves questioningly, right as she started to rise upwards.  She immediately reached back down to the floor in a panic, expecting her hooves to reassuringly touch the ground, but her reach was just short of the wooden floorboards, and all she


---Song Time!---

Hee-hee!  Whoo!  Come on, Applejack!

Ow~!
Hey Applejack, are you feelin' blue?
You look like somepony let
all the air out of you~!
Your face is long, your smile's upside-down,
a storm is following
you all over town~!
You're out of breath and you're worn and weak,
overextended body,
taut and stretched
til you reached your peak~!
felt was open air.  She pawed at the air, waggling her legs in desperation, but she couldn't do anything to stop her slow ascent as her body ballooned outwards, blowing up, and up, and up, her expanding flanks widening to match her rotund belly.  She looked up at the tank, then at her hooves, and then paddled in the air, and she moved forward slightly.  She starting paddling faster and faster, more determined, like she was swimming, as her body blew up, bigger and bigger around her, and finally she started gaining momentum.  She glided slowly towards the tank, her big, round body drifting silently through the air, and reached her hooves out.  She floated closer...and closer...and closer...and then Pinkie sprang up in her field of view, smiling, and gave her the gentlest of nudges on the nose with her hoof, which sent her gliding backwards, in the opposite direction.  Applejack mumbled loudly behind the hose and the tape, her eyes wide between big, poofy, freckled cheeks, and started paddling frantically, trying to move  forward again.  Her legs worked furiously, paddling and paddling, but soon they started slowing down.  She exerted herself and grunted as her legs moved slower and slower, and then jerked themselves straight outwards and swelled up, expanding into fat, orange marshmallows.Her panicked, blinking eyes darted over what parts of her increasingly-spherical body she could see as the gas filled her mouth and belly and she blew up, and up, like a big, orange balloon.  Fluttershy watched with a modest amount of satisfaction and Pinkie had a big, cheerful smile on her face as they both watched
Well that's no problem cause Pinkie's here,
to pump and puff you up until you're
swoll-en with good cheer~!

(until you're swollen up with...)
You'll really round things out!
(you'll really round you'll really...)
You'll broaden your horizons!
(you'll broaden up you'll broaden out)
You'll nearly burst with joy!
(you'll nearly burst you'll nearly burst)

Uh-uh-uh-uh-whoo!

If happiness is what you desire,
your bestie Pinkie Pie'll raise your spirits higher~!
You'll question how you ever lived before,
bloated with contentment, your ballooning
heart will soar~!
I think it's working, wouldn't you agree?
Your smile is distended, you are turgid,
crammed with glee!
So don't you worry 'bout what's makes you frown,
your puffy, stretching, bulging bliss will
make you come a-round~!

(will make you come around...)
you'll blow past your limit!
(you'll blow...your limit...)
Whoo~!
Explode into laughter, ha ha ha!
(explode into ooh-oooh~...)
you'll go out with a bang!
their friend getting pumped fuller and rounder with helium, rising higher and higher in the air on the end of the hose, feebly wiggling her swollen hooves.  Applejack's big, inflated rump gently bounced against the ceiling as the end of her vast, round belly inched further and further downwards, almost halfway to the floor.


(end it with a bang...)

Ooooh hee-hee-hee!

	Just as Pinkie's song wound down, the helium tank's loud hissing started to slow down as well.  Pinkie snapped out of her joyful frivolity and leaned over the tank, looking at the gauge on top.  The needle was wiggling around the 'E' on the bottom of the meter.
	“Geez, Applejack, you finished off the whole tank!” she said.  Applejack looked at them with concern as her body bounced lightly on the ceiling.  She wiggled her hooves as much as she could, and her freckly cheeks were blown up like little balloons on either side of her mouth, stretching out the tape.  The helium flow sputtered and stopped.  Pinkie detached the hose from the tank and expertly crimped it shut with her hoof, and no gas escaped.
“But don't you worry, AJ!  I've got plenty more!” Pinkie said, handing the hose to Fluttershy, who fumbled with it in her hooves before she got a firm grasp on it and held it shut, and Pinkie bounced off.  Applejack watched her go through the doorway.  “Don't go anywhere!” she said, ducking back into the room for a second, before returning to the kitchen.  “Oh!  And don't open your mouth!” she said, ducking back into the room again, “That's like rule number one of being a balloon!  No matter how silly your voice would sound with all that helium in your body, or how much you wanna jump in on a conversation, or how much you wanna laugh, ha ha ha!  You can't open your mouth, or else aaaaaaaall the gas will come out, and you'll go phlbtbtbltbltlphphlbltltlt...” she said, blowing a long raspberry and dashing around the room in wild formations.  Applejack watched, worried, while Fluttershy looked at the floor and blush slowly burnt across her face.  “...pbhltbhltlhtblht, *GAAAAASP* all over the room and you'll knock over the multi-tiered order that Mr. and Mrs. Cake had been working on all night and they'll get really, really upset!” Pinkie shouted, ending it by jumping onto her hind legs, her forelegs stretched high into the air, panting hard.  Nopony else in the room said anything.  “But, that's what the tape is for.  Back in a smack!” she said, bouncing happily off into the kitchen, humming the song she had just finished singing.
	Applejack wiggled her hooves and groaned a high-pitched groan behind the tape, while her round, inflated body settled in its place.  Her blonde tail twitched as her rump rolled and bumped softly on the ceiling above her.  She looked nervously, over her cheek, towards the door and covered windows, as the silence that filled the room in Pinkie's absence allowed her to hear the ponies shuffling around in front of the store.  She heard a clinking noise, and realized it was somepony trying the doorknob.  Her eyes widened and her ear twitched.  She had to see Twilight, and fast.
	She mumbled behind the tape, her eyes darting around the room, her hooves wiggling.  She'd gotten out of scrapes worse than this before, and her mind was racing, trying to come up with a solution.  Her eyes scanned across the floor and stopped on Fluttershy, who was smiling at her, sweetly.
	“Don't worry, Applejack, you're doing so good!” she said.  “I know you may be scared, but, I just wanted to say, thank you for letting us help you.  And maybe when Pinkie gets back, um, she'll let me blow you up a little...it looked like she was having so much fun...and I want to make sure you're getting better, of course...oh, you'll be as fit as a ferret in no time!” she said, giving her a warm, beaming smile.  Applejack moaned and looked to the heavens, giving a quick appeal to Celestia for strength, which came out muffled, and looked down, around Fluttershy.  She saw Angel, blowing up balloons on a helium tank behind her.  Applejack's eyes narrowed, and she stared off into space, her eyes wandering as her mind worked.  Then, she perked up with inspiration, her body bobbing back and forth from the motion, and a light bulb on the nearby chandelier flickering on.  He was her ticket out of here.
	“Mmmphmmph!” she said, trying to get his attention.  He didn't acknowledge her.  “Mmmphmmph!”  she said, louder.  He looked up at her, annoyed.  She looked him directly in the eyes and motioned her eyes towards Fluttershy, turning her head a little bit, as far as she could with her bulging, rounded cheeks.  Angel turned and looked at Fluttershy, then back at Applejack, and gave her half a shrug: “so?”.  Applejack bowed her head down and crossed her eyes, motioning down at the hose in her mouth with her eyes, and then emphatically motioned towards fluttershy, tilting her head a little.  Angel looked at the hose, then back at Applejack, his beady, black eyes narrowing.  He looked at Fluttershy, then back at Applejack.  Then, his face fell into a wicked and mischievous grin.
	Fluttershy looked at at Applejack, smiling, until she noticed movement beside her.  She turned and looked, seeing Angel on the table next to her.
	“Oh.  Hello, Angel bunny.” she said.  Angel held out a small white arm, and made a “gimme” motion with his hand.  Fluttershy looked, concerned, at the hose she was holding, and then back at Angel.  “Oh, no, Angel.  Applejack needs our help right now, and mommy's helping her breathe.  I'm just holding onto this until Pinkie gets back.” she said.  Angel put his hands on his hips, looking at her impatiently, then held his arm out again, his hand held open.
	“Oh...Pinkie didn't say if I could give it to...”
	He stuck his arm out again.
	“Um...I don't know...”
	He stuck his arm out again and again, more insistently.
	“Well...okay...maybe we can take turns holding Applejack.” she said, very gently holding the bent hose towards Angel.  “Okay.  Now you have to be reeeeeally careful not to let go of the hose, or else all the helium inside Applejack is gonna start-” she said, but Angel simply snatched the end of the hose from her, and it immediately started hissing sharply as gas rushed out of it.  Applejack's face lit up in surprise, instantly feeling the pressure lessen inside of her.  “Angel no!  Oh, dear!  Hold it closed like this before all the gah-” she said as Angel hopped up and grabbed her lower lip.  She winced as he pulled her head down to the table he was standing on by the jaw, and with great finesse, shoved the hose in her mouth, the hissing sound turning into the dull
FWOOOOSH
of a balloon inflating.  Her cheeks puffed up instantly, and she blinked in surprise as her midsection starting billowing outward, her belly growing downward and her sides rounding out.
	“Mmmmph!” she said, startled, and tried to pull back, away from the hose, but a white foot planted itself on her nose, freezing her in place.  She looked, cross-eyed and blinking, at the foot, before her gaze slowly travelled up Angel's seemingly towering, white body, up to his frowning face.   He stuck his arm straight out, and then pointed down, forcefully.  Fluttershy's eyes screwed up pleadingly at him, as she adjusted her footing for her expanding body, but he didn't budge.  She shyly looked away from him and took her hooves off the table, inflating without a struggle.
	Applejack blew as hard as she could, shrinking down while Fluttershy grew larger, descending to the floor while Fluttershy ascended to the ceiling.  All four of her hooves hit the floorboards and she blew the last of it out before yanking the hose out of her mouth, the stretched-out tape tearing easily off of her cheeks, and took a big, deep breath.  She let out a sigh of relief, and looked at Angel, putting tape over Fluttershy's mouth in an 'X' shape while her round, inflated body loomed over him, her crossed, blinking eyes nervously watching him work.  He finished taping her up and gave her a nudge, and she drifted slowly and silently up to the ceiling and into a corner while he dusted his hands off.
	“Thanks, partner.” Applejack said, winking to him.  “Boy am I glad that y'all don't care how well I'm breathin' or not.” she said.  He happily shrugged and shook his head.
	“Alright, who's ready for-” Pinkie said, dragging a helium tank behind her, before stopping in mid-sentence to gasp at Applejack, who was standing in the middle of the room, wide-eyed, looking at her.  “Applejack!  What did I tell you about opening your mouth!  Fluttershy!” she said, looking over at Angel, who looked at her blankly and then pointed up at the corner of the ceiling, where Fluttershy's inflated body had wedged itself.  She looked and blinked at Pinkie with concern, wiggling her inflated hooves.  Pinkie let out a happy sigh.
	“Oh, well.” Pinkie said.  “Guess we'll just have to do it one more time!  Do I hear an encore?” Pinkie said, cupping her hoof around one of her ears while she twirled the hose around in the other, the music starting up again.
	“No!” Applejack said.  The music stopped abruptly with a record scratch.  Pinkie's smile fell and the tube stopped twirling in her hoof.
	“No?” she said.
	“No!”
	“But...but Applejack!  You need help!  Let us help you!” she said.
	“I already told y'all, I'm cursed!  Don't you remember?  That ain't the kind of help I need!” she said, backing towards the stairs.
	“Applejack!  Do you need me to sing you the song again?” she asked, taking a step towards Applejack.
	“No!  Just get Twilight!” said Applejack, taking a step back, towards the staircase.
	“How about another cupcake?”
	“No!” said Applejack, taking another step towards the stairs.  She looked at the door, blocked by the china cabinet, and up the stairs, leading to the upstairs hallway.  She turned and galloped up the stairs.
	“Applejack wait!” said Pinkie, making a start for her before hesitating, turning back and grabbing the helium tank, and running after her on three legs, dragging it beside her.  Fluttershy watched her, wiggling her puffy hooves worriedly.  A balloon batted against her snout.  She flinched, shutting one eye, and looked down at Angel, who was staring at her wickedly with his hands on his hips.  He gave her a rude gesture with one hand on his nose and stuck his tongue out at her before turning back to the tank and resumed inflating the party balloons.

	Applejack reached the top of the stairs and found herself in the middle of a hallway, with several doors lining the hall on either side of her.  She looked from one to another, before a metallic clanging noise came from behind her.  She gasped and turned around, and could hear Pinkie coming up the stairs after her, the helium tank banging on each step.  “Applejack!” she shouted.  Applejack quickly darted into the closest room and quietly shut the door behind her.  She put her back to the door and stood there, panting, and heard Pinkie reach the top of the stairs, the helium tank dragging on the floorboards.  She looked down, nervously, and watched the shadows from Pinkie’s hooves blot out the light fanning across the floor from underneath the door.  “Hhhmmmmm…” Pinkie said, right from the other side of the door.  Applejack trembled and sweated without making a sound and watched the shadows that stretched out from between her hind legs.  She waited, and waited, and then they moved, and she heard Pinkie’s hooves clopping on the wood and the helium tank drag itself across the hallway.  “Ready or not, here I come!” she said.  Applejack sighed in relief.  She looked around, and saw she was in a guest bedroom of some kind.  She saw a big, old-style wardrobe like the kind in the bedrooms of Sweet Apple Acres, and made for it immediately.  Biting her lip, she snuck across the floorboards to the other side of it.  She reared up, and bucked it with all her strength.  It slid across the floorboards noisily and stopped right in front of the door, where it tipped back and forth on its legs before settling on all fours.  She heard Pinkie burst from one of the other rooms down the hall and rush down to the room she was in.  She fumbled with the doorknob and the door opened and immediately banged into the back of the wardrobe.
“Applejack!  I know you’re in there!” she shouted, trying to open the door repeatedly.  Applejack sighed again, and made a break for the window.  She pushed both panes open and they swung outward, and she made ready to jump, looked down – right down to the crowd of ponies gathered outside, who immediately noticed her.
	“W-w-whoa!” she said stopping herself and struggling to keep her balance, as they all looked up at her in unison.
	“Hey, it’s Applejack!” said somepony in the crowd, and they all started shouting things to her at once.  She looked up and saw a veritable swarm of pegasi flying towards her.  A couple of them were tucked in, and zoomed towards her at top speed, apparently intent on tackling her through the window.
“Leek sauce!” shouted Applejack as she quickly jumped back and slammed the window shut, and a moment later, the pegasi who couldn’t slow down in time smacked face-first into the window, flattening like pancakes, and filling the window frame with their flattened hooves and dazed, spinning eyes.  Applejack quickly bolted the latch shut and drew the curtains.  She slumped down on the floor, below the window.  “Pony apples on a shingle!  Shoot, shoot, shoot!  Come on, Applejack, you can think your way out’a this one, come on…” she said, shutting her eyes tight and tapping a hoof on her forehead.  She thought for a moment, trying to ignore Pinkie bashing the door open.  Then, her eyes opened.  She saw a large, metal safe on the opposite wall.  She got up and trotted over to it, rapping on the side of it with her hoof and listening to the solid, metallic ringing it produced.
“Hmmm...” she trailed off, looking around, spotting the wardrobe she blocked the door with.  She opened the double doors on it, pushing a broom aside, and then saw what she was looking for and breathed a happy sigh of relief.  “There y’are, gorgeous.  Why’ve you been hiding from me this whole time?” she asked, and stooped down, picking it up with her teeth.  It was a decently-crafted length of hempen rope, bundled into a loop.  She kicked the doors shut and deftly tied a lasso onto one end with her hooves and mouth.  She scanned the room again, looked up at a ceiling fan, and then at the moor on the opposite wall for the curtain strings.  A smile spread across her face.

Pinkie panted as she struggled with the door.  “Apple...jack!  Let me help you right now, this instant!” she shouted, panting, banging her hoof on the door.  Then, she heard something big and heavy slide across the floor in the room, and she stopped.  She reached out and turned the doorknob, and the door opened, unimpeded.  “Ah-ha!” she said, pointing through the doorway as the door swung all the way open and banged against the wall.  Applejack stood across the room from her with a determined look on her face.  “Hah!  Heh.  You’re pretty good at hide-and-seek, Applejack, but I think you need to brush up on the rules!” she said, slowly walking into the room, dragging the helium tank behind her.  Applejack just watched, and her eyes slowly traveled down to the floor in front of Pinkie.  Pinkie looked down and immediately skidded to a halt in front of a big “X” written in chalk on the floor.  “Heh.  Hee ha ha!  Heh heh heh hahahahaha!”, she laughed, evilly, “Oh, Applejack.  An admirable try.  But you seem to have forgotten...duh, I babysit, remember?  I’m more than familiar with what this is.” She said, pointing at the X with her hoof.  “And I’ve fallen for it enough times to spot a trap when I see one.  No, I think I will go around.” She said, walking clockwise around the X, her nose in the air.  Applejack watched her, carefully.  Then, she stepped on something.  She looked down in surprise and saw she was stepping on a rope, stretched tight across the floor underneath her hoof.  “Whaaaa?  Is that it?  A rope?  Was that the best trap you could think of, Applejack?  Please, I deal with children.  I can avoid traps better than this in my sleep.” She said.
“Iiiiiii...wouldn’t take another canter towards me, if I was you.” Applejack said.
“Oh yeah?  What am I, supposed to trip over it?  Well I already spotted your rope, what’s the worse that can happen?” she asked, lifting her hoof up, and the rope immediately shot out from under it and zoomed out of sight.  Pinkie was startled, and looked around the floor for traces of the rope, but it had disappeared.  She sat down.  “Huh.” She said, mystified.
CLANG!
The safe landed squarely on top of her, shaking the floor and trailing rope above it.
	“Yeeeee-haw!” Applejack shouted, bucking and kicking in celebration, before she realized what she was doing and stood squarely on the ground, clearing her throat.  “I mean...er...sorry, Pinkie.  I get a little worked up when a plan comes together.”  She wrapped a leg around the helium tank and hefted it around her shoulder.  “I’m sorry, Pinkie!  But it’s for the best!  I'll get Twilight and this whole mess'll get sorted out faster than you can say...uh...golden delicious!” she said, striding out of the room, carrying the heavy cannister.  On the opposite side of the safe, the dial twisted itself this way and that, trying to open.

	Fluttershy anxiously watched her come down the stairs from the corner of the ceiling, wiggling her inflated hooves, and Angel was throwing streamers out of a box, lining them up side-by-side.  She made her way to the barricaded front door.
	“HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!” Pinkie shouted.  Applejack froze in place, and then turned around.  Pinkie was standing at the foot of the stairs, breathing steam out of her nostrils, angry determination on her face.  “Let…us…HELP YOU!” she shouted.  Applejack stared at her, and then looked at the helium tank she was carrying.  She quickly swung it down, standing up on her hind legs to untangle the hose from the nozzle on the top, and then held the hose out towards Pinkie, defensively, and clung tightly to the tank with her other foreleg.
	“Not one trot closer, Pinkie!  I’m warnin’ ya!” she said.  Pinkie gasped.
	“You wouldn't dare.” she said, accusingly.
	“I need to figure out what's going on and I need my friends to help me.  And if y'all ain't helpin' me, than y'all're harmin' me.  I have to get to Twilight's library and figure out what's the matter.  So if y'all really want to help, then help me.  Otherwise, get blown up.  It's your choice.” she said, her hooves trembling.  Pinkie's eyes narrowed.  Then, they closed happily.
	“Okay!” she said, cheerily.
	“O-okay?”  Applejack said, cautiously.
	“Okay!  Right after oooooone teeeensy little inflatio-MMPH!” she said, advancing on Applejack a couple of steps before Applejack shoved the hose in her muzzle and held it shut.
“Mmm-hmmm-hmmmph!  MMM-HMMM-HMMMMPH!” Pinkie squeaked as her eyes went wide, her pink cheeks and belly starting to swell up.
	“I'm sorry, sugar cube, but this apple...has had enough...for one day!” she said, watching her friend and fellow earth pony blow up in her hooves.

	The ponies outside were milling around Sugar Cube Corner with their bellows, their bike pumps, their tanks of compressed gas, carts of food and drink, anything they could get their hooves on, slightly confused as to why they were outside Sugar Cube Corner.  They remembered that it was something really important, but they couldn't remember what, and they were all hoping that it would come back to them.  Then, they heard a heavy scraping noise come from within that made them all jump back and watch the door way.  They all went silent as they heard something scrape and scrape, and then stop.  Then, the front door bulged outwards for a second.  They all gathered curiously around it as the door bulged out again, the wood groaning as it bowed and stretched, before it finally shot open, and they were all treated to the sight of two big, pink orbs filling the doorway.  The orbs heaved forward, groaning and creaking as they tried to squeeze out the doorway, and as they inched outside, the ponies saw Pinkie's fluffy tail poke out above them.  They squeezed outside further, and the ponies to the side saw Pinkie's cutie marks stretched out to a gigantic size on either side of the bulging, pink mass.  After much groaning and squeezing, Pinkie's inflated body finally shot out the doorway completely, wobbling violently forward and backward like a gelatin before settling on her natural, spherical shape, her mouth being held shut on the hose.  Pinkie was several magnitudes wider and rounder than the door frame, so big that the top of her round body was higher than the edge of the brown, chocolate-colored roof.  Applejack came out afterwards on her hind legs, keeping Pinkie's mouth held tight on the hose with one hoof and dragging the helium tank behind her with the other, a lasso coiled around her body like a bandolier.  The mob made way for Pinkie's huge, inflated body, and Applejack whipped her back and forth like she weighed nothing, clearing a path.
	“Back!  Back!” Applejack snapped, jabbing Pinkie forward at some of the more confused ponies.  “Alright.  Y'all back off and leave me be!  I'm inflatin’ my friend, and I ain't afraid to use her!” she said as she slowly walked away from the building and into the crowd, dragging the helium tank behind her, Pinkie's bright blue eyes looking back and forth over her big, pink cheeks at the crowd around them, wiggling her bloated hooves around uselessly and mumbling in her high-pitched voice as she slowly grew bigger and bigger on the end of the hose.  The ponies of the mob stepped back any time Pinkie's inflated body came near them, and Applejack used this to easily herd them to one side, so they filled one side of the the street, and nopony was at her back.
	Applejack backed up towards the east of town, where Twilight's library was, hoping that they would all give up before the helium in the tank ran out.  And, just as she thought that, the hiss started audibly dying down.  She looked at the meter on the top and the needle wiggled around at the lowest part of the red zone, where it said “E”.
	“Oh, carrot trees.” she swore.  The crowd heard the tank dying and started advancing on her.  “Back!  Back, back!” she shouted as she swung Pinkie's enormous, inflated body back and forth, but it didn't ward the crowd off as easily as it did before.  She raised Pinkie upwards to get a look at the whole crowd, and they were all trotting towards her with confidence now.
	“Let us help you, Applejack.” they all said in unison.  “Let us help you, Applejack.”  She had no choice but to run.
	“Alright, don't say I didn't warn y'all!  How do you like these apples?” she said, hefting Pinkie back down at them like a bazooka, the mob ponies skidding to a halt as her huge, inflated, pink rump was centered right at them.  	“Mm-mmm!  Mmm-mmmm mm-mmm mmm-mmmm!” Pinkie squealed, frantically shaking her head, looking at Applejack fearfully.  Applejack yanked the hose out of her mouth, sending Pinkie sputtering and screaming into the crowd, rump-first, rocketing nonstop in a straight line through the center, bowling ponies flat on their backs and bouncing them high into the air in her wake.  She blasted her way through the whole crowd before she took off, zipping and spiraling her way into the distance with a dozen or so screaming ponies still stuck on her rump.  After the chaos had died down, they all looked where Applejack was standing before, and only saw an abandoned helium tank rolling into the gutter.