As life goes on
I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility
And I realize that everything I do
Is affecting the people around me
So I wanted to take this time out
To apologize for things that I've done
And things that haven't occured yet.
				-Akon

So ive decided to combat my recent tough couple of days by typing how i feel. My dear friend Empress, although it pains me to call her that it might be the best
for the two of us if we just stay as friends and nothing more, told me that she writes when she is sad and my handwriting sucks ive decided to just type. This all began on
Tuesday Jan. 17th 2017 (typing this exactly a week from then) when we met through a friend scotty where i told him that she was jsut a bad person to be around due to a previose
exp with her several months back, this lead to us joking and doing a 1v1. We became friends soon after and only a few hours later we opened up to eachother. Her situation
was so similar to mine i was caught, i just so at peace that i could talk to someone that felt the same way i did. This escalated to us becomeing very comfortable with
eachother to a somewhat sexual nature which was cut off only a few hours later. We got to talking about us and what we want out of this and she decided that because of
our different religous views that it would never work out this was on Friday around 4-5 AM and we talked for a couple more hours and decided to sleep on the whole thing.
As you may imagine i was devistated by the whole thing, thigs took of so fast and i was so happy with in those few fleeting moments we talked with eachother with nothing
to worry about only to have it snatched away, I know it was probably for the best and you are more mature that me and have been through things like this before, but for me
this was the first time i connected with a girl that i could tell anything to with no judgement at all and who seemed to almost be in love with me as much as I her.
So the next day she decided it was best for us to not talk for awile, i was devestated but went along with it. I messaged her on Sunday and said that if she was ready we
could talk but she said she wasnt, we typed a little more, i told her i was really depressed and she told me to just try and get some sleep this was around 7:30 after i got
home from work. I slept on and off waking up several times during the night and fianlly got out of bed around 10 the next morning. We got to talking and she asked me how
I was doing i lied and said i was better, i dont know why i lied maybe to make myself believe i was fine or maybe to make it so she didnt feel bad ( i think she felt as if
she caused the whole thing) but i wasnt fine, far from it actually, i was sad and angry. So many things i wanted to tell her but i tried to hold myself back sometimes I
wouldnt and say some awful things to her that i said out of anger and i am truly sorry for I cant find the words to describe how sorry i really am. I try and not pity myself
and make other pity me but i try and tell her the truth. Sometimes she wouldnt respond wo i would get even angrier at her, i do not know why i feel this way shes an adult
and has other thigns to worry about than my problems, im 17 i can deal with them myself (i try to but she was so good at listening). So before i sat down to write this we
were talking and she didnt respond, i got a little angry for some reason, she got was in a lobby and i alomst had hoped for an inv to play but one never came she got
in a game and i watched to see who she was palying with, who she would rather play with over me i thought was if i was her only friend or that i should be the only one
that can paly with her. Oh how much of and egotistical loser i must be for even thinking that she shouldnt favorite me, no. But me being an idiot i wrote her a hateful
that was only out of anger and frustration "nvm if you want to play just ask i wont bother you anymore" i do regret everything i said to yuo Reem if you are even reading this
if you find it nessasary you can stop talking to me i will be hurt and beg you to give me another chance but with some time i will be able to forget about you, honestly i
hope i never forget about you, you are my first true love, someone who within a few hours i could imagine spending my whole life with but as fate would have it that day would
never come to be. So i would like to thank and apologise to you Reem for everything not enough gifts in the world could amount to how happy i am that i was able to meet such
a beautiful, outstanding, comforting and mature woman as yourself and i hope you find someone that makes you feel as happy as i was in those first couple of hours together
for the rest of your life, you deserve it more that anyone in the world. Anger and fear have lead me down the wrong path and I hope you read this and understand how sorry I
am for the things i said and the thigns i might say. Tell me if you get this far reading please it hurts me to know ive tried to hurt you and maybe sometime in the future
when this is all clear we can go back and play some games, ive been practicing in H1Z1 and i cant wait to wear the matching outfits. Just remeber i will always love you babe

"I can't help falling in love with you" -Elvis Presley

" 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." - Alfred Lord Tennyson