Brushy

Level 1 - The Swedish meatball massacre

Somewhere in Sweden, a seemigly normal hotel stands on it's foundations with nothing to worry about. Suddenly, a grappling hook appears out of nowhere and the hero of this story climbs onto the roof of this hotel for no particular reason. As he drops down and watches both ways to see a chicken crossing the road a couple of blocks away, he prepares to enter the hotel via a conveniently placed elevator.

As he enters the hotel, he notices that the lights are way too bright for his taste, so he decides to shoot down one of the lamps. When it hits the ground and the place goes dark, he thinks to himself "Oh man, that's way better. But what's that sound of leather and spikes and manly moaning..?" Then he sees a man a couple of floors higher and notices right away that he's gay. "OH CRAP, where're my grenades!?" he yells, but unfortunately he dropped those said grenades earlier, when climbing down the rope. Our hero is extremely homophobic and also extremely agressive and cold-blooded so he decides to kill every gay man he encounters.

While riding down the elevator he sees that the rooms are filled with gay men and then it hits him "THERE'S A FREAKING GAY CONVENTION GOING ON HERE!!1oneone!", so he decides that he will ruin the gay agenda, by taking pictures of the most hard core gay sex he can find and then post those pictures on anti-gay internet forums. He also finds darkness to be a lot nicer than actually seeing those gay men, so he decides to shoot down lamps to make the light dissappear.

Then he encounters his first gay man. "I'll kill your penis!" he yells and shoots him in the crotch. The gay man dies and his body dissapears, because everyone knows that is what happens to gay men when they die. Then our hero encounters the second gay enemy, and decides to drop a lamp on him, because that would obviously kill the man and make the hotel dark again. The hero then decides to hit his head to damage his brain, making him forget all they gay men he has seen so far.

Our hero then hears particulary loud moaning and groaning and his super senses color a door red, indicating that there's some hard core loving going on behind it. He decides to enter and take those pictures.

"Oh my, I need at least 3 bottles of vodka after I get out of here..." our hero says when he gets out of the room. He notices, that the pictures are a bit blurry and that he would need new ones, but because he killed everyone in that room, he needs to find another RED ROOM. So he hops and skips and prances to the next red door, enters the room, takes the pictures, opens fire and then notices that his hands were very shaky. He still needs better pictures to ban gay men for good.

The hero is feeling very dizzy from all this gay sex he has seen, so he doesn't notice that he's standing on top of the elevator instead of inside it. When the elevator begins to move, he's startled and jumps up, just to hit his head on the ceiling. He then faints for a while and wakes up two floors down. "What the heck just happened?!" Our hero, in all of his wisdom, deduces that hitting your head in the ceiling is the best way to exit and enter elevators and because he wants out of this place as fast as possible, he decides to practice this approach to all elevators available.

"DIE MONSTER, YOU DON'T BELONG IN THIS WORLD!" he yells and cracks his whip... Err... fires his gun to kill another gay man, he just passed. He then walks past another gay man, but decides that the pictures are more important than taking his life. So he enters another red door and proceeds to take pictures and murder the gay men after that.

As our hero faces the gay man he decided to kill after the pictures, he hears another gay man downstairs and thinks to himself "Hey, if I could kill those at the same time, it would be pretty entertaining! Too bad no one is watching me... :("

Our hero continues to take pictures and kill the gay men in entertaining fashion and begins to reach the bottom. When he gets out of the hotel, he notices a car that that says "Tonight Only Hard Core (and very find print underneath that says gay sex)". "Oh man, I need to empty a bar... All those head traumas made me even more thirstier for vodka.", says our hero and he then decides to steal the car to get to the bar faster.

THE END