Eris - Birth of a legend

>Day muchtooearly in Equestria.
>You are Anon, and you are as snug as a bug in a rug.
>With your duvet coming up to your ears, swaddled completely around you, there's no way that any cold is sneaking in.
>Not today!
>And after a hard week's work on the contruction sites, you deserve a bed-day.
>Even if you're awake at FOUR IN THE FUCKING MORNING.
>BECAUSE SOME BASTARD IS HAMMERING ON YOUR DOOR!
>Rolling around, you bury your head beneath the pillows, but it doesn't help in the slightest.
>Which makes today a complete write off.
>It takes a few minutes, but you manage to unravel the duvet, then slip on a terryrobe.
>Shut up. It's efficient.
>You shamble to the front door, the pounding and banging drilling ever deeper into your skull.
>Taking a firm grasp, of the handle, you yank the door open.
>"Surprise!"
"Discord. Of course. Why are you here?"
>"Is being woken up early your fe-"
>The alarm clock held in his left... paw... goes off, the shrill screaming echoing through the deserted streets.
>Discord's grin slowly weakens, then slips off his face.
>Angrily, it stomps down the street, whilst Discord rummages in the bushes, and pulls out a spare mouth.
>"Pinkie keeps them all over P0nyville, in case of mouth emergencies."
>"Ahem, and was being woken up early your fetish?"
>You curl your lip, and snarl.
>"Oh, a fiesty one, too"
>You slam the door in his face.

>Day stilltooearlybutabitlaternow in Equestria.
>Your chance of a lie-in now ruined, you decided you'd make the most of your now-extended morning.
>The bathroom air is moist, and muggy. Lazy wisps of steam rise from the bathtub, describing whorls and spirals in the thick air.
>It's dark, with just the barest hints of sunrise peeking through the window, and the room is that dark not-blue that just precedes day.
>Shucking off the robe, you slide into the water, stretching out into the palatial tub.
>One of the benefits of P0nyville - a bathroom made to scale meant that everything would actually fit.
>The morning's stress is melting away, leaving you floating happily, the waters lapping at your neck...
>When there comes a terrible rapping from the front door.
>You ignore it.
>It's still much too early for anything to be out of bed.
>But the tapping grows louder, and you just can't take anymore.
>You grasp the wrought iron handles, and haul yourself up.
>Water sluices down off you, and the chill air bites at your damp body.
>You step to the floor, wrap a towel around your waist, and stomp back the front door.
>"It's just me!"
>OF course it's him.
>Because your day wasn't already ruined.
>"And... Maybe one or two more"
>You swing the door open, Discord has some huge white fabric thing wrapped around his waist, and Fluttershy's standing behind him, holding on to a pair of pom-poms.
"Did you put him up to this?"
>She doesn't answer, instead, Discord runs his hand down your chest.
>"My-oh-my, Anonymous, you're so... wet, for little old me?"
"First of all, fuck off. Secondly, I just got out of the bath. No, you can't join me. Thirdly, no, I'm straight. Fourth, fuck off."
>Discord turns back to Fluttershy, and winks.
>"See, I told you he was fiesty, isn't he?"
>You sigh.
>Why couldn't today be a normal Saturday?

"Can you not just go away?"
>Fluttershy sighs, and butts in.
>>"Please, Discord... It's, ummmm, a bit early. Maybe we should let Anon back inside?"
>Discord turns back to you.
>"Oh fine, if you're going to be a party-pooper, I might as well jump to the point! Are babies your fetish?"
>He clicks his fingers, wraps a bonnet around his head, and pulls a bottle of chocolate milk out of nowhere.
"Just... Pony-Jesus, no! The hell is wrong with you?"
>Discord pouts, and the image is seared into your brain forever.
"Fluttershy, why the hell did you think this would be a good idea?"
>She cringes back from you, and Discord steps forward, taking he brunt of your glare.
>"Don't be too harsh on her. It worked on Big Mac, after all."
>You pointedly ignore the luminescent blush on Fluttershy's face.
>"How about real babies?
>Discord reaches out, pulls your nose off, and rubs it between his hands
>Another click of the fingers, and there's a wrapped parcel in your arms.
>The nauseating orange paisley paper clashes horrifically with the ribbon made of googley eyes.
>It blinks at you.
>You blink back.
>The package starts screaming.
>"Aren't you going to open it Anon?I promise you'll just love it <3"
>Gingerly, you pull the eye-ribbon, and carelessly drop it on the floor.
>The parcel springs open, deposits a small child in your arms, and vanishes in a puff of logic.
>"Oh how sweet, she's got your nose, Anon!"
>Wat.

>Looking down at the misshapen thing in your arms, you can see she does, in fact, have your nose.
>It's much too big for her un-even face.
>You look back at Discord, and frown.
>He rolls his eyes, but snaps his fingers again, and you can breathe properly.
>The odd child in your arms reachs up, and punches you in the jaw.
>Luckily, she doesn't lift, so it's completely ignorable.
"No, Discord, real babies aren't my fetish either. Now take it back."
>"Eeeeenope"
"I'm not joking around. I'm not looking after this... This thing"
>"No can do, sweetcheeks. Eris here's our baby!"
>>"Ummm... Mister Discord, I, umm, think that Anon might not have been ready for a child of his... um... own?"
>Discord turns back to you, eyes wide.
>"You're a father? Anon, your first thought should be to your child, not to dating much older beings! I'm dissapointed in you!"
"But... What?"
>"Bored now, come Fluttershy, let's away!"
>Spinning on the spot, Discord dons a purble and black bodysuit, flares the capes behind him, and sprints off down the street.
>Fluttershy looks at the str - Eris, you remind yourself - then smiles up at you.
>>"Oh she's adorable! I've never even seen a baby draconequus before!"
>She squees, and prances off.
>>"I'll get Pinkie to organise a naming party! ~Yay~"
>Wat.
>Just...
"What the hell just happened?"
>Eris gurgles up at you, and shakes her fists.
"You're better behaved than your other dad, I see"
>The morning chorus starts, and she startles.
>Thunder rumbles, and you're drenched in chocolate milk.