I choked out an Air Force officer because I thought he was a werewolf. He kept following me around asking stupid questions and the second night I suddenly jumped on his and started choking him screaming that he'd never convert us all. Then I put on his softcap, stole his weapon, climbed up on top of his car and fired off his pistol into the air shouting that at my whims and desires all Air Force personnel were hereby restricted from entering the site. Weird thing was, when I recovered, I found a V Corps memo restricting Air Force personnel from the site.

We had about a hundred trucks roll in with 'munitions upgrades' for the site and had to rack and stack that poo poo ASAP, so there I was running around with my poncho snapped around my neck like Superman charging all over the site like a nutcase. So I'm top of a truck full of MRLS rounds (new ones to replace the clicky ones) and my friend tells me that some poo poo needs inspected. I yell out "THIS IS A JOB FOR SUPERMAN!" and leap off the side. I catch the poncho on the main strut for the sideboard, it yanks me back, bounces me off the side, and drops me in the mud. So that night I shaved my head and claimed I was Lex Luthor.

I got caught break-dancing on top of stacks of MRLS rounds by a General (Still having my nervous break-down), who yelled at me to "GET THE gently caress DOWN, YOU MANIAC!" and challenged him to come up and make me. He took off his top, climbed up on the stack, and fought me in glorious hand to hand combat for the right to be "GOD-KING OF THE SITE!" while all of the privates I'd been given stared in shock and the long time members of the crew laughed and cheered. (He beat me and threw me bodily off the top of the 3-high stack and proclaimed himself the "Undisputed Overlord of All Officers Everywhere EVER" at the top of his lungs) I think he may have been crazy too.

I ran into the Wildflecken dining hall for 144th, 108th, and 168th throwing CS grenades and flashbangs screaming at the top of my lungs. I then stole an MP vehicle and drove out to the site, then blew up the MP jeep to keep the Soviets from getting a hold of it and getting a free vehicle. My crew welcomed me back and we went back to work like nothing had happened.

I went to formation completely naked except for my battle rattle and claimed I'd been mugged by Rangers who stole my clothes. When my unit tried to do something (like grab the crazy naked guy) I ran off laughing, went up to the motorpool, and stole the Gypsy Wagon. While I was loading it full of poo poo I was just grabbing at random my crew showed up, figuring it was business as usual, and we went to the site.

I would have gotten a company grade Article-15 but they found out I was cracking up because when our smart assed Platoon Leader said: "You'll all be deploying to your sites for the fall. Anyone think they can stop me from carrying out my sinister master plan?" and was doing his supervillain laugh I ran screaming to the front of the platoon and smashed him in the face with my helmet and yelled out that I was the new platoon leader and wore his helmet around till everyone chased me down and restrained me.

I got sent to 5th Floor Wurzburg and my intake got hosed up. Before I'd been seen by the doctor they took us out for a smoke break outside I jumped the orderly screaming "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!", ran away, stole a car, and got arrested in the Class VI at Fulda just standing there guzzling down booze in the aisle. They took me back, this time doped me up with enough sedative to drop a loving horse, I slept for 3 days straight. My bloodwork showed I had high levels of chemicals (including PCP for no goddamn reason except we were burning pallets) so they kept me doped up and under lockdown for 2 weeks and my head cleared up and I was fine.

When I went up for my Field Grade Article 15 the Colonel read everything, looked at the psych report, and just gave me a suspended bust, 30 days restriction, and 30 days pay.

So they sent me back out to the site.

Because sending the maniac back out to handle nuclear weapons makes sense.