Untitled (Hisao, Nurse)

This was an attempt at Akira's monthly writing challenge (http://pastebin.com/8jTYN2Q8), but I kind of blew it.
Prompt: Nurse and Hisao having a manchat about girls, namely Emi.


The cold feeling of the stethoscope on my chest makes me clench my teeth. Some of the doctors at the hospital would breathe on the end or maybe rub them on their labcoats to warm them up, but the nurse seems to get a kick out of my reaction. “Now cough,” he says.

I do as he asks and he frowns in concentration for a few moments before moving it to a different spot. It still hasn't warmed up yet.

“Now sing 'Life is a highway' by Tom Cochrane.”

“What.”

“Just kidding.” The nurse flashes his signature grin. “I've been trying to get them to put the PA system here in the auxiliary building to better use, but no one has budged so far.”

“Right.” Maybe I could come up with a better comeback if I didn't have a cold piece of metal resting on my bare chest. He seems to get the message and withdraws.

“You're all clear, Hisao.” He says, smiling as he reaches for a disposable wipe to sterilize the stethoscope. “You know how to take a licking and keep on ticking, it seems.”

I slide off the side of the bed and reach for my shirt, trying not to think too hard about his words. After he's done cleaning the instrument, he deposits it in a shelf and takes a drink from one of the small cluster of coffee cups on his desk.

“So Hisao, do you enjoy English class?”

“Not really.” It happens to be the one I'm currently missing, and it's not even close to my favorite subject, so I don't really mind at all. The nurse grins again.

“It was never really my thing either. Sit down, stay a while. Let's talk.” He looks down at the various mugs arrayed around his computer. “Want some coffee?”

I politely decline. I guess I wouldn't mind missing out on the rest of class, I'll just have to borrow notes from Shizune and Misha but that will probably be fine. Just as long as the nurse doesn't ask about--

“So.” His voice cuts through my thoughts. “Emi passed through here this morning and she mentioned something about a 'panty raid'?”

Goddammit.

“It wasn't a panty raid.” I say quickly. I don't know what to do with my hands so I thrust them in my pockets, suddenly wishing I had taken him up on his offer of something to drink so I could buy a few more seconds with a long sip. The nurse's smile is completely neutral as he waits for me to go on.

See, see. “It was a drill. Like, for a raid in general. It was Kenji's idea.”

His smile kicks up a notch, but he still looks noncommittal otherwise. “I'm familiar with Setou's... concerns. According to Emi though, several pairs of undergarments have disappeared since then.”

“It's completely inexplicable.” I reply with a shrug. And even if they were divided up between us and stuffed in the bottom of my drawer, it's for a good cause. Morale for the troops or something, Kenji's rant had made a lot more sense after half a bottle of whiskey. But then again, he usually does.

“Right.” The nurse flashes another grin. “Oh well. Some would say that the lord works in mysterious ways, but I suppose the same could be said for panties.”

“Indeed.” I mutter, quickly bobbing my head. I can't tell if I'm off the hook or not, but he takes another drink from his mug, still looking completely relaxed.

“I take it you're settling in pretty well by now though?” He asks.

“Yeah, I guess.” I take a seat on the infirmary bed again, it somehow feels less intimidating when you're fully clothed. “I mean, I've gotten the hang of things here, I think.”

“Good, good.” The nurse smiles. “Emi was wondering when she would see you again on the track. Something about 'does he even run'.”

“Well that's, I've just been a little under the weather lately, that's all.” I force out a couple more coughs. Still not singing for him, though.

Siiip. “Of course. Attempting something like that when you're at anything but one-hundred percent could be dangerous for your health.”

“Quite right.” I nod again. The nurse looks thoughtful for a few moments.

“I hope you're not spending all of your free time watching out for familiars though, Hisao.”

“That's feminists, sir.”

“Right.” He doesn't skip a beat. “What I mean is, are there any ladies in your life that you might be interested in doing more than raids--”

“Completely inexplicable!” I interject. The nurse takes another sip of his coffee.

“Of course. But my question stands.” His tone grows frank. “You can't spend all your time keeping your guard up, even Kenji managed to get laid last year.”

If I had been drinking something, I would have spat it out. “He what now?”

The nurse only continues to smile. “If you're not the type who's interested in the fairer sex though, I hear there are a couple members of the track team who might--”

“Shizune has a nice rack.” I blurt, desperate to prove my heterosexuality.

The nurse spends a long moment sipping from his mug. “I don't get to spend very much time with Miss Hakamichi. She isn't really going to get any deafer.” He says upon lowering it.

I hear that. “So what about some of the other girls? Do Rin or Hanako ever come by here?”

The nurse grins again. “Well I couldn't divulge too much, Hisao. You know, patient confidentiality and all that. But I will say that I have always been impressed by how Miss Satou manages to keep finding my office, even after I switched around the signs in braille on the walls.”

I can't help but laugh. Yeah, and I imagine that Rin wouldn't really care about things like tongue depressors. Hello Miss Tezuka, do you still have no arms? I wonder if blood pressure cuffs taste like snails. Wait, where would you put the cuff if you didn't have any arms?

I realize that the nurse is watching me again. “What about you, don't the ladies love the labcoat?” I ask.

He grins wider. “Why, would you like to borrow it sometime?”

Maybe that's not such a bad idea. Get the coat, a clipboard, maybe a wig? Enomoto, we're conducting a survey of our female students' health, would you please take a moment? Thank you. Now, are you wearing a bra? Fascinating. What color? May I see? It's for medical reasons.

I'm so lost in the endless possibilities that I don't even notice the nurse walk out of the room and return a few minutes later with another mug of coffee. It's not until he speaks up again that I'm snapped out of my daze, orderly, please stand guard outside this linen closet for approximately thirty minutes while me and Miss Miura--

“Your heart rate is elevated, Hisao.” The nurse says, taking a drink from his fresh cup. I glance up. He can tell that just by looking at me? Maybe I should save these thoughts for later. And I definitely should ask to borrow that labcoat sometime. Or maybe Kenji knows where I can get one of my own. Yeah.

“I think perhaps you've been spending a little too much time with Setou. You need to get out more, get some sunshine.” The nurse winks. “Maybe go for a run.”

Uurgh. Emi will work me to the bone if I show up at the track again, I just know it. Although maybe I could use it, a soldier has to keep his physical form in--wait, what the hell am I saying? The nurse is right, I need to stop hanging out with Kenji so much, the booze is not worth the way he's warping my mind.

And besides, seeing Emi crouched at the starting line in that tight gym uniform... it's not so bad, being slower than her. You have more time to enjoy the view. Yeah, you know what, maybe he's right. I need some fresh air. I need some gym shorts. Well, on me too, not just Emi, although I suppose I wouldn't mind if she would do withou--

“Slow it down a little, Hisao.” The nurse pipes in. I realize that my heart is still beating a little roughly in my chest, okay, all right. Damn, I really have been letting Kenji's influence get the better of me. He claims all this stuff is just “research” and “surveillance” for the inevitable feminist invasion, but he's pretty damn focused on finding the female student population's weak points, in a manner of speaking.

The bell rings, English is over, no loss there. The nurse says nothing, choosing to glance idly at a folder on his desk. My next class is History, can't say I really care much for it either. I make no attempt to get up and he doesn't really seem to mind. Maybe if I hang out here long enough, Rika might come by. I wouldn't mind comparing scars with her, if you know what I mean.

“Coffee?” The nurse asks, picking up an empty cup.

I nod. “Please.”