Doctor's Orders 1: Run Away!!!

> “You'll love me soon enough.” Fluttershy says, floating out the door.
> “Come on, Anon. You can't live alone forever!” Rainbow protests.
“Why are you all so hell bent on this?” you ask.
> “Because we're your friends.” Twilight answers slamming her hoof down.
>“And some day you'll have to break that taboo of yours. And when you realize that you're being stupid-”
“I AM NOT BEING STUPID!” you shout, your blood starting to get hot.
> “Anon, calm down man.” Rainbow interjects
>She seems a bit taken aback by your shouting.
> “But if you would just give Fluttershy a chance...” Twilight persists.
“Is it that inconceivable that I don't like Fluttershy!?”
> “Anon, Fluttershy-”
“I've heard it all before.”
> “But you never listen!” Twilight snaps. “You just ignore whatever we say!”
“Because you ignore me!”
> “You're being ridiculous!”
“Then leave me alone in my ridiculousness!” you say.
> Your blood is pounding.
>Slamming some bits on the table for your meal, you storm off.
>You need to get home before your anger really flares up.
>nop0ny has seen that, and it was years before you even fell into this world that you last blew up.
>But this Fluttershy business...
>I mean, if she wasn't a p0ny, maybe you would have considered it.
>But now, after all of the stalking and fetish guesses and prodding from your friends... you were going to go full Hulk.
> You had never hurt anyone in a rage, no sense risking it though.
> “Anon!” you hear someone calling.
>Looking over your shoulder, you see Rainbow zipping towards you.
>Aw
>Hell
>No
>You break out into a run, but you know its futile.
>She's soon flying beside you.
>“Anon, wait! Come on, man! Don't be like this!”
“Like what, Dash?” you growl, not slowing down.
>“We just want you to be happy. You can't hold that against us.”
“If any of you were ever listening...you know what, forget it!” you say, nearing your house.
>Twilight is already standing at the doorstep.
>Damn teleporting magic p0ny.
>“Anon, I'm sorry...” she begins as you speed up.
>With a shout, you leap over her and through the door into the house, slamming it shut behind you.
>“Anon! Stop being such a jerk!” Rainbow shouts, pounding on the door.
“I'm sorry, I'm too busy being ridiculous in my attempts not to get raped!” you retort.
>“Anon, I'm sorry!” Twilight pleads.
>There are a few moments of silence.
>You can hear them outside.
>Twilight is crying
>Rainbow is trying to comfort her
>Way out of Dash's comfort zone
>Fucks given = None
>You skulk around the downstairs and gather some work things.
>Slipping out the back door, you stealth across the field to freedom.
>Might as well get a little work done.
>None of the ponies would ever follow you into the Everfree.
>Too dangerous.
>Your work was to collect plants and minerals from the Everfree Forest
>work that no sane p0ny would ever pursue.
>But you were no p0ny.
>You were Anon, twice as tall, with long legs for running and strong arms for fighting.
>Your nimble fingers were a boon to collecting delicate specimens, too.
>So you easily took to this work, and little in the forest threatened you.
>As the sun set, you stumbled upon a small fairy circle, and taking out a trowel, you carefully dig for the fungi that create such circles.
>Zecora would pay good money for these.
>When it becomes too dark to continue, you bag up your haul and pitch a tent nearby.
>You enjoy a quick meal and settle into your sleeping bag for the night.
>You quickly succumb to sleep.

>As dawn breaks you stretch with a yawn, then wrap your arm back around your companion.
>…
“FLUTTERSHY GET OUT OF MY SLEEPING BAG!” you scream.
>Flailing your arms about, Fluttershy startles awake and attempts to take off while still in the bag.
>You inevitably tip the cot over and end up rolling on the ground until you can get the bag open
>Flutters zips out and cowers against the door of the tent, fumbling at the zipper.
>Zippers are hard for hooves to handle.
“What the Hell, Fluttershy!? How did you even find me out here? Are you following me still?”
>“Of course I am. I wouldn't want you to get hurt out here.”
“Its not safe for ponies like you!” you growl, running a hand through your hair. “And for the last time, stay out of my bed! I'm not interested!”
>She sighs.
>“I just keep hoping that someday you'll love me.”
“And I just keep hoping that someday you'll leave me alone. So I guess we're both disappointed.” you snarl.
>She whimpers and leaves.
>Goddamn Fluttershy.
>You grab some granola and much away while you break camp.
>You reach Zecora's by mid-morning, and trade the fairy ring fungi for some invisibility potions.
>They don't last long, but have enabled your quick escapes more than once.
>Afterward you head home.
>As you finish up lunch, you hear a knock on the door.
>“Anon? I know you're home! I saw you come in from the forest! Twilight and I just want to talk to you!” Rainbow Dash shouts.
“No! I already know what you want to talk about! My answer hasn't changed!”
>“Anon, please! I'm really sorry about lunch yesterday!” Twilight calls.
>She sounds...desperate.
“What do you want to talk about?” you growl through the door.
>“We just want to apologize.” Dash answers.
“Fine.” you spit, opening the door.
>You walk away and plop down on the couch.
>“Hey man, look, I'm really sorry we ruined lunch for you yesterday...” Dash says, zooming over to you.
“Are you? Or are you just sorry that it didn't work?”
>“No Anon, really.” Twilight agrees, following Rainbow.
>“We didn't want to upset you. We're just trying to make sure that you don't end up lonely.”
“Oh right, thats it. You're 'looking out for me' or whatever.” you sneer.
“Twilight, I don't care how you rationalize it in your head, its always the same-”
>“Will you please just hear us out?” Twilight asks.
“No.”
>She ignores you.
>And so it begins.
>Twilight talks at you for an hour and a half, trying to reason with you over your notion that Humans don't date ponies.
>How its a sure way to die lonely and nop0ny wants that to happen to you.
>When she finally winds down you draw a slow breath in.
“So I'm going to die alone if I don't get with Fluttershy?”
>“I-I didn't say that.” Twilight answers, nervously searching for flaws in her own logic.
“Are you sure?”
>“Only if you never abandon your little 'taboo'” Rainbow butts in.
“So if I never have a special somep0ny, I'll die alone.” You ask.
>“Duh.” Rainbow replies.
“So much for loyalty.”
>“What!?” she asks, suddenly angry.
“If I don't shack up with some p0ny, you are saying I will die alone. As in, all of my friends will just *poof* disappear! Abandon me. I never realized that was how it was.”
>“Anon...” Twilight starts before Dash cuts her off.
>“Hey! I never said that!”
“But you did. Perhaps you disagree then?”
>“Of course! We're your friends, we'd never abandon you!”
“Huh, alright. So I guess I won't die alone after all.” You recline a bit, grinning smugly.
>“But Anon, don't you want a family? A special somep0ny?”
“Twilight, I don't think I can have a family with a p0ny. And I have my friends, it is enough.”
>“Anonymous! You're having a soiree and didn't invite moi!?” an indignant voice interrupts.
“I'm just defending myself for the millionth time this week, Rarity.” You sigh.
>“Not trying to justify turning down Fluttershy still, are you?” she sniffs.
“I am. And I always will. This is not changing.” You snarl.
>“Well, no reason to get upset.”
>“We've kinda been there and back already.” Dash pipes up.
>“Anonymous! Don't tell me you lost your temper with these two!?” she ask aghast.
>You shrug
>”Anonymous, we're your friends, darling!”
“Are you really my friends? Because you're all pretty clearly on Team Fluttershy.”
>“Hay! Just because we don't agree with you doesn't mean we aren't your friends!” Rainbow shouts.
>“Anon, please. Won't you just give her a chance?” Twilight pleads.
>Thats it.
>This is going nowhere and you're only going to get angry.
>You really don't want to actually lose your friends.
>Only one option...
>Entering lockdown mode.
>You lay back in the corner of the couch and turn to gaze out the window at the ponies passing in the street.
>Rarity is going on about something or another, but in this mood you're not really there.
>You're already formulating a plan as Twilight takes the floor.
>She begins pulling books out of her bags, as if citing them would change your mind.
>Finally Rainbow drops down in front of the window.
>“Anon? You still there buddy?” she asks, waving a hoof in front of you.
“Yes.”
>“Okay. Just checking.”
>“We need to get going.” Twilight announces. “Pinkie's party is in an hour.”
>“Alright.” Rainbow concedes, still staring at you.
>She knows.
>She doesn't actually, but you know that deep down
>Rainbow doesn't expect you to show.
>As she's about to leave, Rainbow turns back to you
>“See you there Anon.”
>Once they're gone you spring into action.
>Running upstairs, you drag your work possessions out of the closet.
>All sorts of canned fruit and veggies go into the bag, as well as a few personal effects.
>You take time to write a quick note.


/Dear Friends,/

/I can't take the constant pressure anymore. Every peaceful morning is ruined by insane fetish guessing. Every sleepless night is haunted by the horrors of this so-called “love” Fluttershy has for me. Sometimes Luna just directly yells at me in my dreams because she's clearly on your side. I can't hang out with my friends, because you all just nag me the entire time about Fluttershy. If I go out in public, I run into you all and it begins. If I stay inside, you come pretending to be concerned and then end up nagging me about her. I can't take it. Everything good about my life here in Equestria is ruined. I have nothing worth staying for in p0nyville anymore. So I'm leaving. I'm sorry I couldn't tell you in person, but I felt you wouldn't listen./

/Thanks for the memories,/
/Anon/

>It hurts writing that, but it had to be done.
>You can't just leave without saying anything.
>You can feel tears starting, but there's no turning back.
>The sun had set a little while ago, so you grab your flashlight and head out the back door.
>Once more you glide silently through the meadow grass.
>Grasping your hatchet in one hand and your trusty hiking stick in the other, you dive into the forest.

>That first night you make good progress, moving at a good speed all the way until dawn.
>As the sun rises, you pause momentarily to eat and refill your canteen.
>Before the morning mists clear you are on your way again.
>Paranoia sets in, as every little sound might be somep0ny looking for you.
>At one point you see /her/ fly over, calling for you.
>You lay low under a fallen tree until she passes, and the adrenaline from that incident proves enough to keep you moving until night fall.
>Now you find yourself setting up your tent in a dense grove of pines
>A p0ny would have to be within a few feet of you to notice the tent.
>After a hasty dinner, you fall asleep easily.

>“ANON, WHERE ART THOU GOING?” a voice booms.
>You were in a forest, and Luna is approaching you.
>You begin to run, but it was no use. The Princess of the Night is much faster than you are.
>“ANON, WHERE ART THOU GOING?” she repeats, cutting you off.
“Away. Anywhere. To be a monk.”
>“WHAT IS THIS 'MONK' THOU SPEAK OF?”
“A hermit, who lives his life alone in solitude.”
>“WHY WOULD THOU DO SUCH A THING?”
“Because I've lost everyp0ny I loved twice now. Once when I came here, and then when Fluttershy turned them all against me. So now I'll just live alone, where I won't meet anyp0ny, and thus can't lose anyp0ny.”
>“ANON, THIS NEWS SADDENS US GREATLY-”
“LUNA! Enough with the voice!”
>She pauses in embarassment
>You stare at her as your hearing recovers
>Not like you can go anywhere
>Being in a dream and all
>”Anon,” she begins slowly. “Kindness loves thee with all her heart, and Loyalty counts thee among her closest friends. You have hurt them both grievously with your departure.”
“If 'Kindness' would have left me alone I might still be there!” You shout. “But Rainbow has been less and less of a friend lately. I can't think of the last time we just hung out at the park. She just pushes me about Fluttershy. They all do....all of them. They were my friends, Princess. All of them...”
>She stares awkwardly at the ground
>”We are not always the best at reading my little ponies, Anon. However their sorrow was impossible to miss. They did not mean to drive thee to this...most extreme action. We ask thee to reconsider, Anonymous.”
“I think about them with every step I take, princess. I'm sure I will think about them again tomorrow.”
>“THANK YOU, ANON.” she says, missing the point.
>And also bowling you over with verbal enthusiasm.
>Sigh

>The dream fades, and after a fitful night you wake up.
>Not the most refreshed you've ever been, but better than nothing.
>You break camp and trek on, and come dusk you encounter a railroad siding.
>A few empty box cars occupy the pull-off
>They appear to be unlocked
>Sliding a door open, you climb inside and set up camp by the dwindling light of day.
>A loud whistle alerts you to an oncoming train
>Cracking the door, you watch the passenger train whip past on the rails.
>You cook some dinner and contemplate what Luna had said.
>They meant well of course
>In the end, they honestly thought they were doing the right thing
>But what you said had been true as well.
>It was impossible to talk to any of your friends anymore without them bringing up Fluttershy.
>You missed watching Dash show off for you in the park
>or hanging out with Twilight in the Library.
>It saddened you to think of how hard Pinkie was probably taking it,
>You missed the old days
>When the prospect of one of her parties filled you with excitement instead of dread.
>How did it come to this?
>Why couldn't they just accept your decision?
>Why couldn't you just like ponies?
Hey, what the hell Brain. Whats that thought doing there?
>“Fair and Balanced, man. I'm just covering both sides.”
Damnit, you're supposed to be on my side!
>”Lying to yourself won't help.”
Fair enough.
>Brain's totally right
>Even though its gross
>It would make things a lot easier.
>But you're just not wired that way.
>You drift into another restless night's sleep.

>You awaken to the sun streaming through the cracks between the slats
>The gentle rocking of the train car
>Wind rushing through those same cracks
>Wait, what?
>Oh shit! The car is on the move!
>Welp, nothing to do now but wait.
>You throw open the doors after carefully securing your stuff to an eye-bolt in the car, and watch the scenery fly by.
>It actually makes for a pleasant way to travel.
>The forest turns to a vast plains that slowly morphs into a desert.
>Come nightfall the train crawls into the rail yard on the outskirts of Appleoosa.
>You grab your bag and hop out, slipping into the night without notice.
>You approach the local hotel and get a room under the name Daniel Ocean.
>Feel like a suave motherfucker.

>Tomorrow you would plan your next step. For now, a shower, shave and then bed. You proceed with your excellent plan and are quickly asleep in your bed.
>Ah, luxury.
>“ANON, WE MUST SPEAK WITH THEE.”
“VOICE!”
>”Oh! Er, my apologies, Anon.”
“Mhm. What do you need, princess?”
>“We have spoken with your friends.”
“I'm sure you have.”
>“They are very sorry.”
“I'm sure they are.”
>”They are most sincere, Anon.”
“You know, they always say that, then go right back to doing what they were before.”
>“We understand that they have hurt thee, but surely thou cannot intend to flee forever?”
“Why not? The Doctor does.”
>“HE HAS HIS REASONS.”
“Ow.”
“...again, my apologies. However, thy friends need thee to return to them.”
“Oh really.” you say, rolling your eyes.
>“We fear that Loyalty is being torn apart by this, Anon. We may not be acquainted with the nuances of this age, but We are deeply familiar with inner struggle and turmoil. Loyalty's instincts now turn on her, as she seeks to help her friends, though they are now at odds. It pains Us to see her in such a state.”
“I'm pretty sure she's made her choice, princess.” you scowl.
>She remains silent for a moment.
>“Laughter has sunk into a depression in thine absence.”
>You feel a pang of guilt.
“Well played Princess Luna. I really should write to Pinkie and explain myself.”
>“Twilight Sparkle's studies will suffer if she continues to lead the search for thee.”
“Easy solution: tell her to stop searching.”
>”We cannot do that, Anon.”
“I am sorry it had to come to this.” you sigh. “I really miss them. But I can't go back.”
>“WHY NOT!?” she exclaims.
>You pick yourself up
>At least the dream-ground was soft
>Anonymous! They are most eager to make amends!”
>”Surely you can find it in thine heart to forgive them?”
“But I don't believe anything will change.”
>“At least I can report you are safe in Appleoosa.” she sighs, head sagging.
“Report? How...? What do you mean?”
>She smiles at you
>“When thou thought of writing to Laughter, thou thought of the front desk as the Appleoosa Grand Hotel.”
“No! You can't tell them where I am!”
>“Farewell for now, Anonymous.”
“God Damnit.”

>You rise bright and early the next morning and head to the train station. You knew that they'd be on the first train from p0nyville. You approach the ticket counter.
“Hello, what trains are leaving today?”
>“No trains today. Orders of the Princess. Just the one comin' in from p0nyville this evenin' I'm afraid.”
“When does that arrive?”
>“Around 4 o'clock. But it won't be leavin' until Celestia gives it the okay.”
“Thanks.” you say, turning from the counter.
>This place was a dead-end for you. Surrounded by desert, there was no way you had the gear to survive.
>Even if you had the water, it would be miserable trekking through the wastes.
>On the other hand... you could face your former friends and Fluttershy.

>It was noon now, and the sun beat down on you mercilessly as you follow the river south.
>At least this way you always had water.
>Every so often you stop to refill your canteen and dip your hat in the cool water. As the sun sets you settle into a willow grove along the river and set up camp. Collapsing in your sleeping bag, you almost instantly pass out.
>No visit from Luna tonight. Praise be to God.
>A good deep sleep.
>You feel well rested when you wake up.
>The sun is up, but your camp is shaded.
>You lazily eat breakfast and break camp, then head back into the unforgiving desert.
>You think its about noon when you begin to hate everything.
>The water is only so refreshing.
>Your body simply isn't used to walking this far.
>Sure, your job was making forays into the Everfree for rare herbs and plants, and it kept you in good shape.
>But that was much more laid back than the frantic hiking you had been doing, simply trying to get as much distance as possible between yourself and the others.
>Now, as dusk approached, you didn't bother with camp.
>Camp means effort.
>You just collapse against a willow in the soft grass along the riverbank.

>You wake up rested, and the sun was already high in the sky.
>Overslept.
>Figures.
>You munch on some canned peaches as you make your way along a sandy stretch of riverbank. You aren't going to make as much progress today, not unless you trek into the night.
>That's it!
>The way to avoid Luna!
>If you can get a good enough lead out of Appleoosa by hiking through the night, you can sleep through the harsh daytime and move at night, dodging both the harsh sun and Luna's visits!
>The perfect plan!
>Your excitement spurs you onward, giving you new energy with which to face the day.

>As the sun sets, you make camp and eat a hasty meal of beans and an apple, then grab a quick power-nap.
>Waking as the moon rises into the sky, you hit the trail, heading towards the faint mountains looming in the distance.
>In the wilderness of those mountains you'll be lost forever, hidden among the forested valleys and rocky peaks.
>Oh, and dragons
>There would be those too
>To avoid
>But also to scare away any search parties
>As the dawn approaches, you settle into a secluded willow grove where an arroyo met the river.
>Sleep washes over you as you settle in against the tree, not bothering to make camp.

>“THOU CANNOT RUN FOREVER.”
“Leave me alone, Luna!”

>This continues for two weeks. By traveling at night you manage to evade Celestia's scorching sun, which leaves you much less drained.
>You also manage to get some real sleep, as Luna isn't awake to pester you for more than a brief window at the end of your sleep.
>Your progress along the river has been considerable.
>Hopefully they'll have stopped chasing you by now.
>But you still worry.
>Your nocturnal habits help you to survive, but they leave you exposed during the day, when a pegasus flying overhead could easily spot you.
>Nonetheless, you press on with your plan, forging ahead.
>At this rate you'll soon reach the mountains of dragon territory, where few will dare follow.
>Certainly not Yellow Quiet
>The Custard Creeper was terrified of Dragons.
>It will be a hard life, no where near as comfortable as P0nyville.
>But it will be peaceful.
>And that thought alone was enough to keep you going.
>But not today. Dawn is breaking and you must sleep.
>Ahead you spy a willow grove, and you lay your bag out atop the cool grass beneath the tree.
>You lay back and lose yourself in dreams of peaceful mountain solitude.
>“THOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS!?”
“What in the nine hells of Tartarus do I have to do to get rid of you!?”
>“THE DRAGONS WILL SLAY THEE ANONYMOUS! WE CANNOT ALLOW THEE TO DO THIS. THOU SHALL NOT REACH THOSE MOUNTAINS!”
“Damn you Luna! Leave me alone! You've seen my nightmares, you of all ponies should understand!”
>She pauses, then gestures for you to sit.
>You do so, and she sits next to you.
>Visions of your life in P0nyville flash faintly by in the haze
>“We understand, Anonymous.” she begins
>”But there is so much thou hath not seen”
>”We see all dreams, not merely thine.”
>”Thou art too precious to our little ponies.”
>”To lose thee may have consequences We cannot imagine.”
>”And there is much potential for good, for love and for friendship in thee.”
>”Perhaps someday thou will understand.”
“What does that even mean?” you ask
>But Luna fades to nothing with a smile.

>You awake to shouting.
>Startled, you sit up and look around, just as a cyan blur tackles you, pinning you to the ground.
>“DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!” Rainbow shouts, hugging you in a death grip.
“Damn you...Luna” You grunt, extracting yourself from Rainbow's grip.
>Packing up and shouldering your gear, you begin walking.
>“Hey! W-where are you going?” she asks, trotting along after you.
“Don't you know? Didn't Luna tell you?”
>“Well, she told us it was super important to find you today. Something about being almost too far away for us to ever get you back. Anon, where were you going?”
“Away. Where you could never get me back.”
>“I just said that, like three seconds ago Anon.” she says, dropping in front of you. “Where. Were. You. Going?” she says, punctuating each word with a jab of her hoof.
“I was going to the mountains of the dragons, to live alone for the rest of my life. In peace.”
>“Whaaaat? Thats crazy Anon! You'd get killed for sure!”
“At least it'd be peaceful, and I could get some rest.”
>“I know, Anon. Lets go home. I can see how tired you are, man.”
“I'm exhausted.”
>“Great. Lets get back to town then.”
“No.”
>“What?”
“No.” You repeat.
>This wasn't going to be fun.
>Rainbow was your first and best friend in p0nyville.
>“But, Anon... you didn't mean-”
“I did. You heard what I just told you. I'm not going back to p0nyville.” You sigh. “I can't.”
>“Of course you can! Everyp0ny misses you!”
“They just want me to be with Fluttershy.”
>“Anon, don't be like that.”
“If y'all would lay off it, I wouldn't have to be like this. Its-”
>“Anon, you don't look so good.” Rainbow interrupts, drifting closer to you.
“I don't doubt it.” you grumble. “Luna keeps visiting me, and my stalker's psychotic friends, that used to be my friends too mind you, are chasing me all across Equestria. You'd look awful too!”
>But Dash was right, you don't feel so good anymore.
>You press on though.
>Not like you've really felt 'good' at all since leaving Appleoosa.
>“Anon, I'm sorry. I really am. Why didn't you tell me it was this bad?”
“I tried. Don't you remember?”
>She looks thoughtful for a moment, then looks back at you.
>“Uhh, not really?”
“Think Dash. That one time we were coming back from Zecora's...”
>“Oh. Yeah, heh heh, I guess I didn't really take you seriously...”
“And then there was the time we went into the Everfree to rescue Scootaloo and her friends...”
>“I'm sorry I got upset that time dude, it had just been a long day-”
“-and I was being ridiculous again?”
>She hangs her head, but doesn't stop following.
>You keep going.
>Eventually Dash will leave to go get the others, and then you'll have to make a break for it.
>She seems to be falling farther behind...
>Maybe she was going now?
>You are surprised she's going so soon.
>Everything fades to black.

>Dreams of fleeing down a roaring river in a kayak plague your sleep, Dash ever behind you. No matter how bad the rapids or how swift the current, your superior oarsmanship cannot seem to lose her.
>Going over a particularly rough fall, you find yourself drifting swiftly but gently downstream.
>The rapids are gone, and Dash seems to be falling behind somehow.
>You can hear her as you make your escape.
>”You can do this, buddy. You'll make it, I know you will...”
>Was she...encouraging you?
>Eventually waking, you find yourself in a bed, apparently in a hospital.
>But not P0nyville General, you'd been there before.
>After Fluttershy chased you off that small cliff.
>Out the window, Appleoosa lies quiet in the night.
>The solitude is nice. A dreamless sleep comes over you, and when the doctor comes in in the morning you are awake, refreshed and feeling better.
>You got a nice tan in the desert to boot.
>Things are looking up, Anon.
>“Mr. Anon, feeling better?”
“Much. The peace and quiet here has been wonderful.”
>“Glad to hear it. Our analysis says you were suffering from severe exhaustion and that coupled with an enormous amount of mental stress caused a complete breakdown. Lucky for you those girls brought you in.”
“What girls?” you ask, narrowing your eyes at the answer sure to come.
>“The group that came in from P0nyville the other day.”
“If it weren't for them I wouldn't be so stressed all the time! And I wouldn't have been hiding out in the wilderness either.”
>“Erm... alrighty then.” he stutters, surprised by your outburst. “Does that mean you don't want visitors?”
“That is correct. I'm really enjoying the solitude right now.”
>“Mr. Anonymous, with all respect... you were out for two days, and they've never left. Occasionally one will leave to get food for the group, but that's about it.”
“Can't just leave me alone for a few days...” you grumble
>“How about this: I'll agree to deny you visitors for a while, but in the meantime you talk to our psychiatrist.”
“Is it a guy? I'm kind of burnt out trying to tell my side to mares.”
>“Yes, Doctor Cloudscape is a stallion. And one of the best doctors in his field.”
“Fair enough. I'll see him.” you agree.
>“Good. I'll send him in, but eventually I won't be able to stave off those mares in the waiting room.”
“Maybe I'll be able to deal with them after seeing Doctor Cloudscape.”
>“I hope so.” the doctor nods, leaving the room.
>A nurse comes in shortly thereafter with breakfast, and an older p0ny with a carefully maintained silver beard and a clipboard follows.
>Its like stereotypes are a law of physics here
>“Mr. Anonymous?”
“Doctor Cloudscape?”
>“Indeed. Lets skip the preliminaries. Tell me how you ended up in this hospital.”
“Its a long story, doc.”
>“I've cleared my day for you. Yours promises to be the most interesting case I've had in a long time.”
“Well thanks, doc. Well, it all started a little after I came to Equestria...” you begin, launching into the long, convoluted tale of Fluttershy's descent into madness.
>The fetish guessing
>The stalking
>The turn in her behavior from cute to obsessive.
>A nurse brings lunch as the Doctor continues to dig.
>You cry (a good, manly cry) when he asks about your friends, talking about how much you missed them, the old them, and how much you wished things were back the way they once were.
>Doctor Cloudscape leans back in his chair.
>“Well, there are several things I want to try to address. First, before you leave I want you to confront your friends sans Fluttershy with me present. I want you to talk to them about what you've told me. I can feel your loneliness, and I think we can get you your friends back.”
>You nod.
>So far this is do-able

>”Next, we need to confront Fluttershy, after you have leveled with your friends. She needs to understand how she's driving you away. I don't think she realizes how awful she's made your life. Some forgiving needs to happen there, but she needs to ask for it.”
>You roll your eyes.
>He ignores you.

>”Last, or first really, I want to discuss something... and you're not going to like it. This... taboo of yours. I understand your point of view, and I respect your position given your upbringing. But I worry about your long-term emotional health, Anonymous.”
>”Most, if not all, of your friends will eventually get married, it is the Equestrian way. They will have families of their own, and quite possibly some friendships will falter in the chaos that is life. It is true, you could remain single and act as a doting uncle towards your friends' children, but the fact that you concocted that plan at all tells me that in your heart there is a longing for a family.”
>'He's right you know.'
'Shut up, Brain.'
>'It'd be nice to have your own family filling our house.'
'Et tu, Heart?'
>'Afraid so.'
>“Anon?” Doctor Cloudscape calls you back to reality.
“Sorry I was just...thinking.”
>“Good. What were you thinking?”
“My house /is/ a little empty. Not like furniture or anything, just that I make a good living and have a large house...lots of empty bedrooms.”
>“Mhmm. You'd like to fill them, wouldn't you?”
“...yes, of course I would. But I don't know if I even can have chil...foals with a p0ny.”
>“Modern medicine is a wonder, Mr. Anonymous. Fertility treatments are available to help... mixed couples. The parents simply need to decide which race they want their children to be. In the interest of offering them a normal childhood, I would counsel you to have ponies. But that is a personal decision between you and whoever you settle down with.”
“I see.” You reply shortly.
>Clearly every p0ny, no matter how sympathetic, was going to be bothered by your plans not to get together with somep0ny.
>He made some fair points, but...
“I don't know,” you continue
“I mean, I can't just force myself to think about ponies like that. Its not like there's a switch I can flip and suddenly be attracted to ponies.”
>“A fair assertion. Perhaps if we found a p0ny who was after your heart, instead of whats in your pants, that could work, hm? Someone content just to be around you?”
“Like a roomie?”
>“A roommate who cares about you Anon, not just a friend you share a place with.” he elaborates.
“I think... yeah, maybe that could work.” you admit.
>Maybe, just maybe this could work...
>Christ, you're so lonely sometimes.
>It didn't use to be this way.
>But Cloudscape seems like a pretty cool guy, lets just roll with his plan and see where it goes.
>“Anon, your case is indeed the most interesting to cross my desk in a long time. Would it make you feel better if I temporarily relocated my practice to p0nyville to supervise this plan?”
>Now that was an idea.
“That would be great, Cloudscape. Would you really do that?”
>“Your bills are being paid for by... well, lets just say that you have concerned friends with deep pockets. I wouldn't be losing anything, and like I said, yours is a very interesting case.”
“Is it Luna?”
>“I am not at liberty to say. They asked for it to be kept a secret, and a secret it shall remain.”
>Its totally MoonButt.
“I see. Well, whats the next step, doc?”
>“The next step is dinner. I am going to go talk to your friends, but you need some more rest. I will be back in the morning.”
“Alright. Try not to be too hard on them, they mean well, they're just blind to what they've done.”
>“And to think they said your heart had turned to stone.” he chuckles.
>“I will say what needs to be said.” he goes on “But I will try to be gentle. Also, perhaps we should close these, what with two of your friends being pegasi?”
>He moves to the window and closes the blinds
“Yeah...”
>“I will see you in the morning. Rest well, Anon.”
“Seeya, doctor.”

>The next morning your alarm goes off bright and early
>Time for the old morning routine
>Laying in bed, you eat breakfast and read the newspaper over coffee.
>Cloudscape enters.
>“You have some stubborn friends, Anon. It took all of my best tricks to get past their blunt determination.” he scowls.
>You put down your paper and let him continue.
>”But once I got inside Rainbow's head it got a lot easier. She's very loyal to you, Anon. I want you to know that. Once I worded the situation in a way that reached her she was devastated. And they fell like dominoes after that...Rainbow got through to Applejack, who got through to Twilight who explained it to Rarity who explained it to Fluttershy.”
“And Pinkie?” you asked.
>Please let her understand.
>Pinkie Pie can be terrifying.
>“She always understood, Anon.”
>Come to think of it, Pinkie had never really taken sides. She just tried to cheer you up when you were down, or Fluttershy when she was.
“You know, she never really did get involved.”
>“I sent them away last night to get some sleep.” He checks his pocketwatch. “They should be arriving in the lobby soon. Get yourself ready, I am going to go get them.”
>When he leaves you get out of your hospital gown and back into normal clothes.
>Looking out your window, you notice you are right over the main entrance.
>The carport that stretches out over the driveway is just a few feet below your window, so you lower your backpack out onto it, just in case you have to make a run for it.
>Cloudscape will understand.
>Leaving the window open, you slide your bed over to that wall.
>As you settle back into your bed, there's a knock at the door.
>Welp, here goes.
“C-come in.” you answer nervously.
>Doctor Cloudscape enters, followed by four very guilty looking ponies and a bouncy Pinkie Pie.
>“Nonny!” Pinkie shouts, jumping onto your bed and tackling you into a hug.
“Hey Pinkie.” you smile, returning her hug.
>“I'msogladyou'reokaywewereallsoworriedaboutyouwhenyounevershowedupatthepartyandthenLuna-”
“Its okay Pinkie. We're all here now.” you reassure her, scratching her affectionately behind her ears.
>Pinkie lays down beside you and you continue your ministrations as Cloudscape clears his throat.
>“Now girls, Anon has something to say to all of you.”
>You gulp as you feel yourself begin to sweat a little.
>You look at them, and your eyes water a little.
>They look back, obviously worried about what you're about to say.
>Except Dash.
>Dash won't even meet your gaze.
“I....I miss you.” You begin. “Every time one of you harassed me about Fluttershy I retreated a little, and finally I just avoided all of you. That lunch with you two... it was supposed to just be the three of us. But no, it was... it was just a trap laid to try and get me to have lunch with Fluttershy after you two bailed!” You push on, your voice rising.
“And that was the first time I had gone into town in two weeks! Applejack, when was the last time I visited you?”
>“Gee Anon, I dunno. Why?”
“It was after Applebuck season, you invited me to dinner with your family in thanks for working for you. I left early because you invited Fluttershy and kept trying to get me to 'show her around the orchard' when we all knew she had already seen it all a thousand times. Rarity,” you turn on the marshmallow p0ny. “I haven't been to your boutique in over eight months, ever wonder why?”
>“Well, its a dress shop...I just assumed you didn't need any new clothes...”
“Its because a little over eight months ago you turned one of our drinking nights into an ambush, letting Fluttershy hide upstairs until I was too drunk to stop her advances. It was one of the worst nights of my life.”
>She looks truly horrified by what you said,
>“Anon, I-” she protests, but you hold up a hand.
“No, it doesn't matter now. I'm ready to put it all behind me. Behind us.”
>“Anon, we never meant to hurt you.” Rainbow pleas, flying up to you.
>“Can ya forgive us, Sugarcube?”
“Are you ready to stop pushing Fluttershy on me?” you ask sternly.
>“We've learned our lesson, Anonymous. We promise. Rarity answers.
>“I didn't realize how much I was hurting you Anon,” Twilight adds. “I was so worried about you being lonely forever that I didn't see that we were driving you away from your friends.”
“I dunno, Pinkie, what do you think?” you turn to her and she scrunches her face up in thought.
>“Well...I think they're sorry Anon. And I really really really want you to come home. I missed you at the party!”
>You hold her gaze for a moment, then turn to look at the others.
>You see sorrow, remorse and a desperate desire for forgiveness.
>A heavy sigh escapes your lips.
“Okay girls. I guess I'll come back to P0nyville.”
>They let up a cheer and rush in to hug you.
>It feels so good to have your friends back.
>It brings tears to your eyes.
>Big, manly tears.
>“Aw, Nonny, whats wrong?”
“Nothing, this is great! I've just missed you all so much...”
>This just triggers another, longer round of hugging.
>“Good. Very good.” Cloudscape speaks up. “Girls, if you could wait outside, Anon has someone else he needs to talk to.”
>Well shit.
>There goes your good mood.
>“We'll wait outside then, doc.” Applejack replies, herding the group out the door.
>“Are you ready for this?” Cloudscape asks.
“I'm not sure.”
>“You need to do this.”
>“Alright...” you say, throwing your feet over the edge of the bed and leaning against the wall next to the window. “Lets get this over with.”
>“Fluttershy, please come in.” he calls.
Fluttershy enters.
>She looks a mess.
>She's clearly been crying in the hall and she flinches when you make eye contact with her.
>“Please, have a seat, Miss Fluttershy.” Cloudscape indicates a chair next to him facing you.
>“Anon and I have discussed his experiences in great detail.” he continues. “Your affection has turned to obsession, and it gave our friend here a nervous breakdown. I'm here to help him, but to do so I think I need to help you too.”
>She mumbles something you can't hear. Cloudscape nods.
>“I understand, but you took things too far. So here we are.”
>More mumbling.
>You throw a glance Cloudscape's way.
>“I think its unfair for you to disinclude Anon, Fluttershy. He can't hear you when you mumble like that.” he chides gently.
>“I...I'm sorry!” she sobs suddenly, throwing herself at your feet.
>“I just wanted you to love me! Rarity said your dick was the fastest way to your heart! I was desperate, Anon! You never looked twice at me before I started trying to find your fetish! Even your rejection was better than being ignored all the time!”
>You don't even know where to begin with her.
>Cloudscape merely strokes his beard thoughtfully.
“Fluttershy... how did it come to this? I used to think of you as a good friend. I always enjoyed escorting you into the Everfree to visit your animal friends. But whenever I came around you disappeared. So I gave you your space. If I ever was interested in ponies, the old Fluttershy, the Fluttershy that was my friend, would've been high up on my list. But now... I don't even know you.”
>She sobs harder at that last statement.
>“Fluttershy, come, sit please.” Cloudscape insists, indicating the chair.
>She takes a moment to collect herself and returns to her seat.
>“Fluttershy” he continues “What is Anon's favorite color?”
>“I...I don't know.” she sniffs.
>“Guess.”
>“Um, blue?”
“Silver or gray.” you answer. You look at Cloudscape.
>“Why did you pick blue, Fluttershy?”
>“Because he uses blue a lot in his house.” she explains.
>“I see.” Cloudscape says. “What is Anon's favorite food?”
>“Oh! I know this one! Granny Smith makes this Apple Pancake the size of a whole apple pie! Anon once told me he could eat those every day!”
>Cloudscape looks at you.
>You sigh.
“In all fairness, my favorite food is a dish from my old world, and I'm the only one who knows the recipe. And I never really have dinner guests.” you admit.
>“So she was as close as she could have gotten. I understand.” he says. “When Anon wants to relax, what does he do?”
>“Um, I don't really know.”
>“I see. What kind of music does Anon listen to?”
>“I... I don't really know that either.”
>“Okay. Who is his best friend?”
>“Is it Twilight?”
>Cloudscape shakes his head. “Anon, can you answer those for her?”
“I like to just sit over a drink with friends to relax, I used to listen to what we called 'classic rock' back home but now I mostly dig Vinyl Scratch's stuff, and Pinkie has definitely been the best friend to me, though Rainbow Dash used to hold that title.”
>She hangs her head in disappointment.
>“Fluttershy, do you know why I asked you those questions?”
>She just stares at the floor.
>“Because any good friend would have known most, if not all of those. You've been so focused on sex you never bothered to learn who Anon really is. I am prescribing a remedial therapy for both of you. One moment please.” he excuses himself and steps outside for a moment. He returns with Pinkie Pie in tow.
>“Anon, Pinkie Promise that you'll follow through with my prescription.”
“I will. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” you reply, miming the gestures.
>“Fluttershy, you do the same.” he says. She repeats the oath.
>“Good. I am going to relocate my practice to the small town house across from your home, Anon. That way I can supervise this experiment. Fluttershy is going to stop her sexual advances entirely. Then she is going to move into one of your spare bedrooms. You two are going to get to know each other, and Pinkie is going to make sure of it.”
>Pinkie looks like she's going to explode in happiness.
>You, on the other hand, feel like dying.
>In fact, you feel physically ill and rush to a garbage can.
>As you empty your breakfast into the unsuspecting can, Fluttershy goes full fainting goat in shock.