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In the episode, right, Homer Simpson's gained weight so he doesn't have to go to work and can work from home, on an old Apple II computer or something. It's the server of the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant. Asking him if he wants to vent the toxic gas to prevent an explosion. It pollutes the atmosphere, but it's so the reactor core doesn't heat up and kill everyone.

And most of his job is just typing yes. Hitting the Y button. That's all he's doing.

It's hella boring and he's hella lazy and realizes they don't need him. They just need a machine that can hit the Y button.

So he takes one of those novelty drinking birds, that pecks at a glass of water and pops back up, cos of how it's weighted.

And he has the toy drinking bird peck at the Y button for him, so he can go out and enjoy himself.

Well, while he's gone, the bird tips over and the gas doesn't get vented, and the plant explodes and everyone dies and that was the last episode of The Simpsons, that's how it all ended.

I have gathered you here today to talk about Project Drinking Bird.

My ways are mysterious madness but yet there is method in it.

For over three months now I've spent half my time at Pangent getting the Cube to play back code for me. Not because it'll give me any new results, but because it expends energy and wears the Cube out.

I'm Homer, or the Drinking Bird. I hit a button and vent the toxic gas to prevent an explosion. That is so much of my job now, and it's boring and stupid but if I ever stop doing it, people will probably die.

And my ways are mysterious and stupid and nobody understands Project 555 at this point except me. And I don't understand it at all.

So what happens to you if something happens to me?

The point of Project Drinking Bird is an agreement between the three of us, and anyone else we trust, that if I'm ever killed or incapacitated, or away from my damned keyboard all day for any reason at all, somebody will be there who understands what needs to be done to keep the Cube from killing or incapacitating anyone. Even if it's an automated script. Even if it's a goddamned drinking bird. Someone will guard that Cube and know what's going on with it.

This isn't a small job, or an easy one. But I can teach you. You'll have to work with me and understand what I'm doing better than anyone else at Pangent. We'll write code and run code and, oh, I don't know. I'll try to make it fun somehow. Maybe we can teach the Cube how to play Dragon Warrior.

I don't know, just spitting out ideas here.

So. How about it?

Will you bird with me?


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