The Return of Rainbro Dash

>day 342 in Equestria
>Friday night
>alone
>no sign of Applebitch or Flutterrape and Rainbro is busy preparing a weather front
>it sure is boring around here
>no TV, no vidya, no internet
>wonder what ponies do for fun
>you put on a sweatshirt and walk out into town
>most everything is dark
>you can see a few ponies at home relaxing
>nothing open
>okay.jpg
>you think about just going to sleep
>suddenly, you hear a faint pulsating noise coming from a barn about 500 feet away
>it gets louder and more rhythmic
>knock on the door, Pinkie answers
>"You know the password?"
>It's on Applejack's farm, you guess "sugarcube"
>"Welcome inside"
>as you walk inside you see a blinding array of lasers and flashing lights
>on a stage at the opposite end are two speakers, two turntables, and a white pony wearing sunglasses and headphones
>you recognize her from around town
>it's so loud you have to yell to hear yourself think
>ponies don't seem to care
>they're all dancing in a really rhythmic, almost hypnotic swirl of colored manes
>at least three couples are bucking in the corner
>you push and jostle your way to the front of the crowd
>you wave like a maniac at the pony on the decks,
>she waves back at you
>the song ends right as she acknowledges you
>You breathe easier now that the deafening roar is almost over
>"HEY! I LIKE YOUR MUSIC!" you yell, almost deaf
>she smiles quietly and gives you a business card
>"DJ Pon3, turntablist wizard"
>You can feel your ears beginning to bleed
>she hands you a pair of headphones and starts the next song
>when you try to talk to her again, she slips a sheet of dissolving paper on your tongue. The paper has apples of every color on it.
>pic related, it's you
>you stop talking and just dance along to her music for what feels like forever
>you sit down on the back of the stage because you see what you think is Princess Celestia turning into a firey version of Nightmare Moon
>the DJ looks at you and prepares one last killer mix
>http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-s79yqVNDnY
>you're panicking, wondering what you did to deserve an eternity in this equine nightmare
>she cuts off the mix to a loud cheer
>you're almost passed out, crying from the loud noise, your extreme headache, and the fact that you will never see another person again
>you feel yourself move but can't speak
>you go to sleep from exhaustion
>you wake up the next day after a series of insane dreams
>you can hear clanging in your kitchen
>grab a board with nails sticking out of it from beneath your bed
>sneak into kitchen, fully prepared to attack Applerapist
>it's the DJ from last night
>"Mornin', party boy. That must have been your first time."
>who are you and what are you doing in my house?
>"Name's Vinyl Scratch. I gave you a ride home after the rave last night."
"So you were the DJ, right? I've seen you around town from time to time."
>"Yeah, that's my main job. Do you know Rainbow Dash?"
"Oh, her, yeah, we're somewhat friends" you say, trying to sound non-chalant
>"Don't lie to me. Rainbow's told me how you're her bro. Any friend of Rainbow's is a friend of mine."
You ask Vinyl why she's in your kitchen
>"I figured you might need something substantial after your near psychotic implosion last night."
>she turns around to show you a tray of apple muffins. You grab one and munch on it, slowly
>a minute of silence passes
>"Am I right? Was last night your first time to ride the rainbow horse?"
>you almost spit out your muffin, wondering if you hooked up with Rainbro Dash without realizing it
>"No, I mean, was that your first time... in an altered state."
>You say yes, because although you had tried some hash brownies back on Earth, you had never had something that intense before
>"It's all a part of the experience. As you try it more, you'll know what to expect."
"I'm never doing that again. I don't know what that was, but I was terrified."
>she looks worried and says "Oooh, then I probably shouldn't have given you a zap apple muffin just now."
>you've already eaten the whole thing
>you try spitting out what bits are still in your teeth
>"That won't work. I also should have told you that since you weigh less than a pone, you should have had about half of one. Sorry."
>it begins
>"Just relax, let the muffin do its job"
>She tries to play some music on your stereo, hoping she can put you in a trance
>she finds a song that makes you nod along and watch the pretty colors
>"Now, I think you owe me for that ride home last night. Just relax and I'll take care of it."
>"Nooooo!" you scream in your head
>"Guhhhhhhh!" you say out loud
>she's leaning in towards your member
>you panic
>suddenly, a loud crash comes from your front door
>Rainbow Dash!
>"Vinyl, leave Anonthony alone." she says, glaring at Vinyl
>"Come on, Rainbow. We're just partying here. Surely you want to see what's going on down there?"
>Rainbow blushes and tries hard to keep her wings at half-staff
>"That's not the point. He's completely unresponsive. Right, Anon."
>"Hurph muh" you say back to Rainbow.
>"Too late, Dashie. Just imagine you're me."
>RD gets enraged and flashes towards Vinyl
>she carries you with her and flies back to Cloudsdale
>whatabro.jpg
>she puts you down in her bed
>you wake up, still somewhat loaded, and see RD sleeping on the floor beside you
>bawwing like a baby
>you try and sneak out but RD sees you and says "Anon, are you okay. Did Vinyl hurt you?"
>you assure her you're okay and thank her from saving you again
>she blushes but tries to act like she was just doing her friendly duty
"You know, Rainbow, you seem to have this supernatural ability to know when I'm about to be raped. I could almost swear you were following me."
>she denies it
"Anyways, thanks for being such a good friend. See you some other time"
>she looks down when you say friend but says "Later", trying to act like it's no big deal
>you find Derpy nearby and have her carry you down to your house
>as she lets you go, Derpy says "Anon, I'm not a smart mare, but I know what love is." and flies off.
"I wonder why she would say that?"
>you close the door and write a note reminding you to invest in a deadbolt soon.

END