Thief and Dragon greentext

So is anyone going to write a story about a damn thief who goes in to a Dragon's lair, steals something, has her chase him across the land and eventually becomes her husband?
Because I liked that idea.
___

>Well, isn't this just perfect
>You've been wandering around these damn caves for hours
>The guy in town said this would be easy
>A map to a cave full of riches
>Sounded like a load of crap, but a free map & chance of loot couldn't hurt
>Took forever to decipher the map's outdated landmarks
>Even with your eyesight, you can barely see your hand in front of your face now
>Your torch burned out forever ago, you've had to resort to a mental map
>All thee connecting paths & switchbacks, no way is this natural
>Eventually, you see light
>You come out to the central chamber & your jaw drops
>There's a veritable ocean of treasure before you
>You could come back here over and over for a year not move it all
>You line your sack with gold & gems to rival a king's fortune
>As you make to leave, though, thought crosses your mind
>Who lit the torches?
>You hear a pile of coins shift behind you
>From the sea of gold, she emerges
>She's at least s full head taller than you
>Claws that look like they could rip through a knight's plate mail
>A wingspan at least triple your height
>A toned frame belying impossibly strong muscles
>Fuck...
>Her crimson eyes sweep the room before coming to rest on you
>'THIEF!!!'

>shitshitshitshitshitshit
>Where the hell is the exit?
>You've been running around for almost an hour now
>Most of the treasure's gone, either dropped in your mad dash or burned away
>The air explodes behind you again
>You barely duck behind a rock as a fireball flies past
>'Where are you, my little mouse? You can't scurry away forever.'
It isn't too hard to outrun a scaly lizard like you!
>More fire. Why are you taunting her?
>'Such a cheeky tongue. I'll be sure to rip it out of your skull before I incinerate you.'
>Another blast of flame, a little wide this time. She's attacking by sound.
>In the fading light, you notice something on the ground
>Claw marks, very heavy
>It must be from her coming and going over these years
>Maybe...
Is that all you can do, you over-sized iguana?
>'Such INSOLENCE!!'
>Fire illuminates the floor
>Yes, the claw marks make a definite path. That way!

>Finally, you can smell fresh air
>A good thing too, you're almost out of energy
>How big is this fucking cave?
>You can see light ahead
>You round the corner and...
>Dead end
>Light pours in from a shaft in the ceiling. You're trapped now
>Unless...
>You hear her claws on the ground behind you
>'You've led me on quite the merry chase, my little rat, but now you're cornered in my maze.'
>'Pray to your gods, for you shall see them soon.'
>She takes a deep breath, looking to vaporize you in one go

Wait!
>She stops for just a second
Surely killing a petty thief like me is beneath one as great and mighty as you, right?
>'My, my. First you sling insults at me, now you praise me. Don't we have quite the silver tongue.'
Your kind words are too much for me, Lady Dragon.
>'However, kind words will not save you.'
>She begins to wind up again
Yes, yes, I admit I have wronged you. But has any damage been done?
>You've stumbled her. 'What do you mean?'
I, mean, my lady, that you have already reclaimed your treasure! Look me over. As you can see, our little chase has left my attire in tatters. Why, there's nary space to hide a single gold piece on me.
>She slowly circles you slowly, looking you up and down for signs of treasure
>'What are you proposing, human?'
All I ask of you now is my life, milady. Surely the life of one lowly thief, who can't even abscond with a single coin without being caught, is not worth your energy? Allow me to leave, and I vow never to return.
>She looks her scarlet gaze onto your eyes. 'And what if I were to deny you this?'
Then I would merely request that you make it quick. If I am to die here today, I may at least take solace that it is by one of such radiant magnificence as you.
>She's silent for a moment, never breaking eye contact

>Suddenly the chamber is filled with her booming laughter
>'It has been too long since I've met a human as quick-witted as you! That tongue of yours could make a succubus blush.'
>She seems to have decided to spare you
>'I can hardly remember the last time someone has roused me so. It feels invigorating to be up and about so much!'
So then, I take it you will let me free?
>'Yes, human, you will live.'
Oh, thank you so mu-
>'On one condition.'
O-oh... yes, of course, o gracious Dragon. What would you have of this humble pickpocket?
>'I have been asleep for some time, and I realize now how much I have neglected certain... needs of mine.'
Needs?
>'Surely one as spry and eloquent as you would not object to servicing one with such 'radiant magnificence' as me? I might even let you see that treasure you were so keen for a bit more intimately.'
>Gods above, save my poor soul...

>...
>It took a week of personally dousing the fires of her innermost chambers before you considered leaving
>True to her word, you got a very intimate look at that impressive hoard. Among other things.
>Though after that kind of expedition, what could compare?
>You raided a Dragon's nest, plundered the deepest reaches, grabbed her treasures in both hands, and managed to tame the legendary beast
>Plus finding all this loot wasn't bad
>She definitely doesn't seem to be opposed to the idea of you retiring from your thieving ways
>Settle in, live a comfortable life, hatch an egg or three
>Maybe you ought to go back into town and give that old man a few coins for that map, after all
>A few coins, and a hook square in the jaw
>Fin.