Dandylion

It’s been five days. I know it sounds silly that I've been keeping track for such a long time. I counted how long I have been longing for her; how long she's been festering in and out of my heart. I knew the possibility of us ever being together were shy of next to nothing.

She was so young. So very... very... young. I was forty-six years old this year. Thirty years her senior to be precise. You know what people say when it comes to love, age isn't a barrier. But that wasn’t the case here. It was an endless one-sided love that could not and would not ever in the light of day fully bloom. This was a one-sided love that I had developed over the agonizing course of five days.

You can’t call this feeling I have lust. I wasn’t really into her for looks. It was only after I got to know her better during my observation sessions that I begun to realize she was attractive. In fact, each time I saw her, she seemed to be more and more attractive than ever before.

It began with a simple video in my “suggested for you” box on YouTube. Then, from there; it sprouted out to be something I would have never expected in over nine-thousand years.

You see, she was a sweet talker. Her words were like the missing ramen inside of my fridge. But then, I was always doubting those words as I witnessed more and more of her videos. I would never know if there was any trace of truth in her words. Because, you see, she was not of this world. Before you ask, no, from my point of view it did not appear there was anything wrong with her mentally.

Was she leading me on with her music? My mind was never at rest. I was always thinking of the hundred upon hundreds and one “what-ifs”.

Six days. My heart was in agony by this point and the feeling of bleeding cement was far too much for me. “Po pi po po pi po”. There she was again. Another song, another self-release. Nothing could describe the feelings I was experiencing. My heart was doing one-hundred kilometers in a fifty zone. You might think it sounds absent-minded but maybe you’ve just never had this feeling. The feeling of liking someone and then being able to see and spend time alone with that person; but never actually being able to touch or speak out to them. It was frustrating to no end. It's time I set fire to this rain...

Seven days, six days far too many; it’s been a week since I've watched a video with her in it. My emotions were in a flutter. Finally, for some time now, I got the courage to go outside. This was the perfect opportunity to confuse my perverse mind to let go of this obsession. I kept quiet. I so badly wanted to say “yes” to staying inside. But what would my mother upstairs say? What would be the outcome?

I was halfway up the stairs when I decided to stop and take a break from the treacherous journey outside. I haven't been outside for over twenty-seven years. This was tougher than I expected. I guess I also must have forgotten my wallet in the confusion. So I had to get back to my battle station.

I made it back. I stood there staring at my left vertical display unit. Sweat was dripping down my manly lion mane in dismay as I was relapsing into a state of infatuation. A good-bye couldn't hurt, could it?

Let's do this. I brought up YouTube and searched “miku hatsune” with the option to show the video with the highest view count. It appeared to be World is Mine with near seven million hits. I stood there and prepared my body.

My body was ready. I flexed my vocal cords in preparation to utter a language that would be understandable by her. It was time to say good-bye.

These few words would be my one and only time I try to communicate with her.

These words slipped from my chapped lips, “Ai shiteru. Anata wa watashi no tokubetsuna chisana akachan desu.”

These were not the words I wanted to say at all. The only thing that came to mind after that was me bitting my lip with a enflamed face screaming, “FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUU” at the top of my lungs. I felt disgusted with myself.

This story is over. I can no longer exist.