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Jan 10th, 2010
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  1. Windows:
  2.  
  3. Turn PC on, spend 3 minutes waiting for Windows to boot, spend 20 minutes answering a stupid survey your OEM requires before you may proceed, arrive at Windows desktop, face assault from a barrage of crapware, run out of RAM, ride the swap file long enough to terminate all the crapware, proceed to uninstall the 500 CrapWare programs that paid the OEM to include them. (Should only take 45 minutes.)
  4.  
  5. Watch �Norton/McAfee/etc� antivirus crapware fail to uninstall and leave bits and pieces numbering just enough to kind of continue to load until you manually route them out with the delete key and immediately have to use a registry cleaner to flush all the orphaned crap they left there.
  6.  
  7. Note: If you have carpal tunnel by this point, seek medical attention immediately! Otherwise, continue.
  8.  
  9. Open Internet Explorer, proceed to download the mandatory antivirus software, install antivirus software, say no when it asks to reboot, find a real web browser, set up ad blocking add-ons to the new browser, close Internet Explorer, turn Internet Explorer off so it won�t bug you anymore, open new browser, find real media player software to compensate for Media Player�s inability to play most media software, find CD burning software like ImgBurn and install K-Lite codec pack to it can make audio discs out of all the formats that Windows can�t play natively.
  10.  
  11. Activate Windows if not done already; if this fails, call Microsoft and read them 64 digits in 8 groups, and type in the 64 digits in 8 groups it gives you, remembering that changing more than 3 pieces of hardware can trigger this step again.
  12.  
  13. Go find an Office suite, either by paying Microsoft $200 and ending up with more Product Activation Nazi-ism or download the 150 MB OpenOffice.org.
  14.  
  15. Go find IRC software, Windows Live Messenger (careful to not install the other crap like Silver Blight), go find Yahoo Messenger, go find Skype.
  16.  
  17. Download 7zip if you want to open anything more than zip files without paying $40. Note: Windows will normally otherwise recommend the $40 crap, even when you open a 7z file.
  18.  
  19. Download Gimp or fork over $70-$700 for PhotoShop (Most people find this on their favorite file sharing site, I don�t judge.).
  20.  
  21. If you want wifi, you might now plug in your USB stick and watch Windows blue screen of death with a �IRQ_LESS_THAN-OR_EQUAL� error. Reboot.
  22.  
  23. Grab all the updates Windows offers, then reboot, then have it offer you more updates that need a reboot.
  24.  
  25. Welcome to Windows 7.
  26.  
  27. �
  28. Alternative:
  29.  
  30. Place Ubuntu disc in drive, tell the installer to take over the whole drive, install your drivers and the restricted/patented crap metapackage, the adblock plus package for Firefox, and the 7zip package. Done.
  31.  
  32. �
  33. Alternative:
  34.  
  35. Power on your Mac. (Maybe something I missed)
  36.  
  37. Hope this guide helps!
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