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- >Up late, trying to write great American novel
- >Stupid neighbor kid is firing BB gun at 2AM
- >He is killing stray neighborhood fluffies as they cross the road
- >You don't care about the damn things but he is so goddamn noisy
- >His dad won't stop him because the redneck bastard's a hunting nut and shit
- >Frankly you're scared of the guy
- >Hear noisy tap on door
- >If he's shooting your house it's the last straw
- >Tear open the door
- >Tiny, charcoal-and-goldenrod fluffy unicorn is staring up at you with tears in its eyes
- >It's so small, probably still counts as a foal
- >You're about to slam the door, but then it talks
- >"Mista hooman, fwuffy can nu find mommy."
- >You spend a second realizing its mother has probably already been shot
- >Only reason this one is alive is likely that its coloration hid it on the road
- >It takes your pause as a chance to add, "Gotta owwie on weggie. See owie jooce?"
- >Sure enough, it has a dripping score mark on its leg where a BB grazed it
- >That fucking kid
- >Two luminous eyes meet yours. "Hewp pwease?"
- >Maybe you should boot it off your stoop
- >But none of them have ever talked to you before
- >You weren't even sure they could talk
- >The internet is full of so much bullshit
- >Patch him up
- >Find out his name is Sparks, because he can make all of three sparks come from his horn
- >Easy to feed, not too messy
- >Let him run around on your lawn while you watch
- >Not even a week later, a loud crack interrupts your playtime
- >Sparks starts crying
- >Neighbor kid took a shot at him, took off the very tip of his left hoof
- >Pick up your pony while neighbor kid comes across the street, not too fast because it is busy
- >He's small, you're not afraid to yell at him, holding the shivering Sparks in your arms
- >Kid has a smarmy smile on his face while you curse up a storm
- >His dad stalks out from behind their house, crossing the street and looking pissed
- >Holy shit is he big, cars actually stop for him instead of the other way around
- >Starts yelling at you
- >You cower and stammer as though your pet getting shot is your own fault
- >He says soon his son will be old enough to use a real gun, and accidents should be avoided
- >Gives a very poignant look at you when he says 'accidents,' like you're in the line of fire too
- >Taps you on the head for emphasis
- >You can't meet his eyes
- >Little Sparks fucking loses it
- >"NUU BE MEAN TO DADDY!"
- >He gets glowing-white Twilight eyes
- >His horn turns yellow and shakes
- >He releases the biggest blast of sparks a fluffy pony has ever fired, to your knowledge
- >It's not a tenth of what a real unicorn could manage with ease, but it makes your douchebag neighbor blink and take one step back
- >He's close enough to the busy street that a car catches his arm, spinning him around and disorienting him
- >His son reaches out to steady him
- >Being a manly man, the neighbor tries to push his kid away
- >Kid stumbles over a lane of the road
- >Speeding bus flattens him into red paste
- >Horrified father staggers towards remains of son he just killed
- >Giant truck, honking, spreads him all over its grill and drags his dead body for fifty feet before stopping
- >Long pause, watching cars hurry on or stop
- >"Daddeh, dey full of owie-jooce!"
- >Big laughs
- >Sparks gets a fluffy mark of a few yellow dots
- >Pet ownership kicks ass
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