Four Seasons - 2

13th July. It's five months now since Nepgear joined my life, and honestly, it isn't easy every day.

First, there's the fact we're two living in a small three-pieces appartment made for one person. And while we're able to respect our mutual intimity, it sometimes leads to awkward moments that are hard to take care of at times. Especially when you're a man alone with a cute girl in the same place day after day, with your fantasies running wild in your head as you're trying to calm them.

Second, there's the fact of Nepgear's situation. Even though she's in contact with them every week, she's still far away from her country, her family and her friends, with no way of coming back for the moment. And while Histoire reduced the initial delay to "between three months and a year" from now on, it shows a slow progress that is taking its toll on the girl, who is more fragile than she initially showed. Which sometimes lead to moments of breakdown where all I can do is hold her in my arms and support her.

And third, there's our mutual shyness. That and the fact that we actually can't look at each other without blushing hard, except during those breakdown moments. These kind of moments do not help at all, but it's something we'll probably have to resolve soon. I guess. Unless the heat kills us first, maybe ?

"Waaaaaaaaarm..."
"Here, Onii-chan !"
"An iced coffee ?"
"Yes ! Want to try it ?"
"Let's see... Hmmm, not bad."
"Nice you enjoyed it !"

I drink a second time, under her eyes.

"...A problem ?"
"Errr... It was my cup, so..."
"Aaah, sorry ! Here you are."
"Haha, thanks."
"Still, it's rather warm these days, isn't it ?"
"Yes. Can't we do something about it ?"
"Probably. I haven't touched that much to Histoire's money outside of your clothes, so we can use a bit of it for that."
"You have an idea, Onii-chan ?"
"It's a good time to take some holidays, isn't it ? Do you have some place you want to go ?"
"Errr... Do you have beaches and festivals ?"
"Yeah, both of them. It's noted. I'll alert Histoire of this next day, and we'll see to take the next opportunities coming to us."
"Thanks, Onii-chan !"

-------------------------------------

And thus, one week later, we were off. The sun was really hot, so I took the opportunity to go with her and do some courses to gather what we might need for such trips.

"We have everything ?"
"Onii-chan, you checked the bag thrice today, and four times last day, don't you think you already know it ?"
"Yeah, I know. But I want this day to be fun for you, and it may not be fun if we're missing something."
"It won't be fun if you keep worrying for everything, too."
"...I guess you're right."

We're actually living in what could be called a small country. Which means that we're rather close to the train station, but which also means that we're in for some time before reaching our destination. Good thing I had enough to take a reservation in a hotel for one night.

Lost in my thoughts, I didn't notice immediately that Nepgear caught my arm. Noticing it made me instantly blush.

"...Are we on a date again ?"
"I guess so, Onii-chan. A problem with that ?"
"...Not at all. Guess I got to be used to this."
"You will. You deserve it after all."
"I... Deserve it ?"
"...I've seen you taking responsibility of my care, without an ounce of hesitation, when many others would have taken the opportunity at the situation to... I can't even say it."
"I understand. But to be honest, I hesitated, many, many times. Because I didn't knew if I was able to care about someone else."
"...And what changed your mind ?"
"You."
"...Me ?"
"Yes, you. You who trembled at the fact you were feeling alone like I did in the past. You who could end up without anyone if I wasn't here. You whose smile at me tells me how hard it is to endure it."
"..."
"I've been through all of this, so I know what it is, and I can see it in others. And I couldn't bear to willingly impose that to anyone."
"...You're taking care of me for yourself, then ?"
"No, don't mistake yourself. It's just that I knew which hardships you were about to endure if I refused you, and I couldn't bear it. Consider yourself important enough to me for that."
"I'm important... For you..."

She didn't say anything else for some minutes, red as a tomato and pulling herself a little stronger near me. It's when we were on the first train that she ended up speaking again.

"...Onii-chan... Can you talk to me about your past ?"
"My past ? Why ?"
"...I want to know more about it. I want to understand why you're lacking so much confidence in yourself."
"I see."

I took some seconds thinking about it.

"Where to begin... Ah, yeah, high school. Here, it's six years at once, you usually begin at twelve and finish at eighteen if you don't have to pass a year twice due to bad notes and so on. However, it begins at an age where people are rather cruel and mocking."

I had a bad laugh. One of these you have to hide bad memories.

"At that moment, I was living with my parents outside of town. Due to lack of contact with children my age, I quickly developed a calm personality, focusing on what I had to do before everything. And of course, such a personality made me the black sheep of the classroom, or the teacher's pet, as some like to call it."
"...In which way is it bad ?"
"I don't know. Maybe because they think it is more important to have friends, experiences and so on ? Anyway, what happened is that one of the guys in my classroom decided he need someone to mock, and I was that one. And then... I got bullied."
"Bullied ?"
"Yeah. He took every opportunity to mock me, then to hurt me. Laughing about my tastes, thrashing my belongings, scaring me at every moment... It lasted a full year."
"...Onii-chan... Don't go further if you don't want to talk about it."
"..."
"I can understand how hard it was. Sorry for worrying about that."
"I can continue. Especially since it doesn't end there."
"...You're sure ?"
"Yeah. Give me some time, though, since we're approaching the hardest part."
"Okay. You want me to talk to you about my childhood, to compensate ?"
"Good idea. It'll change my mind a bit."

And she began talking me about how she was born, how her big sister and Histoire took care of her since they were all by themselves, and her various adventures in Gamindustri. She stopped due to the train change we had to do, but ended up finishing right as we reached the station we were aiming for - One placed right near the beach, one or two streets separing both. We went off the train and began walking until we reached it.

"Woaaaah !"

I ended up without words. The sun was high, there was no clouds, only a nice breeze, the wide beach and the huge sea in front of us.

"It's amazing ! Look, Onii-chan !"
"You're right... It's incredible..."
"You're okay ?"
"Yeah... I'm just speechless in front of that."
"I see... You want to stay here for a moment ?"
"I'm fine. Let's reach our hotel."
"Okay !"

Finding it was easy. The reservation happened without problems, so our room was ready. All we had to do is to drop our belongings and prepare ourselves for the sea. I was clothed simply - A large brown short and a light blue t-shirt, expecting both to end up wet. As for her, she opted to a two-piece with a light cloth over her shoulders, the whole in white. I clearly wasn't ready and ended up at a loss of words when she showed it to me.

"Do... Do you think it's okay, Onii-chan?"
"..."
"..."
"You are..."
"I am ?"
"...You are cute. Really. Seriously."
"...Thanks... But... You're okay ?"
"My heart must have missed some steps due to how cute you are, but outside of that, I'm fine. Let's go."

And we began having fun for our first day, with what we can call usual beach activities - Playing beach volley, swimming a bit, sleeping under the sun, nothing exceptional. However, the sunset came rather quickly, so we decided to sit together while watching it.

"It's really beautiful."
"Yeah."

The opportunity was good, so I mustered my courage.

"Nepgear..."
"Yes ?"
"Do you want me... To continue telling you about my past ?"
"If you want to, I'm fine. I'll listen you."
"Fine."

I watched the setting sun, before turning back to her.

"On the last month, that guy got tired of me not reacting to his bullying, so he kept one-upping himself. He took the chance of a change of clothes during gym courses to rip my clothes in half with a cutter. He began physically hitting me. And while I was the only one who got hurt, the rest of the classroom got silent after he menaced them to give them the same treatment as me should they talk."
"It's horrible... And what did you do ?"
"I broke."
"You... Broke ?"
"One day, we were in an English course. The teacher was an inexperimented one, so he kept using his courses to try to push me further and further. And what he did was... He took a cutter from a friend and put it under my neck. And what he said pushed me over the edge."
"He..."
"He told me I wasn't gonna be the only one who'd endure this. That he'd go against my family, naming them one after another. That he'd go against the other classmates, for not acting. That he was about to make everyone pay for not caring about him. It seems so stupid now, but I made the mistake of believing him."
"And what did you do ?"
"I became crazy... Catching the arm he held the cutter with, I planted it on one of his shoulders... Catching my bench and making it fall on him... Dropping myself on him and punching, punching, punching him, again and again... His nose broke after the fifth or the sixth punch, and I was stopped after he took at least thirty hits..."
"Onii-chan..."

My fist was trembling, and I tried to calm it by catching the wrist with my other hand, to no avail.

"They needed the teacher and three students to stop me... And when he got up, I got a last remnant of anger and threw my foot at him. Right where I planted the cutter. His scream attracted another teacher, as well as the supervisor. I got expelled from school and had to explain the whole thing to my parents, who knew nothing thus far."
"Even when your clothes got torn or when you went home with bruises ?"
"I lied to them because I was ashamed."
"...And what happened after that ?"
"I was expelled for an undetermined period of time, during which one my schoolmates went massively with some teachers at the director's room to support me and explain how it was entirely the other's fault. Still, I have been violent against someone else, so I got a punition - Two weeks of detention, and a visit to hospital, to the injured one's room."
"So, you got fairly well outside of that."
"I thought so. And then I did the visit. And I understood the consequences of my wrath, and how dangerous I could be."
"..."
"I saw his eyes, Nepgear. I saw pure, unstopped fear in his eyes. I saw how scared and how scarred he was while watching at me. And it scared me back."
"Onii-chan..."
"...Since that event, I'm scared of myself. Scared of what I can do while angered. Scared of hurting others, especially important people... And actually, scared of hurting you, even now."

She answered by staying silent for some seconds, before approaching me.

"Don't be afraid."
"...Huh ?"
"I know you for some months, for having seen you living your life with me during this time. And I know that, even should that happen, you wouldn't hurt me."
"..."
"Here, let me take your hand."

She took my hand and put it on her cheek, keeping it there for some seconds.

"See, you didn't hurt me."

I felt a tear dropping on my face, yet kept my eyes on hers.

"If you didn't hurt me now, why would you hurt me later ?"
"..."
"I don't want you to hurt me, but you don't want to hurt me either, so don't fear me, Onii-chan. Because I don't fear you, and I don't want you to fear me."

I couldn't say anything, as my vision blurred, obscured by the tears flowing. She didn't say another word and embraced me. And under her arms, I understood something that probably appeared days, or months ago. Something that would probably make the last months harder every passing moment, but I have no other choices than to accept it right now.

...Histoire and Neptune would probably kill me for that.

"...You're okay, Onii-chan ?"
"...Thanks. I have no other words for the moment."
"...You're welcome."
"Should we go back, now ? It's becoming a bit cold, and you're covered less than me."
"I'm fine, but if you're getting cold, let's go back inside."

We stood up and went back, her at my side.

-------------------------------------

At the hotel, we quickly noticed something that may pose some problems in the following night.

"...Wasn't it two separate beds before, Onii-chan ?"
"Yeah, I'll call the service room for an explaination."

I took the phone and composed the shortcut for the service.

"Yes, room 117 ?"
"It seems our beds have been changed during our absence."
"Let me check the register... Ah, yes. I see."
"The reason ?"
"The girl you reserved the room with is your girlfriend, right ? It is a mistake from our side and we didn't ask, so we did the change in your absence."
"You did a mistake right at the moment you decided the change, in fact."
"Wait... You're not a couple ?"
"No."
"My bad... And the beds already are taken by another room... What to do ?"
"...We'll take care of this. Be sure to compensate for the problem."
"O-Of course, sir ! Have a good night !"
"Thanks."

I stopped the call.

"Guess we have no choice. They thought about us as a couple and did the change during our absence. Plus, the room with the beds we had is taken, so we can't have them back."
"Guess we have no choice then, Onii-chan. Will you be alright with sleeping with me tonight ?"
"...You're taking risks there, you know."
"I don't think so. I trust you."
"Trust or not, I'm still a man. And a man like me has certain... Needs."
"...I'm ready for these, should it happen."

Her eyes were dead serious. No mistake on that part.

"...You're really trusting me, do you ?"
"Yes."
"I guess we should go down and eat something, to begin with."

Out of the room and back to the first floor, we notice how the restaurant room. However, someone from the staff approaches us.

"Excuse me, which room are you from ?"
"Room 117."
"Your table is this way. Follow me, please."

As we followed him, I couldn't help but remark how they were pampering us. Maybe because of my complaint ?

"Here. And here are the menus."
"Thanks."
"Thank you."

I open the menu and take a look at it.

"Wah, so many things."
"You think so, Onii-chan ? Me too."
"Yeah. I'm used to make simple food, so all of this is a bit..."
"...A bit too much ?"
"Exactly."

She giggles.

"I knew you'd say that."
"Guess I can't hide you anything, isn't it ?"
"You still can."
"Phew, it would be hard to tell you some things otherwise."
"...Like how you're sometimes having fantasies about me ?"

I immediately blushed hard.

"H-H-H-How ? And when ?"
"You talk in your sleep. I knew since the third day."
"...You know how hard it is to keep myself calm and out of those thoughts ?"
"I know. And I appreciate how hard you try. Many others would have given these a try, but you kept them all for yourself, no matter how hard it was."
"I couldn't even try it, even if I wanted to."
"...Because of your issues ?"
"Partly because of that."
"Something else, then ?"
"...I appreciate the time I'm passing with you. Every day, every moment, I feel like I've found a reason to live. And even if I know it's only temporary, I can believe I'm not what I thought I was until now."
"It's the same for me, even though I know I'll have to go back, one day or another."
"...How are you feeling actually, about your nation, your sister and your friends ?"
"Much better than at the beginning. Even though I'm still feeling homesick, I can still see Onee-chan and everyone, and Histoire is doubling on the work to ensure I can come back safely. Plus, she told me recently that Onee-chan was so worried about me that one day, she took all of Histoire's work for herself and told her to focus on bringing me back."
"She's a nice older sister, I guess. Even though she's too much into vidya."
"And you ? I've seen lots of video games and consoles at home."
"I enjoy to play. True, it is fun to play, but it also helps that in video games, you're not you. You are a character, then another, then another one, and so on."
"So you can escape the moment you play ?"
"Exactly."

I had a fond thought for the people of my guild. They understood quickly the situation and the lack of game time I was about to have, and thus did their best to powerlevel me every time I was there. Of course, they were asking for the whole time at pictures of "the lovely girl that lives with you", but I didn't accept, for obvious reaons. However, my train of thoughts was stopped by the need of actually choosing a meal to eat, so I dived back into the menu.

The meal was enjoyable. True, it was at a much higher quality than what we ate usually, but I couldn't stop thinking about the actual situation. She actually reads in me like in an open book, but there's still this new discovery about her that I can hide. Thus, the best thing to do is to keep it as much as I can until the first occasion, and then tell it to her without wasting time, or else I might tell it in my sleep and the situation would be the most awkward ever.

After the meal, we went back to our room, full and a bit tired.

"...Should we put some more clothes and enjoy the fresh night, Onii-chan ?"
"Huh, yeah, good idea. It might help us with what we just ate."
"My thoughts exactly."

I just switched my shorts with light pants and added a light shirt over what I already had, while she opted for a long dress falling to her knees. Ready as we were, we got out, enjoying the fresh air.

"This day was amazing, Onii-chan, thanks for it."
"It wouldn't be if you didn't ask for it, you know."
"I knew you would enjoy it."
"And you knew right, since you can apparently read nearly everything in me."
"And I can read that you're trying your best to hide me something, Onii-chan."
"...Maybe. Try to give it a read if you can."

I smiled.

"...I like seeing you smile, Onii-chan."
"Really ? It's nothing usual, you know."
"I know. You told me about your past, so I can see how much you smiled since then."
"Indeed. But now, I can smile, at your side."
"Really ?"
"Really. Even though you're making me say embarassing things."

I hid my face with my hand, looking aside, but she moved herself into my view.

"Don't hide yourself, Onii-chan."

She took my hand and put it away from my face.

"...I don't want to see you hide yourself anymore."
"Guess we're even, now you're saying embarassing things too."
"Oh, it's not that embarassing."
"Then what would embarass you, then ?"

Without a word, she put her lips on mine, kissing me deeply. The surprise got me stopped on my tracks, as she held my hand a bit harder, her other hand on my body. I could feel her trembling a bit, especially when she moved away from me.

"...This, maybe ?"
"...You got it right."
"..."

She was completely red, trying to look away to hide her shyness.

"You told me to not hide myself, did you ?"
"Y-Yes, Onii-chan."
"Then don't do it either and face me."

With lots of hesitation, she began looking at me, before facing me directly.

"...I guess you clearly read through me."
"...About what ?"

I pulled her against me, a hand behind her head and the other behind her waist.

"...About how I fell in love with you."
"...Really ?"
"Really. I don't know how you did it, but you managed to reach me."
"...Then I'm glad."
"...But why me ?"
"Because it's you. Because it's your honesty, your kindness, your efforts to take care of me despite your needs, and so many other things I can't even list... I just couldn't do anything else but falling in love with you too."
"I guess it goes the same for me. I don't know when, but it is something that had to happen."
"That had to happen ?"
"You accepted me through and through, even after knowing who I truly was. Even after knowing how I hate myself. And more importantly, you made me love myself after that. Only someone I can truly love can do that to me, I think."
"Then prove it to me. And to yourself."

She raised her head, and I welcomed her with my lips, going for a second kiss. Her arms went for my neck, and I could feel a tear going through our cheeks. I still can't even tell if it's coming from me or from her, and I don't even care. I moved away from her before smiling again.

"...Was that enough as a proof ?"
"I guess so. I hope you'll give me more of these in the future."
"As much as you'll ask for."

She kept my hand, interwined with hers, and we continued our walk under the stars for a bit, before going back to the hotel. We didn't say a single word before reaching our room, enjoying the moment to the fullest.

"...We should get some sleep, I guess."
"...Yeah..."

I let her reaching the bathroom before changing my clothes for the night. She joined me right as I finished, and quickly went to the bed as I turned off the lights, before going to it too. However, I didn't expect what was under my eyes - The girl I loved, welcoming me with her arms and her smile.

"Come, Onii-chan."
"...Okay."

Without too much hesitation, I laid myself between her arms, before holding her myself.

"...Are you scared about doing anything ?"
"...A bit."
"...I'm scared too. Here."

She took one of my arms and brought it back between us, before putting my hand on her chest.

"...Woah, it's beating really fast."
"Yes... What about yours ?"
"Check it."

She removed my hand before using hers to feel it.

"...Probably the same."
"It is."
"...Don't be too nervous, Onii-chan."
"I can't help but be quite nervous. I'm on the same bed as the girl I'm in love with, after all."
"This is the same as me... But..."

She gives me the same serious face as earlier that day.

"I told you I was ready for everything."
"I know. I can read it in your eyes. But I..."
"..."

Her hand meets my cheek.

"Don't force yourself either. You don't have to do anything."
"..."
"I'm ready for it, but it doesn't mean it has to be done right now."
"...Thanks."

I held her right near me.

"You have an answer for everything, do you ?"
"We can't do anything if we don't talk through it. We're a couple now, remember ?"
"Yeah, I do. Now let's try to have some sleep."
"...Leo ?"
"Yeah ?"
"...I love you."
"I love you too."

She smiled to me before closing her eyes, and I quickly did the same.

"...an... Nii..."

I barely opened my eyes, to wake up on a worried Nepgear.

"Onii-chan, wake up !"
"Huh... What time is it... Oh, crap !"

Half an hour before the moment we are supposed to give back the keys. I jumped off the bed.

"Our belongings !"
"Calm down, Onii-chan ! Everything is already ready !"
"..."

I tried to calm myself down with a deep breath.

"...Why are you so worried ?"
"It's half an hour since I try to wake you up... Are you okay ?"

She went to me and put her forehead on mine. I took the opportunity to kiss her.

"Now I am."
"...Why did you sleep so soundly ?"
"I don't know. It can be that the bed is really comfortable, or that I really lacked sleep these last days..."

I caught her on my arms.

"...Or it can be because I feel at ease for the first time since years, thanks to a certain someone..."
"I hope it's that last option."

She moved away from me before standing up.

"Go and prepare yourself, we still only have half an hour."
"Yes, princess."
"...Don't call me that way, I don't like it."
"Any preference ?"
"As long as you avoid the link to my role in Planeptune, it's fine."
"No problem, dear."
"...It's better."

We were ready just in time, and the hotel gave us a sound 50 % reduction to keep us as good clients, so we moved off with some money to spare.

"Oh, Onii-chan, can we do a photo together before going home ?"
"No problem."

Click. Another moment added to eternity.