[I'll never finish]Disaster Date Chapter Pinkie Pie

>"Hey 'Nonny!"
>It's Pinkie.
>That adorable bundle of bouncing autism.
>She would usually make you smile at the sight of her.
>She had always made you laugh at her jokes and pranks with Rainbow.
>But not today.
>You're grumpy and disappointed over Sweetie and the CMC intruding on your chance to get some sweet pone ass.
>She didn't even pay you her allowance this week.
>This was even the last week of her paying her allowance.
>Goddammit, yesterday was the worst date of your life.
>Not to mention, your first.
>Oh, and Pinkie was still bouncing in front of you.
"Hey Pinkie. Any new cupcakes this month?"
>She tapped a hoof below her head and continued bouncing.
>"Maybe there is, maybe there isn't! I don't know!"
>She giggled and put out her tongue in a teasing manner.
"Goddammit Ponka. Tell me. Is the Choco-Peanut Butter cupcake with sprinkles in-stock?"
>She nodded her head and still bounced.
>"Yup, 'Non!"
>You just might be able to smile today.
>"So, Anon, how's the knighting? I'm sure being a knight is fun! Do you get to wear a cool armor? Do you get to hear Twi use your dragon dildo collection? Do you get a cool swo--"
>You shut her mouth.
>Wait what
>She said something about your dragon dildos.
"Wait, what was that last thing?"
>You slowly uncover her mouth.
>"Do you get a cool sword?"
"No, not that one. The one before that."
>"Do you get to hear Twi use your dragon dildo collection?"
>Yep, that's the one.
"When did you learn about this, Pinkie?"
>She shrugs.
"Goddammit Ponk. Where did you hear about my dragon dildo collection?"
>She shrugs again and bounces off.
"Get back here Panko!"
>You stand and watch her bounce off at running speed.
>Her cute pony butt jiggles every time she lands.
>You should totally get her, Anon.
>Now is your chance, Anon.
>Boner thinking: Activated.
"Hey, hey, Pinkie! Wait up!"
>She stops mid-bounce, as if she was stopped by time.
>Goddammit Ponk.
>You run after her and manage to reach the pink ass.
"Yo-You--"
>You wheeze and cough.
>Damn, Anon, you gotta keep working on your cardio.
>But cardio kills your gains.
>Lesser of two evils.
"--got a--"
>You cough again.
"--any work later?"
>She giggled
>"Nope, 'Non! Just finished a surprise party for someone special!"
>Okay, we can still pull this off.
>You clutch your chest and cough a bit more.
>and some more.
>and a bit more.
"Pinkie, wanna hang out a bit later?"
>She bounces and nods.
>"Sure, 'Nonny! Where do ya wanna hang out?"
>Crap. Now you got to think, Anon.
>Where do you want to hang out?
"Well,"
>You stroke your chin.
"I know a club where we can party."
>You look at Pinkie and she gives it a bit of thought.
>She smiles.
>"Sure, 'Non! Lemme just get ready for the party!"
>You nod and let Pinkie go off.

>"Hey 'Nonny, I'm ready!"
>Pinkie shouts into your ear as you walk away.
>A blur of pink also appears into your face.
>Nearly gave you a heart attack.
>T'was not even a full 10 minutes of walking to the train station when she popped back into your field of vision.
"Hey Pinkie."
>You scowl and clutch your heart once more.
>"Hey 'Nonny!"
>She stares at you.
>Okay.
>You move out of the way and sidestep Pinkie.
>Nope. She moves at lightning quick speed and maintains eye-contact with you.
>It's as if she doesn't seem to move at all.
>She still stares.
>You stare back.
"Can you move? I'd like to get myself ready for the party."
>Pinkie looks a bit confused and makes a face of realization.
>"Oh! Right, 'Non! I'm sorry!"
>And she bounces out of the way, leaving you to walking to the train station home to Canterlot.
"These goddamn ponies, I swear."
>It's time to get ready to get smashed.

>You look at your watch.
>Only a measly 2 minutes has passed since you bought the train ticket.
>How long does it usually take for these ponies' trains?
>You inwardly shrug and look at your watch again.
>2 and a half minutes.
>Why only now were you complaining about the train?
>Oh yeah, you usually planned Rara's date while waiting.
>But there was no planning in partying in a club.
>Oh look, 3 minutes.
>"Hey Anon!"
>Purple Smart.
>PRINCESS Purple Smart.
"Hey Purple Smart."
>You quickly flash a smile and drop it as fast.
>Goddamn trains. Why now has it been such an importance?
>"You seem to be thinking of something important. What is it about?"
>You look at her with a deadpan face and grumble something.
>"W-what? I couldn't hear you."
>You grumble once more, albeit somewhat louder.
>"Again?"
>She stretches her giraffe neck at you.
>Fucking Alicorns, man. All up in your grill.
"I'm going to a club with Pinkie later and get smashed."
>"I for one am getting ready for a party that Pinkie prepared."
>She smiled and winks.
>What's that supposed to mean?
"What the hell does that mean, Purple?"
>The Smart Purple Mary Sue smiled again and bade you farewell.

>You put on your new suit and tie, neatly packed in a box prepared by Rarity.
>She claimed it to be an apology for allowing Sweetie Belle to follow her.
>It fits nicely and way better than your previous suit.
>You bring with you a flask containing some alcohol.
>Ponies are more lightweight than the regular human, thus their drinks are way out of range for your liking.
>Besides, you were going to the club to have fun, not be disappointed.
>Anyhow, given that Pinkie is probably waiting, you rush to the club.
>Opening the door, you were immediately assaulted with the immense sound.
>Shit, it's more powerful than on Earth.
>You scanned the club for Pinkie and finally settled your eyes on the jumpy pack of pony fur.
>"'Nonny! 'Nonny! Here! Here!"
>She waved at you and jumped in place for a few times.
>You make your way towards Pinkie over at the bar.

>"Hi 'Nonny! I know how ponies are SO lightweight and our alcohol is nothing compared to yours, so I ordered two bottles of vodka for ya! Isn't it great?"
>Oh Pinkie.
"Oh Pinkie, you know I'm not that of a heavy drinker."
>You look at her and flash a genuine smile of amusement.
>She laughs and drinks half of a bottle of pony vodka.
"That's more I like it."
>You take the remaining half bottle and chug the pony alcohol down.
>It's practically water.
>You take the other and chug it down as fast.
"Another! I need more!"
>You scream at the bartender, and she quickly scrambles for another bottle.
>Tiny pony too clumsy.
>Your third bottle was quickly smacked out of your hands by Pinkie.
>"My turn! I want to get drunk!"
>She takes a half of it and passes it to you.
"Oh boy. We have to dance, Pinkie. I don't want this to end in me vomiting without dancing."
>"Sure thing, 'Nooooonnnnnn!"
>She's getting drunk.
>Welp, no sense in not getting drunk yourself.
>You pull out your flask and down your special mix.
>You instantly recoil and smirk at yourself.
>This is good.
>Everything's a blur now.
>Pinkie grabs you with her tail curl and pulls you to the dance floor.

>You snap open your eyes.
>You smack your lips.
>You are in a pile of pone and your head hurts harder than banging it on a wall several times.
>How many of these lightweight pony drinks did you take?
>Did you take a hundred?
>Fuck if anyone else knows.
>They're passed out on top of you.
>You try to recount any event past Pinkie bringing you to the dance floor.
>Where are you, anyway?
>This doesn't look like a club.
>Nor does it look like your home.
>Nor does it look like Sugarcube Corner.
>You push off the pile of ponies passed out on your person and wade through the lava floor of vomit.
>The room strongly smells of pony vomit and spilled alcohol.
>You smack your lips again.
>The taste of your mouth makes you gag.
>Just how many?
>A feeling stirs inside of you.
>It rises into your throat and you feel like doubling over.
>The vomit reaches your mouth.
>This is bad.
>You immediately snap shut your eyes and it vomit on the floor.
>