Denyuden 16 check

Denyuden 16


[thoughts]
===
Page 64

p4b1:  I'm alive.  Thank you, Ryner. >> I'll live. Thank you, Ryner. [That's how it sounds to me, but since it was translated the other way in a previous chapter, it might not be a good idea to change it like this. up to you.]

p5b2:  Wah! >>> ―――fer! [It's somebody calling Keifer's name]
p3b2:  Hurry up and run for it.  We can't hold them off. >>> Hurry up and run for it. This place is already done for.

page 67

p2b1:  Yeah, I was wrong about this country. >>> Hmm, but I guess I sided with the wrong country...

page 68
p3 SFX:  sound of horse's hooves >>> heavy steps


Page 69

p5b2:  I must keep my promise... >> I must keep my promi-... [Her sentence is cut off by the girl's voice]

Page 71

p3b2:  Are you hurt?! >>> You two, are you okay?! [Literally she asks "Do you have no injuries?" which is why they nod in the next panel. It would make no sense for them to nod to the question " Are you hurt?! "]
p4sfx(top left): throb [i think this sfx is rather important]

p6b1:  I really have a soft spot for sisters... >>> I'm really weak when it comes to things like sisterly love...

Page 72-73

remove panel 1 sfx
p2b2:  I really messed up... >>> Guess I really messed up, huh...
p5b1:  Do it!! >> I can do it!!

Page 75
Remove sfx: p1 SFX:  throws out arms
Remove sfx:p1/p2 SFX:  sound of arrows

Page 77

p2b2:  ...Putting it that way, >>> Judging from the way you said it,

Page 78
p3b1:  'Cause Stohl deserted this village, right?  //  But you stayed all by yourself.  What can

you do alone?  You'll just die pointlessly. >>> ["You'll just die pointlessly" part has those dots next to it (for emphasis) I would recommend using both bold and italics for it.]

p5b2: People like you, who think of people living and dying only in terms of numbers, act like you're above the rest of us...! >>  People like you, who think of people living and dying only in terms of numbers, act arrogantly like you're above the rest of us...! [added "arrogantly"]

Page 79

p1b2:  You seem pretty heroic. >> You seem quite capable. [I don't see how heroic is the word to be used here.]

Page 80

p2b2:  When did they...?!  I didn't hear or see them coming!! >>> They didn't make any sound or presence. [Also the bubble has an uncleaned character]
p4b1:  Your Majesty?!! >>> Majesty?!!
p4 SFX:  disbelief >>> tremble
p4 above Keifer:  You're a king?! >>> You?!

p4b2:  How's the evacuation of the civilians?>>> How's the sheltering of the civilians? [the word used is for sheltering/protection/guarding rather than evacuation. though it's kinda tempting to put it that way, but i prefer not to.]
Page 81
Remove the following:
p1 SFX:  jolt
[PR: Apparently large-scale magic means biochemistry...]
p2 SFX:  Rumble

p4 SFX:  turn >>> uproar / people chatter

Page 86
Remove sfx: p1 SFX:  Impact

p1b2:  This is...?!  This voice ringing in my ears is... >>>  This is...?!  This voice ringing directly in my head is...
p5b1:  You can have my left eye! >>> Eat my left eye

Page 88
p5 SFX:  turn >>> Step

Page 95
Remove sfx: p2 SFX:  startled

Page 96
p5b2:  A strong, unwavering King... a kingdom that understands the pain of the people and

plans to overcome it... >>>
A strong, unwavering King... a kingdom whose king understands the pain of the people and overcomes it...

Page 98
p4 SFX:  turn　>> step