FQ: Failures and Flops

I make a lot mistakes, so why not make record of those mistakes to better learn from them?
This will actually really just include parts from FillyQuest I don't like/ones that didn't do well.
I have a feeling this will be filling up pretty quick in the future, which is unfortunate.
Trust me, most of it isn't worth reading, but if you want to for whatever reason:

FillyQuest: Anonymous and the Foreign Substances

>You're running low on bits.
>A vacation is in order, you could really use the rest.
>But with only enough money for a few more nights at the inn you're out of options for now.
>Sighing you stand and stretch.
>Maybe there is some other way you can relax?
>Some /free/ relaxation would certainly be welcome.
>Perhaps Applejack can help you with that?
>With new conviction you storm down the steps into the bar, where Apples is doing her thing.
>"Howdy, come to cheat me out of bits again?"
"Nope."
>You take a seat at the bar, sprawling out on the counter.
"Hey Applejack, how could a guy have, er, a relaxing day for free.
>"What are ya implying there, Anonymous?" she says with an annoyed look.
"Nothing, nothing. I'm just curious."
>She squints at you, rubbing down a plate.
>"Hmm, you wanna get relaxed huh? Well, there's this awfully mellow zebra I know. I bet she could help ya out."
"A zebra you say?"
>"Yeah, 'er name's Zecora..."

>You dodge the guards, evade a messenger, and without a hitch you're out of town.
>Following the road you delve into the Everfree for the second time this month.
>It's a bit cold, but nothing you can't bear.
>You follow your instinct and in no time at all you come upon a cozy looking hut.
>It's actually a little strange you haven't come across something yet.
>Kinda of shocking, really.
>As you get closer you can hear some sort of music, albeit very faint.
>Seems to be coming from the little home.
>Sounds almost familiar.
>Cue: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhXK74DY4DU
>With some caution you approach the manse, you knock thrice on the round wooden door.
>There is no answer at first, save for the sound of something scrabbling about.
>Goddamn that music is loud.
"Zecora?"
>"Who comes to knock on my door that's unlocked."
>There is some coughing.
>"That was terrible."
"It's Anonymous."
>"Anonymous isn't here, man."
"No, I'm Anonymous you dolt."
>The door opens, and there is a zebra in the threshold, looking rather haggard.
>Zecora's mohawk is disheveled and her eyes are bloodshot.
>"Hello; would you like to get mellow?"
"You're pretty trash at rhyming things."
>"And your face is green."
"N-no it's not!" you claim, clawing at your cheek.
>"Whatever; what do you want, a lever?"
>You shake your head.
"No, Applejack sent me. She said you could help me relax."
>"Relax? That's easy, I just need to send a fax."
"Ponies don't have fax machines."
>"They don't have stereos either, and yet.."
>She knocks an old looking boombox in the speaker with her hoof.
"What are you listening too?"
>"Snoop Griffon, or something."
"Right, 'griffon'."
>You move over to a stool and sit on it, watching as Zecora rests herself on a beanbag near the stereo.
>She picks up a smoke from an ashtray and takes a drag.

"Wait a second, what are you smoking?"
>"Poison joke, just like the young folk."
"You guys call that 'poison joke'? Alright. You gonna pass it over?"
>She leans forward slightly but won't go any further.
>You roll your eyes and make the rest of the trip.
>Hmm, never tried this before.
>You take a smoke, and lean backward in your chair, nearly tipping it.
"Holy fuck."
>Should it be like this?
>Your head doesn't feel very in-place any more.
>Well, maybe that's normal?
>Haha wow this chair is the most comfortable thing.
"Hey black and white, is this normal?"
>"What? The flowers dancing on the ghosts? Yeah, that's normal."
>There is three knocks at the door.
>"Who is it?"
>"It's us!" a girly voice squeaks.
"Hey! It's the CMC. Love those girls."
>"It's open," Zecora calls with a cough.

>A couple ego deaths later...
>"My wings itch," Scootaloo says in a gravelly voice, flapping about on the floor next to your leg.
>"My horn itches," Sweetie responds.
>"Muh apple itches."
"Yo shut up, Zecora is talking," you yelp, staring intently at the sleeping zebra.
>She snores in bursts, twitching her hindlegs.
>"Hey Anon, what's in this jar?"
>You turn to see Applebloom fiddling with a large glass jar labeled "Poison joke buds".
"That's stuff to blaze, young Apple."

>You rub your eyes, the cold wind waking you.
"Oh god my head."
>You sit up, brain feeling like it's about to explode out of your skull and start dancing to "My ragtime gal".
>Carefully, and slowly, you get a scope of your surroundings.
>Looks like you're in some sort of field.
>Why are you so cold?
>You look down, seems alright.
>Cuirass and gauntlets?
>Check.
>Boots and leggings?
>Eh
"WHERE ARE MY PANTS?"
>It's concerning to be lacking pants in a strange place but you must admit: the cool grass does feel kinda nice on your bare ass.
>You whip around, trying to find some landmark to figure out where you are.
>Behind you Applebloom is laying in the grass, snoring.
>You spot Sweetie Belle, head stuck in a bush.
>And not too far from both of them is Scootaloo, lying on a branch.
>She looks up at your drowsily.
>"I believe I can fly," she says drowsily.