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[NOT FLUTTERAPE] The Season 3 Finale.

Feb 22nd, 2013
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  1. I was told to "DO SOMETHING QUICK"
  2. So I did.
  3. This isn't Flutterrape. I don't even think it counts as a coherent story. Enjoy.
  4.  
  5. ---
  6.  
  7.  
  8. >Day Odd in Equestria
  9. >Wake up
  10. >Feel the magic in the air
  11. >Not a metaphorical term, you can literally feel the magic crackling in the air
  12. >In fact, your curtains just caught fire.
  13. >Oh god.
  14. >Rip them off and stamp on them
  15. >With your bare feet
  16. >Howl in pain as the scorched fabric burns the sole of your foot
  17. >Jump in the shower as fast as you can, taking the curtains with you
  18. >Turn on the water
  19. >Let the ice cold liquid sooth your foot
  20. >And also propel you into the early stages of Pneumonia
  21. >Fuckin A
  22. >Dry yourself off using the wet curtains and walk downstairs
  23. >Hey, you just woke up to fire and 3rd degree burns. You're allowed to do stupid shit
  24. >Walk past a window on the way to the fridge
  25. >Look outside
  26. >The skies are raining, snowing, striking nearby trees with lightning and are also looking fabulous with a lovely patchwork pattern in the clouds
  27. >Rainbow Dash has finally gotten on your level
  28. >What a gal
  29. >Smile and make yourself some cereal, munching down and gleefully watching ponies get sunburn and frostbite at the same time
  30. >Reminds you of when Discord showed up that one time
  31. >Funny guy
  32. >Later got turned to stone then rehabilitated a few months later
  33. >Now he's utterly pussy whipped by Celestia
  34. >Finish eating walk outside
  35. >Get immediately tackled by a pony
  36.  
  37. 1/?
  38.  
  39. >Stare up at the pony sat on you
  40. >She glares down
  41. >Its your good friend Lyra!
  42. Morning L-
  43. >She starts beating the shit out of your face
  44. >You scream and try to fight her off, opting to throw her in a dustbin and sitting on the lid
  45. >You pant heavily, using your weight to keep it held down while she kicks and screams inside
  46. >A massive dent appears in the side, indicating a point blank spell
  47. >Several more dents appear
  48. Lyra, what the fuck?
  49. >"I'LL KILL YOU AND SKULLFUCK THE CORPSE, HUMAN!"
  50. You don't even have a dick!
  51. >"I HAVE A HORN, FUCKTARD!"
  52. >Damn. She's one angry cartoon horse
  53. >Plant a large rock on the lid of the bin and stand back, looking around
  54. >Ponies everywhere are glaring at each other and snarling
  55. Woah.
  56. >You walk through Ponyville, the ponies snarling and snapping at you if you get too close
  57. >The hell is going on here?
  58. >Pass by Rarity on the bridge
  59. Hey, Rarity. What's up with everyone today?
  60. >"Oh, I just don't know, darling! Everyp0ny is so angry! I think it might be because of my clouds..."
  61. >You now realise that it's Rarity who is making the clouds fabulous
  62. >Pat her on the withers
  63. Keep at it, you'll get there.
  64. >"Thank you, darling."
  65. >You walk off the bridge and continue to look around
  66.  
  67. 2/?
  68.  
  69. >Next you come to Pinkie Pie
  70. >How, exactly, you're not sure.
  71. >But what you are sure of, is that she's doing Applejack's job.
  72. >Badly.
  73. >"Stupid... Trees!"
  74. >She kicks a nearby tree and breaks both her back legs
  75. >She screams in pain and you wince at the loud crack of bone
  76. >Then, because Punkeh Poi, she's right as rain
  77. >Fffffffuck you, logic.
  78. >She looks towards you and scowls
  79. Heeey... Pinkie?
  80. >"What do YOU want, Anon?"
  81. So uhh. Helping out Applejack today, are we?
  82. >"What? No. I just..."
  83. >She sighs
  84. >"Why can't I do anything right, Anon?"
  85. >Pat her
  86. There there, Pinkie. There there. Just leave, I'll clear up, you go back to entertaining Ponyville.
  87. >"Entertain Ponyville? Why would I do that?"
  88. Haha. You crazy horse.
  89. >Slap her on the ass
  90. >She squeals and runs down the path into Ponyville
  91. >You clean up the farmyard and head on after her
  92. >Ponyville is looking slightly better
  93. >The ponies are looking more chipper
  94. >Pinkie bounces by
  95. >"Anon! I don't know why, but I'm really good at this!"
  96. I know you are, Pinkie.
  97.  
  98. 3/?
  99.  
  100. >The ponies smile wider and follow Pinkie down the streets of Ponyville
  101. >You walk back over the bridge
  102. >Rarity is humming and smiling
  103. >Look up
  104. >The clouds are looking nice and fluffy and as natural as fluffy cartoon clouds can look
  105. See? I said you'd get it.
  106. >She beams at you
  107. >"Thank you for believing in me, Anonymous"
  108. >She leans up and kisses you on the cheek
  109. >Blush
  110. >Walk over the bridge and on the way to Rarity's shop, which seems to have Applejack outside covering it in wooden planks
  111. Hey, AJ. Your farm was being molested by Pinkie
  112. >"Mah farm? No, Anon. I run this here shop"
  113. That's stupid. You're stupid.
  114. >"Ah know... Ah just... Why can't ah make dresses?"
  115. Lack of creativity?
  116. >"Ah guess, yeah."
  117. Just do what I did when my therapist helped me. Channel your darkest thoughts and memories into your work. You'll be fine!
  118. >"Say... That's a mighty fine idea, Anon! Thanks!"
  119. >She laughs and tears off the wood covering the door, throwing it open and immediately getting to work on some new designs before the door even shuts behind her
  120. >You feel compelled to go to Fluttershy's house. Since everyone else is acting Applestupid.
  121. >Strutting down the road, a gaggle of laughing ponies runs past you
  122. >Smile and whistle while you walk
  123. >Fluttershy's cottage comes into view
  124. >You hear loud screaming coming from the cottage
  125. >That's Rainbow's scream. Not Fluttershy's.
  126. >But how would you even know that?
  127. >Bow chicka wow wow
  128.  
  129. 4/?
  130.  
  131. >Kick open the door like GI Joe
  132. >Hurts like a mother fucker when the door is made of solid wood and has 4 locks
  133. >But at least it's open
  134. >Rainbow Dash is in a pot, animals prancing around and waving kitchen stabbing devices
  135. Hey! You taught the animals the basics of tribal civilisation! Well done, Rainbow Dash!
  136. >She perks up
  137. >"Hey yeah! I guess I did!"
  138. >She smiles down at the animals, now smearing on war paint
  139. >"Come on you guys! Worship me as your new god!"
  140. >And so they do.
  141. >Rainbow is released and placed atop a throne of Chicken Feed. Wearing a crowd of cucumber slices held together with glue
  142. >Your work here done, you turn and walk out the door, listening to the sounds of a power-hungry pseudo-god as you walk away.
  143. >Walking back into Ponyville, you notice that everyone is now wearing Gothic clothing
  144. >Applejack waves to you from her now jet black shop, with red lace everywhere and fishnets covering the windows
  145. >"Anon! Ah embraced mah darker side!"
  146. Nice work, Marilyn Mareson!
  147. >She laughs and eats the head off a bat
  148. >Crazy horse.
  149. >You smile and look around
  150. >Who are you missing?
  151. >Fluttershy is about to get in a hot air balloon
  152. >She sees you there and waits, looking at you
  153. >You think for a moment
  154. >Animals are all ok
  155. >Weather is fine
  156. >Clothes are all good
  157. >Everyone is happy
  158. >Meh. We can lose her
  159. >Wave and watch her go as she flies off to some god-forsaken hellhole.
  160.  
  161. 5/?
  162.  
  163. >You look around the town and ponder
  164. >Applejack's farm won't be producing food. This could be a problem
  165. >Suddenly the mayor runs past you
  166. >"Hey there, Anon! Given the recent lack of food from local sources, we've opened trade routes with other cities that were previously un-needed! Now every town in the area is benefiting from trade agreements! We're all rich now! Thank you!"
  167. >Well that solves that problem
  168. >Trade
  169. >Fuck yeah
  170. >#ronpaul2016
  171. >You walk into Twilight's library, making this the last stop
  172. Sup.
  173. >Twilight looks up from a book
  174. >"Anon! Help! I've switched around everyp0ny's destiny!"
  175. Great job, asshole.
  176. >"Now isn't the time for sarcasm, Anon! We need to fix this!"
  177. I just did.
  178. >"...What?"
  179. I just did. Everyone is happy now. Applejack is a trend setter, the skies are downright beautiful thanks to Rarity, Pinkie is doing what she does best, Rainbow Dash is going to be responsible for an animal revolution and Fluttershy is gone! Everything is perfect!
  180. >Twilight gawps at you
  181. >"B-but... But.. The Princess..."
  182. >"Is right here."
  183. >You turn around and see Celestia smiling at you both
  184. Cool.
  185. >She looks down at Twilight
  186. >"My most faithful student..."
  187.  
  188. 6/?
  189.  
  190. >"You failed."
  191. >Uh oh.
  192. >Twilight has tears in her eyes
  193. >"B-but Anon-"
  194. >"Anon fixed all the problems before you could. Which is why he is clearly ready."
  195. >"W-what?
  196. >What.
  197. What.
  198. >There is a flash of light and a boom
  199.  
  200. >Next thing you know, you're in space
  201. >Trippy.
  202. >Look around
  203. >Stars n shit
  204. >...
  205. >Well, this was fun.
  206. >Now to get home.
  207. >Celestia appears out of nowhere
  208. >"Congratulations, Anonymous. You did today what nop0ny else has ever done"
  209. What, use their brains?
  210. >Ba dum tssssss
  211. >"Yes! Exactly!"
  212. >What.
  213. >"Nop0ny in history has ever used their brains. Which is why I'm making you a princess!"
  214. >You raise a hand
  215. No thanks, Tia.
  216. >You put on some shades
  217. Princesses are fucking gay.
  218. >You jump off the star platform as Celestia and everything around her explodes
  219.  
  220. >DIRECTED BY MICHEAL BAY
  221.  
  222. 7/7
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