Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- >Be a Fluffy Pony Field Researcher
- >Why?
- >Because there's not fucking much else you can do with your bullshit degree
- >Have been observing a feral herd from a distance for the past 3 days
- >This herd is different
- >For a start, the herd moves outside of the city, past the forest, and just in an open field
- >Barely any tree cover, just open space as far as the eye can see
- >The herd's gender ratio is off as well.
- >Only three males, as opposed to 9 females
- >There are foals too, about 5 of them
- >The herd seems to not do much during the day
- >Find sources of "nummies", eat said "nummies", then lie down or "pway" for a while
- >At night, however, the females leave the herd and seem to go foraging
- >The males stay awake and stand guard over the foals, taking it in turns to watch the horizon
- >One male in particular seems to give orders to the others
- >Must be the Smarty Friend of this herd
- >Orange fluff with a red mane and tail
- >The females respect him and he gives them "Special Hugs" when he feels like it
- >Other than that, he just lies there, barks out orders and plays with the foals
- >You decide it's time to take one of these fluffies back to the lab for further examination
- >Figure the easiest way to do it is to just walk right up to the herd during the day when they're sleeping and just grab one
- >What're they gonna do? They're fluffies.
- >Proceed with plan
- >Once you get within a few meters, one of the fluffies wakes up and spots you
- >"Big Munsta! Wakesy up, fwuffies!"
- >Almost instantly, the rest of the fluffies are up and milling about, but not screaming and crying as you expected them to
- >Interested to see how this pans out, so you wait
- >2 females stay with the foals, while the rest of the herd moves towards you and begins to circle you
- >Almost as if they're weighing you up
- >The smarty friend is... making some kinda noise
- >No puffy cheeks, no stamping... Just that noise
- >Kinda sounds like a tiny moped engine
- >... Wait a sec. He's GROWLING
- >It all clicks into place
- >The females, the hunting, the alpha smarty
- >The God damn fluffies think they're LIONS.
- >This is too rich, you can't take them back to a lab!
- >The observation research of Wild Lion Fluffies would win you some kinda Fluffy Pony Nobel Prize!
- >The Smarty Friend begins speaking
- >"Weawwy Big Munsta... Munsta on fwuffy wand.. Wion-O wand!"
- >You cock an eyebrow at the fluffy
- "Your name is Wine-o?"
- >"No! WION-O!"
- >The Smarty Friend punctuates this with a tiny little roar
- >Oh God, Lion-O.
- >The other fluffies roar along with him
- >"Wion-O pwide dah best pwide! We wive wivout smewwy hooman munstas!"
- >Figure now would be a good time to head back to your observation post, before the little guy makes you want to hurt him
- "Ok, ok, I understand. This is your land, Lion-O. I'll leave now."
- >You open your coat and hold it open, trying to make youself look big
- >You maintain eye-contact with Lion-O and back away slowly
- >The Pride opens its circle and lets you back away
- >Lion-O gets the last word in
- >"Hooman smawt. Wion-O pwide wet yoo go. Fow now."
- >Lion-O and his pride saunter back to their patch of earth and go back to sleep
- >When you get back to the observation post, you pull our your cellphone and call your film-maker buddy
- >3 weeks later, your documentary, "The Fluffy King: An Examination of Lion Fluffies" is a box-office smash
- >Drown in pussy
- >Bitches love documentaries
- -----------------------------------------
- Additional Post-Script Ending Fun Time!
- Written by Anon
- >Researchers in Europe, trying to steal your thunder, create their own lion fluffies through environmental influence
- >Say they're going to do you one better and raise them on African plains
- >Poor damn things eaten by real lions in under three days
- >Duh, Europe, duh
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement