pogeymanz reviews

Disclaimer
Before I come off as a major weaboo; I'm going to ignore most of the dub changes and review the films for what they originally were. This is less of a problem with more recent films, but assume that all of my reviews are addressing the original Japanese versions of the films. I have seen all but Latios/Latias and the Victini films in their original forms and am aware of most of the changes made from the original to dub.

For more information about the differences between the original films and the dubs, visit Dogasu's Backpack at: http://dogasu.bulbagarden.net/cinema.html

For the purposes of this review, I am temporarily considering Unown, Lucario, Zoroark and any other non-legendary Pokemon featured as a central part of a film as legendary. I know they fucking aren't but for the purposes of this big review it makes things easier to generalize.

Introduction
For those of you who have not seen all of the films, you need not worry to understand my reviews. Every Pokemon film follows a basic formula: a beginning exposition introducing the viewer to the main plot of the film, introducing the viewer to Ash and his friends, Ash making friends with or at least forming a connection with some legendary Pokemon, Ash saving the day in some way. The last two steps can be changed in order depending on the film.
The films vary in their execution of this basic formula. There are three main archetypes of Pokemon films, some films managing to fit into multiple themes:
apocalyptic stories; the world is in danger and it is up to Satoshi/Ash to save it, with a legendary Pokemon as the key. examples: Mewtwo, Lugia, Lucario, Darkrai, Arceus
helping a cute legendary Pokemon purported to be of great power. Satoshi/Ash and the Pokemon must overcome great adversity, while the cute Pokemon uses their untapped power to save the day. In the video games, these are usually extremely rare event Pokemon unavailable outside of their events. examples: Celebi, Jirachi, Manaphy, Shaymin, Victini
some asshole is trying to take advantage of a legendary Pokemon for his or her own selfish use. When they do, great disaster befalls them and it is up to Satoshi/Ash to correct this. examples: all films listed in archetype #2, Lugia, Latis, Zoroark. Arceus is debatable.
Outliers that do not fit any of the above themes: Entei, Deoxys. Neither film has a main villain, as all characters have some justification for their actions. The "danger" really isn't great enough to be part of archetype #1.
Annoying assholes on computers (or computers themselves) who provide plot exposition. Not really a central part of the plot, but I'm throwing this in there because it seems to happen a lot. Desktop computers/talking computers: Lugia, Entei, Shaymin. Laptops: Deoxys, Darkrai. Saiyan eyepieces or something to that effect: Lucario, Shaymin.
Although several films share the same basic principles (again, with the exception of Entei and Deoxys), the execution is different. That is why some films in the same archetypes are worse than, or better than, others. What they all come down to are plot execution and the characters. We all know Satoshi is going to save the day, but the flavor of the film is ultimately decided on what kind of personalities the featured legendary Pokemon have and what they do. This is where things get interesting, and why I think the upcoming Kyurem/Keldeo/musketeers/clusterfuck film is going to suck.

Here I review them all, in order. Let's get down and dirty.

1. Pokémon the First Movie - Mewtwo Strikes Back (Japanese: ミュウツーの逆襲 Mewtwo's Counterattack)
As most people know, my absolute favorite Pokemon is Mewtwo. Also, most of my friends have probably seen this when it came out in theaters and probably have not seen any of the others.
What do I think? Well, the first ten minutes are pure cinematic gold. There, I said it. The problem begins when Ash enters the picture. Mewtwo is probably the most interesting character in Pocket Monsters history, in all media of the franchise. He is the only character whose birth we witness (the baby Pokemon who exist only to be cute and repeat their names all day don't count as characters) and see nearly the entirety of his character development. Therefore, the movie should have been focused on him and him alone. After the part where Mewtwo vows revenge and the title sequence rolls, it all goes downhill. When I got older, I realized that the the remaining 3/4 of the movie felt strange because I felt like it had little or no relation to the beginning. Had the story remained focused on Mewtwo exclusively, I honestly think it would have been one of the great anime features alongside Ghost in the Shell or the Evangelion series. While we look upon it with nostalgia, I wish that this film had not been geared towards elementary school children because the basic premise has a ton of potential. It could have been one of the first films delving into the ethics of genetic engineering and what it means for the product of such experimentation by focusing on how the product thinks and feels and his outlook on life. After all, the film debuted two years after the cloning of Dolly the sheep; the character himself had been in development since the early 1990s when there was great scientific fascination with the idea of cloning. It is a shame that Mewtwo destroyed the laboratory as quickly as he did; that sequence could easily have been elongated so as to make more sense to the average viewer as to the thought process behind his actions. Mewtwo spends time in the lab having cruel experiments performed upon him, perhaps with failed attempts to garner affection from his "parents", realizes he has more worth than the life he was born into and uses his powers to destroy the laboratory. Giovanni would be more believable convincing this powerful, angry genetic experiment into working for him, and after he escapes we could cut to Mewtwo actively planning revenge rather than a silent silhouette sitting in a chair in front of TV screens for the next half an hour. Then the film could continue with some existential discourse. Alas, one Mewtwo fangirl could only dream.
I will give the dub some points. Yes, the terrible shitty dub that everyone reviles or looks upon with nostalgic macabre. The decision to cut the Origin of Mewtwo from the rest of the film is a godsend to timing; the original version seems too long and clunky with it included. While extremely important and moving, I do think that it is better as a side feature due to its length. Again, it would have made a lot more sense had the film been Mewtwo-centric as I described above, but as it is I think that part was handled well.
So yeah, my thoughts on the first movie. It's such a shame Mewtwo got the shaft but I hope in the distant future someone awesome makes a film based on the premise I described above. There is a manga drawn by the author of Dengeki Pikachi that comes very close to this premise and was originally going to be used as the plot for the film; I have long since lost it and it would be awesome if someone could hook me up with it again.

2. Pokémon the Movie 2000 - The Power of One (Japanese: 幻のポケモン ルギア爆誕 Mirage Pokémon: Lugia's Explosive Birth; officially Revelation-Lugia)
The three minute Japan-only short called Slowking's Day, starring the talking Slowking from this film, elicited more of a reaction from me than the film. Slowking had more personality that every other character in the film and he is fucking awesome.
The rest of this film can be described as CAAAAAAWW!! CAAAAAAAAWWW!! CAAAAAAAWWW! whale noises. pewpew. CAAAAAAAAAWWWW!!! CAAAAAAAAWWW!! No, it's not necessarily a positive thing. I stress action scenes as the highlights of Pokemon films but all the fucking birds did was fly around and use the same attack the entire time while Lugia Protected. I hate those kinds of legendary fights with a passion and I'm glad they largely died after this film. In the birds' defense, they really don't do much else than Flamethrower/Thunderbolt/Ice Beam (even in-game!), but Lugia is inexcusable. I don't hate this film, but it feels very clumsy, like the build-up occurs way too long and nothing really happens with it until halfway into the film. I think that the Darkrai film (film #10), which has a very similar premise to this one, does pretty much everything better so be sure to skip ahead and check that out for a continuation of this film's review. The only difference plot-wise between this film and the Darkrai film is the presence of archetype #3, but it's more interesting when the forces of nature themselves are angry as opposed to an asshole agitator. I watch Pokemon for the Pokemon, not the humans, after all.

3. Pokémon the Movie 3 - Spell of the Unown (Japanese: 結晶塔の帝王 ＥＮＴＥＩ Emperor of the Crystal Tower: Entei; officially Lord of the "Unknown" Tower in Japan)
Wow, the title(s) are pretty damn cool in Japanese.
Overall, this film is definitely one of my favorites. It's just so different. There's no evil asshole trying to take over the world. There's no destructive forces of nature that our heroes must battle. It is all inherently psychological: a little girl is lonely and she is doing whatever irrational steps a small child would take to cure it. Also, I'm sure that all of us as kids secretly wanted an Entei-genie. Sure, Ash is a bloody idiot and I hate him and his stupid ass, but fortunately the beautiful visuals and the focus on characters other than him make his existence more bearable than the other films. There's some very sad moments, but this is one of the better films about imaginary friends gone extreme. However, this is one of those films that doesn't age well with you. I mean, all of the films require some sort of juvenilian backstepping to even willingly watch, but this one has aged less gracefully than others. What I mean is that a lot of people will see this film as full of sad whiny people with less excitement than movie 2, while the movie is a tad bit outside of the range of the blind nostalgia glasses phase as is the case with movie 1. I think that for this reason, this movie receives a little more flak than the first two movies, but I urge a revisit of this film because I think the hate is a bit unjustified.

4. Pokémon 4Ever - Celebi: Voice of the Forest (Japanese: セレビィ時を超えた遭遇 Celebi: Encounter Beyond Time; officially Celebi: a Timeless Encounter in Japan)
Fuck this shit. No, seriously. I revile this film. Perhaps I had bad childhood memories of this because for most of my elementary school days before we got internet I watched this whenever there was nothing good on TV, at least until the DVD scratched and rendered it unplayable. And every single time I felt there was something lacking. Well, now I know why...this movie is boring. Celebi, Suicune, young Prof. Oak, and the plot were all incredibly lame. I could describe it all in detail but the bottom line is: this film makes Ferngully look like an epic masterpiece in comparison. Yes, I'm saying fuckin' Ferngully is better than a piece of media with Pokemon in it. There's no quirkiness, no comic relief, not even a good message to send to kids except "buy Pokemon Crystal". This movie would redeem itself if the Celebi death scene ended with it going "just kidding" in Tone Loc's voice with a victory sequence. But it doesn't. The whole serious and terrible ordeal ends with absolutely nothing to love about it. The best part of the film is the ending. At least we know that Professor Oak grows up from being a dumb pussy to a badass who pulls a fucking Dragonite out of nowhere (reference to the Mastermind of Mirage Pokemon).
I do find the whole deal with the different endings for each version pretty cool. If you've only seen the American release, head over to Dogasu's Backpack and Youtube; the American and Japanese endings are very different, with unique animation and voice acting for each, rather than a simple dubbing job.

5. Pokémon Heroes (Japanese: 水の都の護神 ラティアスとラティオス Guardian Gods of the City of Water: Latias and Latios; Official: The Guardians of Altomare)
A forgettable film. I've only seen this twice and the second time was for the purposes of this review because I'd forgotten most of what happened. And even after seeing it twice, all I can say I got from the film are the Latis and Venice, but given that this is the same amount of information you get from the trailer and the movie poster, the hour and a half investment watching the film seems like a waste. The visuals were beautiful complemented by some nice music, but other than that this was a rather bland film. Part of it is not the film's fault, as the Latis never really had much of an impact on the games lore-wise, even less so since this was released before Ruby/Sapphire. I surmise the writers had little to work with as far as what these Pokemon were capable of. Not the worst, but this is pretty down there: at least I remember what about the Celebi film made me hate it.

6. Jirachi: Wish Maker (Japanese: 七夜の願い星 ジラーチ Wishing Star of the Seven Nights: Jirachi; Official: Wishing Star of the Seven Nights)
The ending and the song that goes along with it are quite touching and made me feel rather sad, but everything else about this film is very meh. I really hate those cute legendary escort films and while this wasn't as awful as Manaphy or Celebi, I'm slacking off while writing this review because I'm disinterested in revisiting the experience. Absol was pretty cool I guess. And the little magic tricks. But I was disinterested in everything else. I recommend that instead of watching this film, either watch an informative documentary about the Japanese festival Tanabata, or watch one of the countless critically acclaimed films about roadtrips and summer camps.

7. Destiny Deoxys (Japanese: 裂空の訪問者 デオキシス Sky-Splitting Visitor: Deoxys; Official: Deoxys the Visitor)
One of my favorites. Being one of the two "outliers" of the archetypes above, this movie is a real treat for fans of sci-fi and kaiju (think Godzilla, Mothra, Ghidorah, Gamera, etc) films. Of course, I am probably biased since I am a fan of said kaiju films. A serious alien story had not yet been attempted by the franchise (Clefairy vs Jigglypuff can hardly be called serious, now can it?) and I think that it was handled quite well. Deoxys, the alien in question, is not a malevolent force but Rayquaza sure seems to think so. Their war that began with a misunderstanding amongst species brings destruction upon the world until an understanding between the two is reached. While this is a common trope in sci-fi films, what makes the Pokemon version unique is that the humans are caught helpless in between their struggle as opposed to being aggressors. The result? An enjoyable experience. No truly annoying characters. Probably the best Pokemon fight in the series. Something to watch on a Friday night when you're done with Alien and don't want to settle for that godawful War of the Worlds starring Tom Cruise. Honestly, if I were to recommend a Pokemon movie to a non-Pokemon fan (I know, this doesn't happen, quit your yapping), I would recommend this one. It's rather entertaining for what it's worth and there's plenty of eye candy as far as the setting goes.

8. Lucario and the Mystery of Mew (Japanese: ミュウと波導の勇者 ルカリオ Mew and the Wave-Guiding Hero: Lucario)
Despite many fans considering this to be the best Pokemon movie ever made, I am not the biggest fan of this film. Part of it is my own bias.
Seeing Pokemon try attempt a story with more traditional fantasy elements is certainly interesting. I consider Pokemon to have a modern fantasy setting. There's Pokemon and "magic", but also cars, computers, and other anemities of the modern world. The battle sequence at the beginning of the film piqued my curiosity as it was one of the first glimpses we had of what the past of the Pokemon world looked like when there wasn't technology to subdue them. Sure, there's criminal organizations, but the idea of war in the Pokemon world and its catastrophic consequences has been hinted at, but never shown prior or since. But what it all boils down to is that the writing isn't much better than the other Pokemon films. Again, the franchise being geared for children rears its ugly head, as it's a shame those fascinating concepts can't be explored further. I stopped watching the anime because of the shitty writing, around the same time I started to grow out of Saturday morning cartoons. The story may be good, but that means more dialogue and less time spent on the action scenes I hold dear. I don't watch anime besides the yearly Pokemon film, but the reason I suspect this film is fairly popular inside and possibly outside the fandom is that its structure is very similar to most traditional story-based anime. (This is making the assumption that nearly all of the people who watch the Pokemon anime and are over 12 years old are into other anime, which I have found to be overwhelmingly true from internet communities.) The Pokemon anime and films are trying to sell you the rest of the franchise, but this film put a little more emphasis on telling a story rather than showing off that leads to that end goal. I personally think it doesn't do that well. I watched but ultimately wasn't very interested.

9. Pokémon Ranger and the Temple of the Sea (Japanese: ポケモンレンジャーと蒼海の王子 マナフィ Pokémon Ranger and the Prince of the Sea: Manaphy; Official: The Pokémon Ranger and The Prince of the Sea)
Along with Celebi, among my least favorite Pokemon films. The movie is boring, Manaphy is a crybaby piece of shit, Kyogre is useless and only thrown in there to look pretty on movie posters and merchandise, Ash mars the image of being a Super Saiyan by being the same pussy he always is, and this film somehow makes pirates look stupid. I don't care for the Pokemon Ranger spinoffs but Jack wasn't useful when shit went down. A main problem with the film is that while the first part has little of Ash in a seemingly refreshing air of change, he is shoehorned into being the hero of the movie and the execution of that was absolutely terrible. But my main problem is just that it was boring. The characters were dull and uninteresting and it bleeds into the rest of the film. If you are a fan of Pokemon Ranger, I suggest you skip this film and watch the relevant anime episodes which are many times more interesting. If you like Kyogre, I suggest the same, as its characterization in the show is much more accurate to its (epic) portrayal in the games.

10. The Rise of Darkrai (Japanese: ディアルガVSパルキアVSダークライ Dialga VS Palkia VS Darkrai)
While not my end-all favorite Pokemon film, this one ranks up there. A lot of people hate on it, but I'm not one of them. I like this more than the Lugia film because it has flavor. Sure, that Tonio guy on the computer was an annoying piece of shit but for the most part I liked all of the characters. Darkrai in particular is a far better character than Lugia because it had an interesting story and a personality. It had a motivation that wasn't boring, its powers were showcased in a much better way along with better fight scenes, and overall there was more emotional investment put into the character. The story was enjoyable with well-executed flashbacks, and someone other than Ash does something. The Oracion song was beautiful and a lot more iconic than the J-pop abominations that would be promoted with later films. The visuals of the alternate dimensions in this film and the next are awesome, and the homages this film pays to both the new and the old of the franchise are a real treat. Overall, I recommend this film and Deoxys (#7) the most if you haven't seen past movies 1-3.

11. Giratina and the Sky Warrior (Japanese:ギラティナと氷空の花束 シェイミ Giratina and the Sky's Bouquet: Shaymin)
My favorite of the archetype #2 films. Shaymin has a loveable spunk to it and transmits this into fight scenes well. Unlike most of the others, Shaymin is established to be a powerful badass and the "cute just to be cute" scenes are kept to a minimum. Giratina is awesome, though one of the letdowns of the film is that the inconsistency of its power. It starts the film by beating the shit out of Dialga, then becomes captured and nearly killed by a mere mortal. It's a flaw I can forgive because I like the rest of Giratina's presentation. Newton is one of the few movie side characters I like and makes a considerable positive contribution to the plot and the flavor. The Reverse World was executed beautifully: it looks and feels exactly like the one in Platinum, and being an iconic game location in the game, this was important and gave the film more character than just shoehorning the mascots in. Regigigas arguably was shoehorned in but since it was not featured prominently and had a light impact on the film, it did not leave an unpleasant presence. Overall, a film existing purely to be a Platinum commercial turned out pretty well.

12. Arceus and the Jewel of Life (Japanese: アルセウス 超克の時空へ Arceus: To a Conquering Spacetime)
Watch this film subbed if possible. This is one of the first movies in a long while to be plagued by dub edits. I would like to extend a big FUCK YOU to the people who dubbed this. Justify it all you want, but no one pronounces the Pokemon's name "ark-ee-us". It annoyed the shit out of me hearing the Pokemon's name pronounced wrong. The correct way, for those of you not in tune with the franchise, is "ars-ee-us". Also, the Pokemon's attack is called Judgement, and it is used in the actual games. I fail to see something in the games that isn't considered offensive suddenly something that can't be used in the goddamn movie. Finally, Arceus itself sounds godawful in the dub, as I considered its voice actor in the original to be especially exemplary.
All of that aside, I liked the previous two films of the Diamond and Pearl trilogy, so you might be curious as to how I felt about the concluding film. And quite frankly, I like this one too. However, I will first discuss a big, big, big flaw, and that is how the plots of the preceding two movies were resolved in about 15 min into this one and then thrown out for the purposes of this one movie's plot. I felt like it was kind of a slap in the face considering how much time was invested in watching and waiting for the other two films, only for the buildup for the plotline to end so anticlimactically. And thrown out! However, this is a pretty exciting film to watch and I liked it. I feel like there was a real sense of adventure in this one. It's not in a city or someone's house, and no one is being guided through familiar territory by some jackass or any of that crap. The characters are venturing into the unknown, fraught with danger, the lives of many in their hands. They're on borrowed time (this is meant so literally it's not even funny), not even knowing if they can even get back to where they came from. I was kept interested from the moment I saw the first explosive trailer, and I got what I wanted. Though I feel like there could have been more Arceus, I watched this from start to finish and found it to be a very fun film.

13. Zoroark: Master of Illusions (Japanese: 幻影の覇者 ゾロアーク Ruler of Illusions: Zoroark)
In my opinion, probably the most disappointing Pokemon film ever. When I first saw the film, I was like EVIL SATOSHI CLONE!? ALL THREE LEGENDARY BEASTS? NEW POKEMON??? And when I finally got to see the movie...ugh.
This movie is the epitome of pandering to the exploitable portions of the fanbase as much as possible for the reasons I stated above. Three shiny legendaries and new Pokemon to boot is, for a Pokemon fan, akin to some insane music festival when not only are your favorite popular artists are playing, but they end up doing a mashup together. Writing a comprehensive review for this would be an endeavor similar to Plinkett's review of The Phantom Menace in which I go over every problem scene at length but it's not worth it. I didn't like this movie, and I blame Celebi for it. Piece of shit.

14. Pokémon The Movie: White—Victini and Zekrom (Japanese: ビクティニと黒き英雄ゼクロム Victini and the Black Hero: Zekrom) and Pokémon The Movie: Black—Victini and Reshiram (Japanese: ビクティニと白き英雄レシラム Victini and the White Hero: Reshiram)
I didn't expect too much from this film(s) but for what it was, it wasn't too bad. The "versions" have minute differences between them but as long as you don't watch them back to back then the differences are cute and nice to point out. Victini is a sympathetic character and less obnoxious than Celebi and Manaphy as far as the cute event mons go, but not as good as Shaymin. Reshiram and Zekrom fell flat and I found Golurk (FUCK YEAH ROCKETS) the coolest mon in the film, but they were inoffensive. The same can be said for the human characters, the mother-daughter team of the Golurk and Hydreigon trainers being my favorite. My favorite part was working game lore into the film and expanding upon them; I really didn't get the feel of the importance of truth and ideals or the origins of the dragons in the plot of B/W the games, but the games' plot have their own flaws best addressed elsewhere. Overall, it has a pretty meh feel, but it could be worse. Currently the best film(s) featuring B/W Pokemon, so if you are a big fan of B/W I would recommend this over Zoroark and the impending Keldeo film.

And there you have it. Every single Pokemon film in a comprehensive review. I hope you enjoyed it, whether in whole or in part. Even better if you had a strong reaction to something contained within, so please leave a comment with your thoughts.