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Jan 25th, 2008
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  1. Q: Are there any engravings on the ring? Also, do you ship to canada? Jan-25-08
  2. A: Canada's the one with hockey, right?
  3.  
  4. Q: I know this may seem a bit odd of a question, but, ahem, will the ring fit around a certain "personal" part of the body? Jan-25-08
  5. A: It will on yours.
  6.  
  7. Q: I think my life is similar to yours. Heres my marriage certificate, ring, and cat in another vanagon. http://img221.imageshack.us/img221/4864/amlxv0.jpg Jan-25-08
  8. A: Awesome. http://www.helpthehomelessdc.org
  9.  
  10. Q: Did you meet up with your friend ingame? I heard he was waiting up for you. Jan-25-08
  11. A: I bailed. He fished in Booty Bay all night.
  12.  
  13. Q: Does the ring of sorrow have any other special powers? Jan-25-08
  14. A: Isn't spirit-crushing soul domination enough? Shah.
  15.  
  16. Q: what size is the ring? it looks like it's about 4 feet across. almost looks like a poor attempt at photoshop. Jan-25-08
  17. A: Metaphorically, it's 12 feet across.
  18.  
  19. Q: What size is this ring? Or does the Infinite Sorrow impart itself on the owner regardless of whether it's worn or not? Jan-25-08
  20. A: It's an 8.5. But on the sorrow scale, it's an 11.
  21.  
  22. Q: Donnie will you accept food stamps? Jan-25-08
  23. A: No, but if you have any dignity coupons...
  24.  
  25. Q: Are you going to cancel this auction? Jan-25-08
  26. A: You mean so I can keep this wicked circle of pain all to my self? Hmm... tempting.
  27.  
  28. Q: LOL pure awesome, why the hell are you not on TV?! You need your own show. Jan-25-08
  29. A: Are you talking about me, or the ring?
  30.  
  31. Q: Is this ring equal in value to say... the "Liar's Tongue Gloves", "Soul- Eater's Handwraps" and the "Terror Pit Girdle" that drop from Magtheridon??? If they are... I'm soooo totally bidding! Jan-25-08
  32. A: It's worth about 6 Elixirs of Lion's Strength. No, wait. This is the real world.
  33.  
  34. Q: What does the ring smell like? I have a severe allergy to certain perfumes. Jan-25-08
  35. A: Then you're gonna need an epi-pen because this ring reeks of Calvin Klein's "Abandonment."
  36.  
  37. Q: You suck at photoshop Jan-25-08
  38. A: Catchy title, isn't it?
  39.  
  40. Q: If I wanted to get it inscribed to say,"you ruined my life" do you think it would fit? (I will be using a 9 point elvish font type) Jan-25-08
  41. A: Use 7 point Arial Condensed and you can get it to say "You ruined my life and I want my laserdisc copy of 'Labyrinth' back , please."
  42.  
  43. Q: How long will it take for the Infinite Sorrow to take effect? Jan-25-08
  44. A: On about the third day of the honeymoon when she decides to talk a walk on the beach by herself and comes back smelling like diving instructor.
  45.  
  46. Q: Hey Donnie, I heard that ring doesn't plug holes. Is that correct? Ha, ha! Jan-25-08
  47. A: No, it leaves holes. Unfillable ones. Inside you.
  48.  
  49. Q: Donnie is your wife a brunette? Whats her phone number? Jan-25-08
  50. A: Her hair is more of a brimstone color. And her new number has a lot of 6's in it.
  51.  
  52. Q: How come nobody has made a Lord of the Rings joke yet? Jan-25-08
  53. A: What's Lord of the Rings?
  54.  
  55. Q: I did read that the ring has chr -2. Is there other properties I would need to know like if it is cursed and does not come off? Jan-25-08
  56. A: Also: Self-Loathing +9.
  57.  
  58. Q: How can I be assured my sorrows will be infinite? Jan-25-08
  59. A: If, at the end of eternity, you are starting to feel less sorrowful, you can have your money back.
  60.  
  61. Q: Does the desert of lost hope that is holding the ring of sorrow come with the item? Jan-25-08
  62. A: No, the desert of lost hope will be mine to walk forever. Alone.
  63.  
  64. Q: what are your thoughts on the overt sexual symbolism of a ring being placed on a man's finger as a promise of devotion? oh, and will you combine shipping? Jan-25-08
  65. A: I used to ask my wife to "combine shipping." She said it wasn't part of her "marital agreement."
  66.  
  67. Q: I have never been married but want to some day...if I propose with this ring will my future wife run off with a guy in a Vanagon? Jan-25-08
  68. A: Yes. This ring will be the root of your problems. Not any of your own personality, or "plumbing" flaws.
  69.  
  70. Q: Will this ring fit onto my greased sausage finger? Jan-25-08
  71. A: Patty or link?
  72.  
  73. Q: If I put the ring on my cat's leg, who is currently peeing sh*t, would they negate each-other? Jan-25-08
  74. A: If you can wrestle a ring onto a cat's leg who is currently peeing sh*t, I guess anything is possible.
  75. Q: Will this ring give me any experience? Will it be bad or good experience. Also, if it's good experience, is it enough to knock me out of my armor class? Jan-25-08
  76. A: n00b.
  77.  
  78. Q: Hi. This is Ricky. Since the matching ring is living with me in my vanagon, can't we just work out a private sale for this one? Jan-25-08
  79. A: Hi, Ricky. Sure. Meet me in hell.
  80.  
  81. Q: Are there any scratches or chips as a result of pathetically helping carry out her bags, or from misuse on a whore-hand? Jan-25-08
  82. A: This ring is actually made of scratches and chips.
  83.  
  84. Q: Will this ring pack itself? Will it be delivered in a vanagon? Jan-25-08
  85. A: I don't know. Does USPS use Volkswagens? If so, then possibly.
  86.  
  87. Q: will this ring inhibit my ability to create man gravy? Jan-25-08
  88. A: Gravsolutely.
  89.  
  90. Q: Hi, does the ring have any noticeable marks on it? Jan-25-08
  91. A: I "accidentally" got lots of marks on it this past weekend. And also gasoline. And burnt gasoline.
  92.  
  93. Q: Have you cleaned off the dirty shame and unforefilled dreams? Jan-25-08
  94. A: Enough to show luster.
  95.  
  96. Q: Hey Donnie, not really interested in the ring either, but I heard your ex looks pretty hot in her leather chaps - any way you could get us
  97. her new number now that she's moved out? Jan-25-08
  98. A: Sure. Her new number is 666.
  99.  
  100. Q: This ring looks really big... is it actual size? If I win it, will you send me 4 random postcards with strange messages on them? Jan-25-08
  101. A: Was that a haiku? I'm not sure about the post cards. The ring is small.
  102.  
  103. Q: Hang in there, Donnie! There are other rings out there. I had to go through one to find the ring that fit properly. Now I have my best buddy. You're lucky, having kids is way over rated! Get a dog and enjoy your new life! My first ring got pawned for enough money to buy a quart of Jack Daniels and a cheap whore. Good medicine! Jan-25-08
  104. A: Thanks, miketheday. Dog's can smell my fear.
  105.  
  106. Q: "One used man's wedding band." -- Is the man used or is the wedding band? Jan-25-08
  107. A: A lot from column A. Some from column B. And a lot from column A.
  108.  
  109. Q: What is the ring made out of? is it Gold or gold plated? Jan-25-08
  110. A: 4.2 grams of 14k solid gold. Shame-plated.
  111.  
  112. Q: I'm not really interested in the ring. Would you happen to have a cute calico cat for sale? Preferably one that pees sh*t? Jan-25-08
  113. A: Crud. I wish you would have asked me about two weeks ago.
  114.  
  115. Q: Will this ring cancel out the miserable existence that has become my life from my current ring? Jan-25-08
  116. A: There's a good chance it will enhance your miserableness.
  117.  
  118. Q: If I were to win this ring.....and then actually wear the "One Ring." Would it then grant me the powers that I would no longer Suck at Photoshop? Jan-25-08
  119. A: Please submit all One Ring questions to elrond@lasthomelyhouse.com.
  120.  
  121. Q: Do I have to travel to the desert to pick up this ring? When I do come, should I bring you a glass of water ... looks really hot there. Jan-25-08
  122. A: No. I'm happy to ship. However, if you do make it out to the desert, I won't need water. I'll already be dead. Maybe just spread some lye on me.
  123.  
  124. Q: Will this ring give me like $250 mad Photoshop skillz? Jan-25-08
  125. A: Let's split the difference and call it about $160.
  126.  
  127. Q: Will buying this ring negatively affect my baby making man batter? Jan-25-08
  128. A: Like wearing underwear made of Uranium.
  129.  
  130. Q: Hi, Does it comes with a fat deceitfull meatstick?? Jan-25-08
  131. A: Fat deceitful meat stick not included, but likely to appear after two to three years of use.
  132.  
  133. Q: Hi, will this be a suitable replacement for my ring of complete regret? Regards, Jon. Jan-25-08
  134. A: Yes. However, please note there is a -2 Charisma debuff.
  135.  
  136. Q: Do you think that if I give the ring to someone as a gift, they will suffer the ring's wrath, or will it be bestowed upon me for purchasing it? Jan-25-08
  137. A: I can guarantee* that someone somewhere will suffer something. *not a guarantee.
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