HEADCANON!!!!!

Fort Merriwether overlooked the far frontier of the Sacred Coalition of The Protectorate Kingdomes, under the rule of King Cog. It held a vast sea of ancient scrolls, detailing the great adventures of many a hero gone past, and had a record of deeds so great it rivaled the very library of Alexandria. Existing on the frontier, of course, it had the very best selection of armaments one could desire -- muskets, blades, even a few mechanisms designed for the launching of plague-corpses into the enemy lines, provided by ballista from corpses products.

There was only one problem.

Fort Merriwether had no cannons.

Now, not to say nobody had tried to give it cannons. Lorde Troy The Fatte, he had given the site a great bounty of cannons, with shiny brass and powerful blasts. But, the commanders and privateers of Fort Merriwether simply spent the entirety of day and nights bickering over the very nature of their cannons.

"This one is pristine, it has brass and silver finishes and can shoot a man's entire body off at fifty paces!"

"Nay! This cannon refuses to abide by the customs of Fort Merriwether! Why, it does not even list the great achievements of warriors gone by!"

"Such an act would be inconceivable! We cannot live in the past!"

"How dare you! Duels! Now!"

Now, surprisingly, Fort Merriwether was able to get on for many years without needing a cannon. They smashed the faces, noses, and bodies of all invaders simply by the nature of their other great technologies. But, all of that changes one day, with the coming of the Head-Cannons.

At first, their coming was shrouded in mist, which may have been cannon dust now that we think about it. There were many thunderous sounds... regardless! At first, they were few and far between, sighted only by scouts at the edges of the universe as we saw it. But, as time progressed, and their numbers became more prevalent, they began to directly assault our walls. At first, we could defeat them. But soon there were more. And more.

With mighty heads of brass and bolt, they breached the belly of the walls with force of will and the fact that their flesh above the neck had been transmuted into pure cannon. Surging inwards, they shouted both explosive phrases and faces, smashing all who stood in their way. They even resorted to ad homenim, insulting our lack of cannons, and even using the dreaded "7 phrases of death", which, coupled with their explosive nature, was disastrous.

The fort fell in a day, and was never retaken. Even now, the Kingdom of the Cannon rules to this day. Some may attempt to breach its walls, but all have been shouted down with cannonballs substituting the words. They have held it for a thousand years, and will hold it for a thousand more.

They have Head-Canon, and they know no fear.