I LIKE FROSTYS
Sep 11, 2001


I want to write one of these too. Please let me know if I can post. Here's the intro to my story:

Me and my gang went up to a target. "Are you ready to do this?" I said. My gang said "F----- Of course." We opened up the target and inside was a lot of guns. "Let's take all the guns," I said. Then a door opened and it was a cop. He told us to freeze, but my gang all grabbed the guns and I said "F----- Cops!"

The cop got scared and then my gang went off with the guns. On the way back there was a car and we broke the window, because that's how you mark territory. We were really tough, and now we had guns.
# ¿ Oct 1, 2010 21:06	Profile Message Post History Rap Sheet
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I LIKE FROSTYS
Sep 11, 2001


Chapter 2

It was a crazy day back on the base. "Lance! Get on the tank!" the captain shouted. I got on the tank because I didn't want trouble. Trouble that I don't start myself, that is.

Inside the tank we had a lot of acid. I told everyone "Let's take the acid. It makes war better." They all said no, and then I said "F---- you I will take it all." I held up the bottle and poured it all in my mouth. I'm a skinhead, so I can take acid all the time. It just makes me stronger.

We started going to war, and I was tripping a lot from the acid, so I said "Let's shoot the other tanks that are on our side." Everyone said no, but I grabbed the radio and said "It's acid time b-----" and started shooting. All the other tanks started driving away and screeching, but I rotated the gun and shot 2 of them instantly. They went up in flames and the soldiers tried to get out of the tanks, but they were on fire too, so they were running, and they were totally on fire, and the tank was too. One of them tried to roll on the ground, but sand just makes fire worse, so he died faster.

The other guys in the tank were looking at me like I was crazy, but I said "War isn't for babies. If you want to have fun at this, you have to be crazy." I flexed my bicep and pointed at it, and told them "I'm not only crazy, I'm strong."

They didn't know what to do so they kept driving the tank, but I grabbed the steering wheel and said "No. Now we have to be the real heroes." I drove the tank straight into the enemy base. They were shooting all around, but I was dodging them, because acid lets you see the future, and I was still tripping a lot. We broke down the base doors and went right up to the enemy tent. I told the other guys "Let's show them who the real heroes are."

We opened up the tank and ran into the tent. They didn't expect us, because we were so fast, and we went up and grabbed the main enemy leader. "Too bad you didn't have acid" I told him, and smiled. The day was about to get a lot crazier.

To be continued
# ¿ Oct 3, 2010 17:13	Profile Message Post History Rap Sheet
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I LIKE FROSTYS
Sep 11, 2001


Chapter 3

I was still tripping a lot from all the acid I drank. We were all in the enemy tent and our tank was right outside. "Get in the tank" I told the enemy leader. He started to complain but then I hit him with my crutch. (I was on crutches because I was fighting, but I don't let crutches stop me.) He got into the tank and we tied him up and drove back to our base.

Back in my stealing days we would always go and get the target, even if the target was someone else's CDs. Now our target was the real enemy: Ayatollah Saddam Hussein. We were driving back to the base and I told him "I sold a lot of car stereos and CDs to the pawn shop. This time, you're the stereo. And I'm the pawn shop." He didn't understand so I hit him with my crutch. Anger can really take over your mind. Anger and acid.

We went to the 7-11 on base and my army guys dragged in the Ayatollah and put him in front of the cash register. He was all tied up with army wire. (Regular wire but it has camouflage so you can't see it in the desert.) I grabbed 4 bags of chips and a Sprite from the rack and I told the clerk "We're taking these."

He said "Stop! You have to pay!" I smiled and pointed at the Ayatollah with my crutch. "Can I pay with... An Ayatollah?"

Things were about to get really crazy.

To be continued
# ¿ Oct 4, 2010 10:40	Profile Message Post History Rap Sheet
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I LIKE FROSTYS
Sep 11, 2001


Chapter 4

We sat on the back of the tank and dug into the chips. War makes you hungry. I started thinking about all the different things I ate in my life. Hamburgers, hot dogs, spinach, corn... Humans. That was when I had an acid flashback. (When acid makes you think of a memory and it's like you're there.)

Suddenly I was back in New Mexico at my grandma's house. We were all hungry because our family was poor. We were about to have Thanksgiving but there was no turkey, for the second year in a row, and I decided to do something about it. "I'm going to school" I told my grandma, and took my keys.

I got in my stolen car (cheaper than buying one) and started driving. That's when I saw a bald guy. "Get in, I have lots of drugs in here" I told him. He got in because he was a skinhead, and they're crazy for drugs. "Where are the drugs?" he said. I held up a gun to his face and I said "F---- shut up we are going to the desert."

The desert is never far away in New Mexico so we drove almost to Mexico where there was just sand. "I won't shoot you now. Get out of my car" I told him. That was a lie, and when he stepped out onto the sand I shot him 9 times instantly in the head, to make sure he would die. I didn't shoot him in the car because blood is how they trace crimes back.

I got out my safety knife from the car and cut into his shoulders, and peeled off the meat. It was still bloody, but now it was meat instead of a person. I put all the parts into a backpack and drove back to my grandma's house. Everyone was watching Dateline on TV so they didn't see me, and I put all the meat into a crockpot, and turned it on. Then I went into the TV room and turned off the TV and smiled. "In 5 hours dinner is going to be ready. We aren't going to starve this year."

Then I snapped back into reality. I was back on the tank. My men were all standing around, and the chips were gone. One of my army guy's stomach was growling, so I smiled. "I'm hungry too. Who wants to eat... an Ayatollah?"

Things were about to get seriously crazy.

To be continued
# ¿ Oct 5, 2010 15:00	Profile Message Post History Rap Sheet
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I LIKE FROSTYS
Sep 11, 2001


Chapter 5

I've always been a major thief so kidnapping Ayatollah Saddam Hussein wasn't a big deal. I used to get electric knives, lawn mowers, mixing bowls, refrigerators, anything you could ask for. If I can steal a refrigerator from the mayor's house (long story) then I can definitely get away with an Ayatollah.

We forgot to put tape on his mouth, so he was crying and saying all kinds of stuff in French (language of the Arabs.) I leaned down so my face was in front of his and smiled. "No time for French, Saddam... It's dinner time." Then I gave him an Army Mustache. (That's an army move where you slap someone, but you only use one finger and it goes across their lip like a rug burn, and it looks like they have a mustache.)

He screamed so I said "Looks like he's ripe, men. Let's get him back to the kitchen." We threw him back in the tank and drove to the mess hall. Even though I had defeated the enemy by myself with nothing but a bottle of acid and some army wire, I wanted to savor the moment a little more.

We dragged the Ayatollah back through the mess hall and dropped him on the floor of the kitchen. My army guys started getting some pots and pans, so I told them, "Stop. We're not going to cook him. He's going to cook for us." They didn't know what to do, but I smiled, and said "Ayatollah, this is going to be the meal of your life. If we like your dinner, we'll let you go back to your tent. But if we don't like it, you're going to die."

One of my guys pulled off the army wire. The Ayatollah was standing there and he didn't know what to do, so I gave him an Army Twister. (When you grab both nipples and you turn them really hard.) He screamed, and I said "You're probably looking for some meat, aren't you?" He nodded.

I reached under the table and pulled out a chef knife, and before he could react, I cut off his hand. He was yelling a lot in French so I gave him an Army High Five (when you cut someone's hand off and then you use it to slap them in their own face) and said "You cook your hand or we'll cook it for you."

The blood was going everywhere, but he put the hand in a pot, and he was crying, and put some butter with the hand and started stirring it. We were all laughing, and I said "I'm tired... of hearing you cry!" He was slowed down because of the loss of blood, so I reached up with the chef knife and cut off both of his ears. I put them in the bowl and said "That's better."

He staggered to the shelf and pulled down some celery, and put that in the bowl with his ears and hand. He was majorly crying at this point, but I wasn't done. "Don't forget... to season your dish!" I said, and filled both my hands full of salt and rubbed them into the earsockets on his head. He started groaning and blood was dripping out of his mouth, so I said "Time's up, Ayatollah. Let's see if your dish measures up."

I took the bowl and turned it upside down on his head. "We don't want to eat this. It's not... tender enough!" I said, and punched him about 40 times in the chest. He fell down, so I had my guys tie him back up with army wire. Everyone was eating in the mess hall now, so we dragged him back out through the doors, and I said "Everybody listen up!" The whole army was there and they stopped eating. "We got the Ayatollah... Well, we got most of the Ayatollah. We can't find his hand for some reason."

Then the whole army stood up and gave us a really loud applause. We were major heroes, and it's still a joke for us when we say "High Five!" because of how I made the Ayatollah's hand hit him in his own face. Everyone got a promotion, but that didn't stop our lives from getting completely crazy. In fact, everything was about to get ultra-crazy.

To be continued
# ¿ Oct 6, 2010 16:35	Profile Message Post History Rap Sheet
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I LIKE FROSTYS
Sep 11, 2001


Chapter 6

For capturing Saddam and torturing him with his hand, my army guys and me got promoted to Air Force. It's better because the Army is just driving, but in the Air Force you get to fly planes. Everyone was nervous about flying, but I wasn't. That's because Air Force wasn't the first time I flew a plane.

In HS my friends and I would go around stealing a lot. We took a lot of cars (including a fire truck, long story) but the best was when we got into the airport. I brought some fence cutters, which were stolen (I'm a major thief) and we cut into the fence and ran up to a plane. My friends were jumping up to try to grab the door, but I said "I got it, boys." I climbed up the wheel and inside I touched some wires, and the door automatically came down. "That's why I'm the leader of the thieves," I told them.

We got inside and I hotwired the ignition, and we started driving down the runway. "Let's take it back," one of my HS friends said. I told him "F---- no we are flying this b-----!" Then I got on the radio and said "Stolen plane to base, we are taking this up!" I pulled back on the stick and suddenly the airplane shot way up in the air. Before anyone knew what was happening we were 2000 feet above ground.

All my guys started to get worried so I put it on autopilot and went to the back and smacked them. "If you don't want to steal planes, you should go in a different gang, because we are crazy." I looked each one in the eyes and I pointed to the door, and told them "If you want to leave the gang, get out of the plane now." One of the weak guys was complaining and said "Maybe we should land" so I said "Maybe... you should land!"

I pulled open the emergency door and threw him out. Then I shut it and smiled at the rest of the gang. "Does anyone else want out of the gang?" Nobody said yes so I went back to the pilot chair. The police and air patrol was sending me messages on the radio, so I got the cable and told them "We don't follow rules. We're skinheads. You're lucky there are no drugs on the plane or we would be even crazier right now."

Then I turned the plane around 100 degrees and headed back to the airport. I started dipping down and my guys were telling me to pull up. There were error lights flashing, but I don't care. I'm a real rebel. We got closer and closer to the airport. I saw the control tower and turned the stick so I would go sideways. All my gang members were screaming but I said "Shut up b----- we are going to show the tower who is boss." The whole plane was going sideways and I wrote "Skinhead Gang" on paper and taped it to the front of one of my guys who was yelling.

I was smoking 2 cigarettes at once, so I put one of them in his mouth and said "Tell the tower I said hi." The whole plane was sideways so I pushed open the emergency door as we were going right next to the tower, and he fell directly out and went through the window of the tower. It was a harsh message but that's how people know how good your gang is. We were marking our territory, and this time, the airport was our territory.

We landed the plane in the desert and got away in a car. (Car was stolen of course, because I can hotwire anything.) They never found us, but they always were on the lookout for my skinhead gang, because we were the toughest one in the USA.

So when they told us to fly planes in the Air Force, I knew that the craziness was just beginning to get started. We were going to make the craziness completely crazy.

To be continued

Also I want to add on that Edgecrusher is not a gimmick. He is just telling a story, and don't report my story or his story to the police, because we're just trying to come up with a good novel. When Goons work with Goons, that's when you get a great project together. One day when we put it all in a book and we're at the NY Times, you can laugh, because it's another Goon Victory.
# ¿ Oct 11, 2010 10:17	Profile Message Post History Rap Sheet
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