TSW 7.1 Mary Talks with Walker

	mary	Mary is knocking softly Walkers door while most of the others are already in bed or at least in there rooms,with everyone having had 2 nights to sleep after the angel fight, even Reagan a bit of calm has returned for most of the pilots
	IcePickLobotomy	There's a bit of a pause before Walker speaks. "Come in."
	mary	is wearing a jellow Pjama and a pair of fluffy bunny house shoes as she enters, and well clearly unlike the others she hasn't sleept yet.
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker is dressed in pale-blue pajamas herself, she's sitting at her desk. "Ah, good evening Mary."
	mary	"I, well I had feared I would wake you but I thought I saw some light under your door there."
	IcePickLobotomy	"My doors open to you any time Mary."
	IcePickLobotomy	*door's
	mary	sights and then leans against the door which she had closed behind her.
	IcePickLobotomy	"So, what's on your mind?"
	=-=	mary is now known as Mary
	Mary	"Everything? Nothing I.. well. "
	Mary	walks closer into the room searching for something to sit down.
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker pulls out another seat for the younger woman.
	Mary	sits down on that then letting her legs dangle for a moment as she pulls them up higher
	Mary	"I.."
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker tries to say something but hesitates and stops herself.
	Mary	"You first.."
	IcePickLobotomy	"I was just going to suggest starting with whatever comes up first to mind."
	IcePickLobotomy	*comes first to mind
	Mary	"I..I am afraid. I.. I am unsure if I do something good. I.."
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker nods slowly. "You made a decision that you are not sure of being the right one."
	Mary	"It.. knowing what happend to Reagan drove home what.."
	IcePickLobotomy	"Would you rather leaves this in vague terms or would you like to give a full explanation? I won't ask you to say more than you are comfortable with here."
	Mary	"Well, she died, thanks to a mistake of technique, and . I know that I got injected with something back on my accident so either it was a painkiller or something to put me to sleep so.. I might have died from all that
	IcePickLobotomy	"But you didn't, though I understand why that's not as reassuring as it could be."
	Mary	"I. well Reagan should not have done so either."
	IcePickLobotomy	"Yeah," She fiddles with her glasses "None of this should have happened really."
	Mary	"And so.. I nearly left her as a orphan.."
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker doesn't quite know what to say. She leans over and gently hugs Mary with one arm.
	Mary	shivers and hug her back moving her arms around her and resting her forehead against her
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker tenses, but doesn't move to stop Mary. "I. . don't have any children, or any siblings either. I don't have a good basis to. . . really understand what it's like, but I wish I knew what to say to try and make this better for you. I can promise you, that whatever happens, I'll make sure your daughter is cared for."
	Mary	"I know it .. I am unsure if I am even helpfull here.."
	IcePickLobotomy	"Kasra told me about what happened during the test. You were a credit to the team there, helping them find their way back. And again, during the fight you managed to clear out a fair chunk of that swarm. You've done just fine Mary."
	Mary	"But .. I.."
	Mary	"I could not do anything to help these people"
	IcePickLobotomy	"Mary. . . You're going to find that a lot of the time you can't help people. It's. . . not always in your power to save others. When someone's ticket comes up, that's that."
	Mary	"But.. It.. Maybe its the remnant o going to chuch here but.."
	Mary	hugs her harder
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker awkwardly holds the younger woman.
	Mary	"I.. am sorry for dragging it back up for you"
	IcePickLobotomy	"You didn't know, and it's fine really." She pats your back. "Besides, I'm more worried about you than my own feelings at the moment."
	Mary	"I, thanks but it is no reason to fell it by yourself "
	Mary	(....*hits brain)
	IcePickLobotomy	"It's. . . it was years ago. Time heals all wounds afterall."
	Mary	(Just had a bad . 7 AM idea )
	IcePickLobotomy	(Go for eeet)
	Mary	(it is a yezar idea :P)
	IcePickLobotomy	()
	Mary	"Well, ma'am, that is, well hogwash if that broke then up again"
	Mary	looks her into the eyes and then reaches up and well, goes for a motion to take care of her by resting her hand on walkers hair.
	IcePickLobotomy	"Eh?"
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker seems deeply confused at this point
	Mary	"Well uh. I might not be a soldier girl like the others or someone being used to be shot at. But I do recognise it if someone is lying to themself to appear healty. I have had a number of siblings and knew enough people visiting the confesional or who only went to church to hide from there pain.
	IcePickLobotomy	"I've had 9 years to recover Mary. I'm not going to say losing people doesn't hurt, but it's been enough time that I've worked past it."
	Mary	"Uh..sorry again for poking that wound."
	IcePickLobotomy	"I forgive you, and we're not here to talk about my hang ups anyways, though I do appreciate the concern."
	Mary	nods
	Mary	(....https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjlSiASsUIs )
	IcePickLobotomy	"But. . I'm probably a good example of why you can't get hung on the people you couldn't save."
	Mary	"I. well you know why I am here.."
	IcePickLobotomy	"I do. I. . it's easier if you think about the people you did help, rather than the ones you failed."
	IcePickLobotomy	"Not that I think you've failed anyone."
	IcePickLobotomy	"Just, you know, in general I mean."
	Mary	"I did not fail them!"
	Mary	"I... they. "
	IcePickLobotomy	"I'm not saying you did! And I don't /think/ you did either. I'm just. . . Sorry, I spoke poorly."
	Mary	looks as if without that save she would have snarled at her.
	Mary	"I. yes I know, please excuse that outburst"
	Mary	blushes deeply and ashamed. "It.. "
	IcePickLobotomy	"No I spoke poorly. You're quite right to be offended by that."
	Mary	"Sorry it.. it is just that they said it also because..."
	Mary	"Well because of what happend.."
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker pats you on the back
	IcePickLobotomy	"I don't think anyone has any kind of right yo call you a failure. And not on that account more so."
	Mary	"Moral fallings are so very easily blamed on others."
	Mary	mood darkens.
	IcePickLobotomy	"True. But I
	IcePickLobotomy	I don't judge you. You've proven yourself to be a capapble and good person thus far."
	Mary	"..I did ?"
	IcePickLobotomy	She nods.
	IcePickLobotomy	"You've taken to the field twice, worked well with the team, shown yourself to be a empathetic and compassionate young woman, and Kasra did say you helped him and Robin find their way back during the test."
	IcePickLobotomy	"I'm glad you were there for them."
	Mary	"I.. , Well I did not really I acted there withot thinking and . I did not want one of them to get lost. I.. It was in a way scary but I. Well it felt . Natural is the wrong word. Not wrong? Like when you move your leg while it is asleep? Just.. for emotions?
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker nods. "You still acted Mary, that doesn't invalidate what I just said." She taps her log. "Though, I don't know enough about the. . . MetaBiology, AT Field-stuff to say much on what you felt or did."
	Mary	"It. I did not think about helping them and. I was scared there...
	Mary	shivers
	IcePickLobotomy	"You did as well as anyone could have expected."
	Mary	"Well, and well you saw how good I was in a fight.."
	Mary	I.. I wonder if I had been faster or hit better would that have saved these people is..
	IcePickLobotomy	"Maybe, or maybe not. But those sorts of thoughts aren't going to help anyone either. they knew the risks when they signed on, it's still unfortunate, but that's war for you."
	Mary	"War, can really call it like that considering what our enemy is ? I. I read on the radio how many might have died in Europe.."
	IcePickLobotomy	"What else would we call it then?"
	Mary	"War is where one fights, here, we are just.. trying to surve"
	IcePickLobotomy	"True, but a lot of us are military, we think of it in terms of battle and war. And Wars are fought, if it isn't a war, then this is just something to be endured and that feels to passive, to much like the plague, for many of us to feel comfortable with."
	Mary	nods unsure holding her quivering traitorous tongue silent for now
	IcePickLobotomy	"Uhh. . . Whether you think of it as a war or not isn't. . . I think you get the idea."
	Mary	"Yes I... its."
	IcePickLobotomy	"Well. . . So. . . ."
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker flounders awkwardly trying to find something to say
	Mary	"I.. I am scared and I do not feel like I can do anything. In.. In NY I could get myself a gun. I could get money to change my situation. I. "
	IcePickLobotomy	"But here, there's a lot that feels out of your control. Right?"
	Mary	"Yes.."
	Mary	lets her head sink foreward
	IcePickLobotomy	She pats your back. "It's hard, but the truth is you're always subject to the whims of fate, no matter where you are. Now, moreso than before, true, but you can't let that get in the way of your life. Any of us could die tomorrow, but we can't let that dictate how we live. Make the most of your time, and hope you have as much as you could want."
	Mary	"I know it. It is just.. Ma'am, are, or where you religious?"
	IcePickLobotomy	"A bit, but it's never been something of much importance to me."
	Mary	"Well, you . YOu know how my Parents house was."
	IcePickLobotomy	"I read what was on your dossier, but they tend to be rather impersonal."
	Mary	"My Father was the local Pastor, and so it isn't to surprising that , well that we where raised in a church enviroment including being part of the choir, and known how to behave not to reflect badly on the church .And well it is a black church meaning in a way it is a quite close comunity.."
	IcePickLobotomy	She nods.
	Mary	"And so I , in a way Faith and being part of the comunity was something that was always there and in a way it was also a good. Explanation about the nature of the world. We where not one of these , well we where one of the churches where one could read a book on Science without being beaten."
	IcePickLobotomy	She nods again
	Mary	"And.. Then I lost this certainity "
	Mary	takes a deep breath to say this while her knuckles are going white as she digs her nails into her hands.
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker leans over and hugs Mary. Again.
	Mary	"I..."
	Mary	is starting to cry
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker pats Mary on the back. "Shhh, it's ok. . just let it out."
	Mary	tries to say something and only a hoarse chocking sound escapes her throat.
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker continues to hold the now crying girl.
	Mary	is trying to stay silent as she is letting her tears out
	Mary	muffles her cries against the robe of the other woman looking younger and lost.
	IcePickLobotomy	Slowly she rubs the other woman's back.
	Mary	is just letting out the teras and time is passing
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker, not knowing what to say, just holds the girl and waits.
	Mary	"I.." she croaks, with raw voice and red eyes
	IcePickLobotomy	"I have the feeling that's been waiting for a while now, hasn't it?"
	Mary	"I.. I did not have any real friend in NY and.. "
	Mary	"And Megan is not good at uplifting talks."
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker chuckles weakly. "I'm glad I was able to help then."
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker leans over and opens a drawer to her desk. She removes a chocolate bar and snaps it in half, offering a piece to Mary.
	Mary	sights "I.. am not really hungry I.."
	Mary	still looks at the bar
	Mary	(*starts some new alarm sirens)
	IcePickLobotomy	"It's not really about hunger. I just. . helps me feel a bit better when I'm having a rough day is all, thought I'd offer you the same."
	Mary	"I know it... Meagan being there..helped me to leave food as the only thing that I took to make me feel better. I don't know if I would not have done more but I could not risk anything happening to her."
	IcePickLobotomy	She nods.
	Mary	"I saw to many others who where on the needle or the bottle while having a kid and .."
	Mary	shivers
	IcePickLobotomy	"I can only imagine."
	Mary	"You saw how it was there"
	IcePickLobotomy	"But I didn't live it."
	Mary	"I learned that even some of the Dealers are so charitable not to try to take advantage of a mother with child and stop others from doing so. "
	IcePickLobotomy	"I see."
	Mary	looks down and then takes the bar and cery carefully starts to bite a bit off
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker nibbles on her own half. "Feel better?"
	Mary	"A bit.. "
	IcePickLobotomy	She nods. "Good to hear then."
	Mary	(liar liar ,pants on fire
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker pats Mary on the back again. "Well, I meant it when I said my door is always open to you."
	Mary	"Thanks I. Thanks. "
	Mary	is at a loss for words
	IcePickLobotomy	"I'm not as helpful about this as I'd like to be, but I'm doing my best."
	Mary	"Well helpin there is kind of hart"
	IcePickLobotomy	"Yeah, not as easy is finding optimal deployment rosters or the like. More. . . fuzzy."
	Mary	"And, others go and get religos because of thinks like that but, well that is not really open for me "
	Mary	then takes a hard bite off the bar and slowly chews lost in thoughts
	Mary	"Sorry for ruining that robe."
	IcePickLobotomy	Walker smiles. "It's fine, nothing a quick run through the washing machine won't fix."
	Mary	"Sure ?"
	IcePickLobotomy	"I wouldn't worry about it. A robe is a small price to pay for helping you."
	Mary	nods and then simply leans foreward and hugs her again
	Mary	(hmhm)
	IcePickLobotomy	"And, thank you for speaking with me."
	Mary	"No, I have to thank you there"
	IcePickLobotomy	"Well, you're quite welcome then. Any time you want to talk."
	Mary	nods