A Game of「Dodj or Daar」(4)

[Even with the power of Eddy's stand, the 「MEN AT WORK」 and GoGo simply cannot find a proper way to defeat the power of Gumball's Stand. The life of Double D is now threatened because of an earlier 「Dodj」 he took; can they save their friend AND still defeat 「LOOK WHAT THE CAT DRAGGED IN」?]

[Gumball is smug and confident, arms folded.]

Gumball: I'll give you guys some time to talk this choice over. Let's call this a 「social experiment」; will you risk your friend's life, or give up your own possessions?

[Eds and GoGo huddle together.]

Eddy: Alright, I'm gonna take the hit, Double D.

Edd: What?! Eddy, you can't possibly--

GoGo: You're right. You can't possibly block any lightning from his Stand. The punishments defy all logic! Even if you try to take the hit, it'll just hit him from another angle!

Edd: Well, if you all would let me--

Ed: What if we catch the lighting in a bottle?

GoGo: WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!

Edd: *AHEM!*

[The Eds and GoGo turn to Double D.]

Edd: I have a suggestion, if you all would let me explain.

Eddy: Don't forget that he didn't make me turn off my 「Stand」, sockhead.

Edd: Before that comes into play, I have a theory: should I use...

[Edd pulls out a lightning rod crafted from junk.]

Edd: THIS lightning rod I constructed with some spare parts, perhaps they could absorb the lightning!

GoGo: Uh, Edd? That's not how lightning rods work.

Edd: If you're a human being, that's correct; they don't! But here's the beauty of the whole thing:

[Edd takes out some odd-looking gloves, made out of building rubble.]

Edd: Lighting rods are 「made」 to protect buildings!

Eddy: So, you're sayin' you'll be totally fine?

Edd: Correct! With this lightning rod, and THESE gloves made out of buildings, I will be 「totally safe」!

GoGo: 「SAFETY DANCE」...what a lifesaving 「Stand」!

Eddy: Taking four lightning bolts at once? I thought I was the smart one.

Edd: The decision has been made! We will take the 「Dodj」's.

Gumball: Ahahahaha! You know, I gotta say, I'm not surprised by this at all. I was gonna say that your teammates are pretty selfish, but they still have to sacrifice themselves and take a 「Dodj」each, don't they?

[Eddy realizes.]

Eddy (thinking): Ah, shoot! We still gotta go through those! I got so worried about Double D that I totally forgot! And there's no WAY he's going easy on us!

[Edd lifts up a finger silently to Eddy, and points to it.]

Eddy: Ah-ha! I still have 「MONEY FOR NOTHING」. I just gotta focus, and maybe we can still avoid the 「Dodj」's somehow.

Eddy: Bring it on, ya little squirt!

Gumball: Alright then. First things first: the 「lightning」!

[Four lightning bolts go towards Double D. Righteously holding up his gloves and lightning rod, all four hit...and Double D is completey unaffected.]

Gumball: HUH? WHAT THE WHAT?!

Edd: Perhaps you should have payed more attention, Gumball! 「SAFETY DANCE」can prevent all of your shenanigans, as long as I build the right tools.

[Even Gumball is afraid!]

Gumball: B-b-b-but..

[And now he's not.]

Gumball: W-well, that's fine! You guys gotta take your 「Dodj」's! You WILL be punished!

Edd: No, we will not! I think we've all grown quite tired of this game, and from this point on we refuse to play it by your rules! We WILL overcome these 「Dodj」's! And you WILL give us the 「information」 we seek!

[Edd reads his card.]

Edd: "「Dodj」: You will be attacked by a combat helicopter"? If only you knew the 「scars」I had!

[A helicopter with a gun starts shooting at Edd.]

Edd: I've dealt with too many things to be scared with something as petty as this!

[Edd runs.]

Edd (internally): Now, let's see...if I run towards this angle, the chopper will start shooting in front of me, and should I make a very specific turn right about here...

[Edd is now in front of Gumball, who is getting attacked by his own 「Dodj」.]

Edd: Eureka!!

[Gumball gets assaulted with bullets which, this being JoJo's, is more of a mild concern than an immediate threat.]

Gumball (obviously hurt): Tch...you still have three more to go through! If you don't wanna play, FINE! But make sure that when you get to Hell, you tell them that 「I」sent you!

[Eddy flips his card over.]

Eddy: "「Dodj」: Your right arm is now controlled by the player to the right of you."

Gumball (internally): Wh-what?! B-but I needed something way stronger than that to take care of them! Is my own game genuinely working against me?!

[Eddy looks at Edd knowingly.]

Eddy: Shall we?

Edd: After you, sir.

[Both run up to Gumball and sock him right in his face. Gumball eats it. GoGo reads her card.]

GoGo: "「Dodj」: You are now on fire. You will not be extinguished until your next turn." Trying to punish me because I'm the last player, huh?!

[GoGo catches on fire.]

GoGo: Too bad I couldn't care less.

[GoGo picks up her piece and puts it on the last space.]

GoGo: There. I won. The game's over.

Eddy: Wait, if we coulda done that, why didn't we do that earlier?

GoGo: We didn't actually "win", stupid. I'm just sick of this kid's crap.

Gumball: B-b-but there's still one more card! Y-you went out of order, b-but I'm not really in a position to punish you. This next card, though...! This next card SEALS YOUR FATE! Go ahead...Ed, was it? Look at your card!

Edd: Ed, NO!!

[Ed does so anyway.]

Ed: "Dodj: you will now be clean and covered in soap." SOAP?!

[Ed is now incredibly sparkly.]

Ed: NOOOOOOOO!!

Gumball: Hahahaha! I got one of you! At least I can take some pleasure in knowing that one of you gets to suffer!

Edd: I don't think you'll be happy about this for too long...

[Ed is pissed.]

Edd: No one likes Ed when he's angry. Not even us, his friends!

Ed: How dare you, cat creature! Ed refuses to be spotless and shiny like when mom washes the dishes! You will pay! 「SPOON」!

Gumball: Dude, wait, come on! I-it's just a prank, bro! Ahah...ahahaha...

[They all just stare at him, super pissed.]

Gumball: ...not buyin' it, huh? (sigh) Welp.

[Gumball gets DORARARARARARARARA'd. Or whatever Ed's equivalent is. The final blow knocks him into a tree, as the board game disappears.]

Gumball: Nngh...

GoGo: It's over. Now tell us: who gave you your 「Stand」?

Gumball: I-it was...some guy with a red hat...h-he had a bike, too...

GoGo: A little more?

Gumball: Th-that's all I can think of, I promise! This guy didn't stick out a lot!

GoGo: Why you little--

Eddy: Hold on a sec. Did you say "red hat and a bike"?

Gumball: Y-yeah...

Edd: Was there a certain word he used that stuck out to you?

Gumball: ...like?

Edd: An insult of some kind. A word that he might use so much, you wouldn't be mistaken in thinking it's the only word he has in his vocabulary.

Gumball: H-he said "dork" a lot, now that you mention it.

All the Eds: Kevin!

GoGo: You KNOW that guy?

Edd: He was a childhood--well, perhaps "friend" is the wrong word...

Eddy: Yeah, no kiddin'! How about a childhood pain in our side?! That guy's such a tool.

Ed: He is a heathen from the farthest reaches of outer space where the mutant zombie monsters make their babies!

Eddy: Where was he?

Gumball: He sells these things that give you 「Stands」 in a back alley near an old Chinese restaurant. He's usually polishing his bike; you can't miss him.

Eddy: And we WON'T! We're gonna--wait, did you say 「sell」?

Gumball: Yeah, he sells them, too.

Eddy: Well, boys, looks like we're gonna get some revenge AND win that bet! (rubs his hands together) Time for a hostile takeover.

GoGo: Seems like you guys have unfinished business. If you learn anything from dealing with him, tell Hiro and I, okay?

Edd: Understood.

Eddy: Well, what're we waitin' for?! We gotta initiate an attack plan! Let's get goin'!

[Eddy walks off with the other Eds, GoGo begins to as well until--]

Gumball: H-hey!

[GoGo turns towards him.]

Gumball: C-could you at least drop me off at a hospital or my house or something? I can't even move, man.

GoGo: I don't like the idea of you getting healed, so I'm just gonna let your parents deal with this. C'mon, let's go.

[GoGo is cradling Gumball in her arms, talking to his mom Nicole and lying through her teeth (and she's a really bad liar). You don't have to fully show her if you want.]

GoGo: So, yeah, I just sorta...found him beat up like this. If you just let him rest here, I think he'll be alright. No clue who did it at all, I'm afraid!

[Cut to Gumball resting on the couch, asleep/unconscious. The scene then pans over to a window, where Coraline lurks and prepares to use 「GRASS IS GREENER」to talk to Gumball in his dream, complete with MENACING kanji.]

<==TO BE CONTINUED==