Expidition to Fisty

[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, so there we were"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "the base of Mount Fisty"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I'm the expidition leader since it's an ATI mission"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Canalan is there"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Tholluxth is the second in command"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and...who was the last one..."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I think is was Julia"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "we're here to fucking conquer this little hill in the name of adventure"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "So anyway, I ask for the supplies"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "turns out Canner bought climbing rope instead of grappling hooks"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "That's gonna turn out well and you know it"
[chatnet] Uriel asks, "So one of us has to free climb this thing and hang the rope, right?"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Tholluxth and I rock paper scissors for it"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "he wins, so I've got to climb"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I swear, he cheats somehow"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I'm climbing this thing"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "got me some spider gloves"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "magnificent sticky shit"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "the crackling of it's kinda creepy but it works"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I get to the top of the first rise easy, toss down the rope for the others"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Takes a few minutes, turns out Julia blows at climbing"
[chatnet] Uriel asks, "So we pass this cave, right?"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I've seen it, I don't care, Tholl's been there, Canner knows better than to run into caves while on crazy adventure without backup"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Julia run in and cockpunched this old due in there"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "So yeah, general rule for like"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Never cockpunch some old dude on a mountain"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Never ends well"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Specifically he knocked her the fuck out"
[chatnet] Drivyn says, "Quickly, I imagine."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I had to run in and drag her out, apologizing profusely to the Guru"
[chatnet] hannibalbob says, "oh god the guru"
[chatnet] hannibalbob says, "fuck that guy"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "that guy was all, "It's cool, man, it's the way the spirits deemed it""
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I swear he was fucking high on something"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, we drag her into the snow and slap her a few times"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "She wakes up and gets all pissed"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "wants to cockpunch him again"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "So we tied her up with one of the climbing ropes"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "She was still complaining, but not much to do about that"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "so I climb the second rise"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "It's starting to snow"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "the mountain's a bit icy"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "but my spider gloves hold fast"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I toss down a rope and they climb up"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Well, Canner and Tholl climbed"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Julia was strapped to Tholl's back"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Yanno, to keep her safe"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, it was getting late by this point"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "so we set up tents for the night"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "We had the boys in one tent and the girls in the other"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I quickly regretted this, as Julia was complaining about everything from the cold ground to the only food being fried orphan strips"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I searched Tholl's bag and found a ball gag"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Not being the kind to ask questions, I put it to use and slept soundly"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Julia may not have slept so well, but who gives a fuck"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, too soon it was day"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "We packed up and got ready for the next climb"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I strapped on my spider gloves, wrapped the rope around my waist, and began my way up."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Now it turns out that Fisty ices up nicely at night"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and the morning sun weakens the ice sheets formed in the night"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "See, I didn't know this at the time"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "So I'm climbing up"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "ker-scritch, ker-scritch"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Weird noises, those gloves make"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, I ker-scritched onto a weak patch of ice with my left hand"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "The wall creaked, then cracked"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and a moment later I found myself suspended soley by my right arm over ten meters off the ground"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "My left glove was stuck to this ice sheet"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and it was heavy and not coming off the glove"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I think it might have frozen on or something"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, I wiggle my hand"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and drop the left glove"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "It falls to the ground below with the ice, narrowly missing Canner."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Now I'm looking up, still a few more meters"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I have one glove and one plain hand"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Not many good handgrips were visible"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I'm thinking fast, gotta be a way to keep going"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Yanno, before the other glove unsticks somehow"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "So I pull my combat knife from my boot and jam it into the cliff face"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Well, the thicker ice on the cliff face anyway"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Stone's kind of hard"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, using my knife like that and my other glove, I make it"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I hang the rope down, they climb up"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "When Tholl reaches the top, he drops his pants and pisses over the side"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "probably hoping to hit Julia and get her back or something"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Bad idea, though"
[chatnet] Uriel asks, "Have you ever tried to piss in thirty below?"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Your junk was not designed for those temperatures, guys."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Long story short, we spent the next hour with a first aid kit and a hot pack"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Let that be a lesson, guys"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, the next climb's a doozy."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Like, I have to crane my neck to see the tope"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Now after the previous incident, I don't want to take any chances"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "So naturally, I cheat"
[chatnet] Uriel asks, "Now there's these boots designed by this one science company, alright?"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "They're called long-fall boots"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and they are totally badass."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Long story short, I had a pair fully charged for just such an occassion"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "We tied three lengths of rope together and a SPROING later I was at the top of the cliff face"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "My boots were spent"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I hung the rope from a rock and the others began climbing"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Tholluxth had the tents, Canalan had the folding chairs, and Julia was holding the rations"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "In retrospect, trusting her with the rations was a bad idea, not just because of what happened"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, she was the slowest climber"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "The other two made it up a while before she did"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "So we're waiting, listening to her occasional grunt of effort"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "then all of a sudden a scream"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Turns out there's these giant fucking bird-like things that live on Fisty, who knew"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and they happen to like the smell of fried orphan"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Two of them attacked Julia as she reached the junction of the second and third ropes"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "She tried to swat them away"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and lost her grip"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Julia fell some forty meters to her death"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "The creatures stole the rations from her corpse"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "We were left on the mountain with no food and night falling"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "We set the tents up again"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "It was quieter that night for me"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "which wasn't alltogether that unpleasant"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "The next morning I awoke to the smell of roasting meat"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Tholluxth had made a campfire and was cooking"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Canalan was sitting by the boys' tent, sipping coffee."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I didn't ask where they got the meat, but I had my suspicions"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "We never did find Julia's body"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Anyway, our bellies full, we faced the third day"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Another high climb lay before us."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "One atomicell later, I was at the top, my boots cooling themselves in the snow"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I hung the ropes and soon the surviving members of the expidition joined me."
[chatnet] Uriel says, "We were almost there"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Almost"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and then the yeti found us"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "It was about twice as tall as me"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "covered in fur white as the snow"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and eyes filled with something strange"
[chatnet] Uriel asks, "a hunger?"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "All I know is that it could punch really fucking hard"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I went down first"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I sat, winded in the snow as it rounded on my allies"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "It stared at Tholluxth as he reached for his blade"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "His hand and sword were suddenly encased in ice"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Canner never managed to pull his weapon"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "It picked him up and with a crunch removed his head"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I was struggling to my feet as it devoured the rest of him in three bites"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "It then turned to Tholluxth"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "his chosen hand was hanging frozen and useless, his blade held in his off hand instead"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "The beast did not fear, instead laughing at his shaking defense"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I struck then, buring my combat knife in its back"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "It spun, enraged, facing me"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Its eyes flashed and my arm was encased in ice"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I felt no pain, resistant to the cold as I was, but I was still restrained by this"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "it advanced on me as I reached for my sword"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "And then it stopped, howiling in pain as Tholluxth's boss springsteel smashed into its ribbs"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "The beast was distracted, in pain, and off balance"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I took my chance and rushed forward, leaping and planting a flying kick into its chest"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "it stumped back towards Tholluxth, who threw himself to the ground"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "the ice yeti tripped over him, and for a moment seemed to float over the precipace"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and then it fell"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Two of us left and the summit so close"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "The next climb Tholluxth led, using the spider gloves"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "the rope was much easier to climb than the cliff face, and in minutes we stood before the last rise"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I put on the chitin gloves, ran forward, and Tholluxth lifted me and my foot touched his hand"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I almost was able to touch the top"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and then there it was"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "The peak"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "I hung a rope for him to climb and we stood side by side, taking in the view and glory of Fisty's crown"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and then we unfolded our folding chairs and drank coffee"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "and that's the story of ATI's fisty climb"
[chatnet] hannibalbob asks, "what about getting down?"
[chatnet] Uriel says, "Oh, we took a plane down"
[chatnet] HellRazer applauds Uriel.