Amazonian Stand Up

>"So one day, it was a Sunday I might add, pitch black outside since it was night-time; perfect time to hunt for a mate, am I right> Succubus know what I'm talking about. I've been hunting this one guy. Small, looks perfect for working in the kitchen, by the fallen gods, his ass would look great in a naked apron. Best invention I might add."
>Laughter
>"What? All you fidgiting girls in the front here trying to hide their blush saying 'T-That would look indecent on m-m-master!'. GET AN APRON AND SLAP IT ON 'EM. You'll be so went they'll have to call the plumber to your house for flooding."
>More laughter
>"So I'm trailing this guy, who begins to pick up his pace because he can feel me, he can feel the fact that someone's going to flip him upside down and break that fine pelvis of his. He breaks into a run, like a full blown run, I have never seen anyone run with such speed since that one time I saw someone get hunted by a Hellhound."
>"So he breaks into a run, and he keeps on running. he's leaping over roots, ducking under branches; this kid was an Action Movie star. i thought I was on the set of Predator."
>"But then he stops. This kid, who was out of breath, breathing hard, just stops. He turns to look at me, who was right behind him the whole time. He looks at me, his eyes staring into mine, and he says the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life."
>"I'm sorry Miss Amazon, but I don't think I'm ready for marriage."
>The room erupts into laughter
>"A-A-And i looked at him right in the eye. I was baffled. So I said to him;"
>"What?"
>"He said: M-Men have rights too!"
>Everyone's rolling in their seats, dying of laughter

>"I couldn't believe what I just heard. This was the single most amazing thing I've ever heard since the sound of my mom making dinner for the tribe."
>"So I looked at him, right in the face, trying my hardest not to laugh. i couldn't think of what to say! But my mind spoke what everyone is thinking."
>"WHAT!?"
>"he was scared. I've never seen someone so scared in my life. I swear I was next to a waterfall because I felt damp. But he looked at me, through his trembling body, and said:"
>"W-Well I just think that men and Mamono should have equal rights! And as such, y-you should be more gentle!"
>"This kid was precious. He was a kid with dreams. He wanted to be a chef. Can't you believe that? a full blown professional chef."
>The crowd claps
>"So I'm sitting on the edge of my bed with him after ploughing his pelvis for three nights."
>Laughter
>"And he says to me: Y-You broke my dreams!"
>"And I turn to look at him, his pelvis glowing red like it had radiation on it, and said;"
>"No, I broke your pelvis."
>"So he cries. Oh shut up you Kikimora's in the front. Bunch of Subway sandwiches the lot of you. And he begins to mutter how he will never be a chef."
>"Well what the fuck are you talking about!? There's a kitchen right there, and a apron with your name on it! You're now a chef, congratulations!"
>"But I won't be a professional chef, he says. This kid is crying up a storm. I swear some of you heard it."
>"But he was right. He may be a chef, but not a professional chef."
>"So I bought him one of those chef hats. Boom, instant professional chef. It's like ramen noodles."
>More laughter, followed by a round of applause

>"So, I'm talking to my husband one day. he doesn't want to be named that because he says 'he isn't married' to me or something. You Ushi Oni's know what I'm talking about. And he asks me; You eat all my cooking. How do I know I'm improving to become a top chef?"
>"Personally, his food is phenomenal. But I eat anything so he doesn't take my word for it. So I say; OK, make a full course meal."
>"And he does. The determination in his eyes combined with his butt made me wetter than a Mermaid in water. That flooding yesterday? You thought it was a Ryu throwing a hissy fit?" She points at herself
>Laughter
>"So while he's doing that, I called over some of my friends. Nice people; bunch of sluts though. Yes, I must pander to the Kikimora here. All this lewdness is roasting their brain with lewd thoughts, am I right? I bet they've never seen a dick before!"
>More laughter
>"So my friends arrive, to the dismay of my wonderful husband who screamed when an Ushi Oni, a Succubus, and a Dark Elf enter the scene. Oh his face, it was just SO FUCKING CUTE!"
>'But he continues to cook, and eventually finishes. Oh man, the food was just, muah! Ripe, hot, and delicious. The meat was tender, but not overcooked. A little bit on the salty side though, that's what the general consensus was, but it was fucking delicious!"
>"Oh, and the food was fine, I guess."
>The crowd erupts into laughter and clapping
>"Thank you guys, you're all great!"