function mapObj(obj, cb) {
    var mappedObject = null;
    var mappedArray = Object.keys(obj).map(function(e, i, a) {
        var mapped = cb(e, obj[e], i);
        if (mappedObject !== false && Array.isArray(mapped) && mapped.length === 2) {
            if (!mappedObject) {
                mappedObject = { };
            }
            mappedObject[mapped[0]] = mapped[1];
            // always do the work of normal array mapping, I guess
        } else { // any instance of non object-map response aborts assembly of mappedObject
            if (mappedObject) { // not false and not null, therefore is object
                // here is where we might implement going back to re-assemble·
                // mappedObject into mappedArray but we're actually always·
                // building mappedArray so for now we must do exactly nothing
            }
            mappedObject = false;
        }
        return mapped;
    });
    return mappedObject || mappedArray;
}

// a scary thing, albeit with effort expended to make it "safe" with
// a overwrite-check.
if (!Object.prototype.map) {
    Object.defineProperty(Object.prototype, 'map', {
        value: function(cb) {
            return mapObj(this, cb);
        },
        writable: true,
        configurable: true,
        enumerable: false
    });
}


var test = function () {
    somevar = {method:'value', blargle: 325234, 34234: 222};
    console.log(JSON.stringify(somevar.map(function(k,v){ return {key: k, val: v} })));
    console.log(JSON.stringify(somevar.map(function(k,v){ return ['map'+k, v+'map'] })));

    // You shall expect:
    // [{"key":"34234","val":222},{"key":"method","val":"value"},{"key":"blargle","val":325234}]
    // {"map34234":"222map","mapmethod":"valuemap","mapblargle":"325234map"}
}