Brad The Impaler !!eEjYwXYKWZp
2013-06-01

>be Brad
>it's Twilight's birthday today
>she'll be coming over soon
>you've decided to cook lobster for her
>check on the water
>it's boiling frothingly
>excellent; should be well on its way when she gets here
>hear some kind of rattling behind you
>turn around
>just the lobster in the bag on the counter
>it must be rattling around inside the bag
>you're about to pick it up, but pause
>the tip of its tail is sticking out the top
>it swishes around a bit
>slowly
>languidly
>like it wants something
>you hold the lobster up in the air
>unsheath it from the bag
>there it stands in its thick black shell
>you can see more in this softer light than you could in the store
>the way its crustaceous curves all meld together
>the beady black eyes that stare cluelessly back at you
>gently you slide one of your fingers along its belly
>it moves quickly
>suddenly you pull it back
>the lobster had tried to swipe at you with its claw
"Oooh, down girl" you purr at her.
>this one clearly likes to play rough
>(and the storekeeper did say it was female).
>you set it back on the counter and untie the bands from its pincers
"When I fuck," you whisper to the lobster, "I fuck unprotected".
>the lobster tries to snap at you again, claws you
>quick with your hands, you clasp the pincer together
>let it dangle pathetically by its arm in the air
>you lift behind it and lift the tail up, looking close
>sure enough, there's that tiny little hole
>suddenly feel something on your ear
"AHHH!"
>the lobster's claws are wrapped around it
>quickly you grab the steak tenderizer on the counter
>pulling the lobster away from your ear, you bring the hammer down
>you hear its arm break with a SNAP!
>you feel the pincers dislode from your ear
>holding the lobster at arms length, you smile at it
>slowly you unzip your pants
>slam the crustacean down against the table
>bring yourself up against it
>"Let's see how you like the other yellow meat."
>you press forward hard with your cock against the lobster
>it flails its pincers foward
>somehow after a few pushes you manage to fit your cock inside
>what a tight, wet hole this is
>slightly colder than you're used to, but that's alright
>slowly your cock tears apart the insides of this hapless lobster
>her tail brushes frantically against your pelvis
>her many legs tickle your balls
>by now your cock its 3/4ths of the way inside
>you must be halfway inside this creature's whole body
>still, though, it tries to fight back
>snapping its claws to and fro in front of it
"What a feisty girl you are," you tell her.
"I wonder how feisty the male ones are..."
>you feel yourself close to cumming
>wrapping your hands around the lobster, you pull it off the counter
>you bring it down hard and fast on your cock as you walk over
>the boiling pot is set on a gas burner on the floor
>you drive yourself harder into the lobster
>if it had vocal cords, it'd be screamingly so loudly
>slowly you draw the lid off the pot
>pulling the lobster across your whole length, you feel yourself cumming
>sweating as you shoot out, you realize you're filling the lobster too quickly
>pulling it off your cock, you let more cum shoot across its back
>some of it lands in the boiling water
>you let the crustacean slip out of your hands into the boiling water
>bending over the pot, you groan as the last of your cum shoots out into it
>you lean your arm against the wall and catch your breath
>watching the lobster cook, you smile
"BRAD?!!"
>you jump and turn around
>there's Twilight, standing across the kitchen
>and there you are standing over boiling lobster with your semi-hard cock out
>she looks confused and terrified
"Uhhh..." you try to drone out.
"...I was led to believe this is how the French do it?"

END