Martini 26

>you are Martini - a lime green fluffy unicorn with dark green mane and tail
>you’re pretty fly.
>your job is to give special hugs to the mares here and help them make babies
>something weird happened the other day. Sunset apparently loves you.
>you don’t really know how to handle that.
>today BIG MAN brought a magic picture screen with him
>you watch over his shoulder in amazement at the pretty colors it makes
>he especially likes watching two human females giving each other special hugs
>”How about some music, Martini?”
>”wuv moosic!”
>BIG MAN grunts and plays some loud music by someone called metallicka. it’s a little loud for you but BIG MAN likes it
>BIG MAN’s talking box makes a noise. he speaks into it.
>”Yello. What? WHAT? I was told she wouldn’t even have a chance for parole for ten years! THAT IS BULLSHIT! Yeah, okay, I’ll be right there.”
>BIG MAN looks really mad.
>”Fucking parole hearing. All right, Frank will be back from the supplier’s in a couple of hours with fresh food for you all. I have to go.”
>BIG MAN hurries out the door.
>”fwesh nummies!”
>”bowomee wuv fwesh nummies!”
>you’re still entranced by BIG MAN’s magic picture screen. suddenly, a box pops up on it and starts talking to you!
>”Do you know a fluffy pony who LOOOOOOOOOVES spaghetti?”
>”yes i do!”
>”Well bring them down to Spaghetti Land! It’s the fluffy-friendly park where they go on rides, play ball, and get ALL THE SPAGHETTI THEY CAN EAT!”
>every eye in the room is on the magic picture screen, even if they can’t see the pictures.
>”Why, just ask our celebrity spokesman, television and film actor, Star Trek: The Next Generation’s Brent Spiner!”
>”I love Spaghetti World.”
>”Land.”
>”Land. I bring all my fuzzy ponies…”
>”Fluffy.”
>”Fluffy ponies here for rides and games and all the spaghetti you can eat. Now featuring complimentary tracking chips for quick and easy pony location.”
>”Thanks, Brent Spiner! Would Brent Spiner lie for coke money? I’d like to think not! So bring your favorite fluffy down to Spaghetti Land!”
>every mouth in the room is drooling.
>a happy tune plays: “Good fluffies love… Spaghetti Land… bad fluffies GET THE SORRY STICK!”
>”we goin.”
>”wazzat mawtini?”
>”sunset, you wan go to spasgetti land?”
>”sunset fowwow you to ends of da earf.”
>”so… yes?”
>”yes! sunset wan go spasgetti land!”
>you tap the door of your cage. it opens. you learned recently that the latch broke and BIG MAN didn’t feel like fixing it
>you carefully lower yourself to the floor and kick open the latch for sunset’s cage
>”aw, fawamee wan come spasgetti wand, too!”
>”nuu, fawamee… bigman get angwy if you all weave.”
>”why bigman nu mad at mawtini?”
>you manage a smirk
>”cos mawtini is bigman’s favwite!”
>”he gonna kick yo ass.”
>”yeah, pwobably. less go, sunset.”
>the hard part is getting outside… but you have an idea.
>you’ve seen mister frank press a special button that calls the Blue Uniform Men.
>it’s on a box on the wall
>if you can just concentrate on it a little…
>*boop*
>a red light starts flashing and you hear the loud noise like the Blue Uniform Men’s cars.
>you and sunset wait by the door patiently. after a few minutes, a Long Coat Yellow Hat man breaks in the door.
>”Hello? Anyone here? Hello?”
>another Long Coat Yellow Hat man comes in and hurries upstairs.
>the first one speaks into a magic talking box like BIG MAN’s.
>”Looks like a false alarm… but I’m not sure how the panel went off. They should have their alarm company come in and check it out…”
>you and sunset quickly make your way out the door.
>”which way we go, mawtini?”
>”we in new jewsey. spasgetti wand in ohio. dats… five o six miles to da west!”
>”you so smawt, mawtini!”
>”wets go… maybe we get dere befo gets dawk!”
>you and sunset waddle down the street… thoughts of rides and games and spaghetti in your heads.
>
>epilogue
>”I’ll kill that son of a bitch if he took them again…”
>”We don’t know anything yet… let’s look at the video. That’s why I got it.”
>”There’s where the firemen came in. The door was locked before that.”
>”There.”
>”What?”
>”There! You can see Sunset’s cage open down there!”
>”Hold on, I’ll try the other camera.”
>”Oh, for fuck’s sake.”
>”Your boy just got himself and his girlfriend sprung.”
>”DON’T call him my boy.”
>”Jesus, this is rich. Your favorite little shithead just pony-napped his favorite fuck toy.”
>”But why?”
>”Hey… did you leave your laptop on?”
>”Yeah… you think…?”
>*checks history, plays Spaghetti Land pop-up ad*
>”Oh my holy God.”
>”Fucking OHIO!?”
>”Jim… don’t do anything rash…”
>”I’M GONNA WHIP HIS ASS RAW WHEN I FIND THAT LITTLE SON OF A BITCH!”
>”Ugh… I need a drink.”