Plants vs. Animals

> Tending to my rose
> knock at the door
Roseluck, is that you?
> "No anon, it's me"
> fluttershy
> I open the door
> I fall on the floor
> fluttershy's a dinosaur
> "what do you think anon?"
Prehistoric is not my fetish
> "Anon! What're you doing with fluttershy?"
> oh god no
> Roseluck comes storming over
> "Fluttershy, why are you dressed like a dinosaur?"
> she looks at me abashedly
> "oh..nothing...."
> Roseluck turns to me
> "Anon, what was she doing"
come here
> she leans in and I explain fetish-shy to her
> she gasps
> she looks, furious, at fluttershy
> "I won't have you bothering my anon ever again!"
> she opens her bag, and tosses a vial on the floor
> suddenly thorny vines come out from under the floor, and wrap around my house
> soon enough, most of my house is entrapped in plants
> I hear fluttershy faintly from the outside
> "Don't worry anon, I'll save you!"
> Roseluck is nowhere to be found
> I'm trapped in a jungle, in my own house
> let day 1 begin

day 1
> my house has been turned into a jungle
> I push aside various undergrowth in hopes of finding Roseluck, or a way out of here
Crazy bitch, even fluttershy wasn't this bad
> I hear distant chirping, as if some bird far away was calling out
> stumble over what I think used to be an ottoman
God dammit! Ow
> grab hold of my automatic furniture detector
> trip over a root
fuck
> get up
> find what I think is a wall
Hello? Can anyone here me?
> bang on the wall
> here another distant voice
> "don't worry anon, i've got a goat to help get you out"
> did she say a goat? What good can a goat do?
> "it might take a while"
great
> slowly push toward the kitchen
> the kitchen isn't a jungle
> looks like a forest
> great, each room has its own biome
> suddenly, a monkey swings down and lands on my shoulder
well hello there little guy
> the monkey bangs on my head and leaps for the trees again
well ok then
> look at the trees that compose the kitchen forest
> they've got to be at least 30 feet tall
how'd my kitchen get so big?
> here a giggle that sounds like Roseluck
> rush and follow it upstairs
> it's now a swamp
> seriously? how did this shit happen?
> I slog through the muck, trying to chase down roseluck
> I end up on a small patch of dry land
> no one in sight
> I attempt to slog back downstairs
> an alligator snaps at my foot
looks like I'm going to be here a while
> a few hours later, test the waters
> the gator's gone
> slog downstairs
> maybe I can escape through the basement
> nope, that's changed too
> the basement is a grassland
> as I'm walking through the grasslands, I hear a distinct rattling noise
shit
> run
> hear a hiss and a snap
> narrowly avoid being bitten by a rattlesnake
> I think I'd rather stand my chances with the monkey
> Set up camp in the kitchen
> maybe one day I'll find the fridge

> day 2
> awake in the kitchen forest
> eyes open
> first thing I see is curious monkey face
Ahh!
> "Eeek!"
> he scurries up the tree
> slowly get up
Where should I try to get out from?
> upstairs seemed the least difficult to move around in
> weave my way through trees and make it to stairs
> start walking up
oh fuck, I forgot about the gator
> hear Roseluck's giggle at the top of the stairs
> see a glimpse of her tail as the runs off
> chase after roseluck
Roseluck! Wait!
> get to the top of the stairs
> nowhere to be seen
fuck
> slog my way through to my bedroom
> I can escape from the bedroom window
> my bedroom is wetlands
> my bed it a lilypad
> on the lilypad is Roseluck
> she's laying down, very seductively
> "well, hello Anon"
Roseluck, what did you do to my house!?
> "isn't it wonderful Anon? Now we can be together forever, in a house of plants"
No Roseluck, my house is a nightmare of ecosystems
> "You....you don't like it?"
I liked that you were defending me from Fluttershy, but this is a little extreme
> she looks like I just stabbed her in the heart
> "Well, it's gonna stay like this, and you're gonna love me"
Well I can't say that I do right now
> "you WILL love me"
> she sounds just like fluttershy
> right in the irony
> suddenly, the grasses begin to tangle themselves around my feet
> can't move
> Roseluck makes her way over to me
> "Remember the love we had? Let's get it back."
> spot a wake in the water in the corner of my room
> the gator
> the wake is coming up
> ohshit ohshit ohshit ohshit
> the gator springs forward, and knocks Roseluck off of me
> the grass lets go
> I make a mad dash for the first floor
> by mad dash, I mean I splash like a maniac as I slowly slush my way down
> the gator has Roseluck preoccupied
> or so I thought
> the gator starts chasing me
> I start splashing more as I desperately pull myself downstairs
> the gator follows me down the stairs
> I lose the gator in the jungle brush
> he could be anywhere
> run for dear life to the kitchen forest
> hit my shin on that damn ottoman again
> no time to cry about it
> hear an ominous growling behind me
> also hear a hissing
> turn around
> see epic Python vs. Alligator duel
damn, where's my popcorn
> python wraps around gator's mouth and neck
> chokes the poor bastard out
> python wins, fatality
> I get back into the forest before the python goes for me
> the monkey is acting up again
> dodging balls of what I hope is mud
> hit what I think is the sink
> "Anon! I brought a Rhino to help!"
Fluttershy!? Can you hear me!?
> "It's still gonna take some time!"
> she can't hear me
> plot my next escape
> can't escape from upstairs swamp
> Maybe somewhere in the central jungle?
> I fight my way against vines and underbrush
> this jungle seems to go on for forever
> I think I'm somewhere in the dining room
> climb over fallen trees
> suddenly, a thunderstorm
> seriously? My house has its own weather patterns too?
> raining
> lightning strike
> think I see the shadow of a pony on a tree
> it's gone when I do a double take
> keep walking
> the underbrush seems to be getting more and more stubborn
> trip on something
> try to get up
> can't
> turn to see various bushes crowding on me
> hear a maniacal laugh
Roseluck
> "yes, anon dearest?"
why are you doing this?
> "because I love you"
> a rose in the shape of a heart drops on vine from the tree in front of me
> get flipped over onto my back
> get kissed by Roseluck
> the scent of Roses, once lovely, is now ominous
> I break the kiss
well, I don't think I love you
> "shhhh, it's ok, you just don't understand your feelings"
> feel a root probing at the groin of my pants
> "now just relax, and I'll take you to a special place"
> feel another root probing at my arm
> the root slithers down my chest
> it's not a root
python
> the python lashes out, snagging hold of on of Roseluck's hooves
> it slithers its way around her
> it squeezes
> hear the air forced out of Roseluck
> the plants let go of me
> I flee once more
> I swear, I see the python wink at me while I run
> I'm in the forest again
> the monkey has calmed down
> I sit, trying to comprehend what's going on
> the monkey sits next to me, mimicking my posture.
Monkey see monkey do, huh?
> the monkey gives me a playful punch on the arm
> it's almost like he can understand me
> I set up a camp in the forest
> the monkey stays with me
> I decide it's time for bed
> the monkey doesn't seem tired
> as I drift into sleep, the monkey sits in the tree above me, almost like he's keeping guard

> day 3
> I wake up
> the monkey is sleeping next to me
> take him in my arms
> whisper to him
You'll protect me won't you?
> he snuggles into my arm
> smile at him
> realize I'm dying of thirst
> the only water I know of is the swamp
> go to the edge of swamp and drink up
> monkey stirs
> he chatters at me
> beats on my chest a little
> climbs onto my shoulder
> stays there
okay then
> checked the jungle, no way out
> hit shin on ottoman again
> checked the swamp, no way out
> check the grasslands?
> go down to the basement
> there should be a cellar door on the other end
> start my trek across
> stepping lightly
> don't want to run into any snakes
> hear something rustling in the Prairie grass.
> swerve to avoid it
> stepped in something
> feels like a clump of dirt
> suddenly, there's a fire on my leg
> the stinging of a thousand ants consumes my nerves
> shake rattle and roll my way across the plains
> these fuckers hurt
> the monkey hops off of my shoulder, and eats ants that are on the ant pile
> eventually kill off all of the ants
> including a small nest in my shoe
> monkey regroups
> my leg is slightly swollen
> feels like a damn elephant foot
> hobble onward
> hear the sound of beads in a tube
shit
> monkey jumps down
> gets absorbed into the tall grass
> try not to step on him as I flee
> hear him chattering
> he screams
> silence
> I mourn the loss of my monkey friend
> suddenly a snake carcass is held, just barely above the grass
> the monkey screams in victory
> monkey braveheart
> he climbs onto me
> I hug him
> put him on my shoulder
Thanks monkey
> he puts on a dumb smile
> continue walking
> does this place ever end?
> hear more rustling
> suddenly, the grass grows to well above my head
> the monkey climbs on top of a piece
>I feel something slither its way across my elephant foot
> constriction
> next my arms
> a pony walks out from behind the grass
Roseluck, leave me alone!
> I struggle against the grass
> "Anon, I love you, I can't just leave you alone"
> the constraints tighten
> "And I'm going to make you love me"
> my pants are removed
> my boxers too
> I'm tied up by grass, naked, with a pony about to rape me
> well fuck
> she fondles me gently
> "remember what fun we had anon?"
You mean before you were crazy?
> she giggles
> "silly anon, you just need a reminder"
> she slips her mouth around me
> she licks me, swirling around my shaft
> she sucks
> her lips glide smoothly over me
> starting to feel good
> she stops for a moment
> "I can see you're enjoying it. I knew you loved me"
> she continues, adding the use of her hooves
> she cuts short
> she turns around
Please Roseluck, no
> she slides me inside
> her moan of pleasure is strangely high and piercing
> realize that it's the monkey screaming
> he drops from the tall grass, and lands on Roseluck's head
> she falls to the ground
> the grass loosens, but still holds me in place
> I'm forced to watch as the monkey tears at Roseluck
> he pulls her mane
> she yelps, and bucks
> he hold firm
> he scratches at her face
> the binds loosen
> I struggle enough, and the grass tears
> I'm free
> Roseluck runs off with my monkey, still trying to buck him off
> I collect my pants and flee
> run in a random direction
> lost in the above my head height grass
> hear a rustling
> feel a weight on my shoulder
Monkey!
> he grabs hold of my head
> hugs the crap out of my head
> he looks at me
> I know exactly what he wants to say
I don't know where I am
> He clamors up the grass again
> looks around
> climbs down
> points to my left
> fight through the thick grass
> boy what I wouldn't give to have a machete
> make my way where the monkey points
> stairs
> climb up the stairs
> back in the jungle
not quite what I wanted, but ok
> head to the only safe place I know
> the kitchen
> no, I'm not a girl
> dodge the ottoman
ha!! fuck you ottoman!
> crash into the door frame
> god dammit
> find camp from last night
> prepare for bed
sleep well my guardian, sleep well
> he climbs off my shoulder, and snuggles onto my stomach
> we both sleep

> day 4
> rouse myself to feel like the monkey has gotten 5 times bigger
> open one eye
> monkey's yellow
> monkey's got pink hair
> that's not monkey
....fluttershy?
> "oh anon, you're awake!"
how'd you get in here?
> "remember? I had a goat eat his way in"
> vaguely remember how stupid that sounded
> it took 4 days for that goat to chomp through
> bet all the other goats were like: "dude if you eat all that plant, you're gotta get a wicked bad tummy ache"
It's so good to see you again
> hug her
> she sighs softly
> "come on, let's get out of here"
but, what about roseluck?
> "She's in here too?"
yea, she's been trying to rape me for the past 3 days
> "don't worry, I'll protect you"
I have a feeling you have been since I got here
> she gives me a smile and blushes
So where's the hole?
> "your front door"
> walk with fluttershy toward the door
> realize monkey is nowhere to be found
> start looking for him
> look up onto tree branch
> monkey, gutted, hanging from branch by thorn vine
oh....god
> fluttershy urges me to keep walking
> "if we're going to get away from that crazy mare, we need to keep moving"
right
> we keep walking
> forest turns to jungle
> hit that damn ottoman again
> "anon are you ok?"
yea, I'll be fine
> limp onward
> see the exit
> make a mad dash for it
> jungle trees bend across the path and block it
fuck
> "Roseluck, you bitch! Where are you"
> "Oooh fluttershy. How nice to see you again. What do you think of the redecorating anon and I did?"
Roseluck, for the last time, we aren't a couple!
> "Anon, honey, could you do me a favor, and show fluttershy the way out?"
No, I don't think I will
> a thorn vine grabs fluttershy
> she yelps in pain
> "well then I guess I'll have to"
> the vine picks up fluttershy
> Roseluck appears from behind a bush
> she's scarred from monkey attack
> she turns to fluttershy, I see bite marks from alligator
> "You are not welcome into our home!"
It's my home!
> hear two people at the trees
> "hey! is anyone in there!"
> the royal guard is here
help! Roseluck's gone crazy!
> "more intruders? Oh well, I guess we'll have to deal with this one first"
> more vines wrap around fluttershy, and start to squeeze her
> fluttershy is turning purple
> tackle roseluck
> vines release momentarily
> fluttershy lets out a disgusting bellow
> heavy hoof stomps are approaching fast
> "holy shit is that a rhino?"
> "it's coming right for us! Run!"
> the two guards run off
> a magnificent crash rings as the rhino breaks through the two trees
> the rhino carries the charge through, and pins Roseluck against another tree
> the two guards come in and arrest Roseluck
> I rush to fluttershy
> she's bleeding from the thorns, some look serious
> I pick her up, and carry outside
> half of ponyville is outside, waiting to see what happens
> they gasp as I'm carrying an unconscious, bleeding fluttershy
> several nurse ponies take her off my hands
> cheering rings out
> I turn around
> a beaten, bloodied, and scarred Roseluck is being taken out of my house
> once she's outside my house, the vines retract
> I enter my home, it's the same as it ever was
> I quickly rush off to the hospital
> find fluttershy, bandaged, and awake
are you ok?
> "the doctors say I'll be healing for a while, but I'll be fine"
thanks so much for rescuing me
> "of course anon"
> we chat for a while, I recount my tales of adventure
> she seemed happy to hear the animals were helping me
> I go home
> find that ottoman
> put it outside my house
> light that fucker on fire
> dance around the fire
> piss on its ashes
> and scream at it until I can't speak anymore
> conclude by spitting at it
> flipping it the bird
> and farting in its general direction
> go back to the hospital
> take fluttershy home
> sleep in her house that night