Bjork and Yorke Rom-Com 2: Electric Boogaloo

>Bell rings, signalling the start of class
>Prof. Bowie
"Alright class, welcome back! I do hope you enjoyed your winter holidays. Travelling, skiing, getting married, all that stuff that you children like to do. But alas, all pleasure is temporal, destined to end. And so we find ourselves back here, in class. I do hope you've all done your readings."
>Thom, talking quietly to himself
"Oh fuck! The readings!"
>Bjork, sitting next to him, whispers
"You forgot the readings?"
>Thom
"You did them?"
>Bjork
"Of course. Why didn't you?"
>Thom
"I was busy honeymooning! Who the hell would want to read Wuthering Heights on a honeymoo-"
>Prof. Bowie, cutting Thom off
"Hmm, busy with a discussion, are we Mr. Yorke?"
>Thom
"S-sorry sir, I was just talking to Bjork about the readin-"
>Prof. Bowie
"Ah yes, Bjork. Your wife. Perhaps you, a member of our resident newlyweds, can contribute to our discussion on marriage in our novel? Hmm?"
>Bjork stifles a laugh
>Thom
"W-well, I, uh, think that th- uh, characters, in the, umm, novel, are very, how you say, uh, married...and that, um..."
>Prof. Bowie, trying not to laugh
"Quite enough, Mr. Yorke. I'd hate to make you seem the fool in front of your lovely wife. Well, at least no more than what you manage to accomplish yourself."
>Bjork stifles another laugh
>Thom, thinking to self
'Jerk.'
>It had been a few weeks since the marriage, but still Thom and Bjork act like it was their first day as a married couple, always wanting to be in the same room as the other
>As the professor gave his lecture on the nature of the Byronic hero, the two held hands under the desk
>The bell rings, and the two quickly get up and walk out, eager to go on their first date as man and wife
>Thom, thinking to self
'Okay, so first we grab lunch at that restaurant that she likes, then a walk over to the lake to see the swans, and then-'
>Thom, lost in thought, bumps into another student walking in the opposite direction, and falls down
>Thom
"Ow!"
>Thom looks up and sees the very tall man he bumped into
>Man
"Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't see you there!"
>The man extends a hand out to Thom, who takes it and stands up
>Thom
"Uh, yeah, it's okay."
>The man smiles genially, and puts out his hand to shake Thom's
"Hi, my name's Chris."
>Thom, shaking his hand
"Uh, hi. Thom."
>Chris, turning to Bjork
"And just who might this beautiful woman be?"
>Bjork, smiling at the comment, puts out her hand to shake too
"Bjork"
>Chris takes her hand, and instead of shaking it, bends down to kiss it
"Bjork, a beautiful name. Fitting for such a beautiful face."
>Bjork, giggles
"Ooh, what a gentleman!"
>Thom, thinking to self
"What the FUCK."
>Thom
"Yeah, that's Bjork. My wife."

>At the restaurant
>Bjork
"You didn't have to be rude to him."
>Thom
"Rude?! He was kissing you! Who the hell kisses someone they just met?!"
>Bjork
"My hand, Thom, he was kissing my hand. Relax."
>Thom sat back in his chair, crossed his arms and sulked for the rest of the meal

>Wednesday, Thom walks to class alone. Bjork had gone on ahead of him.
>He walks in and sees her sitting at her usual spot, with Chris sitting where he usually sat
>Thom walks over to Chris
"What do you think you're doing?!"
>Chris
"Oh hey Thom! You're in this class too?"
>Thom
"Never mind that! What are you sitting there for?!"
>Chris
"Oh, I'm sorry. Is this your seat? I didn't know."
>Bjork
"It's okay Thom. I told him he could sit there. He's new here. I thought we should help him around."
>Thom frowns and takes a seat in the only available chair in the front row, next to Chris

>After class, in the apartment that Bjork and Thom have started to share
>Thom
"It's my seat Bjork! I've been sitting there for months!"
>Bjork
"Oh c'mon Thom, I'm just trying to be nice. He's new here! I was new too once. Don't you remember how kindly you treated me then? You should do the same for him."
>Thom, mumbling to himself quietly
"Yeah, well, I don't wanna fuck him."
>Bjork
"What was that?!"
>Thom
"Nothing, nothing."

>Friday
>Thom makes sure he's walking with Bjork to class, but before they enter the room, Chris comes around a corner and stops them
>Chris
"Hey! How you guys doing?"
>Bjork
"Hello Chris! We're doing fine!"
>Thom
"Well, I'm feeling kinda sic-"
>Chris
"That's great! Hey listen, to say thanks for being so nice to me that other day, Bjork, I got you this."
>Chris pulls out what looks to be a box of chocolates and hands them to Bjork
>Bjork
"Oh, that's so sweet of you Chris! I love chocolates!"
>Thom, thinking to self
"What the fuck?! She hates chocolates!!"
>Chris
"Hope you don't mind Thom, but you can hardly expect to keep such a beautiful girl all to yourself!"
>Bjork and Chris laugh
>The three walk in and take their seats, with Bjork positioning herself in the middle hoping to remove the possibility of any conflict

>Halfway through the lecture
>Prof. Bowie, speaking to the class
"So, we must ask ourselves then, does Catherine have any choice in marrying Edgar? Is she fooling herself or perhaps does she..."
>Chris, whispering to Bjork
"Really makes you think about marriage doesn't it? Who knows how many people are out there, married to the wrong person."
>Bjork, whispering back
"Y'know, I was thinking the same thing!"
>Thom, having overheard this
"Well, I think Catherine made a good fucking choic-!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Mr. Yorke? Something wrong?"
>Thom
"Uh, no sir."
>As the class ends the students shuffle out
>Chris turns to Bjork and Thom as Thom tries to drag Bjork away from the class
>Chris
"Hey guys, wait! Listen, I'm having a housewarming party at my new place. It'd be great if you two could come! It's on Saturday."
>Chris hands Bjork an invitation
>Thom
"Actually, Saturday's our 4 and a half week anniversary, so-"
>Bjork, knocking an elbow into Thom's stomach to shut him up
"We'd be delighted, Chris!"
>Chris
"Great! See you two there!"
>Chris walks off
>Thom
"Why'd you have to say yes?!"
>Bjork
"He's new here Thom, we have to be nice! And it's only a party. Now c'mon, let's go home."
>Thom, taking the invitation from Bjork and looking down at it
'To my new friends, Bjork and Tom!'
>Thom, thinking to self
'Motherfucker.'

>The next day
>Thom goes to Prof. Bowie's office and knocks on the door
>Prof. Bowie
"Come in! Ah, Mr. Yorke! Been a while since you've come here!"
>Thom
"Hello sir. I had some, uh questions to ask you. About um, the book we're reading. Uh, the ending, um, what do you make of it?"
>Prof. Bowie
"I don't know, Mr. Yorke. I've never managed to get through the entire book."
>Thom
"What?! Are you serious?! Just the other day you were chastising me for not reading it!"
>Prof. Bowie
"It's a very long novel, Mr. Yorke. You should know, you've seen it."
>Thom, sighing
"Well, sir, to be honest I haven't read it either. And that's not what I'm really here for. It's, uh, about something else."
>Prof. Bowie
"Oh?"
>Thom
"Uh, yes sir. It's a little embarassing actually. I don't really know how to talk about it."
>Prof. Bowie, suddenly getting a look of realization on his face
"Oh, yes. I think I know what you're getting at."
>Thom
"You do?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Yes, yes I do. After all, Bjork came to me with this a little while ago."
>Thom, feeling shocked
"She did?!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Yes. She wanted help on this topic as I'm sure you do now. And I can help wholeheartedly."
>Thom, feeling relieved
"You can?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Of course! Don't forget Thom, I'm a married man myself! I've gone through the same struggles you will be experiencing soon! Let me tell you, Thom, it won't be easy. Wives like ours never make it easy."
>Thom
"Yes sir, I was feeling that exact way!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Of course you were Thom! Let me start of by saying, it won't be fun in the beginning. It'll be tough, painful."
>Thom
"It already is sir!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Yes, yes, but always remember, it'll get easier. And I can't imagine a girl like Bjork would sport a contraption much larger than 7 inches? Especially not for a fragile, inexperienced man like yourself. Just remember, a good lubricant goes a long way."
>Thom
"Wait, what the fuck are yo-"
>Prof. Bowie
"But Thom, once you allow your wife this luxury, you too can pleasure from it! Love between two people allows for that!"
>Thom
"Sir! Bjork isn't fucking me! That's not why I'm here!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Oh? Well, seems I've jumped to conclusions."
>Thom
"Bloody hell, sir! Okay, okay, look sir. I'm here because of that new student, Chris."
>Prof. Bowie
"Oh yes, of course, the new chap. I don't think I very much like him."
>Thom
"Neither do I! He's a total tool! And that good guy act he always puts on! Always asking to hold her books, getting her chocolates!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Uh huh."
>Thom
"Well, sir. I think he's trying to get to Bjork. Take her."
>Prof. Bowie
"You mean like kidnap her?"
>Thom
"No, no. I mean, I think he's trying to steal her away from me! I can see through his little act! But he's got Bjork completely fooled sir! And of course she thinks he's the nicest guy! She actually likes him!"
>Prof. Bowie, putting a sympathetic hand on Thom's shoulder
"Listen Thom..."
>Thom, thinking to self
'Okay, good. This is when he'll tell me that I'm worried over nothing! And that I should learn to trust Bjork, that she'd never do anything to betray me!"
>Prof. Bowie
"...I think you've got a real reason to be concerned Thom."
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck.'
>Prof. Bowie
"I've seen his type, Mr. Yorke! Conniving bastards they are! Once they've got their eyes set on a woman, they shan't stop 'till their lustful thirst is quenched!"
>Thom
"Oh my god! I knew it! A month into my marriage and I've already lost her! And I didn't even sign a prenup!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Listen to me carefully, Mr. Yorke! You must go about this very very delicately! Even the slightest misstep and she'll be lost to you forever!"
>Thom, raising his fists
"I'll take him out sir! I'll kill him! I'll rip that six foot one inch body apart! I'll take his limbs and I'll-!"
>Prof. Bowie
"No Thom! No! You can't let Bjork know what you're doing! Women hate jealous men! That scoundrel no doubt knows this and is using it to his advantage, trying to rile you up! You have to play along, Thom! Put up an act of your own! And when he least expects it, you counter!"
>Thom
"Alright sir, alright! I've got it!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Now, sit! Let us discuss your plan for protecting your woman!"

>A short while later Thom gets up to leave
>Thom
"Alright sir! I'll do it just like you said!"
>Bowie, taking another sip from his mug, which he kept refilling
"Very good, Mr. Yorke! Godspeed!"
>Thom, turning around just before he walks out
"And uhh, about the whole pegging thing...did Bjork really mentio-"
>Prof. Bowie, waving his hand dismissively in the air
"You need to concentrate on the matter at hand, Mr. Yorke! Bjork will make her intentions known soon enough!"
>Thom, very worried
"Uhh, yeah, alright sir."

>Saturday evening
>Bjork and Thom ready themselves for the party
>Bjork, tying Thom's necktie
"You really are hopeless at this."
>Thom
"I don't see why we have to get so dressed up. We're not going to a fucking opera."
>Bjork, turning around
"It's what the invitation said. Now c'mon, zip up my dress, would you?"
>Thom does so and then turns Bjork around
"You look awfully gorgeous today."
>Bjork lands a quick kiss on Thom's cheek
"Thanks honey. Now let's go."
>Thom, thinking to self
'The professor was right. Bjork is too smart for flattery. I'll have to more aggressive.'

>At the party
>Bjork and Thom walk among the other guests, all dressed lavishly holding wine glasses
>Thom, whispering to Bjork
"You'd never guess this was a party for a college student. Where does he get the kinda money to host something like this?"
>Bjork
"I've heard his parents are quite well off."
>Thom
"You know, from where I come from they say you should never trust a rich man's son. Especially if he's very tall."
>Chris spots the pair and walks over to them
"Hey! So glad you could make it!"
>He takes Bjork's hand and kisses it again, making a big show of the whole thing so that many of the party goers around them turn to look
>Bjork, blushing
"Oh stop! You're embarrassing me!"
>Chris
"I'm terribly sorry. But seeing you in that dress, I just couldn't resist."
>Thom, thinking to self
'This fucking cunt is gonna get it one of these days.'
>A woman walks by the three of them and is stopped by Chris
>Chris
"Hey guys, this is Michelle, if you need anything here just cal-"
>Before Chris can finish Thom reaches out grabs Michelle's hand and bends down low to kiss it
>Thom, thinking to self
'Let's see how you like it you son of a bitch.'
>Thom
"Ah, what a beautiful hand this is miss! Yes, an artisan's hand."
>Michelle looks confused
>Chris
"Uh, as I was saying, if you need anything you can call Michelle, my head maid."
>Chris, as he's walking away with Michelle in tow
"Enjoy yourselves!"
>Bjork, looking to Thom
"What the hell was that?"
>Thom remembers the words of the professor: 'Remember Thom, never bend in your approach! Everything is absolute! Every mistake deliberate! Only through such force, employed subtly, can you hope to win!'
>Thom, looking to Bjork
"What? You don't think the lower classes deserve the same respect as us? I never did think you were so stuck up, Bjork."
>Bjork, with a confused expression
"You've gone mad Thom."
>Thom
"You don't know the half of it. So now what do you want to do?"
>Bjork
"Well, it's a party, Thom. Let's enjoy ourselves!"
>Bjork loops her arm through Thom's and drags him into socializing

>Later, Thom stands idly by as Bjork in deeply engaged in conversation about Romanticism with some other couple
>Chris walks up to them as the conversation ends and looks to Bjork and Thom
"How you guys like it so far?"
>Bjork
"Oh, it's wonderful Chris! I'm having a great time!"
>Thom
"Yeah, fucking real kick in the groin type of great."
>Chris, not seeming to notice Thom's presence, ushered over a server
"Have you tried the food? It's damn good. Here, have a taste of this."
>Bjork takes the offered food and plops it in her mouth whole
"Mmmm! It's great!"
>Chris
"isn't it! Now come, let's dance!"
>Bjork, turning to Thom
"Yeah! C'mon Thom, let's do a bit of dancing!"
>Thom, trying desperately to hide his growing erection
"Uhh, right now? I mean, it's getting a little late and all..."
>Chris, taking Bjork's hand in his
"You want to steal this young girl from the party? Not, while the night is still young! C'mon Bjork, let's dance!"
>Bjork, letting Chris lead her, turns back to Thom to stick out her tongue mockingly
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck!'
>He turns around and sees Michelle walking about, and jumps at her
"Hey! C'mon, let's go dance!"
>Michelle, as Thom is dragging her along
"What? Sir, wait!"
>Chris, as he's walking away with Michelle in tow
"Enjoy yourselves!"
>Bjork, looking to Thom
"What the hell was that?"
>Thom remembers the words of the professor: 'Remember Thom, never bend in your approach! Everything is absolute! Every mistake deliberate! Only through such force, employed subtly, can you hope to win!'
>Thom, looking to Bjork
"What? You don't think the lower classes deserve the same respect as us? I never did think you were so stuck up, Bjork."
>Bjork, with a confused expression
"You've gone mad Thom."
>Thom
"You don't know the half of it. So now what do you want to do?"
>Bjork
"Well, it's a party, Thom. Let's enjoy ourselves!"
>Bjork loops her arm through Thom's and drags him into socializing

>Later, Thom stands idly by as Bjork in deeply engaged in conversation about Romanticism with some other couple
>Chris walks up to them as the conversation ends and looks to Bjork and Thom
"How you guys like it so far?"
>Bjork
"Oh, it's wonderful Chris! I'm having a great time!"
>Thom
"Yeah, fucking real kick in the groin type of great."
>Chris, not seeming to notice Thom's presence, ushered over a server
"Have you tried the food? It's damn good. Here, have a taste of this."
>Bjork takes the offered food and plops it in her mouth whole
"Mmmm! It's great!"
>Chris
"isn't it! Now come, let's dance!"
>Bjork, turning to Thom
"Yeah! C'mon Thom, let's do a bit of dancing!"
>Thom, trying desperately to hide his growing erection
"Uhh, right now? I mean, it's getting a little late and all..."
>Chris, taking Bjork's hand in his
"You want to steal this young girl from the party? Not, while the night is still young! C'mon Bjork, let's dance!"
>Bjork, letting Chris lead her, turns back to Thom to stick out her tongue mockingly
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck!'
>He turns around and sees Michelle walking about, and jumps at her
"Hey! C'mon, let's go dance!"
>Michelle, as Thom is dragging her along
"What? Sir, wait!"
>Thom drags Michelle to where the other party goers are dancing and joins in
>Michelle
"S-sir! I can't be doing this! I'm supposed to be-"
>Thom, craning his neck to hear what Chris is whispering into Bjork's ear
"Could you please be quiet?"
>Thom, holding tight to Michelle, does an awkward waltz over to where Chris and Bjork are dancing freely
>Thom struggles to make out what Chris is whispering to Bjork as all the dancers circle around each other
>Bjork giggles at his words
>Thom, thinking to self
'Fuck! What is that rat faced bastard saying to her?"
>Bjork lets out a louder laugh
"Oh, you're so funny Chris!"
>Chris smiles
"I'm glad you like my company."
>Chris moves his hands up Bjork's waist to her chin, raising it
>Thom, thinking to self
'Motherfucker! He's trying to kiss her!!"
>Thom, breaks free of Michelle and walks over to Chris, fists clenched
>Just before he gets there a waiter holding a tray of wine glasses crashes into Chris, dousing him in wine
>Chris
"What the fuck?! You son of a bitch! Are you blind?!"
>The waiter, a man with comically thick glasses and a bushy moustache attempts to wipe away the wine with a handkerchief
"Oh sir! I'm so terribly sorry, do forgive me!"
>Chris wacks away the waiter's hand
"You don't know how fucking expensive this suit is! And who the fuck are you anyway?!"
>Waiter
"I'm an intern here sir, it's my first day."
>Chris
"Well, it's your last day too! I want you out!"
>Chris walks off to clean himself as the waiter walks over to Thom and pulls him off to the side
>Thom
"What the hell are you doin-"
>Waiter
"Thom it's me!"
>Thom
"Sir?!"
>Thom
"What are you doing here sir?! And what are you wearing?!"
>Prof. Bowie, taking off his large glasses and the false moustache
"I acquired the suit from a waiter here, we'll have to remember to untie him before we leave. And these are from my costume kit I always keep on hand."
>Thom
"What the hel-"
>Prof. Bowie
"I knew that Chris character was a shady player, but to do the waltz with another man's wife! And then to try and kiss her! He's the devil incarnate!"
>Thom, getting a hold of the situation
"Yes sir! I'm glad you were there to stop it when you did. I might have killed him otherwise!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Now go Thom! Bjork must be wondering where you are. And I need to make myself inconspicuous."
>Prof. Bowie takes a quick look around and walks off to some dark corner as Thom goes to where he left Bjork
>Thom
"Hey, there you are."
>Bjork
"Thom! Where did you go off to? Chris has had a bit of an accident and-"
>Thom
"Yeah yeah, it's tragic. Anyway, now that we're alone and you're no longer eating anything, let's go on with the dancing, yeah?"
>Bjork, smiles and moves her arms up to grab on to Thom
"Yes, let's."
>The music slows and the two of them dance along with it
>Out of the corner of his eye, Thom spies the professor in the crowd, who shoots him a wink

>After the party, Bjork and Thom find themselves back at their apartment, undressing
>Thom
"Look, all I'm saying is that you should at least ask permission before dancing with another guy's wife."
>Bjork, who's in the walking closet, speaks out in a muffled voice
"It was harmless fun, Thom. He didn't mean anything by it."
>Thom
"Yeah, well just wait till gets married. I'll dance with his damn wife all day."
>Bjork laughs
"I never pegged you as the jealous type."
>Thom
"Wh-what?"
>Bjork, sticking her head out from the closet
"I said, I never thought you were the jealous type."
>Thom
"Oh. Uh, well, I'm not. I just don't like the way he looks at you is all."

>Friday morning the next week
>Thom pretends to wake up feeling ill and tells Bjork to go on without him
>In reality, Thom is fine and spends that time alone to decorate the apartment with rose petals and candles
>Thom, thinking to self
'That bastard Chris has been really forcing himself into our relationship these past few days. I won't have it. The aggressive tactics have failed, so as the professor suggested, I shall go a more sensual route.'
>Thom then decides to surprise Bjork at class and then bring her back here for a romantic afternoon
>Thom, thinking to self
'There, all done! This'll be fun. A romantic day spent away from that Chris guy to remind us why we got married, that we're still hopelessly in love and all that shit. I just hope I don't have to break out the lubricant today.'
>Thom leaves the apartment, goes off to the flower shop he likes and buys some lilies, the kind that Bjork has come to be fond of
>Feeling much like he had when he first brought flowers for her, he excitedly walks to class, looking at his watch
>Going in he sees the classroom door appear in his vision, but is then stopped dead by another site
>Right next to the door was Bjork, standing alongside Chris
>Chris had his arms around Bjork and was kissing her, and she in her hands held a bouquet of daffodils
>Thom felt his body go weak, and the flowers fell from his hands
>He staggered backwards feeling like he was going to faint
>Instead he turned around and ran out the door
>Thom walks out of the door, stumbles over to a trashcan and empties his guts
>He attempts to stand up straight but instead falls over, stays there on the ground for a while unable to bring himself to stand
>A few hours later he find himself down the street at the bar that he knows is always open
>He sits down and orders a drink

>Flashback to this morning
>Bjork finds herself going to class alone, since Thom woke up feeling very ill
>Walking up to the doorway of the classroom, she sees Chris standing outside
>He sees her and walks up to her, smiling
>Chris
"Hey, Bjork!"
>Bjork, thinking to self
'He's really been following me around these past few days.
>Bjork
"Hello Chris! How are you?"
>Chris
"Not bad! Here, look, I got you some flowers!"
>Chris holds up a bouquet of daffodils
>Bjork, after some hesitation, accepts them
"That's very sweet of you, Chris. They look very nice."
>Chris
"Only the best for you, my dearest. Now, I was wondering if you'd be so kind as to accompany me on a date tonight? I can afford any of the lavish restaurants in the city."
>Bjork
"Chris...listen. This is very nice of you and all, but I'm married. You know that."
>Chris
"You mean fucking Thom. C'mon Bjork, you've seen yourself, and you've seen him. You're far too good for him! Get rid of that pushover! I can make you happy!"
>Bjork, visibly angry now
"Chris, that's my husband you're talking about! I've tried being polite, but I've had enough of all this! Please, leave me alo-"
>Before Bjork can finish her sentence, Chris throws his arms around her and kisses her violently
>Bjork stands still for a moment, overcome with shock, then struggles to break free of him
>Stepping back she slaps him across his face
>Bjork
"You bastard! How dare you do such a thing! Listen to me you son of a bitch, come near me again and they won't recognize your body!"
>Bjork turns around and walks angrily away, hearing Chris call out to her
"You've just made a big mistake Bjork! You'll regret this!"
>Thom had been drinking at the bar for several hours now
>Thom, to bartender
"Man, how many of these have I been through? I don't know if I can handle this much liquor."
>Bartender
"Those are Shirley Temples that you've been drinking, kid. No alcohol in those."
>Thom
"What the fuck? I asked for a hard fucking drink!"
>Bartender
"Sorry mate, I didn't think you looked like the type to drink much. And what does a kid as young as you need to drink so much for anyway?"
>Thom, tearing up
"My...my wife. She's left me for another man."
>Bartender
"That a fact? Well you know, my daughter is single, and let me tell you, she's a very fetching young girl, in fact, why don't I set up a little play date for you tw-"
>Thom
"Alright, man I gotta go."

>Thom wanders around aimlessly in the dark for a while and then decides to head back to the apartment
>Thom, thinking to self
'I have to face this eventually. Or maybe she's still out with him? Maybe I can just pack up my stuff and leave.'
>Thom walks to the apartment and stumbles up the stairs
>He opens the door, walks in, half dreading he'll find her there waiting for him, but instead the room suddenly goes dark as someone places a dark cloth over his face
>Thom, shouting
"Hey what the fuck is thi-"
>Thom feels himself go dizzy and lose consciousness, and falls to the floor
>Prof. Bowie hears a knock at his door in his office
"Come in."
>Bjork walks in looking a little anxious
>Prof. Bowie
"Ah, Mrs. Yorke! Always a pleasure seeing you! Tell me, what can I do for you?"
>Bjork
"Professor, it's...Thom."
>Prof. Bowie
"Couldn't handle it, could he? Don't be too worried, I didn't expect him to make it through the first time without shedding a few tears."
>Bjork
"No sir, it's not that. It's just that I can't seem to find him. He felt ill this morning and didn't attend class, but then when I went home right after the lecture he was gone...and the room was decorated as if he was waiting for me."
>Prof. Bowie
"How odd. Well, I certainly haven't seen him."
>Bjork, looking increasingly frightened
"I don't know where he could possibly go! He never leaves without telling me where he's going! And to leave after doing that to the room like he did, I just don't-"
>Prof. Bowie, getting up and putting a hand on Bjork's arm to comfort her
"Relax, Bjork. I'm sure he's fine. C'mon, let's get to my car. We'll look around his usual places of hiding. He's sure to turn up."
>Bjork
"Y-yes professor. Thank you so much."
>Prof. Bowie
"Think nothing of it. Now, let's go."
>After a few hours of driving around the city nothing turns up and Bjork becomes very frightened
>Bjork
"Oh professor! I'm scared something terrible has happened to him! I don't know what I would do-"
>Prof. Bowie
"Calm down, Bjork. Nothing's happened to him. We've been out for a while, maybe he's gone home? C'mon let's go check your place."
>They drive to the apartment and get to the room
>Bjork moves to unlock the door, but sees that's it's ajar
>Bjork
"Professor! The door's open!"
>Prof. Bowie, moving to position himself ahead of Bjork
"Get behind me, Bjork! Let me go in first."
>Prof. Bowie opens the door and turns on the light
>The two look around, nothing seems amiss until they see the note fastened to the refrigerator door
'Don't bother looking for her, she's with me now -Chris'
>Bjork, screaming
"Professor! They've taken him! Oh my god, they've taken Thom!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Calm down Bjork, we need to think carefully. It seems that whoever Chris sent to take you has taken Thom instead. I can see how one might mistake him for a woman from a certain angle."
>Bjork, as she runs for the telephone
"We need to call the police, professor!"
>Prof. Bowie, stopping her
"No, Bjork. I've been doing some digging around into Chris's background. He comes from a very powerful family. The police will be of no help to us here. We must save Thom ourselves."
>Bjork
"But how sir?! What could we do?!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Worry not, my dear child! I can handle this. No one kidnaps my favourite student and gets away with it! Let's go Bjork, we're saving Thom!"

>Thom comes to, but notices that his eyes have been blinded by a bag
>He's been seated in a chair, with his hands and legs bound, and mouth gagged
>Thom, thinking to self
'What the hell is this? Why am I tied up? Oh fuck! Is this part of Bjork's pegging plan?! Fuck fuck fuck, I'm not ready! Fuck fuck fuc-"
>Suddenly Thom remembers the happenings of that day, seeing Bjork with Chris, drinking till he felt like he ate too much candy, and then walking to the apartment and being attacked.
>He then hears voices in the distance, one of which he recognizes to be Chris
>Chris to other man
"Good work. She better be unharmed though."
>Other man
"Don't worry sir! We took real good care of the miss! She has a very delicate body after all."
>Chris walks into the room where Thom is and turns on the lights
>Chris, noticing that it's not Bjork
"Wait, a minute. Who the hell-"
>Chris lifts the bag, exposing Thom's confused face
>Chris, turning to his henchman
"What the fuck?! You fucking idiot! You got her husband!"
>Henchman
"S-sorry sir! I covered his face quickly and didn't see that he was a man. I was actually wondering why you'd want such a flat chested girl."
>Chris turns to strike at his henchman
"Oh shut up you fucking idiot!"
>Henchman
"S-sorry sir!"
>Chris
"Now go! Get the rest of the men and go get the girl! And don't fuck it up this time!"
>Henchman
"Yes sir! Right away!"
>The henchman leaves, and Chris turns to look at Thom, who is struggling against his bindings
"I'll have your girl soon enough Yorke! That luscious Nordic body will be mine! What say you to that? Oh, right, silly me. You can't talk with that gag on, can you?"
>Chris undoes the gag, and Thom coughs violently for a few moments
>Thom
"Why are you doing this? You...you already had Bjork. I saw her with you this morning."
>Chris
"Oh, you saw that, did you? Yes, I did indeed come on to her quite boldly then. But she pushed me away, and even dared to strike at my perfect face with her hand! Yes, it seems she's quite devoted to you, Yorke. God knows why. What could she possibly seen in a pathetic little man like you?"
>Thom felt a rush of overwhelming relief
'Of course she pushed him away! She loves me! Yes, yes, she still loves me!'
>Thom, now turning to Chris
"You villainous bastard! You'll never have Bjork! Never! You don't know what you're dealing with! She'll rip you apart!"
>Chris
"Silence! Just you wait, Yorke! I'll have her soon enough! And then I'll take her as my woman right here in front of you as you watch helplessly!"

>Prof. Bowie and Bjork pull up to an old warehouse out of the city
>Bjork, getting out of the car
"What are we doing here professor?"
>Prof. Bowie, loading a revolver
"It's where Chris is likely to be doing his business. I'm sure we'll find Thom in there."
>Bjork
"But how do you know this?"
>Prof. Bowie
"I was a detective for many years before I became a teacher. I had been following the crimes of Chris's family for a while when I left the force."
>Bjork, surprised at learning this
"What?! B-but then, why didn't you say anything when he joined your class."
>Prof. Bowie
"I had thought that I could finally end my unfinished business. I was keeping an eye on his actions quietly, but I faltered and was unable to stop him from taking Thom. I didn't think he would take such a rash action. But enough of this. Let's go in Bjork. Always stay behind me!"

>Chris, looking down at Thom
"The men probably have her by now, Yorke! I'm sorry that your reunion with her will have to be soured by my presence. But don't worry! I'm not a cruel man. I'll let you say goodbye to her, before I leave you for the fishes! HA HA HA HA!"
>Thom
"Which Bond villain are you trying to roleplay as?
>Chris
"Shut the fuck up."
>Suddenly, a gunshot is heard in the large warehouse room, and both Chris and Thom turn to look at the direction of the noise
>There they see Prof. Bowie, standing with the revolver in his hand aimed to the ceiling, with Bjork behind him, covering her ears
>Prof. Bowie
"Well well well, seems you've left the warehouse relatively unguarded. Have you really become so complacent? Or are you just that arrogant?"
>Chris
"What the fuck?! What are you doing here?! And why is she with you?!"
>Prof. Bowie points the gun down at Chris and walks over to him
"I'll be asking the questions here, Chris. Put your filthy hands up, and step away from Thom."
>Prof. Bowie turns Chris around and places the gun to his head, and then looks at Thom
"Terribly sorry about all this Mr. Yorke."
>Thom
"Sir! How did you know I was here?!"
>Prof. Bowie, preparing to lead Chris out of the room
"Don't concern yourself with such minute details, Mr. Yorke. I'm sure you'd rather meet with your wife instead."
>Prof. Bowie, calling out to Bjork
"Alright Bjork, he hasn't got a gun, it's okay to come here! Go ahead and untie your dear old husband."
>Bjork runs up to Thom, and with tears in her eyes embraces him
"Oh Thom! Oh my god Thom you're okay! I was so worried! I had thought something awful had happened to you!"
>Thom
"I'm alright Bjork! Untie me, would you?"
>Bjork
"Right!"
>Bjork undoes Thom's bindings and embraces him when he gets up
>Bjork
"I love you so much Thom! Oh, I'm so glad you're alright!"
>Thom
"I love you too Bjork."
>Bjork pulls away and turns to Chris who is struggling against the restraints that Prof. Bowie has put on his hands
>She walks up to him and lands a tight fist straight at his nose, he cries out in pain
>Bjork
"You fucking motherfucker! You dare touch my husband?!"
>She then proceeds to land multiple punches on him as he begins to wail in pain
>Prof. Bowie, struggling to hold on to Chris as he gets beaten by Bjork
"Bjork, pl-lease stop! I need to get him out of he- Thom! Come here and stop her!"
>Thom rushes over and restrains Bjork, as she continues to flail her arms about wildly while letting loose a string of awful insults
>Prof. Bowie
"Thank you. Damn, glad I'm not the one who kidnapped you. Alright, I'm taking this scum away. Go wait outside for me, you two. I'll be there in a moment."
>Thom, who is still holding fast to Bjork
"R-right sir! C'mon Bjork! Relax! It's alright now!"
>Prof. Bowie pushes Chris out of the room as Thom tries to calm Bjork down
>Chris, trying to speak through his bloody nose and broken teeth
"You can't do anything to me! You don't know who I am! Who are you?! Just some fucking English professor?!"
>Prof. Bowie, giving him a violent shove out of the room
"No, my dear boy, I'm quite a bit more."
>Prof. Bowie throws Chris down on the floor of a dark utility closet
"Perhaps your now deceased parents neglected to mention me? Though I'd find that hard to believe, considering the hell I gave them while I was in still in the force."
>Chris, with a look of shock and terror
"Do-don't tell me! You're the detective who-"
>Prof. Bowie
"That's right! I'm the detective who was charged with hunting down you members of the Martin family! The most vile, repulsive crime collective this half of the century! And it seems I've been delivered another! I had hoped you would come out different. Might grow to be a better man than your father was. But it was not to be. I'm privy to all the awful crimes you've committed these past few years since you've taken control of the syndicate! But now...all that ends."
>Prof. Bowie readies his revolver and takes aim

>Outside Bjork and Thom stand leaning against the car, holding hands and watching the stars
>Prof. Bowie comes out of the warehouse
"Well, seems you two are doing well. Hope Chris didn't give you too much trouble, Thom."
>Thom, turning to the professor and chuckling
"No, sir. I'm alright. But where is he anyhow?"
>Prof. Bowie
"Don't you worry. He's been taking care of. Won't be bothering you two lovebirds anymore. Now c'mon, let us depart!"

>Prof. Bowie drives them back to the their apartment
>Thom and Bjork, before they enter, turn to the professor
>Bjork
"We can't thank you enough professor!"
>Thom
"Yeah sir! You saved my life!"
>Prof. Bowie
"Oh, don't you mention it! What kind of teacher would I be if I couldn't do even that for my students?"
>Thom, laughs
"Right. Well, sir. Good night. I'll see you next class."
>Prof. Bowie
"That you will. And listen, Thom, Bjork...I'm glad you're both okay."
>Thom and Bjork smile at the professor, and then wave as he drives off
>Thom and Bjork enter their room
>Thom, rushing to the bedroom door
"Oh! I hope those thugs didn't ruin what I had planned!"
>Thom opens the door and sees that other than a few unlit candles, the room is unchanged from when he had left it. He turns to Bjork
"Well, you've probably already seen it by now, but- ta-da!"
>Bjork smiles and looks at Thom
"It's wonderful Thom."
>Thom
"Yeah well I had just thought we could have a bit of a romantic evening together, y'know? And I know it sounds stupid now, but for a while there I was kinda worried you were getting tired of me."
>Bjork, moving to hug Thom
"Oh Thom! You're so silly sometimes! I could never grow tired of you. We had promised each other we'd be happy forever, right? I plan to keep that promise."
>Thom, laughing
"Glad to hear it. Now c'mon, the night is still young! Let's get busy, yeah? I've been excited for this!"
>Bjork, happily
"Oh, Thom I've been meaning to tell you something actually! Now's the perfect chance."
>Bjork walks over to her dresser
"I've got something that I've been wanting to do for a while. Now where did I put that lube..."
>Thom, thinking to self
'Oh fuck.'