Sweet trick. Can't believe it still works... that jewtube vid was uploaded like a year and a half ago.

I reread some of your posts again and I can understand what you mean... in some fields I don't seek help in this way, I try to figure shit out on my own. This was my philosophy for a long time especially when it comes to playing online video games - I was inspired by an essay called "On Thinking for Oneself" written by Schopenhauer (there's a link to it on Sleazy's blog as well). I should reread it... though there's also the view akin to eastern philosophy (and propagated by the likes of Alan Watts) that these type of problems are superficial once you understand what life truly is, and that you can't really "outthink" your way out of these problems, the key is to accept the now. Yet I can't seem to grasp this view. I have some online friends who are into this and they understand it and don't really concern themselves with problems like getting a gf, socializing and similar bullshit, but somehow I still have a void to fill.

For example when playing a video game I always seek challenges and try to play against better human opponents or increase the difficulty if it's a singleplayer game. It was similar @ uni, I enjoyed doing good on tests and even if I ran into something that was seemingly harder to grasp, I'd always try to think about it more, never giving up until I figured it out (though I became quite lazy the last 2 years). But this is a different beast altogether... I spent a significant amount of energy worrying about women throughout my life, and didn't even get a girlfriend to experientially see that it's really nothing special - arguably because I'm not good looking, maan I wish I was good looking, you know, with a near perfect facial simmetry and naturally lean body?

If I'm not occupied with DoTA, I will fantasize about having a gf, usually I imagine this redhead from uni that actually rejected my approach from like a year ago or more, yet I keep thinking that she likes me because of how she shook my hand. It's hilarious in a way. I know that it shouldn't happen and i just accept it, but it still keeps reappearing, and whenever I see women (especially attractive ones) I crave confirmation from them. I have a similar problem with socializing, despite investing a significant amount of time socializing I'm often scared about coming off as awkward.

Also, Mandy is so fkin hot.

welptydoo

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