Phil and the Were-wolf 2

The rhythm of a postman is a sacred thin, in its simplicity. Walk up to the mailbox, open it, take the outgoing mail, leave the ingoing mail, and close the mailbox. A series of little actions that got the postman through their day in a well-practiced waltz to deliver the letters entrusted to them.

Each rhythm of this dance is as unique to a postman as a thumbprint and skilled postman could pick out the mood of the dancer simply by reading the subtle tones in the motions. A quiet, slowness could indicate melancholy or fatigue while sharp, forceful actions could indicate rage or excitement. If a trained postman was watching me today, they would be able to see that my smooth, loose movements indicated that I was at ease while the slight skip in my step indicated joy. It also probably helped that I was attempting to break the record for the world’s happiest smile. (Which, incidentally, is held by a fairy named Emelita Dew-Blossom whose smile, according to reports, “Was a Supernova of pure joy and potentially lethal to the elderly or those with weak constitutions.)

The reason for my overly abundant amount of cheer this early summer morning was that classes had ended, freeing me from the tyranny of schoolwork for the next month and a half. No more did I have to worry about 10 page papers about the ethical ramifications of disallowing extra-species workers to engage in “Instinctual behaviors tied to the continued survival of their race.” during lunch breaks and how “Interoffice relationships are ok as long as the worker ‘really likes’ the guy.” It was finally time to turn off the good ol’ cerebral cortex.

I was caught up in my blissful, homework free dreams as I strode through the painted white fence, skipped between the elaborate topiary lining the walkway, and casually opened the bright yellow mailbox with a smiling sun painted on its door. With a smile still stuck dumbly on my face I stuck the incoming letters into the mailbox and slapped the door shut with a solid “smack”. It was about this time that my brain decided to alert me to the fact that I was at Natasha’s house and that the rape train would soon be pulling into station.

My cheer drained away and the glowing smiled grew brittle as my though process decided to evaluate what level of screwed I was sitting at (The early result was somewhere between ‘Super’ and ‘Very’). It had only been a day since the fateful discussion with the athletic were-wolf about our nonexistent relationship and it had not ended well. It was only luck, or maybe the remains of her one-sided crush, that had kept her from ripping me apart on the edge of her lawn and the memory of her nearly crushing my arm and a face of fangs and rage was still fresh in my mind.

Adrenaline and instinct took over and I ran to the gate, the white picket seeming like an iron citadel to my fearful mind. My well-worn shoes slapped loudly against the cement of the walkway as I sprinted to the white gate in an adrenaline fueled haze. Each step I expected an impact and the sharp pain of claw and tooth. Against all odds I made it to the little gate, slamming it shut so hard that I was afraid I may shatter the only barrier between me and the beast. To my surprise, the well-trimmed yard was empty and the only noises were the chirping of birds and my own gasping breaths.

As I rose from my small, white barrier, I could only wonder if Natasha had not heard me. While it was true that I had evaded in the past, it had never been in a situation quite like this. Today I had not taken any of my normal precautions against being noticed and had boldly stridden into her yard. Natasha should have had me the instant I passed into her domain, why was it I that I remained free? I eyed the house again, searching for a closing shutter or the gleam of those feral, golden eyes. Instead, I simply was treated to a completely normal looking house without seeing hide nor hair of the black were-wolf.

I released the breath I didn’t even know I had been holding, maybe the talk had worked and she would leave me alone? A feeble hope kindled itself as I returned to my route, the rhythm taking hold as I left the hell-house behind. Perhaps it was over and I could move on, I hoped as I delivered letters to her elf neighbor “Elli”, but if that was the case, why did I have a feeling of dread?

< ----- >

The lunch room of the Monster Girl City Postal Service is similar to the many other lunch rooms in the world. The once white tiles had acquired the magical dust that inhabits all lunch rooms had turned a dirty gray. It was populated with cheap folding chairs, whose thin cushions were torn and leaking stuffing, and tables whose bottoms were coated with in a multicolored layer of chewing gum of indeterminable age. For appliances, we employees were graced with the presence of a fridge whose settings varied between “Off” and “Ice Age” (sometimes at the same time) along with a microwave whose insides were covered in the OSHA required remains of exploded soups, burritos, and chilies.

Today, I had elected to enjoy the ham sandwich I called lunch at the table in the furthest most room near the microwave. While the chairs may have wobbled more than a drunkard on his way home from the bar, the underside of the table contained marginally less gum than the others. It also allowed me to watch the occasional food explosion at the microwave from just outside its theoretical splash zone. Unfortunately, as I was currently learning, the corner also boxed you in if an irate salamander came calling.

Her name was Cynthia “Cindy” Hathorn and, if the death stare and blazing tail were anything to go by, she was pissed. Cindy was not tall for a salamander, coming in at a mere 5 foot 3 inches, and a willowy frame with slim hips, B-cup breasts and a sizeable rump that seemed to strain against the regulation blue pants of the MGCPS. Like many salamanders she had fins instead of ears, scales that ran from her knees and elbows down to the claws that replaced her hands and feet, and a great tail sprouting from the base of her spine that burned with trail of fire down the center. Instead of the normal crimson red, her scales were a dark coal black and her eyes were a brilliant copper and closer to a crocodiles than a humans. She was clad in the dark blue uniform of the postal service and had removed her hat, displaying ash grey hair that was held back in a bun.

“Ok Phil,” She growled, the normally jovial, soft face now locked in a look of smoldering anger “I am going to give you one minute to tell me why I shouldn’t break your legs for what you did to Natasha.”

She also, unfortunately, happened to be very good friends with the amorous were-wolf who had made my work life hell for two years.
“Hey,” I eloquently said through a mouth of meat and cheese “I just told her the truth. You can’t blame me for not having feelings for a person whose idea of dating is a two year streak of high impact sexual violence!”

Obviously my response did nothing to appease the salamander as she did little more than sneer in disgust.

“You led her on man.” She said, tail scattering embers and turning the dirty grey tiles even darker “Ever since you got past the first time she would always call me about how much she wanted you.”

I took another bite of the sandwich and gave her a level gaze “So you are telling me that this is all because I managed to simply deliver a bunch of bills to her without getting raped?” sometimes I had to wonder just what went through their heads some times.
“No, it’s not just that it’s more complex than that.” Cindy rubbed her temples with a claw, “The whole ‘chase the mailman’ thing is a bit of a game Natasha’s done since she was a kid. A bit of a warm up for the day to come you know?”

I gave her a blank look “So she downs a guy, gets a quick fuck and then starts her day? Is everyone taking crazy pills or am I just missing something?”

She rolled her eyes “We don’t fuck every guy we meet, you know that right? That fact that you were the first guy to not only escape her but also come back just set something off in her. She called me the next day when you came back because she was so happy.”  Cindy smiled at that last bit, lost in a happy memory.

I threw my half a sandwich back in the bag, the conversation was beginning to give me a migraine. At least the fire on her tail had died down which, hopefully, meant she was getting less likely to paste me against the wall.

“So me doing my job made her think I was interested in her? How does that even work?”

“I know it seems a little odd but it’s no different than us Salamanders fighting a guy we like or a Nekomata pretending to be a cat.” Cindy said, her voice no longer hostile “Natasha was testing you, even if it’s a weird test, and you passed it with flying colors.”
Her face began to look sorrowful and when she next spoke, her voice was low and depressed “What you did yesterday was the equivalent of winning a race and then saying you don’t even want the prize. When she called me yesterday she was hysterical, I haven’t ever heard her like that.”

I couldn’t help but grimace at that, I wanted the rapings to stop and it seems that I had to tread over Natasha’s feelings in the process. In retrospect, I probably could have let her down easier but what had been done was done, I just had to live with the consequences.

Cindy looked worried when she spoke next, fearful even. “I will be honest here, I don’t know what Natasha is going to do next but I hope you do the right thing.”

With that irritatingly cryptic final word Cindy stood up, replaced the hat upon her head, and left the break room, leaving me with a sandwich, questions, and a growing worry in my gut.  Maybe I should do something? I could talk things over with Natasha and break it off cleanly, explain why things happened like they did.

Wouldn’t that be giving up though? Natasha had single handedly made me late for 99% of my career in the postal service and she was clearly delusional to think that “Proactively Dating” someone for two years would make them like you. That would be like a terrorist asking a hostage if they wanted to date after everything was done.

I shook my head and opened my cellphone,  I was going to need an outside opinion on this mess.

< - - - - >

For any sort of important gathering it is important to remember that location is key and, as such, I chose “Bud’s Burger’s and Beer” for my gathering. It was and old staple in Monster Girl City with cheap drinks, good food, and within walking distance of MGDU campus (only a mile). The crotchety old owner also didn’t discriminate when it came to patrons and it was one of the top hookup spots in the city. There was also karaoke on Thursdays if you were in to that sort of thing.

Tonight this establishment was home to the greatest gathering of minds I knew, each ready to help me with my were-wolf problem. First up on the list was an old buddy from high school Nicholas (Nick) Brimley whose genetics had unfairly deemed it necessary to make him stand an impressive 6 feet and pack enough muscle to rival an oni. Despite his terrifying frame, Nick was a softie who would get teary eyed at the sight of a kitten sleeping in the sun. He also seemed to have a way with the ladies, never going for long without companionship. He would be my adviser on the wiles of the feminine mind. He had just gotten out of a rugby game today so he was still dressed in the gold and purple uniform of the school as he downed his beer.

“So let me get this straight” he said as he brushed a hand through his still drying red hair. “you called us in to help you NOT get laid?” Unfortunately it seemed that not getting in bed with someone

“Yep, I have a were-wolf called Natasha who has been messing with me for two years now. I finally gave her a piece of my mind and according to a friend she kinda “Broke” I guess.” I said, swirling the remains of my drink.

“If you told her no shouldn’t that be the end of it?” my second adviser, a slightly chubby man with black hair and a patchy beard asked. His name was Alex Van Osterman, another friend of mine from work who had grown up with a family of Minotaur so I hoped he would have some insight into how Natasha’s mind might work. Despite his pudgy exterior Alex was tough, apparently he had been a good wrestler back in the day (“None of the chumps I wrestled were ever better than my sister Alecia.” as he was prone to saying).  He took a bite of his burger as I shook my head.

“Apparently me outrunning her a couple times and coming back made her decide I was husband material. “ They both grimaced at this.
“Oh, she is one of THOSE girls.” Alex said with a mouth of burger, “you just dug yourself a grave there.  Back when my sister Anette got beat by a guy in a boxing match she pretty much declared him her husband then and there. If the dude had refused, she probably would have broken his legs and carried him off, some species of girls want Heracles or Superman.”

Nick snorted at that “Alex, does Phil look like Superman to you? He's probably just stuck with a clingy girl. That’s why I avoid the snakes, they get even the HINT that you are interested and BAM! Stalker!” He slammed his hand on the table for emphasis, shaking it and nearly spilling my beer. “Just hide out for while or let me work my charms” he said, striking exaggerated poses and flexing his muscles and drawing a snort from Alex and I.

Rather than argue with Alex about whether or not I qualify as Superman I decided to down the rest of my beer as our waitress (a succubus with long pink hair) came by. “Another round of drinks boys?” She asked, her hourglass body fitting the tight blue jeans and black tank top in all the right ways. She was met with a chorus of affirmatives and lightly hovered back to the bar, but not before leaving Nick her number.

“Seriously man,” Alex said, shaking his head with a wry grin on his face “did you even say anything to her before she gave you her number?”

“It’s a gift!” he said as his voice filled with overblown pomposity as he fought to maintain a stoic expression. “Truly I must learn to control this power and use it only for the good of mankind.” He finished, ending with a closed fist over his heart while he raised his other hand skyward, as through calling to a higher power.

I failed to hide a snicker before replying “That’s nice man, maybe you actually could try and help get rid of Natasha.”

Nick slumped back down, face turning serious. “Look man, I am good at GETTING chicks, not getting rid of them. My advice would be to just do your job and say that your dedication to the job is what kept bringing you back.” he eyed his empty glass, trying to wish beer into filling it. “That and I don't stick it in crazy.”

Alex shook his head. “Not gonna be that easy man. If she really was testing him then that will just rev her up even more, these chicks dig nothing more than duty bound guys.” He faced me, his face serious. “Look dude, sounds like you probably broke her heart about this. If she is anything like my sisters then I would watch my back lest you end up tied up in a basement somewhere.”

I was about to respond when I was interrupted by an “EEP!” and a deluge of golden beer. There is no greater tragedy than one of spilt beer, I let a single tear drop to mark this profound tragedy while the Succubus panicked.. Now drenched in the lifeblood of college students I turned to the red-faced demon as a series of cheers and claps echoed from the bar.

“I am soooooooo sorry sir. Someone trod on my poor tail, I’ll go get you guys another round of drinks on the house.” She said, her face burning with embarrassment as she clumsily fly back to the bar.

“A towel would be nice too miss.” I called, trying my best to recover from the beer monsoon.

Nick and Alex did their best to contain their laughter when a white towel flopped onto the table.

“Sorry about that boys.” A sweet voice said, straining to be heard over the volume of the bar. “Next round of drinks are on us and we are going to comp your friend’s meal.”

The sweet voice of the manager was horrifyingly familiar. “Please don’t let it be her.” I mumbled as the manager moved into sight. A black tank top a size too small exposed a smooth stomach so it could fight to contain the manager’s sizeable bust as tight-fitting blue jeans outlined a toned ass with a bushy black tail sprouting above it. Two pointed black ears jotted from a similarly colored river of hair funneled into a pony tail while her paws held a pencil and notepad. The golden eyes on the manager’s sharp featured face widened in surprise for the briefest of seconds before they seemed to glaze over.

 The blood drained from my face as an empty smile spread over Natasha’s face, her grip on the pencil tightening so hard that it seemed it may snap and her tail broke into a low, slow wag.

 “Hello there Phil,” she said in a voice saturated with sweetness. “I didn’t expect you to come see me at work. A nice change of pace isn’t it.”

Why did she have to work here? We hardly ever come to this place and the day we do? BAM! The lady I kicked in the heart. Everything nerve in my body was screaming about the “Wrongness” that surrounded her right now. Natasha’s vacant eyes never seemed to leave me, her movements had turned sharp and jerky while the sugar in her voice seemed forced. The smile was the worst though, it was tight, displaying her canines prominently, and was stretched to wide to be considered normal.

Alex was eying her as though he expected violence at any moment while Nick continued forward ignorant bliss.

“Hey, you holding out on us man?” the redheaded bastard said with the stupidest grin as Natasha pulled up a chair to the table. “Why didn't you tell us you knew a babe like this?” Goddamn it Nick, I did tell you about her.

Natasha sat as close to me as she could on her new chair, a pout forming as one paw moved to stroke my thigh.

“Awwww, Phil here is a big ol’ meany. Did you know we’ve been seeing each other for two years and he STILL hasn’t taken me anywhere?” the pout returned to that damn, blank smile. “but that’s OK, I know my precious Phil here would never try and leave me.” I tried to scoot away but the paw locked down on my thigh and held the chair and I in place.

The gears in Nick’s head turned and the dumb grin fell away at the edges as he realized exactly who we were dealing with. Alex shot me a look as the were-wolf began to coo and wipe the beer from my face. It was the look that all men could read.

It said “Dis bitch be crazy yo!”

“Natasha!” I said firmly as I could while a woman a head and a half taller than me cleaned my face as if I were a child. “It was nice seeing you but me and the guys were just about to go, right guys?”

“Yea, yea. We were just finishing.” Alex said as he pushed his chair back, ready to leap into action. I didn’t know what was going to happen next but at least the tubby wrestler was there to help me if things went south. Despite his size, Nick had a worse fight record then I did (and that is WITH the rape.)

“Oh, I see.” Natasha said simply, her voice cooling and smile turning into a frigid frown. Her paw drifted from my thigh as her golden eyes stared at look through me. My heart was beating fast and I could feel sweat mingling with the beer. Her gaze never left me and the frown soon returned to a manic grin. “I can just go with you. Let me go speak to my boss real quick.”

I tried to protest but she was soon skipping through the tables, tail doing a slow wag as she went. As me and Alex tried to figure out what just happened Nick shook his head and threw some money on the table.

“What did I say Phillip? Never stick the dick in crazy.” I glared at him as I fumbled with my wallet.

“Hey! She stuck me in her, I just wanted to do my damn job.” Twenty Dollars? Twenty-five? Fuck it! I slapped down thirty and stood up as Alex tossed a twenty down.

“Look man, we need to go NOW!” Alex said, as he watched Natasha pass through a door marked “Staff Only”. “It’s only a mile back to the campus, we can hole up in the dorms till morning.”

Nick gave a nod as he stood up, tossing some money on the table without looking. “We can cut through the alleys, no one is gonna do anything with the three of us together and there is less of a chance she will find us off the beaten path.”

Alex shook his head as we exited the restaurant, Natasha nowhere in sight. “Assuming we don't run into anyone playing the numbers game as well. Otherwise the old safety in numbers trick should work.”

The summer air was warm and the sky clear as we exited the Bob’s Bar and Burgers and turned into a nearby alley. A waxing gibbous moon hung overhead, watching us as we began our sojourn towards the promised sanctuary of the dorms.

< ----- >

Tonight I learned (Surprise, surprise!) that chubby people can’t really run all too well. Between the clutter in the alley, the lack of lighting, and the occasional hobo, our progress was poor and Alex’s lack of cardio certainly wasn’t helping us put any distance between me and the, most likely, insane were-wolf.

“Shit Alex,” Nick gasped as he slid around a dumpster swarming with flies. “You really need to run more.”
“Screw –huff- You Nick, it’s a –puff- glandular problem.” Alex puffed, his face read with sweat. We were a third of the way towards campus and there was still no sight of Natasha but the longer we stayed out, the likelier it was that my deranged “lover” would find us..

“Dude,” I shot back, weaving around a nearby “prophet” ranted about the second coming of Illias “eating five burgers for dinner is not a glandular problem.”

His response was an eloquent, hacking cough as we reached 5th street and caught our breath. We were all breathing a little hard but Alex was definitely the worst, he glanced up at Nick and I and pointed across the street.

“You guys go –cough- on ahead. –wheeze- I’m just gonna slow you down.” He sputtered as he labored to catch his breath.
I stood up and looked him in the eyes, putting all the steel I could in my voice “Alex, we are in this together. We are a team and –“

“PHIIIIILIIIIIIIIP” a sing-song voice called out, ending my dramatic speech about friendship and love before it could even begin. A crash echoed from the dark alley as Natasha slammed on top of a dumpster, eyes wild as she perched there, tail brushing against the lid. “It was aaawwfully mean of you to a girl like that.” She said, eyeing me from the dark. “I may begin to think you don’t want her.”

“That’s probably because he doesn’t lady.” Nick retorted putting himself between me and the were-wolf. Say what you will about his intelligence, when it came to heart, no one had more than Nick.

Natasha’s ears flattened back and she growled “Of course he wants me, otherwise he would have left like all the other guys.”

“Other guys?” I thought, vaguely remembering my discussion with Cindy.
Before I could respond, Alex righted himself and, still puffing, put his meaty body between us and the were-wolf. He rolled his shoulders and stared into the darkness of the alleyway

 “Go on guys, I’ve got this.” It was a cheesy line and I knew that there was no way in hell he was going to hold Natasha for long.

I gritted my teeth and gave him a nod, as much as I hated to abandon a friend, it wouldn't do any good for me to stay here and get captured. In stoic silence Nick and I took off across the street and into the next alley, speaking no words so as not to ruin the moment. It would not hide us from her anymore but it would at least slow her down and limit where she could hit us from.
As we ran through the cluttered darkness, I could only hope that Alex would be in one piece after this affair.

< - - - >

As soon as Phil and Nick passed into the alley, Natasha shot like a cannonball towards them, unfortunately for her, Alex was ready. Legs spread and braced, he caught the charge head on, years of practice on the mat and against his sisters had allowed the portly chemistry major to only be push back a bit instead of being bowled over by the athletic were-wolf. Shifting a foot back, Alex spun and tossed Natasha back into the alley.

The extra-species girl landed on her four paws, skidding across the dirty alleyway but avoiding hitting any dumpsters. She eyed the meat wall before her as he readied himself again, her face a mask of rage exposing her gleaming fangs. She had hoped to skip this fight entirely, but it seems that Alex was not going to let her pass.

Launching forward on all fours, she raced towards Alex who braced for her next attack. Drawing close, she launched into the air and fired a high kick towards head with bone breaking force. Alex barely managed to duck out of the way, a passing claw drawing a shallow cut on his forehead.

Natasha recovered from the attack with a gracefully landing before launching into a vicious sweep of the legs. The veteran wrestler shifted forward with the kick, merely being dragged forward instead of tripped. Seizing upon the momentum, Alex lunged forward into a great bear hug, trapping her arms and sending them both toppling to the ground.

Pinned on her back, Natasha fought to free her arms, muscles straining as Alex kept her locked in a hold, faces reddening with exertions. Her legs tried to find purchase so she could try and angle herself but every time she did one of Alex’s legs would sweep them out. She snarled in frustration, the tubby one was giving her much more trouble than she had anticipated. Above her, Alex grinned and fought to keep her arms pinned, it was a battle he could not win but it was certainly one he could draw out.

“Not gonna get by me bitch.” Alex growled triumphantly, his grip was perfect, right at elbow and out of range her arms no matter how they bent. He had perfected this grip through years of practice, no wrestler had ever broken through it before.

“May as well give up now honey, by the time you get passed me Phil will be long gone.” Alex gloated, inches from the sharp featured beauty’s face. “Once he reaches the dorms he is going to be free from a psycho like you.” Natasha narrowed her eyes and threw her head forward in a vicious head-butt, connecting with Alex’s nose. There crunching noise and a yelp of pain from the chunky man, his grip loosening by just the barest of margins but it was enough.

One of Natasha’s arms broke free and, with the terrifying strength that monsters were known for, launched a  haymaker into Alex’s jaw. The big man went out like a light, collapsing on top of the were-wolf.

Natasha snorted in irritation and lifted the big man off her, rolling him onto his back on the sidewalk. He had delayed her for too long, her darling Philip must be half way to his room by now. She couldn’t let Phil go, not now. He had passed her test, he had come back, and he was her husband, whether he knew it or now.

The were-wolf let loose a howl and tore into the alley way, bounding over dumpsters and homeless men alike. In a small corner of her head, she wondered if the fat man was right when he called her crazy. This through was quickly drowned out as the thrill of the hunt filled her veins, she had a husband to catch.

< - - - >

“Well shit.” Nick swore as the howl pealed through the night. Our lungs gasping for breath as we rested at the edge of campus grounds. A cramp in my side was making its presence known and my legs were shaking from a mixture of fatigue and adrenaline. We still had a half mile to go till the dorm building and, if the howl was an indicator, Natasha was on the move.

“I will give Alex this much,” I said, ignoring the aches and pains I slowly built up into a jog. “He held her off for longer than I though.”

Nick grunted in agreement as we powered on through the neatly trimmed campus grounds, the few lights spread about campus offered brief pools of clarity in the sea of darkness as we ran towards Bearington hall (A building built in honor of a Grizzly who had made a considerable donation to the school) and safety.

100 feet, 80 feet, 75 feet. The distance closed as our feet beat against the cement. I could almost see the cluttered dorm room I would be hiding in, the towers of books, the TV and game system jammed under one of the lofts, I was standing outside of paradise. The taste of victory was sweet and, unfortunately, all too brief as a black bolt of lightning dove between us, skidding to a stop between us and doors of salvation.

Like a feral beast, Natasha was crouched on all fours eyes hidden by bangs dripping with sweat and the overly-large smile that showed too many teeth. Without a word of warning she launched into me, putting a shoulder into my gut and sending me flat on my ass. Her momentum still pushing her on, Natasha spun on the spot into a handstand before launching a powerful side kick into Nick's kidney. I couldn't help but be admired by the move fit for a Kung-Fu movie, although I would have preferred it coming from Nick and not my crazed rapist.

The powerful blow staggered Nick, opening him up for a low, sweep of the leg as Natasha spun low. He slammed hard into the ground as his legs were ripped out from under him. The flurry of blows had taken place in the span of a few seconds, a clear display in the difference of power between monster and man. Had the air in my lungs not been driven out, I would have gasped in amazement instead of the wheezing gasps I was doing now. Natasha sauntered over, hips on display, her amazing bosom rising and falling in time with her breaths.

I had hit the cement hard and the bruises and scrapes were already making their presence known as Natasha slammed down on top of me. Natasha pinned me to the ground, face red and sweat clumping her bangs together. She had not come through this ordeal unscathed through, red marks glowed on her arms and her breaths came in deep, wheezing gasps. If it weren’t for the fact that she was probably going to lock me in a basement somewhere I would have found this dedication endearing.

“Fufufu, almost escaped me there Phil.” She chuckled, lowering down enough to squeeze those delicious orbs into me. “I hadn’t expected the tubby one to be a wrestler, if he had kept me just a little while longer I would have missed you.” She took of deep sniff of my shirt, bathing in my scent as a slow smile spread across her face. “That doesn't matter now though,” she said as a blush began to tint her face “We can work on our 'grappling' later.”

I almost choked at that line, wasn’t it bad enough that she was going to kidnap me? Was it really necessary to drop those cheesy lines as well? I felt something snap in me and pure fury coursed through my veins, filling my limbs with an unknown strength. She yelped as I shoved her off of me, her empty eyes showing life for the first time tonight.

I stood, my rage bleeding off of my in billowing waves that could almost be seen. Natasha’s tail went between her legs and the grin dropped into a frown of worry followed by Panic as I closed the gap between us.

“Sweety,” She said, scooting away from me. “you don’t have to be so mad. I will take you back to my place an-“

“SHUT IT” I growled, cutting her off. “You can hurt me, make me late for work, even rape me whenever you want but I will be DAMNED if you are going to kidnap me and exit with a cheesy line like that.”

Panic was overtaken by confusion on Natasha’s face but I continued regardless, all my frustration breaking forth.

“What next? PUNS!? Are we going to have a WANderful time at your place? Are you gonna rave about HOWL turned on you are tonight?” I crouched down in front of her, all fear forgotten as my tirade continued. “Do you want to see what I am PACKing? Can’t you wait to WOLF down my spirit energy.” Each pun, each lewd bit of word play was punctuated by a poke to her nose.

Behind her Nick stirred, looking at the truly bizarre sight of me crouched over a were-wolf that was nearly in tears, belting out puns with a look of pure hate.

Natasha was nearly crying now, to say the tables had been turned was an understatement. I hadn’t just turned the table but flipped it, taken it, and beaten another table to death with it. The poor were-wolf just simpley couldn’t comprehend how I, a mere human and postal worker, had backed her into a corner.

She huffed a bit and began a counter attack “H-hey, I wasn’t going to kidnap you, I w-“

“WAS GOING TO DO WHAT?!?” I yelled hands shaking as the energy of the tirade flowed through me, turning me into a force of nature. “Take me to your place and try to win me over by shattering my pelvis? Normal people don’t work like that! I am not going to date someone whose sole interactions with me have been rape and attempted abduction!”

Her ears flipped down at the sheer volume of my voice, arm paws holding them flat against her head as I  raved. I couldn't even control what I was doing at this point, the energy, the power, I felt invincible!

She pouted a bit, tears flowing and spoke in a timid voice I had never heard her use before. “That’s –sniff- because you never give me a chance to do anything else. You always –hiccup- leave after we finish.” Tears were flowing and she was shaking, apparently she was still forgetting that she could break me in half without breaking a sweat.

“We don’t even get to cuddle.” She petulantly added, as she looked towards the ground.

“Then why don’t you contact me outside of work.” I asked through gritted teeth, “Or ask Cindy to get me in contact with you?”
She opened her mouth and closed it a few times, it seemed that in all her joy at finding a “husband” she had forgotten to even try and get in contact with me.

“W-well I just didn’t think I would need too. I always thou-“

“That I would magically read your mind?” I said, wiggling my fingers as my voice became pure, liquid derision “That somehow, I was going to discern ‘This really hot chick keeps raping me because she likes me and not due to some severe form of insanity!’”

Her eyes brightened a bit as she heard the little tidbit my mind was trying to keep hidden. Warning bells began to sound of as I sped towards the cliff. The momentum of the moment kept me going, ignoring whatever commonsense I had left.

“You think I look hot?” she meekly ventured.

“OF COUSRSE I DO! Any man who isn’t a raging homo would!” I fondled the massive breasts, eliciting a small moan from her as I did “Look at these things! Huge but no sag! So perky yet soft!”

“NICK!” I shouted at my dumbstruck friend “Isn’t she a beautiful woman with lovely tits, thighs, and a pert ass?!”

“Yes?” he ventured, mind trying to figure out if the weirdness he was witnessing was a concussion based hallucination or if hell had frozen over.

“See, the nice man agrees with you.” I said, pointing at a Nick who was pinching his arm. “Now, you know I think you are cute. HOW DOES A NORMAL PERSON RESPOND TO THIS?!”

My sudden shout startled her and she hastily shouted back “WILL YOU PLEASE GO OUT WITH ME!”

The sirens blared, bells were going off, and the passengers had assumed the safety position because this train was going off the tracks.

“YES!” I shouted back, shaking her a little and oblivious to what I was doing, the adrenaline only helping bring about the inevitable. “I WILL PICK YOU UP AT NOON AT YOUR PLACE!”

“Really!” she said quietly, tail wagging just the barest amount as a look of hope spread over her.

“Yes.” I said with a commanding finality, my brain futilely screaming to save me from myself. “Dress nice.”

Tears of joy flowed freely down her face as she gripped me in a bone-crushing hug, the “Thank you”s coming out so rapidly that they smashed into a near incomprehensible stream of noise. The fluffy black tail shifted into maximum overdrive as peppered me with little kisses on her cheek before skipping off into the night cheering. A nearby student who had been drawn by the noise was picked up by the overzealous girl and locked in a  bear hug while she laughed a laugh of pure joy.

As I watched the overjoyed were-wolf saunter into the darkness my brain finally broke through the madness that had controlled me and politely informed me of what I had just done. I felt my heart seize up and my eyes widen so much that it seemed as if they would leap out from my head.

I sat there in horrified silence, hoping with every fiber of my being that what my brain was telling me had not  just occurred, that it had all been some terrifying nightmare from which I would awaken at any moment. Slowly, I turned to Nick who simply stared make at me, jaw hanging open and wearing a look the indicated either confusion or an aneurism.

“Nick,” I asked in a shaking voice, praying that the a stress induced hallucination I had just suffered would go away and not turn out to be reality. “What did I just do?”

“Bro,” He said, falling back on the grass and staring at the sky. “You just got yourself a date.”

.....Shit......