what the hell did I just read

Report on the Training of Pinchers
    by Lulu

It has been noted that the pinchers of Spinesreach have not been showing
the proper respect to their social superiors within the walls of
Spinesreach. It is with this issue in mind that I began a project which
I hoped would teach them some manners and perhaps bring some bring some
civility to their tiny, insectoid community. Throughout the centuries,
hierarchies have been the basis of proper and upstanding civilizations
and the rituals that impress the social hierarchy upon young minds have
been taken very seriously.

My initial thought on the manner was to instill a sense of hierarchical
respect on pincher culture in a similar way we do with novices through
the use of titles. Having them recite greetings of "Yes, Trainer" or
"Yes, Director" would no doubt instill in them the capacity of thinking
in terms of social superiors. Despite my best efforts, however, I was
only able to get one of my brightest pupils to click its mandibles in a
sufficiently impressive manner. Later on I came to realize that pinchers
may not have the proper parts to voice their respect in a sufficiently
pleasing manner.

Undaunted by this, I resorted to teaching them the next best thing: the
stately salute. My initial attempts were a carrot and stick method with
rewards for a good approximation of a salute in the form of sticky
sweets and punishments for bad attempts and rebellious inaction in the
form of breaking a leg off. Unfortunately both the carrot and stick
resulted in similar actions on the part of my class. When presented with
sticky sweets, the class proceeded to swarm me for more. When punishing
the pinchers with broken legs, they also proceeded to swarm me in anger.

While my current attempts at teaching the pinchers the elements of
denoting proper respect may have failed and resulted in some ghastly
injuries, I hold out hope for future attempts and research into this
matter. The act of swarming shows that the pinchers are capable of group
action, which I feel will inevitably lead to natural hierarchies and a
tiny insectoid society. While swarms are all well and good the pinchers
will eventually find that coordinated actions have a much higher chance
of success. This will lead them to appointing the best among them as a
general or perhaps forming a tiny pincher senate if the race is
naturally inclined to democracy. It will then be a simple matter of
waiting for social conventions of respect to arise on their own and then
replacing them with a proper salute through cultural exchange and
intermarriage.