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- >The scene: Apple family dinner table
- >The characters: You, Flutters, and 13 'keep it in the family' faggoty ass country fucks and their friends
- >The conflict: You're an asshole
- >Your cheeky grin could probably power a small country
- >Assuming the only thing they needed to power were smug-cunt cheeky smiles
- >Applejack passed the pasta to your half of the table, and both you and Cheerilee reach for it
- "Ah, sorry."
- >She smiles. "No problem, Anon!"
- >You look to your side, and Fluttershy is smiling, proud of your behavior
- >So far you've been fairly well behaved. In reality, you're merely waiting for your chance
- >You instinctively lean back a moment before Pinkie's arm reaches past you, grabbing a scoup of lettuce from the salad bowl
- >Get accidentally punched in the side of the head once, shame on her
- >Get accidentally punched in the side of the head 6 times, and you'll learn
- >God.
- >You really are a woman.
- >Granny Smith dings a cowbell. "Alright everypony, dig in!"
- "Racist fraud."
- >You mutter under your breath, only high enough for Fluttershy to hear. She leans in. "She doesn't know you're not a pony! Be nice!"
- >"What're y'all mutterin' about?" Applebloom questions, trying to lean in enough to hear
- >You pat her on the head.
- "Secret adult stuff."
- >She huffs. "Mah brother and Cheerilee pull that all the time, now you too?"
- >You look up to Cheerilee and smirk, and she diverts her eyes. Applejack coughs.
- >"Uhm, well anyways, how've you been getting on now that yer, uh, alive again?"
- >Your smirk turns into a grin, and you raise your eyebrows twice
- "It's good. Real nice."
- >You look around the table, most everyone eating
- "No one's going to ask what she means about me being alive?"
- >Granny Smith sighs. "Honey, when you lived with the element of honesty for as long as we have, ya just learn to roll with it."
- >You cross your arms and pout
- "I'll never get to lord my lichdom over you peasants."
- >Fluttershy giggles and pats your shoulder, and you shove some reconciliatory spaghetti in your face
- >You're honestly not sure how this eating thing works
- >Being a jar and all
- >But you can taste it, so that's enough justification for you
- >You suppose it'll just eventually fall right through your ectoplasm, unscathed. Probably
- >Ah, what's the worst that could happen?
- >On a unrelated note, you wonder if it would taste twice as good if you had two mouths
- >'Don't do that.' You hear your subconscious quickly reply
- >When did your subconscious become a pussy? Not cool.
- >It's too late.
- >It was over before it even begun
- >You quickly dual-hoof a fork of salad and a spoon of potato soup
- >As you lift them to your face, in a flash of green flame, another mouth appears slightly to the left of your regular one
- >You stuff a utensil in each hole, as terrified gasps ring out across the table
- >This is actually pretty good.
- >'Stop that.' Your inner self commands. Wow. What a prick.
- >Fluttershy desperately taps you on the shoulder. "Anon! You're scaring them!"
- >Applebloom shook her head, staring up in wonder. "I aint scared! This is awesome!"
- >This tastes so fucking good though.
- >Cheerilee nearly wretches, and Big Mac puts an arm around her
- >You pull the spoon out your second mouth and return your face to normal
- "Fiiine. But don't say I didn't warn you."
- >Applejack's horrified expression sank even further. "Ya didn't warn us!"
- >You put your hoof to your chin and look up
- "Oh, yeah. Shoot. Sorry, then."
- >Applebloom tugged at your wing. "You gotta teach me how to do that!"
- >Granny banged her spoon on the table. "I'll hear none of that witchcraft at my table, Applebloom!"
- >You breath in deeply, savouring the moment
- "I feel like a eldritch god, sewn together with pieces of mythical banes."
- >You feel your head bowing and grin deflating.
- "I really do apologize. I did not know any better."
- >What.
- >Fluttershy leans over and looks at you
- >No, wait, you're not done being an asshole!
- >Applejack sighs. "It's alright. I don't expect ya to know exactly how ponies do things. Just try to think ahead a bit more."
- "Thank you."
- >Dinner slowly resumes, and you pull back your chair, confusedly walking out of the room, stumbling into the kitchen
- >You step outside on the porch, and see Angel, Winona, Gummy, and of course Shitface
- >They appear to be having a formal tea party, but you're a little too preoccupied to call your snake a faggot again
- >You sit down, and after a few minutes, Fluttershy joins you
- >"Is everything okay, Anon?"
- "I don't know. I feel like something came over me."
- >She tilted her head and smiled, hugging you. "It's okay, Anon. I know you didn't mean to disturb everyone."
- "Haha, no, that was fucking hilarious."
- >"Um..." She reared back
- "No, I mean, I had no idea what was happening when I apologized. You know me. I don't apologize like that."
- >"Well...I thought it was nice of you."
- >You shrug, and feel a toothless chewing on your arm as Shitface climbs on to you.
- "I dunno. Maybe my conscience got the better of me. It just felt weird."
- >She nuzzles your cheek in the most comforting way possible. "Well, I wouldn't worry too much about it. You're still you, after all."
- >You lean back in to her and raise your arm
- "Go on, McGoo, get off my arm and play nice with the lesser animals."
- >You can see Angel shoot Fluttershy a pleading glance from the corner of your eye, and Shitface slithers back over to the rest of them
- >Luckily, she's too busy watching the sun set over the orchard to notice
- >Winona seems to take charge over the snake anyways, batting him whenever he rears up to bite
- >It's okay. It's how you learn, it's how he'll learn, god damnit.
- >Maybe you really are becoming nicer.
- "Rainbow Dash is a fucking rugmuncher."
- >Nope.
- >"W-What?!"
- "Sorry, I had to prove something to myself."
- >That does bring up more questions than it solves, though.
- >If you're not a nice person, why are you acting like it?
- >'As long as I don't draw much more attention, it should be fine.'
- >Yeah.
- >Wait what
- >Before you can think much more, you feel arms wrapping around both you and Fluttershy
- >Pinkie shoves her head between you and Flutters' "Hiya you two! Is everything alright?"
- "Yeah, just tired, I suppose. Weirded out at large scale social interaction, it's been a while. But nothing to worry about."
- >Fluttershy nods. "Everything's good."
- >"Great!" She quickly scrambles from you two to Gummy, leaning down so her ear was placed against his snout
- >"And how are YOU doing, little guy?"
- >Shitface looks to you and waves his tail in small circles pointing to his head, grinning
- >He does this in full view of Pinkie, and the rest of the animals for that matter
- >You wipe a tear of pride from your eye. You go, Shitface McGoo.
- >Fluttershy stands up and offers you a hoof, pulling you up and back into the house
- >You step back in, Pinkie quickly in tow, and sit back down, enjoying the food
- >Some of the extended family members were immersed in business talk, and Cheerilee was explaining how she made lessons to the main family
- >Applebloom seemed bored as all hell between it all, and once you sat down, she tapped on you again
- >"Hey, Ms. Anon, how're ya doin' that magic stuff?"
- >You cringe inwardly
- "No need for the 'Miss' stuff. And it's because I'm a ghost."
- >Her eyes widen. "A ghost? For reals?"
- >'We probably shouldn't be going on about this.'
- >Rational subconscious, you can suck a bag of dicks. Like, a plastic ziploc bag full of dicks. Or a paper bag with dicks like baguettes
- >Either is fine.
- "Yep, super dead."
- >"Cooool! How're ya touching stuff, then?"
- >You turn so no one else can see, and pull your chest apart, exposing the jar held beneath
- "My soul is currently being held in here, and it's been enchanted with changeling magic."
- >Your head is currently pounding with your subconsciousness' alarm bells. Every fiber of your being is shivering with fear
- >You feel like you're making a mistake.
- >costanza.stainedglass
- >where/who_do_you_think_you_are.prophecy
- >She reaches in and touches it, quickly pulling back with a curious "Ooooo!"
- >Applejack leans over. "Hey Applebloom, ya hear that?"
- >You quickly cover your chest with minimal green flair, and Applebloom looks back. "Whut?"
- >Applejack starts to engage her at length about her school life. You feel bad for her
- >Actually you feel bad in general. Telltale beating of a stressed heart, sweat starting to form on your brow
- >That's cute. You feel like you're 12 again, actually caring about fucking up
- >The rest of the evening goes mostly as you expect a normal family/friends gathering.
- >Every time you're about to act out, you feel your heart drop and sort of stop feeling it
- >Eventually, the dinner finishes up, and it's time to pack up and go home
- >Angel hops on Fluttershy's back, and Shitface coils around your neck and hides his face, sleeping
- >Applejack slaps you on the back, leaving a burning mark. "It was good havin' you two around! Glad you could make it."
- >Fluttershy giggled. "Of course! Thank you for having us."
- "Yeah, it was fun."
- >You all waved, and walked down the path out of the Apples' property with Pinkie and Gummy for a while, before having to split ways
- >"See you four super-duper spectacular ponies later!"
- >You chuckled and waved. Fluttershy tried to keep control as Angel pulled on her hair, trying to direct her home
- >"Goodbye, Pinkie!"
- >Halfway back home, you felt a sigh heave through your nose. 'You almost blew that.'
- >Well, it wasn't a total disast--wait.
- >Did your mind just say "You" to you as if you were separate entities?
- >You stop in place and sit down
- >The sudden stress, the talking in your head, the unexplained behavior
- >Let's break this down
- >There is a jar that within it possesses alchemical concoctions of some sort
- >You are possessing this jar
- >The jar is a jar, and you're you, which means only one thing: There's another possession going on.
- "OH BABY A TRIPLE!"
- >You grab Fluttershy, and Shitface hisses widly with you
- "FLUTTERSHY GET THE CAMERA!"
- >She screams and drops to the ground, covering her face
- "Who the fuck is in there?! Don't make me get the childhood-killing rule 34 to suss you out!"
- >"A-Anon, what's happening?!"
- "Some fuck is possessing me! What kind of asshole DOES that?! Show yourself!"
- >Silence, aside from Shitface wildly wriggling about trying to gain hold on you
- >You narrow your eyes.
- "Don't make me enter the Brain-Bleached section of my memory. You have no idea the terrors I've seen, nay, WROGHT, with my own hands."
- >The intruder stays withdrawn, though you can feel his presence in the cracks of your own mind
- "Fluttershy, I know you can't see in my mind, but look away."
- >"W-what are you going to do?"
- >You spread your weight out on your limbs, as if entering a stance through which to endure a lashing
- "Bugs Bunny with shitting dick nipples."
- >"Wha--"
- >Before she can even finish the question, you hear a screaming in your mind
- >'What the fuck is that?!'
- "THAT, is part one, of a twenty page comic."
- >You grin smugly
- "Needless to say, I'm putting you through all twenty."
- >'How do you endure this?!'
- "I've been dead inside for far longer than you were ever even alive, you fucking newfag."
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