LNPP from thread 130 (Fireside Spinoff)

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Applejack"
~~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but I feel like this is a good time anyway! Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!

"Howdy ho."

>I figured it out!

"Figured what out?"

>If you say something horrible with a casual straight face, it's actually really funny! That can be your comedy routine!

"Ah'm just telling stories that happen."

>But you're so nonchalant about it that it comes off as hilarious! Have you ever cut down a tree?

"Yes, but the first time was pretty bad on account of me and mah cousin Peach were using power tools for the very first time. Ah' told her it was probably a bad idea for her, but she was feeling lazy. Then when cousin Peach was trying to reach for something, she ended up sawing her hoof clean off...and by clean, Ah mean it was really messy. Thankfully, we put her hoof on ice and-"

>See? Like that! You were so calm about it like it was just another memory!

"Yeah, but traveling around with cousin Peach eventually made me numb to-

>That's all the time we have for now, but I'll see you all next time!

AJ wakes up.
"...Ah' wonder if Big Mac ever got all the blood off his coat."

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Start small like I did with LNPP. Get a feel for how AJ talks and once you have in image of how she behaves in your mind, run with it. Whatever you do just don't take yourself seriously. It'll flow a lot more naturally if you're simply trying to have fun.

Non-Canon
>Applejack
"Rarity"
~~~~~
Applejack sits next to a cozy fireplace.
>Welcome to Fireside /pa/ with your host Applejack. It's during this particular story Ah'm helping folks out...specifically Rarity.

"Darling...isn't this Pinkie's bit?"

>Ah'm borrowing it. What's a problem Ah' could help with?

"...well to start could you begin cleaning out your hair that gets stuck in the drain of the bathtub? I know it's yours. I'm not blond."

>...what? Ah' could have sworn we had somepony to clean that.

"We did...until you made the budget cuts. The maid that usually cleans our bathroom was laid off."

>...Eh we'll just make Blueblood clean it. Consider it fixed.

"That...wasn't the kind of fix I expected, but I guess that works?"

>Another job well done. Thanks for joining us...on the fireside.

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Fireside /pa/ was meant more of an example story for the other guy, but if there's a demand, I suppose it wouldn't hurt to supply.
Non-Canon
>Applejack
"Rarity"
~~~~~
Applejack sits next to a cozy fireplace.
>Welcome to Fireside /pa/ with your host Applejack. It's during this particular story Ah'm helping folks out...specifically Rarity again.

"Isn't this set in Pinkie's Dreamhouse?"

>Yes, but don't worry about that because it's not important. What kind of problem could Ah' help you with, Rarity?

"We're having plumbing problems. A lot of bathrooms are clogged right now."

>...Ah' was expecting something a little more serious.

"Various staff members have been complaining about the now out of order bathrooms for a few days now and it hasn't been fixed yet."

>Where's the janitor?

"You laid him off for the rest of the month. The bits to go into the education reform act had to come from somewhere."

>...oh right. He was included in the budget cuts.

"Well what are you going to do about it? Do you know anything about fixing water pipes?"

>Funny you should mention that. Ya see, this one time me and mah cousin Peach were-
Rarity puts her hoof into AJ mouth.

"That works on Pinkie, not me, darling, so focus."

>...fine. This is a really trivial problem though...eh I'll just make Blueblood fix it.

"Really, should you keep dumping these things on Blueblood?"

>He made a robot army and invaded Canterlot. He needs to work the damage off anyway.

"...fair enough."

>Problem solved. Thanks for joining us...on the fireside.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Flurry"
~~~~~
A storm is raging in the studio.
>WELCOME TO AN EMERGENCY NOT LATE NIGHT /PA/ WITH YOUR HOST PINKIE PIE! IT'S DURING THIS TIME THAT WE ARE EXPERIENCING HEAVY WEATHER, BUT I NEED TO BE HERE TO CALM FOLKS DOWN! WHAT A DAY! NOW FOR OUR MAIN GUEST...FLURRY HEART!!!

"agrooo hee hee."

>WHILE YOU'RE NOT QUITE RELEVANT TO /PA/ YET YOU CAUSED US A LOT OF TROUBLE ON THE SHOW! ANYTHING TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?!

"Hee hee ha brrr"

>YOU HEARD IT RIGHT HERE FOLKS! NO MATTER WHAT THE HAPPENING IS, WE WILL FACE IT TOGETHER! WE HAVE TRIPS BLESSING US! >>26904000

"Ahwa wadada hee heh."

>I'M YOUR NEW AUNT! THE BEST KIND OF AUNT! I'M YOUR AUNT PINKIE PIE!

The studio begins to flood. Pinkie gets into a rowboat and puts on goggles.
>OH WHAT A DAY! WHAT A LOVELY DAY!

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NC
>Pinkie
"Twi"
'???'
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but we need a post! Now for our main guest...TWILIGHT!!!

"Do you know anything about Rene Haycartes?"

>Nope!

"He proposed that since we perceive the world through our senses and our senses are fallible, what if there was a being lying to us about all we know and perceive, how could we know what is true?"

>...does it matter?

"Discord bringing up David Human gave me an idea. Haycartes came to the conclusion that he couldn't prove anything existed, but because he can reason to that conclusion, he at the very least must exist. Cogito Ergo Sum, I think therefore, I am."

>...where are you going with this?

"...I think this will somehow only work with you. I'm trying to blow your mind. My theory is because this is your dream, your mind, you are the one in control, so it's you who has control over your shadow. If you obliterate what you consider is true, it's possible you can change the rules for yourself according to your mind."

>...hmm.

'That's the best you can do?'
Discord is immobile, but his voice still heard.
'I've been frozen like this from my perspective weeks and the best you can do is blow her mind? Tsk tsk tsk, how disappointing. I expected something more interesting. Instead you bore everyone by trying to teach a lesson.'

>...I could erase you from existing here.

'Ohohoho there's the inner Pinkie I wanted to hear...you and I can both alter the reality we experience at will...but I wonder if even you realize about which being is lying to you about what you perceive?'

>...is that suppose to mean something?

'Who do you think is the bigger liar? Me...or princess Luna who says she broke the mind of her 'friend'...that Buck Norris sure was an amazing dream walker.'

>...?

'A little chaos to your mind. Have fun with Twilight.'
Discord disappears.

>...No...Luna couldn't have already...who's the bigger liar indeed.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Applejack"
~~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and we wait for writers to return from their bans! Now for our main guest...APPLEJACK!!!

"Howdy."

>How's that fireside project that you needed my dreamhouse for?

"So far it's only Rarity who's been mah guest, but things are going great."

>...guest?

"Yaaaa errr ummm ya know what? Did Ah' ever tell you the time when me and mah cousin Peach were trying to guess what was going on at the Bananas family mansion? They were really kind of ooki, but we were too curious for our own good, so we decided to go visit them. Now their mansion is practically a rickety museum with a cemetery in the back, but they seem to like it just fine. However, when we worked up the courage to walk up to the gate, and cousin Peach rang the...noose, a runway cart ran Peach over. Apparently cousin Prunesly had removed a stop sign at the top of the nearby hill."

>Uh that's all the time we have now, but thanks for joining us! Have a good time everypony!

AJ wakes up.
"Whew...thank goodness that actually does work on her."

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Anon"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but some of us need to work through the pain of loss! Now for our main guest...my writer ANON!

"..."

>...just say it.

"He's gone. My friend shot himself. He CHOSE to shoot himself and now he's dead. He didn't even tell his friends and say good bye. I can only hope he did it cleanly and didn't feel any pain going out. He did it...he really did it. I wish it was a bad April fool's joke, but it's not. My friend, that I had fun times with is dead and I'm trying to look for solace in a crazy pink talking pony."

>Only the best crazy pink talking pony around! You're only trying to write through your grief and don't you be ashamed of that...he's in a better place now.

"Is this my fault? Did my funeral talk about my uncle spur him into doing it. That was the last time I brought something up with him and he died some time later. You don't think he took what I said as a sign to go through with it do you?"

>Anon...please don't blame yourself. You couldn't have known anything and you'll never be able to know the answer to that, so please don't think like that.

"He got off the ride, but...is he in Equestria now?"

>If he is then, I'll definitely become friends him and show him around. I can promise you his welcome party will be the best party he ever had!

"If you do, please tell him...he's an asshole for leaving us, and that we love him. We know he had a shit life, but damn it we could have tried to provide some emotional support for him. Even as other assholes on the internet we would have been there! I didn't ask for these feels!"

>Shhh...he's with his waifu now and I don't think he'd want you to be weeping over him.

"He probably wouldn't, but I'd still cry for him and I would choose to cry like a bitch if I found out a /pa/l decided to off himself."

>...I would too.