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- >Nice, enclosed backyard. High brick walls.
- >Keeps out critters and neighbor's stupid kids.
- >One day, you hear fluffy pony voices from the yard.
- Ugh, here we go.
- >"Huwwy!" gray unicorn leads a group, crawling out of a hole.
- >Since when do fluffy ponies dig tunnels? Or did they comandere a gopher tunnel?
- >Three purple earth fluffy ponies follow the unicorn out of tunnel.
- >They beam at the sight of your lawn...
- >"Smawty fin' grassies!" "Smawty save fwuffies fwom tunne' munsta!" "Yay smawty!"
- >All four start eating your grass while babbling.
- >"Sky pwetty!" "Fwuffy wuv grassies!" "New home?"
- >Realize you need to step in now. The bastards are eating your lawn.
- >Open sliding glass door.
- >Fluffy ponies freak out immediately. Purple fluffy ponies cower behind gray unicorn.
- >"Munstah!" "Hewp! Smawty hewp!" "No huwt fwuffy!"
- >Predictably, they're shitting and pissing themselves like crazy.
- >The gray unicorn fluffy growls. "S'ay back, munstah! Dis is our grassies! Go away!"
- "This is my backyard. You can't stay here."
- >"Our back'ard! Grassies ours! Go away, munstah!"
- >You step forward. Purple fluffy ponies start crying and shitting like crazy.
- >"No get cwoser!" unicorn is freaking out. "Or ewse smawty huwt munstah!"
- >For fucks sake.
- > You wouldn't mind a few fluffies for pets. Their poop is the best fertilizer known to man.
- >You just feed them cheap pasta, and they keep your lawn looking amazing.
- >If they die, they die.
- >But four fluffy ponies is a bit much, and no fucking way are you dealing with a "smarty."
- >What to do?
- >You head back inside. Fluffy ponies are already praising smarty for scaring you off.
- >Grab some leftover butter linguini from the fridge.
- >Back outside.
- >"Hewp! Munstah back!" "No take gwassies!"
- >Put down plate of pasta.
- >The smarty isn't budging, but the smell is irresistable to the purple fluffies.
- >They stumble forward.
- >"Foodies!" "Sgetties! Fwuffy wuv sgetties!" "Yay foodies!"
- >They're stuffing their face.
- >Gray one yells. "No! Is twick! No eat foodies!"
- >Purple fluffies completely ignore him, butter all over their face fluff.
- >Cute.
- "You guys can live here," you say. "I'll feed and care for you. You just keep pooping in the yard."
- >Their faces light up. "New home?" "New fwend for fwuffy!" "Fwuffy good at poopies! Fwuffy wuv new fwend!" "Fwuffy wuv new home!"
- >Smarty gets angry and charges. Rams his horn into a purple pony's bottom.
- >"Owie! No huwt fwuffy!" She looks at you. "Daddy, hewp fwuffy!"
- >"NO!" gray smarty's lost it. "NO NEW HOME! NO NEW FWEND! SMAWTY IS FWEND! LISTEN TO SMAWTY!"
- >Suddenly, a hawk swoops out of nowhere. Grabs smarty.
- >Flaps up out of sight. Can barely hear smarty yelling out.
- >"No wike fwying! Hewp! Biwdy, no huwt smawty! Hewwwwp!"
- >And.... they're gone.
- >Purple fluffies barely even saw it.
- >"Smawty fwend can fwy?" "Smawty fwend come back?"
- "No, I don't think he's coming back."
- >"New daddy?" "More sgetties for fwuffy?" "Have to poopies!"
- >Three months later. All three fluffy ponies still alive and happy.
- >Lawn has never looked better. Fuck yeah.
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