Tales From the Krymp Episode 1: Window Washer

--WINDOW WASHER: TALES FROM THE KRYMP EPISODE 1--

   My name is Burt Winston, but you can just call me Burt. Did you know that I'm actually dead now because of one little mistake? Probably not, but here is the story of how I died.
   I woke up today, but felt more energetic than usual, and it was only 5:32! I got up out of bed and put on a generic white T-shirt and some jeans. Then I had some bacon and eggs for breakfast. It was delicious. Everything was going perfect today! I was going to apply for a new job at the convention downtown. I picked up my keys, slipped on some shoes, and ran out the door. I was very excited. I pulled on the handle of the car door, but it wouldn't budge. I pulled again and still, it didn't even move. That's when I realized that I was being a fool, I didn't even start the car yet! I pressed the button to start it. I then got in and put my hands on the wheel, it was so cold that I pulled my hands off immediately and fell onto the asphalt coated with a thin layer of ice and broke my back. Today was going to be a bad day, a very bad day.
   As I was driving to the convention, I was caught in a major traffic jam. Calling out of my window I yelled "Move you freaks!". The people in front of me did not move so I shrugged and took the other way. Surprisingly, there were no cars. I drove up and spotted the convention straight ahead.  Mr. Stanford greeted me when I got there, he showed me around the different stands with the job applications and descriptions. I browsed through them all and found one that I liked, a window washer. The job description stated that I would be up on high-rise buildings cleaning windows. It seemed like an exhilarating job, my life was dull and boring and this could be the thing that would spice it up and change things around, little did I know about the dangers that awaited me.
   The job was fairly simple, I wear a harness and a hat and go up on a little platform that hoists me up to the windows on the high-rise and then I clean them off. The biggest concern I had was the windows falling in while I was cleaning them. As soon as I reached the top window, I felt a tug, a very strong tug. It pulled me down to the ground. "Help help!" My cries were drowned out by the sound of the roaring air and no one heard me. "Help help!" I screamed at the top of my lungs until I was pulled underneath the platform. The air blew me around and then slammed me against the building. The windows were very strong so they held. I was helpless now. The wind snapped my harness and I plummeted 1,263 feet to my death. But wait, I was still alive! Unfortunately, I was one of those rare extreme fall survivors who remarkably survived due to some brain thing. I was in so much pain that I passed out and fell into an endless sleep, only it was not endless and I awoke and retold this story.